Falling for the Ghost of You (34 page)

I debate all night with myself, and finally I decide to send Zane a simple thank you note, along with the mermaid sculpture
and the Stirling engine model
I was going to give him for Christmas.  I know it seems stupid—he gives me a Bentley, I give him a mermaid
and a toy
.  But…I don’t know.  I did buy it for him before we broke up. 

I get his address from Mom and mail it off before I can change my mind.  Then I immediately regret it.  What was I thinking?!  He’s going to think I’m an idiot, playing games.  He’s going to think the statue is stupid.  I’ll bet he doesn’t even remember that day at the gallery.

Oh, god, what did I do?

******

Chapter 35

I work on New Year’s Eve, which is fine since I didn’t have
any plans
, anyway
.  One of the resident’s nephew brings fireworks, and we bring everyone outside to set them off. 
The residents are delighted with the small display, gazing up at the burst of lights in the sky with big smiles. 
Then we go back in for
hot chocolate and
root beer floats.

I’ve been doing good at acting cheerful and full of happy energy, but by the end of my shift, I feel exhausted with the effort.  Helize notices how quiet I’m being and asks if I’m okay.

I force a smile.  “I’m fine.  Um…c
an I ask you a personal question?”

She’s having a particularly lucid day today.  She meets my eyes in the reflection of the mirror as she brushes her thin white hair.  “Well, you’ve wiped my butt and washed all my odds and ends, dear.  I guess that earns you the right to ask.  Go on.”

I laugh.  “Ew.  Okay.  Do you…do you ever regret not marrying, and starting a family?”

Helize’s gaze suddenly turns inward, her expression far away.  “No, I wouldn’t say so,” she says finally.  “I had a lot of amazing experiences—done things that I don’t think I would have the opportunity to do, had I settled down.  Traveled a lot.  Did I tell you about the time I hand glided in Paraguay?”

“No, but it sounds like a good story,” I say.

“Well, I’ll tell you…”
  And she launches into an amazing story about her adventures in Paraguay.  This story doesn’t end with her in jail, for a change.

Later, when I’m pulling her blanket and comforter up to her chest, Helize’s eyes suddenly take on a sheen.

“Sometimes I wonder what might have been,” she whispers as I lean over her.  “The thing is…I was a very proud girl.  I n
ever wanted to take the chance I might get hurt
.  Isn’t that funny?  I was game for any exciting adventure that came my way, but
when it came to risking my heart
, I was a coward.  Charlie used to say…”  She lets out a little chuckle.  “He used to say, ‘Helize, you’re going to regret not forgiving me.  I could have been the greatest adventure of your life.’  ‘Course, last time I saw him, he had gained two hundred pounds, and lived in an Arby’s.”

“Wow,” I murmur, fixing her nasal
canula
.  “Bullet dodged.”

“Indeed.”

“Well, Helize,” I say, tucking her in.  “You’ll always have me.”

“Yes…what was your name again, dear?”

She’s kidding, of course.  See, no one ever told Helize she’s not funny.  Big mistake.

It’s the dawn of a new year, and I’m lying in bed by myself, full of regrets.  Did I do the right thing by breaking it off with Zane?  He lied to me.  Maybe he didn’t use me, but he didn’t trust me with the truth, either.  Even if I could forgive him that, how would I ever fit into his rock star
life?  I couldn’t stand all those girls chasing after him constantly—I would have to beat them
down
.  And being with him would put me in the public eye.  Could I handle that? 
No, I don’t think I could. 
Oh, god, I can just imagine the paparazzi catching me off guard, surrounding me—and I start shouting “penis!” at them.  Then Mom would jump in and tell them about the summer her sweet daughter turned tricks in her grandma’s bakery.

I can just see the headlines now:  Aiden
Cross Dating Girl with Family History of Tourette’s.

No one wants to see a headline like that.  Way too long.

Yeah.  It wouldn’t be good.

So being back at school sucks—especially without Lauren.  At least everyone is too busy talking about what they did over break to gossip about her and Mr. Jensen.  I’m sick of yelling at everyone about it, anyway.  Like it’s the first time a teacher hooked up with a student at Hidden Cove.  It’s not even the fifth, if the rumors are true about Ms.
Goolihan
and Edward Alva.

Oh, there's a new rumor going aroun
d that my drug dealer pimp
bought me the Bentley.  I may have inadvertently started that one when that snotty cheerleader bitch
,
Alissa asked who I had to do to score a car like that.  I may have replied something about my drug dealing pimp daddy.  But who really knows how these things get started, right?

I’m at home , working on my book when my phone rings.  I look at the display in surprise.  It’s Kim.

“Hey, Kim,” I answer.  “What’s up?”

Kim’s cheerful voice comes through loud and excited.  “Oh, my god, Violet!  Did you watch
The Joanna Show
today?!”

“Uh, no.  I don’t really watch…”

“Aiden Cross was on, and he was talking about you!” she shouts.

“W-what?!”  Holy crap!  “What did he say?!”

“Oh, my god!  I saved it—you have to come over and watch!”

“What did he
say
?!”

I’m already running around, looking for my shoes, while Kim squeals in my ear.

“You have to come over and see for yourself.  Violet!  I'm so j!  He is sooo hot!”

“I know!” I shout back.  “Can I pick Lauren up and bring her over, too?”

“Yeah, of course!  Oh, my god!”

I text Lauren on the way to
let her
know I’m coming to get her.  She just barely opens the door when I’m already dragging her out by her arm.  I’m so jittery I can barely drive.  Zane talked
about me?!  On a nationally televised talk sh
ow!
  What did he say?  Oh, my god—did he say my name?!  What was he
thinking
?
  Or was he talking about some other chick, and Kim is just confused?  Grr, if that’s the case.

Matt answers the
door as I’m raising my hand to knock
.
I’m so flustered, I almost rap my fist against his forehead.

He looks shocked to see me. 
“Violet!  What are you—?”

“Yeah,” I mutter and practically push him aside.

I drag Lauren in and spot Kim bouncing around at the top of stairs.  Her eyes are sparkling excitedly as she waves us up.

I take the stairs two at a time, Lauren following much more slowly behind me.  It’s inevitable that I trip, but I bounce right back up.

“What did he say?” I gasp, reaching the top.

Kim shakes her head grinning.  “No, you have to watch it!”

“Wait, just tell me—was it good or bad?  I mean…”

“Definitely good.  Come on!”

She ushers us into her room, and we plop down on the bed, in front of her large flat screen TV.  Kim grabs the remote and pushes a couple of buttons.

I’m unprepared for the sight of Zane suddenly appearing on the screen.
  After seeing him only in my dreams for so long…to actually
see
him…it’s completely overwhelming.
  Oh, god, he is
so
gorgeous!

As Aiden Cross, his masculine beauty just hits you like a physical blow.  He looks so a
mazing and sexy in a v neck black sweater
and dark jeans.  His dark b
londe hair is perfectly tousled (
no do
ubt courtesy of some floozy hair stylist),
and his cerulean blue eyes are so bright, they seem to pop out of the screen.

Everything else fades away as I watch Zane (Adrian!) laughing and chatting with Joanna, the quirky talk show hostess.  He is completely charming and sexy, and the women in the audience can’t seem to stop screaming and giggling at his every word.  God, I don’t blame them.

I listen raptly as Joanna gushes his praises, talking about how many albums he's so
ld, how many Grammys he's won—w
hile sneakily mixing in questions about his love life.  Zane smoothly evades her inquiries, laughing it off or joking his way out of any tough spots.

The more I watch him, the more I see the ghost of Zane in the famous rock star.  His half-smile.  The way he rubs his jaw sometimes when he's thinking about something else.  How he tilts his head to the side when he's amused by something.

The way the muscles in his chest and arms tense when he's...

Oh, wow.  That image just popped out of nowhere.  Bad Violet.  Shaking my head, I try to focus on the interview.

"So you're a busy guy, I've noticed," Joanna is saying casually, smiling innocently at Zane.  "All that dating must be hard with your schedule."

He leans back in his chair, completely at ease.  "Yeah, no.  I've actually been in my recording studio every day working on some songs.  And I'll be going on tour in October, so I've be
en preparing for that, too.
  I know it's a long way away, but I'll be gone for, like,
a year, so—
"

"Yeah, mm-hmm," Joanna nods thoughtfully.  "So what does Alaina think about you being on the road for so long?"

I bite my lip hard at the mention of that famous bitch.  "You're sadistic, Kim," I mutter.

She shushes me.  "Just wait."

"Nothing..."  On TV,
Zane remains inscrutable, continuing to smile
.  "Why would she care?"

"Because she's your girlfriend, right?"

"We're
friends
."

"Huh.  Okay."  The spunky hostess tries another tactic while the audience giggles at her antics.  "So, Valentine's day is coming up."

"Is it?"  Zane plays it cool.

"Yup.  So, Aiden, I'm sure all the women in th
e audience would like to know—w
hat would be your idea of a perfect Valentine's day date?"

The audience whoops and cheers.  Zan
e looks out and them, and chuckles
.  "Well, damn, now I have to say something romantic and elaborate, huh?"

"Not necessarily.  I'd say it depends on the woman.  Like, for example...Alaina Skye."

H
e looks heavenward as if for help.  "You're not gonna let that go, are you?" he asks good-naturedly.

"Did I say her name again?"  Joanna shakes her dark curls.  "I'm sorry.  You just seem like a romantic kind of guy
.  S
o what would you have planned for that special day?"

I lean forward, eager to hear his answer.  What would our Valentine's have been like?  The perfect day, to me, would be just the tw
o of, us hanging out together—p
referably in bed.

Zane hesitates for a second.  He takes a drink from his cup before answering.  "Well, this
is going to sound really bad—and lazy—b
ut I think I'd just want to hang out, you k
now?  Spend all morning in bed—
"  The audience screams, and he flashes that sexy grin.  "Then have a picnic in the living room, just her and I.  Time is very precious to me, and I think I'd just want to be alone with her, have her all to myself
for the whole day
.  I know that's not really every woman's idea of a great date, but..."

Lauren turns to look at me.  "Did he just describe that day at the hotel with you?"

I nod, dazed.  "I...think so."

"So yum!" Kim squeals.  The whole bed bounces with her excitement.

"Well, Aiden, you could probably take a girl to the dump, and she'd be thrilled.  Am I right, ladies?"   Joanna winks at the
wildly approving audience.  "Now
let's talk about this 'her.'  What does she look like?  Five-seven?  Blonde hair, blue eyes?  Dolphin tattoo?"

Alaina Skye.  Ugh.

For a minute, Zane and Joanna stare at each other like gunslingers at high noon. Then they both burst out laughing.

"Alright."  Still chuckling, Zane shrugs slightly.  "Actually, Joanna, she's about five-four, brown eyes, long golden brown hair.  No tattoo, but if she did have one, it would probably be
of
a bunny."

I flush, my heart suddenly thudding. 
He
i
s
talking about me!

I'm ninety percent sure.