Fallen Angel of Mine (54 page)

Looking for a place to sit,
I wandered. My little brother and sister, Tommy and Sarah, were up
by a tree, so I stumbled toward them.
Oh,
thank God! They can help me.
Right as I
was about to reach them, the ground came up to meet my
face…

Chapter 1

Three Years Ago

The incessant chirping of those pesky
birds awakened me. They loved to perch on the huge tree right
outside of my bedroom window. Sometimes I wished I had a BB gun to
silence them. I loved animals, I honestly did. However, at 5:30
a.m., the only thing I wanted to do was sleep. Those tiny peeping
creatures with ten thousand decibel chirps were doing their dead
level best to prevent that. It was blissful to imagine a chirp-free
morning though…where I could wake up to my alarm instead. I flung
my pillow at the window hoping to scare them. It didn’t
work.

I rubbed my eyes as I sat
up in bed and realization dawned on me. Today was
the
day. It was
graduation day at last and I would be giving my valedictory speech!
My dreams had come true and all of my hard work paid off. I was
graduating first in my class! My heart started banging in my
chest.
Oh no!
I
could feel my palms getting sweaty. I rubbed my hands across my
quilt and took a deep breath to calm myself. My nerves roared at me
as the thought of public speaking made me quake.

Focus on the positives, January.
That’s it…at least pretend you’re excited. Maybe you can redirect
that anxiety into something good.

Well, I was looking forward
to
one
thing.
Perhaps
he
would
finally
notice me. No matter what I did, how hard I worked or what I
accomplished, I never received any acknowledgement from my father.
Nothing…nada. Maybe today would be different. This is what I had so
diligently focused on over the years. A single nod or maybe a brief
congratulatory comment…anything at all would make me ecstatic. I
know it’s a stretch, but maybe, just maybe he would tell me how
proud of me he was.

I threw back the covers and clambered
out of bed, slamming into the wall in the process. After a few
minutes of hopping around while nursing my wound, the pain in my
baby toe subsided so I hobbled down to the bathroom.

My bedroom was in the attic…a place I
had been relegated to when I was four years old. I would never
forget the first night I spent up there. My terror had paralyzed me
and my parents wouldn’t allow me to come back downstairs. I sat
awake, jerking at even the tiniest of creaks, shivering and praying
the monsters under my bed wouldn’t snatch me up and carry me
away.

When morning finally arrived, I bolted
down the stairs and begged my mom not to make me ever go back up
there. No such luck. That night I was back up there again,
trembling and scared to death. Sleep eluded me for a long time. I
got into tons of trouble at school that week because I kept falling
asleep at my desk, on the playground, or anywhere I could. I was so
sleepy my eyelids weighed a ton. I was only in preschool, but
napping was not allowed except during the rest periods.

Every day I was sent home with a note
explaining to my parents that I had a complete disregard for the
rules. As a result, I was punished again and sent to up my
monster-filled torture chamber without dinner. I often wondered why
they hated me so. What did I do to deserve such horrible treatment?
It would be something I would continually ponder through the
years.

I took a quick shower and when I say
quick, I mean light-speed. My showers were restricted to two
minutes and if they lasted longer than that, my next one had to be
taken in ice-cold water. I’m not quite sure why my parents insisted
on this, but they did. It only took me once to get the two-minute
shower thing down pat. Turn the water on, hop in, lather up then
rinse. I was, if anything, very efficient in that
regard.

Next, I quickly brushed my teeth. For
some odd reason I felt different today. When I glanced into the
mirror, the reflection looking back was still the same old me…stick
straight white hair and weird looking pale ice-blue eyes.
Admittedly, I was a bit freakish. I knew in my heart my father
thought so. I could tell by the distasteful looks he threw at me,
not to mention the thoughts I could hear as they shouted to me from
his mind. That was an anomaly I never discussed with anyone.
Besides, I never felt like I fit in with the rest of the
kids.

Quit feeling sorry for yourself. This
is your big day so stick a smile on your face and enjoy
it.

I darted back up the stairs
to my own tiny world and picked out my clothing for the day. I
decided on my blue dress since it was the best one I had. It was a
plain shift that ended above my knees. It had capped sleeves that
made my arms looked scrawnier than they truly were. Thankfully, my
gown would hide them. I grabbed my strappy black sandals and threw
them into the bag that contained all my graduation
paraphernalia—cap, tassel, sashes, etc. I lifted my eyes to the
ceiling and was bathed in memories of the years gone by. I would be
leaving this room when summer neared its end. I had grown to love
this little haven of mine. I often mused that I was the complete
opposite of Harry Potter. Instead of "the boy beneath the stairs,"
I was the girl up in the rafters.

My attic bedroom was
miniscule. It had those stairs that folded up and closed, acting as
the door as well. On one wall it had one teeny round window that
was up at the peak so I really couldn’t look out of it. My parents
had never finished it off so it was bare-bones—rafters and
insulation only. I had a small chest of drawers, a twin bed, a
clothing rack and a mirror. My bed doubled as my desk. I used a
piece of plywood for it that I stored beneath the bed. I never
invited any friends to spend the night because I was embarrassed
about my room…no pretty wall colors, no flowery comforter, or
anything to give it that homey appearance.
Be honest with yourself January, Mom wouldn’t have let you
invite anyone over anyway!

It was puzzling to me why they had put
me in the attic in the first place. I was the only child until I
was eight. Then my mom had my little brother Tommy and two years
after that, Sarah was born. We had three bedrooms so initially two
of them were empty. Then one went to Tommy and the other went to
Sarah. I told my mom over and over that I wouldn’t mind sharing the
room with Sarah, but she always ignored me.

I quickly finished getting
dressed…everything I did was accomplished in record speed with good
reason. It was the best way for me to avoid the criticism my
parents like to dole out. I gathered everything I would need for
the day because I would not get a chance to come home before the
actual ceremony. I was on the set-up and decorating committee and
was needed before and after rehearsal since I was the
valedictorian. That meant I had to take my dress, cap, gown,
sashes, adornments and shoes with me this morning.

With my arms full, I carefully
navigated the narrow stairs, and dumped everything into my car.
Then I went back inside and put the coffee on. I ate a bowl of
Frosted Flakes, filled up my go-cup with coffee and headed out the
door.

When I got to my car I
looked at my watch and started laughing. It was only 6:30 am and I
didn’t need to be at the auditorium for another hour. I glanced at
the passenger seat and the tickets for graduation caught my
eye.
Oops!
I
nearly forgot to leave them at home. I went back inside and wrote a
quick note to my parents.

Good Morning Everyone!

Well, today is
the
day. I am so excited
I can hardly stand it. Sorry I had to take off before you all woke
up but since I am on all those committees, I needed to get there
early. I also need to practice my speech. Wish me luck on
that!

Here are the tickets…you must have
them or they won’t let you in. Make sure you arrive early if you
want a seat. I’ll look for you in the parking lot afterward…that’s
where everyone will congregate for pictures.

Can’t wait to see you!

Love,

January

I jumped in my car and headed down the
street. Watching the sunrise at the neighborhood park beckoned to
me. If I didn’t hurry, I would miss it. Early morning was always my
favorite time of day. It must have stemmed from when I was little
and scared of the dark. The sky quickly lightened from grey to
light blue and the huge orange sphere inched up in the sky at last,
casting everything in its warm glow. Morning had broken, so I
headed over to the auditorium.

The day flew by since there
was so much to do but seven o’clock in the evening arrived entirely
too fast. We all lined up for the processional into the auditorium.
I looked around trying to spot my family, but didn’t have any
luck.
I wonder where they’re
sitting?

When I heard the MC say,
"I’d like to present our valedictorian for this year, Ms. January
St. Davis," I found myself making my way to the podium. With sweaty
palms and trembling hands, I held the pages of my speech. I had
practiced it over and over and knew it by heart, but I was nervous
nonetheless. This was the first time I would be speaking to a group
this large and it was a bit daunting, given the fact that I was
only sixteen years old—I had skipped two grades and was graduating
earlier than usual.
Relax January. Pretend
you are all alone. Take a deep breath.

And so I began. Initially,
my voice shook and all the saliva in my mouth seemed to have
evaporated.
Water! I need water!
My mouth felt like I had swallowed a huge gulp of
sawdust. Just when I thought I was a hopeless failure, a miracle
happened. Everything fell into place and my speech went off as
smoothly as I hoped. It must have struck a chord because as I
looked across the room, everyone was standing and applauding and I
noticed several people were wiping their eyes. I was shocked
because I never imagined I’d receive a standing ovation! I felt a
huge grin spread across my face.
Where are
Mom and Dad?

We marched across the stage to
individually receive our diplomas, and then we were all filing
outside and throwing our caps into the air. When we finished,
everyone tore off in different directions to find their
families.

I scanned the crowd but
soon realized my family was nowhere to be found. I puzzled over
this because I knew I had left the tickets on the kitchen
counter.
I bet they left early to avoid
the crowds.

I snuck away from everyone
and drove home as fast as I could without speeding. When I pulled
in the driveway, I noticed my mom’s car was missing. I ran in the
house anyway, yelling out in excitement, "Did you hear it? Did you
hear my speech?"

No one was in the kitchen so I tore
into the den to find only my father there, sitting on his recliner
watching TV.

"Well?" I asked my voice
laced with excitement. "Did you hear my speech? Can you believe I
got a standing ovation?"

"I wouldn’t know…I wasn’t
there," he responded in an emotionless tone.

"W-w-what?" I stammered.
"Where’s Mom? Did she see it?"

"She’s not here and no she
didn’t."

"What do you mean? Is she
okay? Are Tommy and Sarah okay?" My stomach gave a sick twist as I
thought that something happened.

"Everyone’s okay. Your
mother took them to Charlotte to Carowinds and they are spending
the night."

"Wait. You mean she didn’t
come to my graduation?"

I felt like someone had just nailed me
in the gut with a full fisted punch. Every bit of oxygen had been
sucked out of the room.

"No, she didn’t go," he
mumbled, sounding as if he didn’t have the time or energy to speak
to me.

He never took his eyes off the TV. I
turned away and started making my way to the crummy staircase that
would take me up to my crummy little room when his voice stopped
me. I was having difficulty processing this news.

"There’s no need to go up
there."

"Well, I need to change out
of this," I murmured, motioning to my gown.

"Your stuff isn’t up there
anymore. I took the liberty of moving it into the
garage."

"The garage? But why?" I
was puzzled by his comment. I was also feeling the first stirrings
of alarm.

"Because as of this moment,
you no longer live here."

"I’m sorry, what did you
say?"

"You heard me…you don’t
live here anymore," he said with a satisfied smugness.

"I’m not sure what you
mean."

"Come on January! I thought
you were a smart girl! After all, you graduated first in your
class. What about, ‘You don’t live here anymore,’ do you not
understand?" He asked me in such a nasty manner I was
speechless.

My mouth had turned into a
big O and I couldn’t respond for a moment. "But what am I supposed
to do? Where am I supposed to go?" I stammered.

"That’s not my
problem."