Falling Forward (17 page)

Just then, there was a powerful bang at the front door. Richard was startled. She banged again, harder this time, with the handle to her shovel. Our front door was a pane of clear glass. We had it built that way, so you could see clear through the house to the beautiful lake behind it. It was Mrs. Rodriguez. She had a cell phone in her other hand and was talking to someone. I was hoping it was the police.

Richard saw the whites of her angry looking eyes, and quickly got off of me. He closed his robe. I got up and buttoned my pants. I let Mrs. Rodriguez in. Richard cowered away, leaving his bloody footprints all over the floor. I thanked Mrs. Rodriguez as she walked me to the garage.

She remarked loudly, “He’s lucky. I was about to go George Zimmerman on his ass.” I never knew she spoke English. I picked up my keys from the floor and opened the garage door. I yelled to Richard.

“I’ll be back on Wednesday night with the sheriff, and a moving truck. I’d appreciate if you weren’t here.”

Mrs. Rodriguez offered to help me move, telling me she’d be watching as usual. She made me feel safe all those mornings as I ran by her house on my morning run, and she again made me feel safe as she watched as I drove off. She still had that stone cold look I had finally grown to appreciate. She may have saved my life.

I was still frightened that the nearly naked and now bleeding man who was once my best friend might give chase, but he didn’t come out.

I never saw Richard again.

FIFTEEN: THE JOURNEY

My phone dinged. I looked at my texts.

Kalani: MISS MY LIFE SAVER. WHEN ARE YOU COMING BACK?

Me: Should have some time next month. New doctor coming to cover my shifts.

Kalani: I HAVE A LEMON-LIME SHAVED ICE WAITING FOR YOU. :-)

Me: TURN CAPS LOCK OFF, YOU NOOB :-)

Kalani: SORRY STILL NEW AT THIS TEXTING ;-)

Over the next two months, Kalani and I talked and texted every single day. His kind words and sentiments got me through an ugly divorce. Richard contested the filing. I rebuked his insincere apologies on several more occasions, but he couldn’t grasp the message that I wasn’t ever coming back to him. Never.

Richard was being a prick about everything. His trial was coming up and his attorney had concerns that I might decide to testify against him. Although the thought of him being locked up behind bars did sound attractive, I assured him I had absolutely no interest in anything to do with his life.

One morning, a few weeks later, I received my copy of the court document in the mail. I was elated that my divorce was finally final. I literally felt free, as if a huge weight was removed from my head, waist, and ankles. I could breathe freely once again.

Michelle and I celebrated at a riverfront restaurant called River Rocks. Lots of cute guys were buying us drinks, some who didn’t even try to hide their wedding bands. I remarked to Michelle how I thought a good 80 percent of all men were pigs, and that now I understood why there was a growing population of lesbians. She laughed. “I don’t know, Liv, you’re kind of hot,” Michelle said as she playfully shimmied up to me. That seemed to make those pigs want us even more.

I was excited to call Kalani to tell him the good news. I decided to wait until he got off work. With him being five or six hours behind me, I still wasn’t sure, timing was tricky. He always answered my calls, unless he was surfing. He even once took my call in the water. He told me he’d carry his phone with him all the time in case I called. That was incredibly sweet.

I walked inside where it was a bit more quiet. I dialed his number. This time, there was no answer. No problem, he was probably busy. I wasn’t sure what time it was there. I figured I’d call him later. I texted him “Thinking about you. Good news. Call me.”

The next day, he still hadn’t called me back. That was unusual. I was pretty busy at work, but I went and checked my phone every couple of hours. Still nothing. I tried to call again at lunch, hoping to catch him when he woke up, but just got his message. I texted him again.

“Hey, are you OK? Getting worried about you. Call me!”

By the third day, I was going crazy. No returned calls. No returned texts. No nothing. Maybe he lost his phone in the ocean. Maybe he was really busy. Or… maybe he had finally found a girlfriend. Maybe she was the woman of his dreams. That thought had crossed my mind quite a few times. He was young and gorgeous… and three thousand miles away. And no matter how young I felt or looked, or how much I wished otherwise, I was still 42.

The odds were definitely stacked against me. I can’t say I was blissful about that particular thought, but it wasn’t completely awful either. He too deserved happiness. I truly wanted him to be happy, even if it was with someone else.

When I got home that night, I called his phone three times in a row. I felt like a stalker once again. Like a psycho girlfriend, or a frenzied fan. But I had to know. The third time I called, someone answered.

“Hello?” said the raspy female voice on the other end. My heart stopped. I was going to hang up, thinking I had dialed the wrong number. Before I pressed the end button, I decided to see this through.

“Hello? Who is this?” the person asked. The voice became fainter, as if the person who answered pulled the phone away from their mouth. “Did I answer this right? I don’t understand this phone. Why does it say Life Saver?”

“Hello? Hello? Wait, don’t hang up. This is Olivia. I mean
Liv
. I was looking for Kalani. I’m pretty sure I have the right number. Is Kalani there?”

The voice became stern. “What do you want with Kalani?”

I got slightly nervous. Who was this woman? “We’re friends. Old friends. I just wanted to talk to him. May I ask who this is?”

There was a moment of silence. “Kalani cannot come to the phone right now. He is not feeling well.”

“Oh, goodness. Does he have another migraine?”

“Migraine? What? No, no migraine.” She began to sound slightly more conversational. “Liv… is this that doctor woman he talks about?”

I still wasn’t sure who this was, but I was excited he was talking about me. “Yes, yes, that’s me. My name is Liv. Is this Keanna?” I suspected it might be his mother, but I dropped Keanna’s name. Thought it might help get me in her good graces.

“No. Not Keanna. This is Kalani’s mother.” Wow. I had never spoken with his mother. Her voice was much harsher than I would have ever imagined, especially after meeting Kalani and his pretty sister. But I was troubled that she was answering his phone. I decided to beg.

“Mrs. Kaleo, is Kalani there? May I please speak with him?”

“Oh Lord,” said the raspy voiced mother, deeply with a heavy sigh of concern. “He didn’t tell you either, did he?”

Oh my God… a million scenarios crossed my mind. Accidents, girlfriends, crime, drugs? You name it and I thought it in that brief moment. It was like an entire bubble of negativity overcame me. But the scenario that should have been most obvious, especially to me, wasn’t one of them. “Tell me what? What didn’t Kalani tell me?”

“He doesn’t tell anyone. It’s a big secret I guess. Kalani has brain cancer. He has had it for about ten years.”

“Cancer,” I managed. Everything that seemed to be going so well in my world suddenly stopped. I felt like I had died again. His headaches. His shaking hands. His tripping and losing balance. I felt like an idiot for not putting all that together. I had always hated people like painters who didn’t paint their homes, or mechanics who drove cars in disrepair. I had unknowingly joined that club. “Oh my God. I am so sorry, Mrs. Kaleo. Did you say ten years?”

Ten years is an unusual run for someone with brain cancer. I put my doctor hat on. I wondered what kind of tumor it was, and if that was really the problem.

“Yes, a little more than ten years now. That’s why he quit surfing contests. Couldn’t keep his balance any more. Too many headaches. The doctor says the tumor was too large to remove.” She paused for a moment. “I’m sorry you had to find out like this. Kalani should have told you. He doesn’t like people to worry.”

“Mrs. Kaleo, is Kalani around? Can I please speak with him?”

“No, he fell. Been asleep for a couple of days now. Sleeping peaceful.”

“He
fell
? Is he alright? I mean… is his physician around? Is there a doctor I can talk to? I am actually an oncologist – I mean, a cancer doctor. I may be able to help him.”

“Honey, we’ve been to a hundred cancer doctors, and they all said the same thing. It’s too big. It’s too late. They told him a long time ago this day would come. He was ready. They can’t believe it took this long.” She paused. “If you want to see him, you had better come quickly.”

I thanked Mrs. Kaleo for telling me the truth. I got the name and address of the hospital. I immediately packed my bag and headed for the airport. I found a flight to Los Angeles that night, but all the Oahu flights were sold out for the next two days. I managed to find a flight to Maui, and I figured I could grab a flight back to Oahu. I hope I still had time.

Eighteen long hours later, I finally arrived at the hospital, exhausted and disheveled. I saw Keanna at the coffee shop in the hospital lobby. I ran up to her. “Keanna? Keanna! How is he?”

“Liv? I am so sorry.” My heart stopped again. I thought I was too late. “He should have told you. He didn’t tell anyone. Kalani is so stubborn. Come with me, I’m sure you want to see him.” Whew – what a relief. He was still alive.

We rushed to the elevator and got off on his floor. I hated hospitals. Especially the smell. That smell reminded me of how many times I had delivered bad news to a patient or their families. I was hoping there was someone around I could talk to. I was determined to at least try and save Kalani. I personally knew some of the best neurosurgeons in the world. By the time I arrived, I had them all programmed into my speed dial. When we arrived at Kalani’s room, his mother was sitting by the side of his hospital bed knitting. She looked up. She looked exactly like I had imagined. A big imposing figure with Samoan features.

“So we finally get to meet this life saver.” I immediately recognized her raspy voice. I walked over and introduced myself. I offered my hand, and then put it back down realizing she wasn’t going to put her knitting needle down and shake it.

I looked at Kalani. He looked like he was sleeping. He had a large bruise on the left side of his forehead. “What happened to him?” His mother kept knitting, not looking up. “He fell at home in his workshop. Banged his head. Knocked out. His roommate is a cop, you know. Good thing he was there. Ambulance rushed him here. He hasn’t woken up since.”

I pulled up a chair and sat next to him. I reached up and took his hand and held it tightly. “Kalani, I’m here. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Keanna rubbed my back and thanked me for coming. “This means a lot to him. He really likes you. I know because he talks about you all the time.”

A doctor came in and checked Kalani’s chart. I introduced myself and we walked into the hallway.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Olivia Garvin, oncologist. Friend of the family. Can you catch me up?”

“Well, it’s not good news. Mr. Kaleo has a rapidly spreading glioblastoma. We’ve tried resection, but it had spread too widely by the time we got to it. We’ve tried chemo, radiation, and even some experimental electrotherapy. Had some success, but we’re about out of options. What’s really interesting is he was diagnosed about ten years ago. Most people don’t last five. I don’t know what his secret is, but it’s uncanny.”

I thanked the doctor. I knew what this meant. It’s a much different scenario when you understand what’s going on, and the patient is someone you personally know. It’s a horribly empty and helpless feeling.

I walked back into his room. Keanna and her mother looked at me. I tried to hide my emotions as best I could. I failed miserably. I sat down again, and put my head down on his bed next to him and closed my eyes. I hadn’t slept in over twenty four hours. I was exhausted. I fell asleep.

Something woke me up. A nurse walked in to take his vitals. Kalani’s eyes started to open and move. “Kalani?” I said softly. Keanna and Kalani’s mother awoke and stood next to him. Kalani smiled. He struggled to talk. His voice was raspy and weak.

“Life Saver! You made it. I knew you would come back.”

I smiled. “Kalani, see, I told you that you would be alright,” said Keanna, as she grabbed his hand.

I knew what this was. I had seen it a hundred times. And I could see it in Kalani’s beautiful yellow-brown eyes. This was Kalani’s final rush. I didn’t want to take these few conscious moments away from his mother and his sister. But I didn’t want to lose my opportunity, either. They had Kalani for years, and I’ve only had a couple of months. So I selfishly decided to go first.

“Can I bother you for a few moments of privacy? I promise I won’t be long,” I pleaded with Mrs. Kaleo and Keanna. Kalani’s mother gave me a dirty look and was hesitant to go, but Keanna coaxed her out of the room. Keanna closed the door behind them. I sat on the edge of his bed and held his hand.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Kalani?” My eyes were thinking about tearing up.

“Help me sit up.” I adjusted his IV and pushed the incline button on his bed. “Man, I was doing so well. Thought I beat this.” Kalani put his hand on my cheek. “And you were in such a dark place. No need for both of us to suffer.” He was right. I probably would have stayed with him. We both would have been sad.

“Now I think I understand why you weren’t ready for a relationship. I thought it was because I was too old. It’s because you are too selfless. You need to learn how to be a little more selfish.” Kalani smiled. I looked at his eyes. They looked sunken. His whole face looked pale. He had dropped a lot of weight. “I wish I had met you sooner. I might have been able to help you. I know a lot of people.”

“I’ve seen so many doctors and heard so many things. But this is what it is. It’s meant to be. No regrets. I have had a great life. I was a champion. I was a husband. I was a friend.” Kalani caressed my face. “And I was your lover. I got to spend a week with the most beautiful woman in Hawaii. The highlight of my life was definitely you, Liv. You were the most beautiful sunset a man could ever ask for. Thank you. Thank you for coming into my life.”

Something was happening to me. Something in my eyes. Could this be… could this be a tear? I had never cried in my entire life, but something was happening. “I’ve never cried, Kalani. In my life.” I was actually beginning to well up. “But I think I’m going to cry.”

“Hey, hey, don’t cry. No tears. I’m the one who should be crying. But it’s all good. Everything happens for a reason. I have something for you, but, oh shit, it’s not here. Can you ask Keanna to come in for a moment."