Fallen Desire (4 page)

“Lindsay.  What are you doing back here all by yourself?  Are you feeling alright?”  I startle as Derrick’s voice pulls me from my thoughts and feel caught off guard, like I was doing something wrong.  My cheeks flush with embarrassment.  Derrick is always so sweet to me.  His blue eyes are glowing in the dark night and all I can do is look straight into them as they shine with brilliant color.  His eyes radiate love and concern.  He is so beautiful.

“Derrick, I’m fine, just tired that’s all.  I think I’m coming down with something.”  I place my hand on my forehead to give the impression I’m not well but really I just don’t want him to get a good look at my face.  I don’t want him to see any of my emotions.  I just want to go home and the last thing I want to do is break down into tears here in front of Derrick.   I don’t want to be here anymore with these people that I don’t feel like I belong with.  It’s like I have this shooting pain in my chest.  I don’t know what’s going on with Ethan or what I did so wrong that could possibly have caused him to leave me here.

“Well at least let me take you home if you’re sick?”  He suggests.

How hurtful is that, that Ethan doesn’t even care about me enough to take me home?  He just ditched me, he left me stranded.  “Actually that would be really nice.  Thank you.”

Being around Derrick is calming and makes me feel a little bit better; it’s nice to know that someone cares.   He doesn’t judge me and he’s always there smiling, just waiting to help me or talk to me.  As we’re walking to his car, I can’t help but to admire his tall muscular frame and his dark black hair that shimmers in the small amount of light from the moon and his eyes glow bright blue.  I find myself consumed by the image of him in the moonlight.  We don’t say much on the car ride home, and he’s polite enough to walk me to my front door. 

My mom and dad are already in bed, so I just go up to my room quietly.  First party I’ve been to this year and I wasn’t even able to stay.  I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it though, right up to the point of Ethan leaving.  Sitting on my bed, I realize that when I’m around Derrick I don’t think about Ethan.  Actually his name and image didn’t come to mind at all on the car ride home.  It’s like he doesn’t exist when Derrick is around me.  But now, all alone on my bed, all I can do is wonder about Ethan, what he’s doing and why he left so abruptly with no explanation. 
I’ve got to stop this!
  I can’t let some guy that I don’t even know consume my thoughts.  Hopefully tomorrow will be a more normal day.  It’ll be the first day of summer vacation and I seriously can’t wait for it to begin.  Maybe I can keep myself busy and keep my mind off of Ethan.  However I still can hope for something more to happen between us.

THREE

“Ethan.”  He’s here with me again!  His beautiful appearance, overwhelming every nerve in my body, his brown hair highlighting his masculine facial structure and his black eyes filled with that look of confusion, fear and desire. 

“Why did you leave me?  What did I do to make you so upset with me?”  He’s just standing there looking into me, almost looking
through
me like I don’t exist and I start to get that feeling that it truly is over.  “Why won’t you answer me?”  No response.  What’s wrong with him?  His expression is tight, as if he’s in some sort of pain, and yet it doesn’t look like he’s physically hurt.  Looking around me I can see that we’re standing by the creek behind my house again.  I want him to take me in his arms and hold me and never let me go.  I want to know that he finds comfort in me.  I need for him to want me as much as I want him.  I feel safe when I’m with him.  Those black eyes stare down at me with such power and intimacy and his focus never sways from me.  I don’t want him to ever leave me again.  I have so many questions but I don’t even care right now, all I want is his touch.  Why won’t he speak to me?  Then he’s gone and I’m back in my room awake and stunned,
it was just a dream.
 

I struggle to catch my breath.  He’s getting to me in my dreams; I feel I’m going crazy.  He’s constantly on my mind and I can’t even sleep without him invading my thoughts.  I’m sure he’ll give me an explanation tomorrow, or at least I’m hoping he will.  I have to let it go, though, and start enjoying my summer.  I don’t even know this guy and who knows when he’ll show up again. 

I slept in late and my mom and dad were already off to the office when I woke up.  Right now I’m grateful that they work so much.  I can’t stop thinking about Ethan and his body pressed up to mine pinning me between him and the tree.  He makes me feel as if we’re the only two people in the world.  I figure the only way I’m going to get him off my mind is to hang out with my friends because who knows if I’ll ever even see him again.  It’s a beautiful day out, and it would be nice to go hike along the creeks with someone.  I don’t feel like calling Kim, I’m afraid she’s going to start badgering me about Ethan.  I just don’t feel like explaining myself.  Especially since I don’t even know what’s going on between the two of us.  Derrick!  I can call him, he’s down to earth, and boys usually aren’t into talking too much.  At least I’m pretty sure that he isn’t going to want to hear about my hypothetical love life.  Derrick was so sweet last night; he didn’t question me about any of it.  Most embarrassingly, my dress was torn and I’m beyond thankful he didn’t ask about that.  He just took me home, no interrogation necessary.  I’m nervous about calling him, though.  I mean we aren’t that great of friends.  We talk at school and go to the occasional movie or coffee, but always with Kim.  Other than that, I don’t recall ever hanging out alone, just the two of us.  I’m just too busy reading or enjoying the peace and quiet.  Plus I’ve only been here a couple of months so I’m still kind of the new girl.  The last thing I want to do is sit around and think about Ethan all day and last night, when I was alone with Derrick, my mind was clear.  I wouldn’t mind feeling that today too, if at all possible.  Well here goes nothing. 

As the phone begins to ring my palms become sweaty.  “Hello.”  I hear his voice through the phone.

“Derrick!  Hi, it’s me Lindsay.  I hope I’m not bothering you.  I was just wondering if you would like to do some hiking with me through the forest and along the creeks.  It’s supposed to be a beautiful day, and I thought it would be nice to enjoy it with a friend.”  I can hear my nerves coming through as I choke out the words. 

“I would love to join you.  If you want I can meet you at your place in about an hour, and we can start out behind your house.”  With that answer I feel most of the tension in my body release and I’m no longer clenching my hand on the phone.

“That’s perfect.  I’ll see you then.” 

Feeling a little bit of excitement and relieved that he didn’t reject the invite, I go to find something comfortable to wear on our hike.  My hiking boots, some shorts, and a pink tank will do perfect.  I’m anxious to see him, it might be his captivating appearance or it might just be the thought that I might be able to forget about Ethan for a while.  He’s so beautiful I wouldn’t think he could ever be interested in me but he’s always seemed to like me and he treats me differently than he treats the others.  Those beautiful blue eyes of his were glowing in the moonlight, I’ve never seen anyone that has eyes as blue as his.  His black hair gives him a striking and distinct look.  He has an intense sex appeal and on top of how extremely gorgeous he is, I might be able to have a normal moment today without being completely consumed with thoughts of Ethan. 

Waiting patiently in my living room for Derrick is not easy.  I find myself tapping my foot and twitching every couple of seconds.  I feel my skin begin to flush with heat and I fan myself with my hands.  I think any girl that gets around Derrick would be nervous and shy.  It’s just his irresistible appeal, it makes you feel like you might not be worthy of him. 

The weather outside is going to be beautiful today.  It’s supposed to be about 72 degrees come noon, which is perfect.  I love the sun and the outdoors.  When we lived in the city, I wasn’t ever able to take hikes or really enjoy the outdoors we were surrounded by traffic and people and no matter where you went, it was noisy and crowded.  I miss my friends, but I don’t miss the city.  My parents figured it would be good to get me into a smaller school so
even though with the hour commute they feel it’s worth it; of course I have to agree.  I can’t complain.  I love the school and most of all I love my surroundings.  There’s the part of me that loves the peace and quiet.  I definitely couldn’t get that when we lived in the city.  Now that I know Ethan it makes this place even better.  Jeez!  I have got to quit thinking about him.  Last time I saw him he was running away from me.  He probably never wants to see me again. 

Okay, one more
look in the mirror.  Well I look cute enough, I guess.  My hair is lying down really well today when typically it’s got a big frizz about it.  And my olive skin always seems to look good in pink.  The great thing about nice weather is the cute outfits I get to wear.  I’m a girl that loves the outdoors, but I’m not gonna deny I like looking good, especially when in the presence of an extremely hot guy.  The noise of the doorbell startles me as if I just got caught doing something wrong. 
Shoot he’s here!
  I take a deep breath in order to calm my excitement and open the door to a beautiful blue-eyed boy. 

“Derrick!” 

He looks so cute.  I’ve never really noticed how much older he looks then most 17-year-old boys.  He carries himself much more maturely than most teenagers.  His eyes shimmering in the sunlight are almost the same color of the clear blue sky.  His dark black hair brings out his beautiful eyes which show his caring soul.  He appears confident and sure of himself and he has such a peaceful presence about him.  His T-shirt fits his body in a way that makes me clench my jaw to keep it from dropping.  The lines of his chest are visible through the thin cotton fabric and his abs make me want to reach out and press a hand to them.  I close my eyes and reopen them to get a grip.  He’s always been hot, of course, but I’ve never had this kind of reaction to him.  I’ve always been able to look beyond his drop dead gorgeous looks and just like him for the friend he is.  Whatever’s happening right now, I’m not sure I like it.  I’m angry that I can even let myself have these feelings.  Thank God he can’t read my thoughts right now.  It would probably just blow up his ego. 

“Hey Lindsay, I hope I didn’t interrupt you or anything.  Are you ready to start our hike?  I’m honestly really glad you called.  I have to say after I dropped you off last night, you were all I could think about.  I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m just glad you want to hang out with me.”  He’s nervous.  It actually makes me feel a little better that I’m not the only one feeling a little out of sorts right now. 

I mean it’s just two friends hanging out so there isn’t any reason for either of us to feel uncomfortable.  He always seems to be flirting with me, but I’ve never really taken him seriously or looked at him as anything other than a friend – but now standing here in front of him and looking into his eyes, he seems so open to love and hope; I can’t help but feel something for him.  

“Yes, I’m definitely ready to get out into this nice weather.  Thank you for coming with me.  It was really nice of you to bring me home last night; I guess I was thinking it would be nice to hang out just the two of us for once.”  I’m not really sure what I’m feeling or if it means anything at all, but at this moment I have to admit that he definitely gets me heated and not in a bad way. 

“Of course, I’m here for you whenever you need me.  Well, let’s start by following the creek through the woods.  I know some good paths we can take.  I’ve walked the forest out here before.” 

I smile, “Cool, that sounds good.”  I shut the door behind me, and we start walking out around the back of my house.  The creek is a little ways down the hill that’s in my backyard.  Walking towards the top of the hill reminds me of the dream that I had of Ethan but for some reason I can’t really feel him the way I was before.  I’m not really having those overpowering emotions when I think about him today.  Actually I can’t even picture him in my mind.  It’s as if the images are blurry.  Things all seem so fuzzy about Ethan when he’s around, Derrick who is all that is on my mind now.  His gorgeous appearance and the charm that he has about him
is flowing through my mind and through my senses.  As he strides next to me I can’t stop thinking about him. 

When he drinks from his water bottle he’s the image of perfection. 
The droplets of sweat on his forehead and the firm muscle of his arms as he brings the bottle to his mouth.  Oh, and those lips!  The thought of those lips against mine.  I shake my head in an attempt to erase the images.  There is definitely a connection between us, but I’m not sure what it is yet or if it’s even a good thing.  Walking next to him seems so natural.  He’s so easy to be with.  He brings me serenity and a sense of harmony.  He’s always been so sweet to me.  Having him walking next to me even in silence just brings comfort and peace to my soul.  My concerns and worries about Ethan have dissipated.

“I’m glad you called me, Lindsay,” he says. “I’ve been hoping to be able to get you alone.  I know you went to the party with Ethan but are you guys dating?  I understand if you don’t want to tell me.  I know it’s none of my business but I can’t help but be curious.”  Derrick uses his usual sweet tone, with no sign of jealousy.  So much for not talking about Ethan, I didn’t think Derrick would bring him up, guess I was wrong.