Falling Away (35 page)

             
“What are you talking about? Gave you everything?”

             
I huffed. Was he seriously gonna play the dumb card? “Those
fuckin
’ boxes that contained our entire relationship. You might as well have stamped a big
fuck you
on the damn things.”

             
Eyes pinching, his arms unfolded as he leaned forward over the table and whispered harshly, “I did
not
give you everything. I gave you those things so you
would
keep thinking of me.”

             
“I know the damn inventory of our lives,” I snapped. “You kept nothing.”

             
Next thing I knew, he whipped out and activated his phone, then slid it across the table and into my hands like it was a
freakin
’ air hockey puck. The screen was filled with tiny icons of pictures.
             

             
“Does that look like nothing to you? Do you see any fucking pictures of Anne on there? I wanted you back. I just wanted to make sure you realized what you lost before I let you back in.”

             
I enlarged one of the
pics
and flipped through the album. I had forgotten he had taken a few
pics
over the years, but most of these looked like they were taken when I wasn’t even paying attention, or asleep.

             
I didn’t like the way my insides were suddenly cringing with guilt. Guess that plan backfired on him, ‘cause I took the inventory pass-off as rejection. I carefully slid the phone back, intentionally avoiding his fingers during the exchange. I didn’t
wanna
look at him, partially ashamed for not reading his signs better. And I should have, right?

             
I continued to avoid the gaze burning my skin, and would’ve loved the ability to burrow myself into a hole right then. But he wasn’t gonna left me off that easily. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

             
That I should run back to the safety of the wedding and end this before it goes to a level I may regret. I dipped my head and fingered the tiers of satin in my lap. Eventually my eyes rolled north. He was still, his arms draped over the table loosely, just waiting for me to say something. If I bit my lower lip any harder, I was gonna draw blood.

             
“That if you had just come to me in January, I would’ve run back to you in a heartbeat. But now...” I shook my head, and felt the pain on his face reflected in my chest. “There’s a small part of my heart that still loves you, Robert. But I’d say a good eighty percent has been taken over by Evan now.”

             
“Sounds like there’s still room to sway back.”

             
That caught me by surprise, and my eyes widened as my head jerked up. But before I could issue my response, I was cut off by a crisp, “There you are!” Charlotte planted herself between us at the table, but we didn’t even bother to break our eye contact, his solemn, mine astonished. “Come on. It’s time to do the toasts.”

             
To Charlotte’s dismay, we were slow to rise, and our moods had clearly gone south for the night. “What is wrong with you two? This is a wedding for crying out loud, and a room full of people are about to embrace your every word of
happiness
for the couple of the night. So cheer up already.” That last part was almost a threat.

             
Robert grabbed my hand before I could turn to follow her out of the bar, pulling me in closer than he should have, and softly gazed into my eyes. Two seconds later he released me without a word, leaving me dumbfounded and standing alone. I shook off my bewilderment. As I turned my head to lead my body out of the bar, I did a double-take on a familiar mop of hair at a table barely fifteen feet away.

             
Shit to the power of infinite.

             
I’m sure I was
rockin
’ a
pretty
timid face as Evan stood to approach me. I just stared at him, unsure what to say, ‘cause he was definitely annoyed right now.

             
“You know…” he began, and I held my breath as he was slow to continue, “…there’s an awful lot of chemistry and emotions between you two.”

             
With a deep breath, I replied firmly, “I think you’re mistaking that for what it really is. Unresolved issues.”

             
Rubbing the back of his head, he slightly chuckled, but it wasn’t really for amusement’s sake. “Unresolved issues. I like that.” His laughter quickly dissipated, and with a sharp eye, brusquely added, “But here’s the thing about ex’s. Your issues don’t have to be resolved unless you’re looking to keep them in your life.”

             
Damn it all to hell. I hated that he was so obviously right.

             
“Jenna!” Charlotte snapped. Robert disappeared through the entrance but Charlotte did an about face.

             
“Duty calls,
again
,” Evan jeered.

             
My hands went to my hips as I watched an annoyed Charlotte silently beckon me with her hand like I was a terrible-two on a rampage, telling me I needed to
come here
. Her timing couldn’t be worse.

             
I returned my attention to the guy who looked ready to steamroll something, and most likely that desire belonged to Robert’s face. “Can you give me a minute?”

             
“Have you noticed how you’re always asking me for more time? I’m getting tired of winding my damn watch, Jenna.” He took the last few gulps of his beer and whacked the bottle down. “Tell you what. If you can make it upstairs within the same time frame it’ll take me to have one more beer and get
to our room
to pack my bag, I’ll spare an extra four on top of that before I head back home.”

             
His bicep brushed my shoulder as he aimed for the bar. I didn’t stop to argue, bargain, or beg. I just hurried my way to the reception hall behind Charlotte, repeatedly cursing this whole damn weekend in my head. I only had a few seconds to compose myself, ‘cause Charlotte immediately walked towards the center of the dance floor, clanging one of the champagne flutes that had been poured for this very occasion. She announced me, then planted the microphone in my hand.

             
I cheerfully, and almost mechanically, recounted my rehearsed speech, which included the time Sophie and I first became roommates, my mad respect for her heart, strength and natural resistance against our
kool
-aid drinking foes, then acquiesced her unfailing faith in all things
Jhett
. I embraced them both, fighting hard not to let Sophie’s tears encourage my own, passed the microphone back to Charlotte without sparing Robert a single glance, then ran for the elevator, which I wasn’t used to doing in heels. I was lucky enough to have one waiting and jumped right in, punching the 10 and holding the
close door
button relentlessly. I kicked off the shoes, feeling an instant relief, then rushed down the hall the second I could squeeze through the elevator opening.

             
Shit. The card was in the bag I left in the bridal suite.

             
I banged on the door, calling Evan’s name, praying he wouldn’t wait until he was packed and ready to go before opening. Mercifully, he didn’t leave me hanging, but he was gone so fast the door tried to smash me into its frame as I pushed through. He was already back to collecting his stuff from the bathroom.

             
“Alright, you’re mad. I get it. But don’t leave,” I pleaded.

             
He casually meandered past me to the open duffel on the bed. “Never said I was mad.” I rolled my eyes behind his back. He didn’t have to say it; his body screamed it in every way possible. “I’ve just been
enlightened to the true problem at hand. It’s not that you
can’t
move on from your relationship with Robert, it’s that you won’t.”

             
“Why? Because we were able to sit down and have a conversation? At our best friends’ wedding, where we were forced to interact?”

             
“Spare me, Jenna.”

             
“If I didn’t
wanna
move on I never would’ve given up on him in the first place. But I did, and I spent every spare moment over the past five months with you.”

             
He zipped his bag and slid the strap over his shoulder. “And even after all that, the two of you still have
that
much intensity between you. I’m not kidding, Jenna. If you could see yourselves from our point of view, you wouldn’t be so sure of yourself right now.”

             
Confused, and desperate to prolong his exit, I asked, “
Our?”

             
“Anne, Jenna. Yeah, she was there too, but you guys were so enraptured with one another you never even noticed that your significant others were just two tables away. Only difference is, she couldn’t stand to watch the whole thing. She walked right past you two and you didn’t even notice.”

             
I felt the weight of the day on my shoulders as they begged to slump. Eliminating the distance between us, I lay my hands on his chest, and got as close as this poufy dress would allow. My touch seemed to ease him, the taut muscles in his neck beginning to relax. “Don’t go.”

             
He licked his lips and swallowed, then calmly replied, “Give me a reason not to.”

             
“Because I love you.” It came off as a mixture of begging and choking, but it was true nonetheless. And I saw the green in his eyes begin to combat the fiery gold that flared when he was angry.

             
Sliding his hand up my neck, he splayed his fingers around my ears and stroked my cheek with his thumb. I closed my eyes and relished in the blissful feeling he created with just the simplest touch. “I know you do,” he said softly. “And I
love you too
. But even after all our time together, I still don’t own your heart.”

             
I wanted to open my eyes, to face what he was about to say, but I felt the sting behind my eyes, and knew that in any second, a surge of tears was gonna burst through.

             
“And if I can’t have it all to myself…” My head trembled in protest. “I just can’t do this anymore, Jenna. I won’t be somebody’s second best.”

             
Cue the waterworks, ‘cause ready or not, there they c
o
me. I swept the liquid off my face, but I’d need automatic wipers to keep up with the storm of tears rushing from my body. I heard his bag drop to the floor. Arms wrapped around and pulled me tight, holding me until the tears ceased and the phlegm cleared from my throat, my face buried in his neck. Exhausted and numb, my mind didn’t
wanna
process coherent thoughts.

             
“Are you gonna ignore me now too?” I asked, dreading the thought.

             
He traced circles on my back, his hand occasionally getting caught in the material. I was so ready to take this dress off. “You know I have to. I’ll never be able to move on if you’re always around, reminding me of what we had.” He brushed the stray clump of hair covering my face behind my ear. “But yeah, hopefully one day we’ll both be married and settled and capable of just being friends.”

             
He kissed my temple. I’m sure he meant it to be sweet and loving, but at this moment, it felt like the kiss of death, ‘cause I had serious doubts that friendship would happen down the road.

             
“I have to go, Jenna,” he whispered, sounding shaky, like he questioned the decision himself. He released the hold and squatted to retrieve his bag, leaving me to sway in the air, ready to collapse any second, as he walked away forever. And it ate me up inside.
Forever
.

             
“Evan?”

             
“Yeah?” he answered, turning back as his hand gripped the door.

             
“I do love you. And I never gave you anything less than everything I had to give.” A solitary tear managed to break through my defenses. “And I’ll always regret that it wasn’t enough.”

             
“Me, too.” And just as he slid out into the hallway, marking the beginning of forever, he quietly added, “Because I would’ve spent my life with you.”