Fallen Desire (26 page)

“But he’s helping me,” I reply.

“He helps you because your powers will be of great use to him and his army.  Please remember, Lindsay that he isn’t bad, he’s just doing what he believes is right.  You see many of the Fallen around us have chosen the side of Lucifer themselves and it is not the demon that controls them.  Derrick is only trying to protect mankind from those demons which I whole-heartedly agree with.  They’ve gone around corrupting people and taking their souls, turning them into mindless beings with no feelings and no thought for people and life.  Killers, rapists, thieves and many more are mostly corrupted by demons.  You will not only save those who are worthy, but you will destroy the others.” 

Her word of destroying others rings through my mind.  “Wow, I didn’t know that.  I don’t think I could hurt anyone, demon or not.  I was more afraid of Ethan.  I definitely didn’t get the urge to kill him or harm him.” 

“It doesn’t work like that.  Ethan is one who deserves saving and you can feel that inside.  Even though on the outside you see this demon creature, you know deep down that’s not who he is.  He’s an angel and deserves to use his abilities to create miracles.”

“Miracles?
  Is that what angels do?”

“Well of course.  While the demons were leaving their evil marks on each human they touched, the angels had the ability to save people, cure them of their sickness, and bring them back from the verge of death.  They helped humans who normally wouldn’t be capable of it to create new life.  Even though they were cast down from heaven they chose to fall due to their loyalty and love for mankind.  They want humans to thrive and survive to show God that they have the capability to love.” She takes a drink of her coffee then continues.  “The angels that had fallen and sided with Lucifer did not realize he had been consumed with evil.  They just didn’t want to follow in the path of the Fallen who had chosen to dedicate themselves to serve the humans.  They were angry with God and what he had done to them, the last thing they wanted to do was to spend their time on earth eternally helping mankind.  Their loyalty to mankind was what caused them to be cast down from heaven in the first place but because they felt betrayed by God they ended up despising humans and siding with Lucifer.  They were already filled with hate you see and therefore it was easier for evil to come in and take over their souls.  Some saw the fall as an opportunity to prove God wrong while others were filled with hate and were consumed by the evil that was waiting for them.” 

This is a lot to take in.  “I understand but once I know how to help Ethan and kill the demon will I just know when I see others like him or whether they deserve redemption?  I guess I don’t really understand how all of this is going to work.”  I’m so confused; I hope there will be some clear sign of what to do and who to help. 

“I don’t know exactly how it works for you either.  I’m not sure if it’s something you’ll see within them or feel when they’re around but you do have the instinct to know the difference between those who are worthy of redemption and those who truly are filled with evil and not only choose to be but want it and love the feeling of having it consume them.” 

So the
how
will come to me as I go.  “Everything you’re telling me, really helps but at this point the real question is should I be letting Derrick help me?  I really have learned a lot in just one practice with him.  It’s amazing but at the same time after the elements left my body; I felt my whole body give out on me.  It was almost too much, I think.”  Using the elements took a lot out of me but I will do anything I can to help Ethan. 

“As long as you understand his purpose, I think that you’re safe with him.  He does care for you and will not let anything happen to you.  If he saw how it affected you, I know he will take more care next time you train.  I think that for now since he has the knowledge of your powers and the book to guide him, you are best off training with him.  I know your story, your history and your destiny but I don’t know how to help you control and use your powers.  Only the one with the book has the power to do that.  However I would love to teach you some simple spells that you can use to strengthen yourself and heal yourself,” she offers. 

I definitely need a spell to help me keep my strength, especially after how I felt last night.  “I would love to learn some spells.  I really appreciate all of your advice, and I think I know enough not to let Derrick’s ideas get in the way of my true purpose.  I do care for him as well; it’s just different with him though.  It’s like I feel myself being pulled to him sexually more than anything else.”  Feeling a little embarrassed by saying it I feel my cheeks starting to turn red but I want to get it out there in hopes she will know why I feel this way with Derrick.

“That’s because he’s an angel, Lindsay.  You can’t help the way you feel when you’re near him.  You probably feel like nothing else matters and all you can seem to focus on is him.  I’m guessing that when he isn’t around you, you don’t feel that way and probably don’t really think about him either.” 

She knows what she’s talking about.  “That’s true.  It’s only when he’s close that I feel my heartbeat rising and I’m only able to think of him.  It’s like the thought of Ethan almost goes away but I seem to be able to pull it back in and remind myself what I care about.  I think that a part of me cares for Derrick but only as a friend.  It’s just been difficult keeping the feelings under control.”  I want to tell her about my dream as well but it’s probably irrelevant since it was only a dream, and I really do want to get onto learning some more spells. 

“I can teach you a spell that will create an energy around you that will not allow Derrick’s angelic charm to take over your emotions and desires.  Please remember, though, it will only work if the reason you’re feeling the way you do is because he’s an Angel.  If your feelings for Derrick are real, then this spell won’t change anything for you.” 

I understand that but I know that my feelings for him aren’t like my feelings for Ethan.  “That would be great.  If you have time, I would love you to go over some of those spells with me,” I reply anxiously.

“Of course I have time.  Basically it’s just a matter of r
emembering the chants and all you need to do is put your full focus and energy into them and they should work.  I on the other hand have to use plants and herbs in my spells to enhance the magic.  You have magic inside you and you also have the help of the elements that are on your side to help you whenever you call upon them.”  She offers me a hand up, “Come with me, Lindsay; I’ll help you to cast a protective spell, but we must do it in the room that I’ve already cleansed.”  I follow Avarie to the green door down the hall that reminds me of the color of Avarie’s eyes, and as we pass through I notice a variety of plants and flowers surrounding us.  She grabs two lilies from a vase before reaching the door to her room.

“Before we enter, Lindsay, I would like you to come up with your own cleansing spell.  It will help rid you of any negativity you may be feeling.  I think it’s good for you to speak something from your heart,” she requests. 

Oh my goodness, I don’t know if I can do this.  “I’ve never come up with my own spell before.  I don’t know if I can do it right.” 

The sound of her laugh is musical and keeps me from panicking too much.  “There is no right or wrong way.  As long as you feel it and mean it the spell will do as you ask.  Just give it a try.” 

The thought that I might mess this up is still on my mind.  She’s right though.  I’m going to be working with the elements and casting spells so now would be a good time to practice one on my own.  “Okay.  But give me a second to gather my thoughts.”

“I have as much time as you need.”  Closing my eyes I imagined myself standing in the creek behind my house with the water washing over my feet feeling the cleansing of the fresh running water.  With a deep breath, I begin speaking from what is in my heart, in my soul: 

“Air, Water, Fire and Earth I call upon thee to give me the strength to clear away any negativity.  Air that is all around,
fill my chest and lungs with your joy and gentleness.  Water so clean and flowing free grant me your compassion and forgiveness so that I may be filled with only positivity.  Fire that burns so bright and warm guide me with courage.  Earth so stable and solid lend me your sincerity.  I ask of the elements to cleanse my body and soul of any evil that may guide me wrong.  Give me power of good and strength and wash away all that remains.”

My lungs fill with air and my body warms to the fire I imagine in my head and the breeze blows through my hair with the moistness of water at my fingertips.  I feel renewed and filled with love and joy.  I open my eyes and Avarie’s aura glows with lavender.  She smiles and gives a nod of approval as she opens the door to her mysterious room filled with magic.  It doesn’t look the same as the last time I saw it as a forest filled with life.  Now it’s just an empty room with nothing on the walls and no chairs.  The walls are different shades of green and violet just like Avarie’s aura and there aren’t any windows. Without the five lit candles in the room, it would be pitch black. 

“You know Lindsay; whenever you use the elements in a chant or spell you should always end with Blessed Be,” she advises. 

Without asking why or what it means I just did as she asked.  “Blessed be.”

“Good.  Now let’s get started.  I think for today we will just go over a protection spell.  We should only have to do it this one time and it will be with you from here on out.  That way the only desires or emotions you will feel toward Derrick will be your own.”

“That sounds good to me.  It will be a lot easier working with him when I’m not thinking about jumping his bones every time I see him.”  Avarie and I can’t help but laugh once I say it.

“I have some lilies that I’m going to burn before we get started.  They are best used for protection, and I think having their scent surrounding us will help with the spell even though I’m certain you don’t need any help creating magic.”

Watching her, she grabs the lilies and kneels on the floor placing them on a small square piece of wood and then out of nothing she manifests fire with her eyes closed, and the lilies start to burn.  She picks up the piece of wood with the burning lilies and moves it gently from my head to my toes and then back up again and then moves to the back of me and repeats moving the burning lilies from my head to my toes and back up.  Then she places the burning lilies back down on the ground a few feet in front of me.  “I need you to call the elements as Derrick had taught you,” she says. 

“I don’t remember the things he said though.”

“That’s okay.  Just call upon them using whatever words feel right to you.  You need their strength so that you may cast the spell of protection.  Even though you asked them to assist with the cleansing, you still need to call upon them so they are at full force flowing through you.” 

Taking in a deep breath and even though I feel nervous that I won’t be able to call them to me like I did in the forest I begin anyways.  Turning slightly to face east or at least I feel like it’s the direction of east I begin to call upon Air:
 

“Come to me Air, so fresh and so clean.  Grant me the power to proceed with my destiny and allow me the strength of protection and ability to bring magic to me.”

Turning west I call upon Water:

“Come to me Water, so flowing and free.  I ask your power to flow through me.  Guide me so that I may cast this spell of protection that I need.”

Facing south I begin to call upon Fire:

“Come to me Fire, so warm and so bright.  Light my path and give me the confidence, the courage to use this magic given to me.”

The feel of air through my fingertips and blowing through my hair is all around me, the water I can feel on my skin is leaving it damp and the fire burning inside of me fills me with its comforting heat.  I finally turn to the north and call upon Earth:

“Come to me Earth, so rich and moist.  I ask for your stability in casting this spell.”

I feel more solid and stable and confident with the element flowing through my body filling me with power.  “You may not have learned this yet but we will call upon Spirit as well.  I can assist with this if you would like?” 

“No that’s okay; I’m fine calling on Spirit.”  I say to her trying to be more confident.

“Spirit of lost souls and those that have found their way, I call upon all your strength to help me bring together all my powers.”

The feeling of Spirit is minimal and I’m not sure if I’ve called on it correctly.  Either way
Avarie doesn’t seem to notice.  “Good.  Now repeat the spell of protection after me, Lindsay, and imagine an invisible coating surrounding you and protecting you from those that can tamper with your thoughts and feelings:

“From earth below to sky above bring me your light and make my future days as bright.  Bring me with you an angelic shield as your mighty sword you wield to surround me and protect me from all harmful things.  Embrace me with your protective wings and my eyes shall see the protection that you grant to me.  With this power all around, I shall see things with a clearer sight and all I do will be of my own will.  By the power of Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit protect me now, protect me forever.  So mote it be!”