Fallen Angel of Mine (55 page)

I opened and closed my mouth several
times, but no words would come forth. I didn’t even realize I was
crying until a tear fell on my hand.

"All of your belongings are
in the garage. You can load up your car…I’m sure everything will
fit since there isn’t much. Your cell phone has been paid until
August. When you move to North Carolina for college, you will have
to get one on your own." His eyes bore into mine but I felt like I
was in the middle of a bad dream.

"But why? Why are you doing
this? What have I done to make you hate me so much?" I croaked. It
was a question that I had wanted to ask for a long time.

"January, I’m not the only
one that hates you. Your mother abhors your very existence." He
smiled then, enjoying my anguish.

"Why?" I choked
out.

"You mean you haven’t
figured that out yet? I thought a smart girl like you would be a
bit more perceptive. Haven’t you ever wondered why you were named
January? Shall I tell you? It’s your mother’s least favorite month
of the year. Cold, gray, usually nasty."

Memories from my childhood
suddenly flooded my mind. My father would egg me on to do things
that I now realized he knew would result in injuries. A slip down
some stairs, a misstep on a tree limb; he would often dare me to do
things that landed me in the emergency room with a broken
something-or-other. Then I heard the words…horrible words that I
knew he was thinking. How much he hated me…how he was glad I had
finally graduated because now his obligation to me was over…how he
couldn’t wait to see me out of there…how happy he was when I was
moved to the attic. He totally loved the fact that I was scared to
death.
Who is this man?
All these years I wondered about the treatment I
received from him but now I was questioning his
integrity.

"Come on January. How did
you not figure all this out? You’re so perceptive. You have to know
I am not your biological father. Lucky for you, your mother decided
to give birth to you instead of having an abortion. You see, your
very existence is the result of a rape." Again, he gave me that
smug smile.

His words, uttered with
sheer joy, sucked the air from my lungs. I dropped to my knees in
shock.
This can’t be true.
The fact that my mother was raped and I was the
product of that nasty deed wasn’t the worst thing I was
experiencing. It was the fact that the man before me, the man, who
for sixteen years I thought was my father, was enjoying delivering
this horrific news to me. His sadistic enjoyment of my pain was the
very thing that was crushing my heart.
How
can he act this way?

His thoughts assaulted my
mind. I had always been able to pick up bits and pieces of things
others were thinking, but now it was as if an information highway
had been opened between us and I could hear everything in his head.
It scared me because his thoughts were so vile and filled with
absolute hatred.
What have I done to him
to make him hate me so?
But wait…how could
I be
hearing his thoughts so
clearly?
I shook with fear. I had
experienced this from time to time, but
never
like this. It was
so…
explicit!

I fell back on my bottom
and dropped my head into my hands.
I have
to get out of here!
It was imperative that
I put some distance between this man and me. His thoughts were so
nasty and vicious they were making me tremble.

I slowly stood, still dizzy from his
words and stumbled to the garage. My paltry belongings were strewn
across the floor, making it obvious to me he hadn’t cared if he had
broken anything in the process. One by one, I placed everything
into my car. It was pitiful that everything I owned fit into the
trunk and back seat of a Toyota Corolla.

The car cranked on and I backed out of
the driveway and away from the only home I had ever known. I made
it as far as the parking space of a nearby church. My tears were
blurring my vision, making it impossible for me to
drive.

I dropped my head to the
steering wheel and cried.
Where can I
go?
What will I do?
I had to work in the morning. Could I stay here and sleep in
my car? What would I do for a shower? I didn’t have many close
friends. My parents always discouraged any of my friendships and
the few times I had spent the night out, I was never asked back.
I’m positive now it was because I never reciprocated. I was never
allowed to.

This sheer helplessness was
overwhelming. As I sat there, I began to think about my ability to
hear my father’s thoughts. It was frightening because I had
literally been reading his mind. Was it because he hated me so? Was
it a temporary thing? Or would it plague me forever?
What is wrong with me?
I
was a freak…I had always felt I was different but now I knew for
sure. Maybe that’s why they hated me so much. Maybe they had known
about this aberration all along…maybe that’s why they had deposited
me in the attic, segregating me from little Tommy and Sarah. They
didn’t want me to infect them with whatever it was that possessed
me. Maybe I
was
possessed…maybe the devil had invaded me. I didn’t feel evil.
It was all so confusing. My head was throbbing.

I must have slipped into a light sleep
because I awakened to someone tapping on my window. Whoever it was
had one of those LED flashlights and he was shining it in my eyes,
blinding me. My spirits briefly rose when I thought that perhaps it
was my dad, coming to take me home.

I shifted my head so the beam from the
light would not be directly in my eyes and realized there was a
police officer standing next to my car.

"Miss, roll your window
down please," he ordered.

I immediately complied.
"Yes, officer."

The police always made me nervous and
on top of my earlier episode, I found myself trembling. My heart
was hammering in my chest, threatening to explode. I dragged my
fisted hands across my eyes and face in a futile attempt to wipe
away the mascara that I was sure had streaked down my
cheeks.

"Miss, what are you doing
here?"

"Um, nothing sir. I was
just sitting."

"May I see your driver’s
license and registration?"

I fumbled around a bit before my hands
landed on the required items.

"According to this, you
live right around the corner from here. Is there any reason in
particular why you’re parked here?"

"No officer."

"I’m going to have to ask
you to step out of the car."

I did as he asked.

"Miss, have you been
drinking?"

"No sir. I don’t drink." I
dropped my head and stared at my twisting fingers.

"Hmm." He cocked his head
to the side, inspecting me. I was assaulted by his thoughts and I
immediately responded by taking a step back.

"She doesn’t seem to be
intoxicated but it is graduation night and there’s been a lot of
drinking going on. Why else would she be parked two blocks from her
house? She must be afraid to go home."

Without thinking, I
responded, "Sir, I swear to you I’ve not been drinking. I don’t
drink… I promise. I’m a good girl. I really am." The stress of the
entire evening, along with his presence overwhelmed me and I
suddenly found myself sobbing.

"I think it’s best if you
allow me to drive you home."

"No…no, please. Officer, I
promise I’ll go straight home. Please don’t drive me there." I
couldn’t bear the thought of the humiliation of having to tell him
the truth.

"Miss, you’ve just turned
sixteen. That’s much too young to be sitting out here alone at this
hour. It isn’t safe for you to be out here like this. Now tell me
the truth. Why are you here?"

After I could control myself enough to
speak I decided to tell him the whole ugly story. There was no
reason to belabor this any longer, as he was not going to leave me
sitting there. I had nowhere to go. I felt like he had left me with
no other choice.

"I can’t go home because my
father—well he isn’t my father but I didn’t find that out until
tonight—he’s kicked me out of the house."

"Why? What did you
do?"

I bristled with anger as I
wiped the tears from my face. "I didn’t do anything except be the
unfortunate offspring of my mother’s rape." The more I thought
about this, the more it angered me.

"Excuse me?"

"Yep, you heard correctly.
My so-called father informed me tonight that my mother was raped
and I happened to be the result of that. And then he kicked me out
of the house. He said his obligation to me was over now that I had
graduated from high school. Honestly, I believe he enjoyed saying
those things to me."

"Miss, are you sure you’re
not making this up?" His cynical tone indicated his
disbelief.

I sighed as I dropped my head and
stared at the pavement. How embarrassing to have to tell some
stranger that your family doesn’t want you to live with them
anymore. To make matters worse, that stranger now thought I was
making it all up. I drew in a quivering breath.

"No, I swear officer. I
wish I were though. I came home from my graduation tonight. I’d
searched for my family after the commencement but couldn’t find
them." I paused because I flashed back to earlier in the day.
Initially, I didn’t even realize I had started speaking aloud.
"When I woke up this morning, I thought this would be the greatest
day of my life. My whole life…" I had to pause and swallow the
gigantic lump that had lodged in my throat. "My whole life was
spent trying to get my father to notice me…to get him to say one
word of encouragement…have him tell me he was proud of me…anything.
I never heard him utter anything positive to me. So today when I
woke up I thought that this would be it. I was graduating today and
giving the valedictory speech. They never even showed up. My mom
didn’t even come. She took my little brother and sister to
Carowinds to spend the night there. I’m only sixteen, I graduated
two years early and I was the valedictorian. And they didn’t even
come to my graduation."

I was silent for a few
moments, trying to regain my composure as my lower lip quivered.
Then I lifted my eyes and asked, "Why in the world would anyone do
that to her child?" It was a rhetorical question, but he answered
me anyway.

"Miss, I don’t have an
answer for you." Then he did the oddest thing. He opened his arms
to me but I backed away. Never in my entire life had anyone done
that. My mother never held me…not to comfort me when I was scared
or sick or even to show love. My father certainly never did. I was
so unused to affection that I didn’t quite know how to
respond.

"I’m sorry Miss; I didn’t
mean to offend you." He sort of shuffled his feet. I realized my
reaction had made him uncomfortable.

"It’s okay…I’ve never…I
mean, well never mind and you didn’t offend me," I sniffled. I
looked at him for the first time—I mean really looked at him. He
had sandy brown hair and a kind face with soft hazel eyes. He was
tall, maybe six feet or so and a bit on the heavy side. My guess
would be that he was in his mid-thirties.

"Where will you go
tonight?"

"I was planning on staying
here in the parking lot until you blew my plans." I made a poor
attempt at giving him a lopsided grin. For some reason I felt
really sad that I had made him feel awkward when he was only trying
to comfort me.

"Look, let me make a quick
phone call." Before I could respond he was on his cell phone and
seconds later he was speaking with someone. When he ended the
conversation, he turned to me and said, "Follow me in your car.
You’re going to stay with my wife and me tonight. I know it sounds
weird and all, but I wouldn’t feel right leaving you out here by
yourself."

"Oh, I don’t think…oh no
sir, I can’t do that. I don’t even know you or your wife. Please
sir, can you just pretend you never came here…that you never saw me
here? Please?" I was most uncomfortable with this. I prayed he
would just leave me be.

"Look Ms. St.
Davis…"

I interrupted him, "It’s
January…please call me January."

"Okay then, January. Look,
if I leave you out here I’m going to feel miserable. But, that’s
nothing compared to what I’ll feel when I go home and you’re not
with me. My wife would kill me and you don’t know what it’s like
being around her when she’s mad at me." He gave me a wink then and
I couldn’t help but give him a watery smile.

"That’s awfully kind of you
sir, but I don’t even know your name. I’m not comfortable with any
of this."

"Well, I’m Seth and my wife
is Lynn…Campbell. And if you don’t follow me, I’ll just have to
handcuff you and drive you over in my cruiser here," he said with
another playful wink.

He made it impossible for me to refuse
so I followed him for a couple of miles until we pulled into a
driveway in a neighborhood that I wasn’t familiar with. The light
over the porch was on and the door opened to a slightly heavy woman
in a bathrobe. She had long brown hair and huge brown eyes. Her
friendly smile eased my trepidation about staying with these
strangers.