Falling Hard (4 page)

“Well, I—yes. I did.”

“Okay, maybe I still had enough stars in my eyes to think the first bouquet was from him. But when the second one arrived and I still hadn't heard from him...” She sighed. “I knew they were from you.”

“I just wanted to lift your spirits.”

“And you did.” She squeezed my hand. “You have done so much for me.”

“It was my pleasure,” I admitted.

“I don't see how it could be—given the situation.”

I decided it was probably best not to ask what situation she meant.

She sighed. “But enough is enough.”

“What?”

“You've done far more for me than you needed to and I'm so grateful.”

“And?”

“And as soon as I’m released, I’ll be out of your hair.”

“What?” I stared at her. “You're not planning to leave.”

She nodded. “Yes.”

“No. I'm not going to have you and the baby homeless.”

“We're not going to be homeless. I talked to Mrs. Ashton last week. My old room is free again. So the baby and I will go there when—”

“No!” I snatched my hand away from her. “No! There’s no need for you to go back there.” I turned away from her and shoved my hands into my pants pocket. I didn’t want her to see them shaking.

“Tom? Tom, please. Look at me.”

I shook my head and walked over to the windows. I struggled to control the feeling of panic radiating through me. “Just tell me you’ll stay with me, Tanya. Please.”

“I can’t. I have—”

“Why?” I swung around to face her. I no longer cared that I was exposing my feelings. I couldn't bear the thought of her leaving a moment before she had to. “Why can’t you stay?”

“Because it’s not right. You deserve to have your life back.”

Why couldn’t she see that I had no life worth living without her? “Stay,” I pleaded. “And let me worry about my life.”

“If I don’t go back to work soon, I’ll lose my job. I don't have a car so I need to be near work. Mrs. Ashton's is only a few blocks from my job and she's agreed to watch the baby until I can arrange daycare.”

“You're not going back there.”

“I have to.

“No you don't. I’ll take care of both of you.” I walked across the room and took her hand in mine. “Tanya, don’t make me beg.”

She pulled her hand away. “What will your woman think about that?”

“I don't have a woman.”

“You slept with her!”

Was it my imagination or did she sound just a little jealous? “Once, but it didn't mean anything.”

“I think that's kind of how Jim viewed his time with me.”

“He loves you.”

“No he doesn't.”

Even if he didn't, I did. Of course I couldn't admit that. There was no way she'd stay if I stopped pretending I thought of her as Jim's woman.

She sighed. “Oh, Tom! I’d have been completely lost without you.”

“But? There’s a but in your voice.”

“No there isn‘t. If you really want us to, we’ll stay for a while.”

“You will? You'll stay until Jim comes home?”

“I don't think he's coming back—at least not for me, but I'll stay awhile. I can use the time to get on my feet.”

And I could use the time to reconcile myself to losing her.

I brought Tanya and J.J. home a week later. There was no more overtime, strip clubs, or dating. I wanted to spend all my free time with them. I couldn’t get home fast enough.

Tanya seemed to enjoy the time we spent together in the evenings. She always had dinner ready and looked so pretty she left me speechless. I spent hours watching the baby sleep. He was a miniature version of Jim, but he had Tanya’s sweet disposition and beautiful eyes. When he looked at me with dark eyes so like hers, I knew I'd do anything for him--just as I would for his mom.

I felt so privileged to be able to spend the first months of his life with J.J. One day, Jim was going to look back on what he'd missed and curse the day he'd walked away from Tanya when she needed him most. In the meantime, I enjoyed getting to know him.

“I think there’s something you should know about the baby, Tom,” Tanya said one night as I watched her put J.J. in his crib.

“What?” I asked, without taking my eyes off him.

“I hope you don’t get angry.”

I frowned. “About what?”

She kissed his cheek before she turned to face me. “We can’t keep calling him J.J.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s time you knew his real name.”

“Jim Martin, Jr. Right?”

“Not quite.”

“You mean you’d rather he take your family name?”

She placed her hand on my back. “No, that’s not it.”

“He has a middle name you'd rather use?”

“No. I want to use his real name.”

“Which is?”

“Thomas Martin.”

“Thomas...you named him after me?”

She nodded. “I know I should’ve asked you first, but I just couldn’t call him Jim. Not when you were the one who was always there for me. I hope you’re not too angry, Tom.”

“Angry? I feel like I’ve just won the Superbowl,” I shouted.

“That's a relief. I hope he'll be half the man you are, Tom.” She placed her hands on my chest and leaned forward to kiss my cheek. “Thank you for all you've done and continue to do, Tom. Without you...thank you.” She brushed her lips against the corner of my mouth.

After four months of trying to hide my feelings for her, feeling her lips near mine, was too much temptation. I lost it. I swept Tanya into my arms and started kissing her. First on her face. Then on her eyelids, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, her chin.

When she didn't protest, I captured the prize—her full, warm, sweet, sweet lips.

To my delighted surprise, her lips moved against mine. She slipped her arms around my neck and kissed me back.

I wanted to whisper tender love words against her mouth. Instead I heard myself chanting, “Tanya. Tanya. I want you. I want you.”

“I want you too, Tom,” she whispered, stroking her fingers through my hair.

I lifted my head and stared down at her. “Are you sure?”

She nodded, lowering her lids.

I wasn't certain she was really sure, but I was too far gone to do anything other than to pick her up.

She lay her cheek against my chest.

When I bent to kiss her lips, she kissed me back.

That was about as much checking as I was in any condition to do. I carried her to my bedroom.

As I started to undress her, I told myself I had to stop because sleeping with her would be a betrayal of the trust she'd put in me. But the last four months of longing for her felt like a lifetime.

When she was naked, she stood shyly before me.

I couldn't take my eyes off her. She had large, beautiful breasts, a flat stomach, long legs, and a round padded behind I'd been longing to touch for weeks. The thought of lying between her parted legs and slipping inside her got me aroused and naked in record time.

When we were both nude, she put one hand over her breasts and cupped the other between her legs.

“Oh, no, honey. You're too beautiful to hide your body.” I took her hands in mine and led her over to the bed. I sat on the side and drew her between my legs. I slipped my hands around her body to cup her butt. Her skin felt smooth and warm. I squeezed her cheeks.

She trembled and leaned forward so that her breasts were just a tongue stroke away.

I drew her right nipple into my mouth and twirled my tongue around it.

“Oh...Tom!” She wrapped her arms around my neck.

I kissed my way across to her other nipple and sucked it into my mouth.

She slipped her fingers in my hair and ground herself against me.

I dragged my mouth from her breasts and fell back against the bed on my back, pulling her on top of me.

She settled between my legs with her breasts pressed against my chest.

I could feel her pubic hair against mine, making me harder. I rolled her over onto her back.

She caught her breath, parting her legs for me.

When I slipped between her thighs, she pushed against my shoulders. “Oh, no, honey. Please don't tell me you're changing your mind.”

“Condom,” she whispered.

I'd never wanted to go raw more, but she was right. We had to use protection. I rolled off her long enough to reach in the top drawer of my nightstand. It seemed an eternity passed before I managed to get the condom on. Then, afraid I would come before I'd satisfied her, I lay on my stomach between her legs.

The first taste of her against my mouth and tongue sent me into a frenzy. I slipped my palms under her butt, lifted her hips and slipped my tongue inside her. She tasted as good as she smelled and I ate her slowly, savoring her cries of pleasure. When she bucked her hips and gasped as she came, I slid up her body, positioned myself between her trembling thighs, and pushed inside her.

The first few seconds of feeling myself buried deep in her wet warmth was nearly enough to make me come immediately. I gritted my teeth and held myself still.

She wrapped her arms and legs around me, tightening her vaginal muscles around me.

Oh, god, that felt good. I devoured her lips and took her quickly, driving myself as deep inside her as I could. Each time I pushed back inside her, she made a small sound of pleasure and tightened herself around me, driving me closer to my climax.

When slid her hands down my back to cup my ass, I groaned, and came.

She held me, kissing my hair and whispering softly as I shuddered through one of the most intense climaxes of my life.

Afterwards, I collapsed on top of her, feeling totally content and happy. I fell asleep in her arms. I didn't sleep long. After a nap, I woke her up and we tumbled in each other's arms and made love to each other late into the night.

The baby’s cries woke me early the next morning. I reached out for Tanya, but she wasn’t there. I got up, slipped on a pair of briefs, and went down the hall to Tanya's bedroom.

Tanya sat in the rocking chair by the window that had belonged to mom, breastfeeding Tommy.

She looked so sexy; I just stood staring at her.

She glanced up then looked away without meeting my eyes. “Did his cries wake you? I’m sorry.” Her voice sounded strained and unhappy.

She’s probably feeling guilty. I probably should have too, but I didn't. I bent to kiss her cheek. “I hope you're not regretting last night, Tanya.”

She drew away from me. “I am, but not for the reason you think. I don’t want you to think I’m easy.”

“I don’t,” I said quickly. “I never thought you were.”

“How could you not? I've slept with you only two months after having your brother’s baby.” She looked up at me with tears in her eyes.

I knelt next to her and rubbed my cheek against her leg. “I was kind of hoping Thomasie could be ours—yours and mine.”

I felt her stiffen and looked up to find her peering down at me. “You don’t think I’m—”

“I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. I know I’m eleven years older than you, but I was hoping... would you stay with me?”

She touched my hair with her free hand. “For how long?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” I shrugged. “How about a nice round figure? Say, for the rest of your life?”

She smiled but shook her head. “Nope, that's too long. I can’t commit myself to you for more than fifty, maybe sixty years tops. After that I’m outta here.”

“Well, if that’s all you have to give, I guess I’ll have to make do with it.” I stood up, and then bent down to kiss her lips.

After a moment of locking lips, she pushed me away.

“What? You're tired of me already?”

“In case you haven't noticed, I'm breastfeeding here, handsome.”

Handsome? Damn. Things were definitely looking up. She kissed her cheek. “I'll go make breakfast.”

“And while you're at it, put some clothes on or...”

I turned at the door. “Or what?”

“Or I can't promise to keep my hands off you.”

I grinned. “Then I am definitely not putting any clothes on.”

I smiled at the sound of her laughter as I headed towards the kitchen to make breakfast.