Falling for the Au Pair (2 page)

              “I swear, Audrey,” she yelled while tears of too many tickling escaped her eyes.

              “Okay, then, I believe you,” I murmured and stopped.

But with children it never really stops. Rachel turned to me and then
she
began to tickle
me
. She was a smart little one.

              Moments later, we were both running through the house, laughing and screaming. I could hardly breathe with so much adrenaline when the front door opened and Thomas appeared. I was with my back on the floor and I had Rachel right on top of me. I stopped giggling and tried to sit when I saw that Thomas was just standing there in the doorway, with the key still in the door while a serious expression marked his tired face. Noticing my distress, Rachel left my stomach and sat on the floor right next to me. We were both sitting there while watching at him. I felt paralyzed because I thought he was mad, and Rachel must’ve felt the same thing at how quite she was.

Thomas closed the door and locked the door. “Please, don’t stop at my account,” he said, breaking the silence with a voice so rough and a smile so tortured that I desperately wanted to run toward him and put my arms around his neck.

Still as I was, I only watched as Rachel ran to Thomas and hugged his long legs.

“Audrey is so cool, daddy,” the little girl said, with a big fat smile.

Thomas didn’t smile, only nodded and then gazed at me, still on the floor. Frowning, as though I couldn’t believe I was still sitting there, I stood and walked to the living room where I started to gather all the LEGO pieces.

“Audrey, can I have a word with you?”

The question came out of nowhere, startling me as my heart began to pound against my ribs. Dropping what I was doing, I searched for Thomas.

“He went in the kitchen,” Rachel said, kneeling on the ground and continued what I was doing.

With shaky legs, I went to the kitchen. I didn’t know what to expect, but to find a troubled dad with his hands on the counter with his back to me was not it.

“I’m sorry if I-”

“Thank you.”

We said at the same time.

With the intertwined of words, he turned around. I didn’t like what I saw. There was shadows under his eyes that made him look even more tired than he looked.

Frowning and not understanding his words, I asked, “Thank me for what?”

“I haven’t seen Rachel filled with that much joy since her mother died,” his voice was strong, his expression haunted.

“But that…that was four years ago,” I murmured, a pain taking place right in the middle of my chest.

“You can now understand why I was so shocked when I walked in and saw you.”

My God, this family was hurting so much.

And for so long.

Swallowing hard, I nodded. “Yes. I can understand that.”

With the kitchen table standing between us, I watched as Thomas walked around it and stopped inches away for me. I couldn’t look away, not when his gaze looked so determined.

Was his breathing hard or was I imagining that?

“You’ve been here for mere a day and you already made a difference. I don’t know what is it about you, but I’m starting to believe that there’s a light inside you ready to take all the darkness from this house,” he said, without faltering his gaze a single time.

I for one didn’t want to move. I wanted his brave words engraved in my soul. But for some reason I knew they would be there for all eternity. There stood a man that knew he had a darkness inside himself and he was ready to put it away. Honest words are the best words.

I took his example. “I’m here to help both of you. Not just Rachel, but you too, Mister Abram.”

He nodded. “By helping her you’re automatically helping me.”

I wanted to say that that wasn’t what I meant, but he just turned around and went to get something to drink on the refrigerator.

“There’s food for you on the microwave,” I said, walking directly to it and taking it out for him.

“Oh, I’m not hungry.”

“You should eat. You look very tired,” the words escaped my mouth before I was able to stop myself. Breathing hard, I stood with the plate in my hands while the silence took root.

Then, Thomas was moving toward me, taking the plate from my hold. “You don’t need to worry about me. It’s my job to take care of you and Rachel.”

Our gaze met and I realized he was closer than what I expected. His eyes were so deep that I thought they could see right into my core, my very soul. I took a long breath and nodded. I loved how he had included me into that sentence. How he thought of me along with his daughter, someone worthy enough of his protection. And we only just met.

“I’ll put Rachel to sleep.”

*****

She was filled with the purest of lights. And for a man like me, filled with something obscure, she might be the answer. Seeing her laugh with Rachel had been the joy of my day. The joy of the past four years really. I thought I would never see my daughter giggle again, and then, there she was, sitting on Audrey’s stomach as if she was a light fairy throwing her some pixie dust. My heart now hurt with a whole other reason.

I wouldn’t mess it up by involving myself with Audrey. Even if it killed me.

And I pretty much died a little.

For the days that passed, I was happy for Rachel, but dying because of my attraction to Audrey. The first week was hard. I jumped myself into work, working from 6 a.m. to 11 p.m. and still it wasn’t enough. Every time I saw Audrey, even if it was a tiny second, my heart would jump and thump into my aching ribs. That was not even the bad part of it. I was aroused almost 24/7, a damn erection that would never cease. Everything because of her. The mere thought, a vision, would get me hard and pulsing. The nights, knowing that she was there, mere steps away from me was eating me alive. Sexual attraction never bothered me before, especially not at this intense, burning level. And I never even touched her. Not even a grazed of fingers.

In the third week, I tried to be more connected to Rachel. But my daughter was attached to Audrey more than I ever could. In every conversation we had was – Audrey this, Audrey that. It was cute, it was adorable, and I could see that my daughter already loved her. Audrey was easy to fall in love with, I suppose. Or it just affected the Abram family.

It had days though, that I couldn’t avoid her even if I wanted to. After work, I often found her at the living room watching TV with Rachel, or reading to her. This day in particular I found them both on the couch, with Rachel’s sleepy head on Audrey’s lap while she ran her long fingers through my daughter’s hair as she held and read a very thick book.

The moment her eye found me above the book cover, she smiled.

“Had a nice day, Mister Abram?”

Her sweet voice penetrating my head was enough to make me be with her for the next hundred years of my life. “Lovely. Thank you.”

Holding my briefcase, I locked the door behind me and went for the bedroom where I changed for a pair of comfortable clothes. Then I went to the kitchen and had a bite to eat. Trying not to think about Audrey was hard, mainly because she walked in to have a drink of water. While I was there, eating my dinner, her curves took me hostage.

Her jeans hugged her legs perfectly, especially her hips. Her black top revealed a pair of breasts that couldn’t belong to a girl, but to a young woman. They could fill my entire hands, I thought with a sigh. Holy Hell, she was going to be the death of me.

Clearing my throat, to avoid any more naughty thoughts, I decided to take a different approach. “How’s Rachel doing?”

Then, her complete attention was directed at me. Maybe it was a bad idea starting a conversation, because I enjoyed having her watching me the way that she was.

“She’s an amazing girl,” she said, sitting right in front of me while I ate. “We attached to each other pretty fast, and…” she stopped talking for a few seconds and gave a look around, as if noticing we were totally alone. I saw her frown and look down. I would give anything to have known her thoughts right there. “Well, her grades are higher than the usual and her teachers told me she’s been making friends and are liking her changes.” At the end, she was smiling, as if she couldn’t help herself of how proud she was.

“The moment I saw your profile, I felt it in my guts you were the right fit with us,” I said, revealing a smile. Maybe the first genuine smile for a very long time.

Audrey stayed silent for a moment, gazing at me. I didn’t mind her gaze, but it was her surprised expression that made me curious about what she was thinking.

“You picked my profile? I-I thought it was Gloria.” For some reason her voice showed how anxious she suddenly was.

“She handed me a full basket of papers. Of them all, I chose you, yes.” Fully committed to our conversation now, I stopped eating and relaxed my back on the chair, and gazed at her while she looked puzzled. “I saw your full history with children. And your recommendations were the best I’ve read.”

“But when I arrived you didn’t know who I was. In my profile, there’s everything about me, even my picture.”

She was right, of course. But after a while reading all those papers, especially when you’re tired as hell, I began to read just the part that truly mattered – the full histories, the recommendations, and all the professional bits.

“I skip it, to be honest. In my head, I thought you were going to be a sixty-year-old woman.”

And just like that, she started laughing. Her smile illuminating her entire face, making her more stunning than she already was. God, her laugh. That noise sent electrical sparks all over the tiny endings of my body. She made me feel alive again.

“The year limit is thirty years old,” she said while trying to contain her laugh.

“I didn’t even know how Gloria found this program. I didn’t know anything about it.”

No longer laughing, Audrey still smiled. “A sixty-year-old Au Pair, though. Wow, that would have been a great picture.”

As easy as rain, a laugh escaped from
my
throat. It was odd at first, since I couldn’t even remember how it even felt. But it was good how we were both sitting there, laughing with her as if best friends.

When we cooled off a few seconds later, I risked a bold question. “Since is out there that I didn’t read you complete profile, how old are you?”

“I’ll be twenty-seven in four months,” she replied, looking timid all of a sudden, and blushing a little.

I frowned. “Really? I thought you were younger.” I didn’t want to say that, but then it was too late. When she only shrugged, as if it wasn’t a big deal at all, I relaxed. Then, I felt as though a huge weight was lifted from my chest. I thought she was in the early twenties, but being in her late ones only made her more and entirely more attractive to me. “Married? Kids?”

When she nodded, happily, I thought I was going to die. But then, as if noticing my distress, she hurried herself to explain. “No, I’m not married. I don’t have kids of my own, but I got kids from the schools I used to teach.” She took a deep breath as her eyes disconnected with mine for a brief moment. “It’s weird how children under eight always become my best friends. Maybe it’s because of their innocence and how they see the world as this amazing, gratifying, endless possibilities. Nothing is impossible for them. They dream in infinities and only see the good in everything. They don’t judge you from who you are or what you chose to be in life.”

Those last words struck me, but more importantly, she crashed into me like hot lava. In that moment, when she didn’t even gaze at my direction, her face was strikingly gorgeous. It was as though she had just bared her soul to me. And what I saw was extraordinary and dazzling. She was unique in so many ways I couldn’t even explain it.

Audrey blinked, as if she was back from the place she was in. “Sorry,” she said and smiled. “Sometimes I just say things that-”

“I adore everything you say. For me, you could talk for ages and I wouldn’t even mind.” There, something else I was not permitted to say and somehow I did. The smile she gave, though, was worth every word of it. Clearing my throat, I said, “What about you? Are you adjusting well with us?”

“There’s no place I’d rather be,” she replied without even thinking about it. It was right there in the tip of her tongue.

God, gazing at her, right there, I never wanted someone so much in my entire existence.

The forth week was the hardest. I was stressed out because of too much work and the case that was attached to me even when I was asleep.

Then, it came a day that everything just fell apart.

              The pressure on my back as lead detective in a murder case is something that not all men are up for it. I was arriving home early when I spotted the father of my murder victim waiting for me in my front lawn. I knew the girls were on the park, so I felt relieved.

              “Hey, Thomas,” the man murmured, looking anxious and out of control.

              Getting out of the car, I said, “You know you can’t be here, Matt.”

              “It’s taking too long!” Matt screamed, the anxiety making him unstable. “He killed my lad. That bastard killed my lad!” He pointed away, as if the murder was right there where they could reach. In that instant, I realized he held a gun. “Why didn’t you arrest him yet?”