Falling Forward (12 page)

I was taken aback. It seemed really morbid, even a little scary. Even with the countless deaths I had experienced, no one had ever asked me to write an obituary -- not even for my parents. And writing my own really bothered me. But then I thought about it. He was right. I had considered old Olivia dead already, so why not make it formal? The more I thought about it, the more I thought it was a great idea. I sat and pondered the words I would use for a while. I didn’t know where to begin. Suddenly, I began to write. I scribed a few sentences, then handed it to Kalani. He gently pushed my hand away.

“Whoa, girl I don’t want to read it. It’s none of my business. That’s for you. It’s personal. Put it away somewhere safe, somewhere where you can find it when you need it, and look at it whenever you see yourself starting to think of or drift back into your old life. From this point forward, you’ve been reborn.” Kalani made a grand and sweeping motion with his arms and said, “Welcome to your new world, Liv.”

I know it sounds silly, but suddenly, I got chills as I felt a renewed sense of energy. I completely realized this all was simply a mental exercise, but I did feel mentally and physically rejuvenated. I had studied some psychology and was well aware mind over matter, and that placebos can and do produce measurable results in some people. I never once thought, knowing all that I knew, that a goofy trick like this might actually work on me. But it seemed to be working. And the fact that it’s written down means I can refer to it again as a reminder when necessary. And I did. For years.

“Kalani, that’s a brilliant idea. Did you come up with that yourself?” He laughed. “No, someone passed it on to me. I wrote mine about 10 years ago.” I was floored. Kalani wrote his own obituary too. I wondered what skeletons were in his closet. Drinking? Nah, probably not with the face he made when he took a sip of a fruity non-virgin Mai Tai. A marriage gone bad? Could be. Womanizing? He seems too kind. But I had been fooled before.

Dinner came, and it smelled delicious. When he ordered, Kalani had asked the waiter to pull the meat from my ribs. I methodically ate each bite, making sure I had no accidents. The night sky began to shimmer with thousands of stars as a half-moon lit up the sky over Diamond Head. It was a beautiful ending to a trying day.

I finished my second Mai Tai and had a really good buzz. Kalani grabbed the check and paid the waiter. Many of the tables had cleared out by now, but there was still a bustling business going on underneath the covered area. People continued to stare and smile at us as we walked through the restaurant back to the courtyard area.

The wedding reception was in full swing, as well-dressed people were jumping and shaking to some awful and intelligible song called “The Dougie.” I imagined a Hawaiian wedding to be much different than something I’d see at home, and then remembered my overall disappointment in Waikiki so far. We paused for a moment, smiled, and shook our heads as we continued on our way.

Kalani was excited to show me his surprise, which I assumed was replacement luggage. I didn’t care about that. I didn’t want this pleasant night to end, so I asked him to show me the strip at night. Kalani obliged, after warning me that things get a little sketchy after dark. I told him I didn’t have a problem with that if he didn’t. We walked bit and found Kalakaua Avenue once again.

The very populated wealthy Japanese entourage already carrying scads of bags continued to purchase everything they saw in the most exclusive stores, like piranhas devouring fresh flesh. I wondered where there fortunes originated. Caucasians of lesser means happily window shopped. Everyone seemed to be content right where they were.

Kalani walked on my right. That bothered me for some reason. Richard was always on my left. I carefully exchanged positions as we walked. I then remembered my obituary, and decided I was no longer going to worry about things like that. But it was difficult.

Kalani saw a charming ukulele shop and pulled me inside. “Kaleo!” the heavy man behind the counter yelled. He came out front and hugged Kalani. “What’s up my brother? How you doin’ man?” Kalani smiled as he tried to breathe in the large man’s embrace. “What’s up, Eddie?” he managed to grunt, probably short of breath by now. Eddie finally let Kalani go. “And, dang, my brother, who is this lovely angel you have brought with you?” A Hawaiian girl behind the counter tossed me an unmistakably evil scowl. Kalani introduced me as his friend. He crushed me with a hug too. “Listen up, everyone. We have a celebrity in our midst. And if you show him some love, maybe he’ll play you a song. C’mon, Kalani, what do you say?” People began to clap.

Kalani smiled and shook his head no as he waved Eddie away, but Eddie handed Kalani a gorgeous ukulele anyway. Kalani shook his head and gave up. He began to play. The place went silent. I had heard the melody before, perhaps in a television commercial. Then someone began to sing. “Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh…” And others joined in. In a few moments, everyone in the store had joined in. It was magical, like a professional chorus on a Las Vegas stage.

Somewhere, over the rainbow
… Aha, that was the song. Eddie grabbed another uke and played accompaniment. It was beautiful. Kalani smiled as he looked over towards me. I blushed. Kalani and Eddie finished the short song. A hundred or so people who had quietly gathered outside the shop’s open door had erupted in a concert-like applause. I got chills. Eddie hugged Kalani.

They spoke for a few moments as I browsed some of their unique hand-made pieces. I had taken piano lessons as a child and always had an interest in guitar, but maybe this was more my speed. Plus, it only had four strings. Kalani snuck up behind me. “You know, I can teach you,” said Kalani. I smiled. “It’s not that hard. A few hours and this instrument will become part of your soul too.” I carefully put the ukulele back on the rack, although I was seriously considering taking Kalani up on his offer. We waved at Eddie and left the store, as my mind stored yet another of those priceless moments I will never forget.

Kalani and I continued down the avenue. The street was filled with a carnival atmosphere with performers including mimes, dancers, magicians, and musicians, all with their tip jars prominently displayed. Several men were handing out discount cards inviting people to a local gun range where you could rent machine guns. I wondered what sort of people would patronize him. If Richard was here, I’m sure he would have gone. We walked by two classy, very well dressed women in high heels standing on a corner just as two young men asked one of them “how much.” I was shocked. I slowed down to listen. She replied, “Well, honey, how old are you?” I had never heard an exchange between a vendor and client in the world’s oldest profession first hand. I wanted to stick around to hear more, but that would have been extremely awkward.

A little further down the street, a bunch of people were making a big fuss over someone. There was a woman wearing what appeared to be an old-time feathery flamingo dancer dress accompanied by a taller man sporting eye make-up. We got a little closer and his hat read a name I knew but now can’t recall handwritten in large white letters. I wondered why someone would be so vain to write his name so prominently on the outside of his hat. I wondered if he was an impersonator looking for tips. I wasn’t a fan, but I recollect his name sounded familiar. He looked like one of those guys from an 80s or 90s hair band, only twenty to thirty years older with the crow’s feet to prove it. The flamingo woman was left to the side when the group approached him for pictures. She looked sad. As we walked by, the man with eye make-up pushed through the group and grabbed me by the arm. I was startled. I thought I was about to be embarrassed as part of some street show. I looked at Kalani for affirmation, but this time, he looked concerned.

“Hey, baby, why don’t you come party with us?” I told him I was sorry, but I didn’t think that was a good idea. He pulled me a little closer. Kalani grabbed the crazy man’s arm. “Hey, brother, you need to let her go.
Now
.” The man stared at Kalani, then pushed me away. I nearly fell over. He then shoved Kalani. This was getting bad quickly. I didn’t know what to do. Kalani immediately responded with a solid punch that struck the weirdo in the nose. The man fell backwards and his hat fell off, exposing his balding head. Some kid grabbed it and ran off. The crowd encircled us as Kalani stood over him while he was still on the ground. Kalani was rubbing the knuckles on his right hand as if they hurt. “You need to keep your hands to yourself,” Kalani told the man, as he stayed on the ground holding his nose. Some people were clapping.

I grabbed Kalani’s arm and pulled him away before something else happened. What a rush of emotions! From being somewhere under the rainbow to coasting the shores of hell in the matter of about ten minutes, my mind was is complete overload. We pushed through the crowd and continued our walk down the crowded avenue. I asked if we could go back to get his car. I had witnessed more bizarre activity in the last 20 minutes than I had seen in a few decades. This place made Las Vegas look like Disneyland. My day had already been a bit overwhelming, and I was truly ready for this one to be over.

We returned to the hotel and Kalani got his van out of valet. We were both kind of silent as he drove me back to my hotel. I wanted to break the uneasy silence. “Hey, is your hand okay?” He looked down at it and rubbed it again. “Yeah, it’ll be alright. That old guy had a hard nose.” Kalani smiled. “Oh, don’t let me forget your surprise before you go!” Kalani smiled. I was glad the mood had lightened.

We pulled up to the hotel door. Kalani jumped out and opened my door. That was sweet. We walked around the back and he opened the back door of the van. It wasn’t the new Louis Vuitton, like Michelle was hoping for, but there it was – the brightest, loudest, craziest Vera Bradley designed luggage I had ever seen. An entire set. 

“Wow, that sure is bright,” I said, almost speechless. “Thank you, you didn’t have to do that. I really didn’t need this. Well, our stuff
was
old. It needed to be replaced anyway. But this is too much…” It was certainly a wonderful gesture.

Kalani pulled all the bags from the back of his van and called the bellman. “Hey, I messed it up, so it wouldn’t be right if I didn’t replace it. Let me know if there was anything else damaged, you know, like hair stuff, or girl stuff, or whatever magic potions you carry in those bags, and I’ll replace that too. I don’t know much about girl stuff though, so you’ll have to help me out with that. I’m so sorry about your bags.” Kalani looked genuinely concerned.

“Hey, I suppose everything happens for a reason. I never believed that – until now.” I walked up to Kalani and gave him a warm hug. I kissed him gently on the cheek. I wanted to kiss him some more, but I abstained. This day was already too much.

Kalani quickly asked, “Are you busy tomorrow?” I replied that I didn’t have any plans. He quickly followed. “Listen, I don’t think I have anything scheduled tomorrow. Let’s hang out if you want. I don’t know how much you’ve seen, but let me show you around the island. We can start with a hike up Diamond Head and see where it goes from there. Meet you out here at about 8? Is that too early?”

That sounded wonderful. I obliged. I thanked him for dinner, and for saving me from that horrible hair band monster. “Hey,” I asked, “You never told me about Shata.”

Kalani laughed hysterically. “Are you really sure you want to know about Shata?” Now I was a little worried, but the curiosity got the best of me. “OK, I’ll bite. What is Shata?” Kalani shook his head. “You asked for it.” He paused, then looked directly into my eyes. “
Shata fuck up!
”

At first, I pretended I was mildly offended. But his laughter was so contagious, I nearly peed my pants. I so needed that. I thought about inviting him up, but it was probably too soon for both of us. I hugged him again. “Eight o’clock then,” I said as I watched him drive off.

I returned to my room and sat on the bed, smiling about
shata
, and the rest of that crazy night. as I stared at the crazy bright luggage. I wasn’t really a big Vera fan, but Michelle was. She would appreciate this luggage. I understood it was pretty pricey stuff, and I felt bad Kalani had spent all that money. And I couldn’t wait to tell Michelle to
shata fuck up
.

I took my shoes off, and hung my yellow dress in the closet. What a night. What a day. I once again laid my head on the cool pillow and quickly drifted off, hoping to dream of a new and happy life. It had already begun.

NINE
: DREAMS

I woke up a little after 5 AM. It was still dark outside. I was groggy, as my body was still quite confused by the five or six hour time change. I still wasn’t sure what the exact difference was, and I was too lazy to look it up. What did it matter anyway? I was proud of my new self for fighting the urge to be obsessive compulsive. At home, there was no way I could proceed until I knew exactly what the difference in time was. This
new me
thing was working out well. I could feel it. It was liberating. I got dressed and went downstairs.

My hotel had a charming little restaurant on its periphery that served crepes for breakfast. Across the street was an old church with beautiful stained glass windows. Even at this ridiculously early hour, tourists bustled back and forth along the side street, with many heading to the Burger King on the opposite corner. The crepe restaurant wasn’t open yet.

I had some time to burn, so I thought I’d ask the front desk manager where the nearest cell phone store was. Mine was pretty much destroyed, and I felt half naked without one. I hadn’t taken one single photo since I had been here. She gave me three locations within a few blocks of the hotel, but they all didn’t open until 10. That wouldn’t work, since I had a date at 8. She mentioned there was a Wal-Mart not too far away, but I should take a cab to get there.

I couldn’t believe there was a Wal-Mart in Hawaii. She told me there were five on the island. Prostitutes, violent hair bands, and now five Wal-Marts. Maybe I was in the wrong Hawaii. She arranged a cab for me and I headed out to Wal-Mart. I was amazed to see how similar these stores were to the ones I was familiar with. I have to admit, there was some comfort in the similarity. I found the electronics department. It was early, so no one was there. I had a cashier call a manager for me. It had been a while since I got a new phone, so luckily I was out of contract. She showed me quite a few devices, most of which looked virtually identical to me. I asked for the one with the best camera. To me, all the other nonsense was exactly the same on any smart phone. I didn’t care if it had a picture of a fruit on it. All I wanted was a phone that was able to get email, make phone calls, and most importantly, I wanted the best camera available.

She talked me into some Samsung device. She pulled up my account information and began to set up the new device. I thought about it for a moment, and then stopped her. “Hey, can I change my phone number? I’d actually like a local number… like local,
here
.” She looked puzzled. “But this is 808 area code. People might think it’s long distance when you’re calling. Plus, they won’t know who you are.” I was surprised that she didn’t realize that no one really pays for long distance any more. I figured there were only a handful of people I wanted to have my new number, and I’d give it to them myself. The last thing I wanted was Richard or his little whore calling me. I insisted. She shook her head and set me up with an 808 number.

About 45 minutes later, after a painstaking process of the inexperienced woman trying to and finally succeeding at setting up my new phone, I got back into my cab. The driver had rung up quite a bill while he was waiting for me. I didn’t expect the process to take so long. We got back to my hotel in about 15 minutes. I paid my ridiculously high bill and added a proportionately ridiculously high tip, then walked directly to the crepe restaurant which was just opening. I ordered crepes with smoked salmon. It was served with small red potatoes garnished with some sort of herb I wasn’t familiar with. Breakfast was delicious. I played with my new phone as I finished my meal and took care of the check. I managed to find the camera application and snapped a few photos of the church across the way. The photos looked perfect. It was still a little early, so I walked across the street and sat on the beach for a few minutes.

I walked back to the hotel at just before 8. Kalani was already there waiting, looking cute as usual in another subtle Hawaiian type button-down shirt in a pale yellow with his sleeves rolled up, with a pair of dark grey board shorts and sandals. I wondered if his closet was a jungle of Hawaiian shirts. I wondered if he owned a single pair of shoes. He was tapping his foot and pointing at his wrist like a school teacher cutely scolding a tardy student. I laughed as I approached him. “What, I’m on time!” I joked.

Kalani ran to the driveway. “Hang on, hang on – taxi!” Kalani grabbed a taxi. I caught up with him. He opened my door, closed it for me, and then got in the other side. “Diamond Head, please, my good driver.” The driver looked back. “Kalani Kaleo? How you doin’ man! I was wondering if that was you. Diamond Head it is. This ride is on me, my man.” The driver updated Kalani on what a lot of their common friends were up to. Some got new jobs, and a few had left the islands for Los Angeles or other exciting sounding places on the mainland. Apparently, Kalani was out of the loop.

This was getting strange. I wondered if Kalani knew everyone on the island. Apparently, this guy was a pretty big deal. I thought I should probably Google him later to see what I could find. I was going to do it on my new phone, but that might have appeared creepy.

The driver gave us a brief tour of some of the less touristy areas of Waikiki. We drove past the Honolulu Zoo. We entered a neighborhood lined with newer looking town houses. We passed quite a few strip malls with supermarkets and gas stations. This was obviously the real Honolulu – where everyone who actually lives here spends their lives. Honestly, it looked a lot like Florida, only with hills. The two lane road ascended a fairly steep hill. I could see a mountain rising in the distance. People were walking and biking along the side of the road. I spied a runner or two and began to miss my morning runs. I decided I might take a chance and run towards this area the next morning.

We turned in to a road that led through a short tunnel, then around a winding road, and finally into the Diamond Head visitor center parking lot. The driver gave Kalani a hug and they chatted for a moment. I was in awe of this hollowed out volcano we were about to hike.

“You ready?” asked Kalani. “Bring it!” I replied. “Alright, alright then. Let’s do this,” he said as we paid our entrance fee and continued to the beginning of the path.

I have to admit, I was slightly disappointed when I saw the trail was actually a paved concrete sidewalk. Fortunately, the paved part ended a bit up the mountain and turned into a more natural dirt path. It was slippery at times, still wet with morning dew and puddles from the prior night’s shower. But there were railings all the way up. I was really surprised to see several overweight people heading in both directions. I wanted to tell them I was proud of them. I stopped an older woman who was on her way down. “Is it worth the hike?” I asked. “Oh, definitely. Go all the way. The view is amazing!”

Kalani arrived at one of the first steep turns that faced the parking lot and stopped. He winced as if he was in pain. I was worried he may have twisted his ankle. “Are you alright?” I asked. “Do you want to go back?”

He looked at me. “No, Liv, I’m good. A little headache is all. It’ll work itself out. It’s a morning thing. I forgot my coffee. C’mon, let’s keep going. You have to see this!” He appeared to shake it off and kept climbing. I watched to see if he was walking normally, and if his ankle was alright. He looked fine.

Several turns and a few fun but tricky steps later, we arrived at a long and dark narrow tunnel that lead through part of the mountain. We passed through it, squeezing by tourists who were heading back. At the end of the tunnel, there were two directions you could go. To the right, there was an abnormally steep staircase that must have been a 100 foot climb. To the left, there was a paved path with a nice lookout that curved around a rock and led to a more moderate set of stairs. As I was looking left, hoping to avoid my fear of heights, Kalani looked at me. “No way you’re getting off that easy, sister. Get up those stairs! That’s the stairway to heaven.” I laughed at the nickname, wishing I had music loaded on my phone. I might have enjoyed some Zeppelin as a distraction at that moment. We climbed what seemed to be an endless stairway, both taking a break about halfway up. The look backwards was slightly frightening. We finally arrived at the top, with both of us heavily out of breath. Then, to my mild dismay,
more steps
. An old, narrow metal spiral staircase awaited us for the rest of this ascension. We both took a deep breath and climbed up. I began to get a bit dizzy and had to take a few short breaks. At the top of the spiral steps, we arrived in what appeared to be an old military hideout. There was a moderately sized opening in the rocks that led to the outside. Kalani climbed through first, then grabbed my hand to help me through.

And there it was. We were in the skies above Waikiki. We could see the entire beach from here. Sparkling blue and teal water danced upon the coastal reefs. People and cars looked like toys from this vantage. The view was breathtaking. I remembered I had my new smartphone and I took a picture of Kalani overlooking the beach. I asked him to take my picture. He took my phone, then paused for a moment. “Do you know how to use it? Just press the camera button on the screen,” I asked playfully. He just smiled. “I’m taking a picture. For me. I want to remember this moment,” Kalani said. I blushed. I thought for sure he was setting up a romantic moment. I wasn’t sure if I was ready, but I was definitely willing. For the first time in my life, I had thrown all caution to the winds of Diamond Head.

Kalani continued his stare with a pleasant smile. I felt slightly awkward as I was wondering if he was waiting for me to make the first move, but I wasn’t that kind of girl. I had to say something.  “You know, this would be a perfect place for a first kiss.” I couldn’t believe I just said that.

Kalani laughed as he nodded in agreement. “Yes, yes it would. There have been many first kisses, as a matter of fact. Right here, in this very spot. And… there have been many
last
kisses here too. I have seen people end their relationships right here too.” Kalani tapped his foot on the ground as if to illustrate exactly where. “They take their rings off, and then toss them over the side of mountain. Like nothing. It’s crazy.”

I had no idea where Kalani was going with this. Was he going to kiss me? He finally took my picture. I managed a nervous smile. “Liv, you are a beautiful woman. I know I don’t know you that well, but I can tell you have a beautiful soul too. Any man would be lucky to know you. Thank you for letting me run over your bags.” Kalani laughed. I was grateful for his lightening up a potentially embarrassing situation. I smiled. But I still wasn’t sure where this was going. I felt safe pursuing this a bit further. I gathered all the courage I could and I approached Kalani. I was inches from his face. I ran my fingers through his thick dark hair and asked, “Do you want to kiss me?”

He laughed. “Liv, there is nothing in this world I would do right now. I would love to kiss you. Right here and right now. It would be perfect! But seriously, woman, you’re on total rebound!” I was mortified as I backed away and gazed over the sparking ocean. Kalani came over to me and put his arm around me.

“Hey, Liv, I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t mean it like that – that came out all wrong. What I meant was… well, that you need some time to heal. Your heart is weak. It’s very fragile right now. The last thing it needs is another heartbreak.” I kept looking at the ocean. I was too embarrassed to look at Kalani. He continued. “The reality is we come from two different worlds. Yours is thousands of miles away. And I can’t leave here. I’ve tried, but I’m just no good on the mainland. I’m not cut out for that fast-paced craziness. And you, you’re a doctor. You can’t just up and leave your life. People need you. You’re a life saver! I’m just being honest, Liv.”

He was right. Absolutely right. I hated that he was right, but the fact that he had solid common sense made him even more attractive. I sighed and managed a slight grin, realizing this was probably the sweetest thing any man had ever said to me. Ever.

I honestly thought about tossing my rings over the cliff. I pulled them out of my purse and looked at them. Kalani put his strong hand over mine and closed my hand around my rings. “Don’t throw them over. People with metal detectors come by at night and sell them at pawn shops. My friend, Victoria, she can do something pretty cool with them if you want. She takes old rings and makes pendants and things out of them. She has a small shop in Waikiki. We can stop by there later if you want. I opened my hand and took his, and placed the rings into his hand. “I don’t want to look at these ever again. Too much pain. You take them and do whatever you want with them, or I’m going to toss them into the ocean or something.”

That was weird. I had just given this man, this stranger up until a day or so ago, the only real jewelry I had ever owned. “Are you sure?” he asked. I nodded. He put them in his pocket. “You’ll see. You’ll love this. Victoria is amazing.”

“C’mon, we’re not at the top yet. There’s more to see.” Kalani grabbed my hand, and we continued our hike.

A bit further up, there was a two-layer concrete platform. The lower one looked over Waikiki Beach. The higher one behind it allowed you to see the other parts of the island. We climbed to the higher one. I saw a charming lighthouse in the distance sitting on the coast.

“You know, there’s a tradition with that lighthouse. They say that those who visit it and speak of a dream will have that dream fulfilled,” said Kalani. I smiled. “Liv, it’s weird, but I can only remember one dream. And it keeps repeating over and over.” I had to ask. He obviously wanted to tell me. “What was your dream about?” Kalani laughed. “You’ll think I’m crazy.” I pressed on. “No, come on, I promise I won’t laugh. Tell me!”