Fallen Desire (27 page)

While repeating her I imagine an invisible energy coating me from head to toe that will not allow anyone or anything to enter my mind and I repeat the spell word for word:

“From earth below to sky above bring me your light and make my future days as bright.  Bring me with you an angelic shield as your mighty sword you wield to surround me and protect me from all harmful things.  Embrace me with your protective wings and my eyes shall see the protection that you grant to me.  With this power all around, I shall see things with a clearer sight and all I do will be of my own will.  By the power of Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit protect me now, protect me forever.  So mote it be!”

Once I’m done saying the spell, I look down at my hands and can see a light blue glow covering my skin and surrounding my entire body.  “I think it worked Avarie.  I can see the energy shielding me.” 

“Of course it worked.  You are very powerful, and anything you concentrate on you will learn to manifest with the help of the elements.  Calling on Spirit will be very crucial in all your spells so keep that in mind.”

“Derrick didn’t have me call upon Spirit in our training.”

“But he will.  Spirit is very powerful and takes a lot of your strength when leaving you, so he will most likely wait before calling upon Spirit.  Before you release the elements, you should thank them and ask them to leave some strength behind so that you will not feel weak.”  Remembering how I felt the last time the elements left me doesn’t make me feel very confident in releasing them.  I know I need to but do fear the exhaustion that I felt before.  I haven’t had to really use the elements like I did last time and maybe as
Avarie says by asking for them to leave some of their strengths behind will help.

“Air, Water, Fire, Earth and Spirit before I release you I ask of you to leave me with some of your energy and power to keep me strong once you are gone.  The weakness I cannot bear and I need your help to keep me going.  With that I thank you Air, Water, Fire Earth and Spirit and release you from me.  Blessed be!”

I feel the air breeze through my hair and away from me and Water rushing through my body and leaving me, and then Fire slowing cooling and no longer filling me with the warmth and comfort.  Finally Earth leaves me from my head down to my feet going back into the earth below.  Spirit swiftly drifts away without too much of an affect.  Still, with all the elements gone, I feel strength.  I have no sense of weakness.  The elements left me with energy and it feels good.  As I thank Avarie for everything and assure her, I will definitely come back as soon as I can.  As I leave, I begin to get the feeling that I can definitely do this.  I’m proud of myself for coming up with my own chants and cleansing chant.  I’m starting to really believe and have faith in the power of the elements and their help that they lend me.  I leave her house feeling that all of this is really going to come together.

TWENTY THREE

“Derrick!  I want to get started today and use most of the day if that’s possible for training.”

“If you’re up for it, Lindsay, but I don’t want it to be too hard on you like last time.”

“I’ll be fine.  I saw
Avarie, and I had a little practice coming up with my own chants, and I’m sure I can ask the elements for their help to strengthen me once I release them.  Plus I would like to call on Spirit today,” I reply.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Lindsay.  You have only begun to see the power of the elements and just being able to use the four is unpredictable.”

“Derrick, regardless of what you say, I know I’m ready plus I don’t want to waste any more time.  I want to start using my powers.”

“Okay.  Like I said before, I care about you and want to help you.  Meet me in the clearing behind your house in a half an hour.” 

Before I have the chance to hang up, he has already dropped the call.  Spending some time with Avarie yesterday really gave me that push I need.  I know Derrick will help me in accomplishing complete control over myself and the elements and I need to do it as soon as possible because I’m emotionally going crazy without Ethan. 

I know that he said all I would have to do is call on him and he would be here.  There’s nothing I would love more than to see his face and feel his touch.  Now with how much I know maybe I won’t get the reaction I did before when I saw him.  Maybe I can be with him during all of this.  I just don’t really know what he meant by “call on him” whenever I need him.  It isn’t like he can hear my thoughts from a distance.  With a deep breath, I close my eyes and envision him standing in front of me in my room.  I sit
on the edge of my bed with my eyes still closed really concentrating and focusing on Ethan and without even having to try I feel him in the room with me and want him here with me more than anything. 

“Lindsay!”  Quickly I open my eyes, and here he is.  Ethan! 
Standing in front of me.  At first, I just see him and his beautiful tall body with his brown hair lying slightly against his cheeks and his sensual black eyes looking at me with an expression of shock and happiness.  His aura surrounding him, flashing the muddied red color with black specks along the edges.  I also see a spurt of white within his aura.  This is the angel that is still inside him.  But before I even speak or he says anything else the sight of the demon comes to view.  Lurking inside him a demon creature is all I can see.  Ethan is gone and this disgusting evil stands in his place.  I jump back quickly in surprise. 

“Lindsay!  Please don’t fear me.  Please you have to try and see past the evil that’s showing through.  You have the power to just see me and not let the demon interfere.  Please try!”  He pleads with me and I can feel his concern. 

“I don’t know if I can.  It doesn’t even seem like it’s you anymore.”  I’m so scared this won’t work. 

“I know what you see must be difficult but the power you have is to allow you to see me for what and who I am.  Use your powers, Lindsay.  Concentrate fully and open your eyes to see the real me.”  As soon as he says it, I close my eyes and call upon the elements that I’ve already had practice with and with not wanting to waste time I make it short and to the point:
 

“Fire, I call upon thee in this time of need.  Please lend me your power and heat give me the strength that you possess.  Water from deepest ocean to smallest creek please guide me and give me the power to see.  Air all around giving life I ask of thee to fill my lungs and clear my mind.  Earth that grounds me and keeps me stable.  Guide me with your strength so that I may see the truth in front of me.”

Opening my eyes I prepare myself and hope strongly that Ethan is all that I’ll see in front of me and the demon will be gone.  “Ethan!”  I jump up and hug him not wanting to ever let him go.  His scent fills my lungs as I breathe him in, and his touch brings a tingling sensation from my head to my toes.  Ethan is all I see standing here in front of me with complete perfection.

“You are amazing, Lindsay.  You’re learning to use your elements well.” 

I can’t seem to stop smiling, “Yes, it feels so good to feel you again and touch you.  Oh how much I’ve missed you, and it has only been but a few days.”  Before either of us say anything more, he’s holding me tightly around the waist pulling me in and reaching down to kiss my lips.  His lips are soft and warm against mine feeling perfect and making my whole body instantly heat up with passion. 

He lifts me gently and lies me down on the bed placing me on my back with him hovering over me tugging at my shirt kissing my lips and neck and then kissing my belly as he pulls up my T-shirt to just under my breasts.  Having him hold and touch me again is all I want.  I instantly forget about Derrick, all I want is Ethan.  I can feel his aura intertwining within mine bringing us closer together than I’ve ever felt before.  I can feel his chest pressing against mine, our heartbeats in sync beating together as one.  All my worries have disappeared, and I know everything is going to be okay as long as I have Ethan. 

With the elements still with me all of my senses are heightened and just a brush of Ethan’s skin on mine gives me an intense feeling of desire.  Desire that begins to fade as he lifts up slightly leaving my lips and thoughts of Derrick enter my mind.  A feeling of guilt consumes me.  “Derrick’s helping me.”  I want him to know since he must know Derrick’s intentions if Avarie does and also since he obviously speaks with Avarie. 

“I know.  He’s wise and he has access to the book of spells that will help you build your strength to your full potential.  I just want you to understand, Lindsay, that whatever he may tell you about me it’s not true.  My intentions are good and so are the intentions of a lot of the others that are like me.  We all need you, Lindsay, to help us.”

“I know, Ethan.  I went and saw Avarie and she explained a lot to me.  I think I’m going to continue to visit her as much as I can because she has many simple spells that I would like to learn along the way.  She told me as well to continue to see Derrick, but we did a spell at her house that will keep me from becoming consumed in Derrick’s Angelic charm.”  That’s the only way I know how to describe my pull toward him.  “So I’m certain that when I go to see him I’m not going to get all love struck anymore.”

“Good.  I’m glad to hear that.  You need to protect yourself as much as possible because once word gets out that you exist there are going to be a lot of unhappy Fallen Angels.  There are many like Derrick that feel the same way he does.  Please remember, it doesn’t make them evil or bad it’s just how they see us.  I want you to be careful, Lindsay.  Derrick will protect you.  I’ve seen how he looks at you and his feelings for you are pure.  I’m certain he will not let anything happen to you. 
However I do want you to be prepared that when you see him you may still feel something.  I’ve seen you guys together and I don’t believe that it’s angelic charm that is making you feel that way around him.  Actually, I have a feeling you’re immune to our charms.  Your soul was put here to be around the Fallen Angels and I’m sure that since you were gifted with the ability of sight that you see past the outer charm that some Fallen Angels or should I say Demons may use to control their victims.” 

I sigh at the thought, “No Ethan, no way.  I love you; I know that the way I feel about you I could never feel for someone else.  Everything I’m doing is because I want to help you so that we can be together in peace.  I know my feelings for Derrick can’t be anything more than me being under his spell. 
I did tell Derrick, however, that I would meet him in the clearing in the forest.  Would you like to come with me?” 

He slowly shakes his head, “I don’t think that would be a good idea.  With the way that Derrick feels about me I’m afraid he will no longer want to help you if he knows you’re talking to me again.”

“Yeah.  You’re probably right.  He did ask that I stay away from you as long as he’s training me.  I better get going before he comes here looking for me.  Please stay close so that I can see you when I’m done.”

“All you have to do is think of me like you did this morning and I’ll be here.  I can feel you, Lindsay, and I’ll know when you want or need me.”  He gently leans in and kisses my forehead.  “I love you, and I want you to know that the feelings that I feel toward you I’ve never felt for anyone before.  You’re meant for me, Lindsay.”

“I love you too, Ethan.”  As soon as he leaves I put on my shoes and head toward the forest.  Without concentrating or trying, I walk straight to the path as if my subconscious led me here.  Derrick standing in the middle of the opening in the grass looks incredible.  The little bit of sun light streaming through the trees is catching his skin in the perfect light.  The feelings that I thought would be gone, the feelings that weren’t supposed to come back because of my spell of protection are suddenly creeping back up.  I can feel a warm sensation in my chest and a feeling of lust when I look into his eyes.  My mind is telling me no but my body is telling me different.  The feelings of lust are overwhelming when I see him.  Realizing I have not let the elements go yet I ask them for more help:

“Fire, Water, Air and Earth please give me the strength to overcome these feelings for Derrick so that I may concentrate on training so that I may reach my full potential.”

In response to my request the feeling of fire burns at my finger tips and the air rushes around me moving my hair slightly.  Then the sensation of water covering my body, I can feel droplets of water hovering on my skin.  When I get a tingle in my toes, I look down at my feet and see a green light coming from the ground and swirling up around me until it gets to my head and then disappears into my body.

With all the elements fully empowering me I look back at Derrick who at this point is now standing right in front of me only a foot away.  I now realize that no matter how much power I may have, I’m unable to cover up my true feelings.  Looking at Derrick in this state, knowing all the feelings I have are real, makes me realize that even though I love Ethan I love Derrick, too.  I’m going to need to face these feelings at some point but today
is not the day; I refuse to admit the possibility.  I don’t need another headache.