Falling for Your Madness (18 page)

“So that makes you an expert. So you were around when he was arrested for assault.”

I didn’t know what to say.

“Have you ever been alone with him and been afraid?”

I felt like I was going to faint. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that David is mentally unstable. I’m saying that he has trouble understanding boundaries. I’m saying that you could be in danger. Do you really want a
sweetheart
like this?” The word
sweetheart
slithered out of her mouth. “I’m a social worker. I document behavior for a living. I have had my own personal file on David since he was ten years old. The teachers and the counselors and the psychiatrists have decided he’s a mess. And
they’ve
made it worse. My father put these ideas in his head of
his destiny
, and they control him by these rules. He’s thirty years old, for God’s sake, and he can’t date?”

My teeth chattered. “But he does date. He is very charming. He treats women very well. What you see as strict rules are not that bad. I feel safe in them. I always know what’s going on in the relationship. And he gave me the power to break it off. I’ve never had so many rules to follow, but I’ve never been so happy in my life.”

“You know why the rules are really there, don’t you? Behavior modification!”

“I think you’ve said too much. I need to go.”

“Have you ever seen a school shooting on the news? What do they always say about the gunman? A loner. Quiet. Smart.”

“Oh. My. God.” I felt like I was going to throw up.

“You need to read this.” She handed me what looked like a child’s school assignment folder. “And get out while you can.”

I took it from her. “Look, I don’t know you, but I know David. What difference does it make to you if he dates? Whether or not he’s happy?”

“Simple. In the feudal system, the prince gets everything.”

Sunday, October 21, 2012

158 Orange Street, Beverly, Massachusetts

8:32 p.m.

“Laura, darling. You look exhausted. Perhaps we should say our good-byes. Do you need to freshen up before we leave?”

I knew that my feelings of horror were evident on my face. I had stuck the folder in my handbag when David wasn’t looking. Aunt Honoria pointed me to the loo.

Once I was inside, I sat down and opened the folder. In it was a faded, typewritten report.

My Family Tree

by David Julius Arthur Bowles, Esquire

September 14, 1996

Beverly High School, Beverly, Massachusetts

According to my father, my family tree is a long and ancient one that can be traced back to the time of the sixth century. It was then that the son of Uther Pendragon, Arthur, was called to be king of all of England. He was chosen in advance by a sorcerer, Merlin, who beckoned him to take Excalibur from the Lady of the Lake. As it was then, and as it is now, the bearer of Excalibur is the true king of England.

Arthur did take the throne, married the beautiful Guinevere, and established the Knights of the Round Table, whose code of Chivalry ruled them. Unfortunately, Guinevere was an unfaithful, two-faced
slut
betrayer who left Arthur for his knight and friend, Lancelot. It was this act that destroyed Arthur’s kingdom and his legacy.

As the history of England unfolded, the heirs of Lancelot and the heirs of Arthur were constantly at war with one another. Every significant event in English history is, at its core, a battle between those two houses. Arthur’s line, because they had Excalibur, should have been victor, but that was rarely the case.

During the War of the Roses, Lancelot’s line soundly defeated Arthur’s line in a battle. We’re not exactly sure which one. Merlin declared, because he thought both houses showed great courage, that the winner would choose either the throne or the magic of Excalibur. The winner couldn’t have both. It wouldn’t be fair.

Lancelot’s house, which by this time was called the Lancasters, chose the throne. Arthur’s house, which was called the Yorks, was given the sword. My father says of the sword, “Doesn’t do us any good and only ties us up in airport security.” We also got Merlin; we instantly put him to work doing odd jobs around the house. The house of Arthur was left nearly penniless and banished to the English countryside, where few people remembered over the years that we were there at all.

The years went by. The most important Yorks changed their name to Bowles, probably in an effort to impress girls. In 1832, Alfred, Lord Tennyson, who was close to the Arthurian line, wrote
Idylls of the King
. This was not just a piece of literature. Its secret purpose was to expose the Arthurian line to the world. Tennyson should have stuck to poetry and not ventured into sensationalistic tell-alls.

Clarence Gareth Bowles, the patriarch of the family, who was known for his paranoia and panic attacks, feared retaliation and imprisonment from Queen Victoria, so he left England and sailed to Atlanta, Georgia. The American South appealed to Bowles because of the feudal system it had in place and its emphasis on chivalrous manners. The Bowles family thrived and became very wealthy.

However, the U.S. Civil War devastated their wealth. August Leonard Bowles, the grandson of Clarence Gareth, moved the family to Lowell, Massachusetts, to try their hand at industrialization. (My father says we should have done this in the first place. “It’s New England, after all!”) It was in this endeavor that the Bowles family grew prosperous. It helped considerably that we had retained our English accents and never let on that we were Southerners.

By 1912, the Bowles family, led by James Eustace Bowles, was ready to return to their homeland with their wealth. He was a great believer in democracy and saw no real reason to keep Excalibur except to open letters. His plan was to return with it to England. He booked his passage for the return trip of the Titanic, which, as everyone knows, never took place.

During World War I, it was generally accepted by every member of the Bowles family that going to England would be unwise. James Eustace Bowles feared that the future of the Arthurian line depended on staying far away from war. Bowles, however, didn’t anticipate influenza. Poor chap.

When World War II was at its peak, Winston Churchill sent word to Harrington Fortner Bowles (James Eustace’s son) that if there was ever a need for the magic of Excalibur and Merlin to return to the homeland to save England, now would be the time. Harrington Fortner was planning on doing that very thing, on June 10, 1944. But D-day beat him to it. Really, he tried.

By the time that Queen Elizabeth II was crowned in 1952, the bitterness between the two families was at a peak. The Queen believed erroneously that the Bowles family had purposefully withheld the ancient magic and that we were all really traitors. We are not. Our history is filled with attempts to return it, but if we’re going to be called names, then maybe we’ll just keep it a little while longer. The Royal family fully understands that Excalibur (and Merlin too, for that matter) belongs with the rightful king of England, and as long as we have it, their future is shaky. As a result, they will not allow us to return to our homeland until we give it back. Even though the Bowles family has been in the United States since 1832, we are, in fact, banished.

I was born in 1982 to Julius Arthur Bowles and Margaret Bowles, née Edmondson. I have no male cousins. As the true heir to the throne, I believe that it is my destiny and responsibility to: A) return to England with Excalibur and Merlin; B) establish my home there; and C) produce an heir with a woman as beautiful as Princess Diana who may someday reconcile with the current royal family and reestablish the line of Arthur on the throne with Excalibur and the original magic. I believe that when that happens, England will be a world power, surpassing that of Rome, Victoria, and Elizabeth I.

This is a true account of my family tree.

I felt chills go down my back. There was more. In red ink at the end of the report.

David, your writing skills are exceptional. You have quite the imagination. You have gone well beyond the requirements of this assignment. I need to talk to you about the subject matter. In the future, if you write about historical events and actual people, you must correctly cite your sources. I’d be happy to show you how to do this.

A+

I had no idea what I was going to do about David.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

332 Babcock Street

Brookline, Massachusetts

10:10 p.m.

“Darling, are you sure you are well?”

No, I wasn’t sure. David held me to kiss me good-night. “I just need to rest, I think.” It was all I could do to get through this sentence. My mind was a mess, and I was so thankful that the drive from Beverly was in the dark, and that David sat in the front seat.

“You were, as I predicted, a huge success.” He caressed my face. “Please tell me what I can do to ease your discomfort.”

I was
exhausted, but I was also confused and frightened and overwhelmed.

“Please tell me what it is.” He put his forehead on mine.

What could I say? That his sister thinks I’m in danger? That he is thought to be mentally unstable? That I have seen, by his own words, that he is
the King of England?
I had to say something because David, my precious, sweet David, looked at me like I was killing him.

“I don’t think Fay likes me.”

He looked relieved, but only a little. “Fay doesn’t like anyone. She’s our little dark cloud. We try our best with her. Please don’t let her concern you.” He held me very close. “I think you should go right to bed. It’s been a very trying day. Tomorrow is Monday; I will see you at tea, won’t I?”

“Of course.” But David, I thought. It may be for the last time.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

332 Babcock Street

Brookline, Massachusetts

10:46 p.m.

I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone close, who knew me and knew David, who could talk me through Fay’s accusations and this interesting and slightly scary high school paper. What I really needed was an expert on mental health, like a counselor. When I came into my apartment, I knew there was only one person for the job. Would Ruby talk to me?

She was not home. I waited up for her. I also thought that a confrontation with her was long overdue. It was worth it to me to make my relationship with her work.

She finally came in, but she had a date with her; someone new. He was her height. He wore glasses. He had on a jacket and tie. When they came in, he opened the door for her and helped her with her coat.

She saw me and nodded hello. “Um, Laura, this is Grant.”

Grant leaned over the kitchen table and offered his hand. “How do you do, Laura? It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too.”

I stood. “I’ll leave if you want me to. Ruby, can we talk? Later?”

Apparently, Grant got the message. He signaled that he was going to our bathroom.

I looked her in the eye. “First of all, I want this little issue between us to be dropped. I miss you. I am sorry that it came to this. David is the most unusual man I’ve ever met, and I love him. I would like it if you respected our relationship, but if you can’t, then I understand.”

Ruby’s lip quivered. “Oh Laura! I’m so glad you said something. I was such a monster to you. I couldn’t even believe the things that came out of my mouth. I know better than this. I study relationships for a living, for crying out loud. It took me a long time to see that I was mean to you because I was
so jealous
of you. You do have something really special. I was angry with you that I didn’t.”

“Why didn’t you say something?”

“I wanted to. But then I was embarrassed. Then I thought he would be too good to be true and you’d break up. Then I thought if I was really important to you, you’d come to me. These are all bad excuses. I’ve been a terrible friend.” Tears ran down her face. “Please forgive me.”

“I forgive you.” I hugged her. I was still a little bit mad. I did forgive her, but I wasn’t sure I could trust her. Yet, I didn’t have a choice. “Now, I have a huge problem, and I need your help.”

Grant came out of the bathroom. “You girls are just getting started, aren’t you?” He smiled. “Ruby, I’ll just step in your room and check my email. Is that okay?”

I looked at Ruby. She was
blushing.
“That would be great. Thank you.”

He winked at her. “No worries. I get it. I have sisters.” He went into Ruby’s room and shut the door.