Fallen Angel (12 page)

“Nothing much,” I mumble and hurry to find something super important to focus on. Which becomes suddenly impossible when I notice him following me.

“Was starting to think you’d gone into hiding or something after the last time I saw you.” Ah ha! So he
is
freaking out a little. Well, that’s something.

Meanwhile, I’ve got no good answer. I have been hiding from him. “Yeah. I’ve been keeping pretty busy checking out the local music scene. Was at the Bistro last night listening to some killer new stuff.”

Angel’s face goes from smiling uncomfortably to slightly offended, but I’m pretty sure he’s messing with me. “So, wait a minute. You can drag me to every store in the state to look at sofas but you can’t take me to go check out some music?”

“I guess I figured you get plenty of music exposure, plus I hit way more bars than I’ve hit furniture stores. What can I say? I’m a music whore.” I emphasize the word whore. I don’t know why. Maybe I want him to think I’m sleeping with every drummer who crosses my path. Maybe that would make this less awkward somehow. Because I don’t feel like myself around him anymore. I feel like I’m eleven again and I’ve got the flirting skills as such when I’m standing face to face with him. It’s pathetic.

But he just shakes his head. “I’m pretty sure the term whore doesn’t apply to you, even regarding music. Meanwhile, the next time you get the lo-down on some good live music, don’t hold out on a guy.”

Oh my God.
I know he didn’t actually just ask me out, but damn, my little eleven year old brain is jumping up and down like maybe he did suggest we go on a date. Only he didn’t. But he
did
say he wanted to go listen to music. With me. Which really means nothing. Except somehow, it means everything. Because Angel doesn’t mix relationships with sex. And we’ve had sex. So maintaining our relationship, whatever it is, shouldn’t be a part of the equation.

“Well, if you’re really interested, this kid Dex I know mentioned that this chick Nina Nu is playing down at Rusty’s tonight. She’s supposed to have a kickass voice. I’ve actually been wanting to check her out for a while, but I keep missing her.” I’m not stupid. I know Rusty’s is like a second home to him. It’s where Finding Nolan first got their big break and it’s my best shot at getting an evening of his undivided attention. Well, depending on how kickass this Nina Nu really is, I guess.

“Rusty’s? Hell yeah. Count me in for some Nina Nu.”

I’m pretty sure I’m about to faint and then Derek’s voice slaps me back into consciousness. “I’m in, too. I could use a fucking night out.”

I want to tell him that he could use a fucking cheese burger and a blood transfusion based on his bony little arms and pale as fuck skin, but I don’t. “Awesome. The more the merrier.” I have to clear my throat to keep from choking on that last bit. I knew it’d been too good to be true the second I heard Angel say ‘hell yeah’.

***

I
don’t know why, but I’m suddenly pissed at Derek. Maybe it’s just because he’s back to staying at my house since last Friday and I feel like I’ve spent every waking minute with him since then so I need a fucking breather. Actually, that’s probably not it, but I’m going to go with that one anyway.

“Cool. We should ask the others. Make it a family night.” Which is what I should have suggested in the first place. I don’t know what I was even thinking considering spending an evening with Bam Bam. In a bar. Alone. That shit has bad news written all over it. And yet, that’s precisely what I was angling for when I mentioned wanting to check out some new music with her. I’ve missed her. Worse. I can’t stop thinking about the last time I saw her. And I should stop thinking about it. Fuck. I should erase it from my mind all together and pray that she does the same. But I don’t. I fucking can’t.

“Family night. Definitely.” Her expression doesn’t exactly match her words, although it goes perfectly with the sarcastic tone. “Can’t get enough of those around here.”

I laugh. Then she laughs, too and that same puking sensation I had in my gut when she first walked in here this morning comes back with a vengeance. It’s the same way I feel every time I’m about to step out on stage. The feeling I get from having to face thousands of people. I’ve never once experienced it from just facing one. Until now.

Automatically, I search the room for the back of Royce’s head. It’s a weird instinct, but not surprisingly, it works in settling my nerves same as it does during a show.

Still avoiding eye contact, I keep talking to her. “I guess you’re still spending a lot of time with Ava and Blaise, huh?”

“Actually, checking out new bands from time to time was kinda my only chance to get away from them. So, you know, thanks for blocking that escape route for the near future.”

Out of the corner of my eye I see the side of her mouth etch up into a half smirk. It’s almost strange how much she’s like Ava. And even stranger how much she’s not. Because Ava has for damn sure never made me feel this way.

“Sorry, Bam Bam.”

“No worries. Just don’t expect me to share the scoop with you again anytime soon. I know I said I was a music whore, but shit. Turn my secret music tip into an orgy why don’t you?!”

And I want to puke again. Because for the first time in my adult life, the word orgy doesn’t bring a single dirty thought to mind.

“W
hat’s with the camera?” I nod at the giant lens attached to Hudson’s Cannon. Then I think how dirty that sounded in my mind.

“I’m a photographer.” No shit.

“Yeah. I got that. I just thought your gig shooting the band was over with. Why are you carting that thing around on our night out?”

I kinda hate having my picture taken and I’m already getting my fill of it these days every time I step out the front door thanks to my new hand-me-down celebrity status. Not that I expect to be at the receiving end of his shutter a whole lot. I’m just not looking to photobomb any shots of Ava and Blaise, or anyone else for that matter.

“The gig
is
over. But, I’m
still
a photographer. So...you know, I kinda
like
to take pictures.” Hudson’s a jackass. And, I kinda think I might love him.

“Well, just try not to point that thing at me, k?”

“Camera shy? I could help you get over that, you know?” And he’s apparently going to work on it right away. In ten seconds I’ve heard the click of his shutter four times already.

“Would. You. Stop. That?!” I’m dancing my way down the hall trying to escape the Hudsonrazzi but it’s pointless. He keeps his finger on the trigger all the way out to the front door where Royce, Blaise and Ava are already huddled together and waiting in the foyer.

“What were you doing in there? I thought you went in to grab a jacket. That’s not even the shirt you were wearing when you walked away.” Ava’s crinkled brow reminds me of an expression our mother likes to resort to in times of disgust over an empty wine carton. I’m tempted to vocalize this thought, but I don’t.

“I was wearing a dress last time you saw me. So, really glad I changed since it made such an impression.” I feel my eyes bug out dramatically and immediately regret it when I hear Hudson’s camera go off again. There’s a face no one needed to capture. “Also, I would have gotten done way sooner if I hadn’t been followed. Royce. Time to put a leash on your man-bride. He’s making me crazy with the constant clicking of his camera.”

There’s a general rumble of man chuckles around the room and I realize no one gives a shit about my problem. Not even Ava who is already distracted and moving on to other things, like herding us all out into the driveway in a neatly formed line.

Since this has turned into a full-blown family outing, my sister arranged for a car to drive us out to Rusty’s and I’m pleasantly surprised when I climb into the limo and find that Derek and Angel are already inside, along with Francis, Ava’s assistant.

Then, the pleasant surprise wears off when I realize most of the seats are still empty and I have to pick one. Of course I want the one right next to Angel, but that would be too damn obvious. So, I should pick the one at the opposite end of the car. Only I have no desire to sit that far away from him, especially considering this is my first evening officially hanging out with him since the afternoon which is not to be mentioned.

“Just go sit next to him.” Hudson’s deep voice softly reaches my ear from behind. “You know you want to. Plus, Royce and I can sit right next to you. It will fit perfectly and I’ll even pretend I wanted you to sit with me. No one will even notice.”

I bite my lip to keep from smiling. Maybe I’ll be able to get over the camera thing faster than I thought. And, I definitely
do
love him.

“Hey, guys.” I casually nod at the three already seated. Derek and Francis are directly across from Angel and I when I take my seat.

“Addy! What’s up, girl? I haven’t seen your pretty little face around since...you know.” She means the day after Angel got arrested. “Where you been hiding?” Francis leans forward to give me a hug. She’s a hugger. Which is an odd contradiction to the rest of her abrasive personality, but I dig it.

“I’ve been around.” I can literally feel myself shrinking out of sight. I hate that Angel has this effect on me. Small and invisible. The last thing I want to be when I’m around him, and yet, all of my self-confidence fades to nothingness these days as soon as I see him.

“I guess! Angel was just telling me that you’re working with Brett now. That’s gotta be a sweet gig.” She’s the first person who seems genuinely excited for me. But then, she’s also the only one here who doesn’t know about my childhood crush. Well, her and Derek. I don’t think he knows either.

“Yeah. I’m pretty stoked. Producing music has been my dream forever.” I can feel several disbelieving sets of eyes on me as I say this. And one pair of curious ones peering down over the muscular shoulder almost touching mine on my left. Angel.

“I didn’t know you’ve always had a thing for music.” He bumps his shoulder into mine and I about die. I’m such an idiot.

“Yeah. Hard not to, growing up with all of you.” I’m so freaking torn about what to say next. I’ve spent the last few years talking music to anyone who stood still in my presence long enough to listen. But those people didn’t know or care that I spent every evening as a kid ‘borrowing’ Finding Nolan’s instruments while I taught myself to play. These people sitting here with me in this limo, they would definitely care. What with them being Finding Nolan and the instruments in question being theirs and all.

So, with no way to share what I know without blowing my secret, I say nothing at all.

“Well, I hope your musical education didn’t end there,” Angel laughs. “Damn. Dude, you listen to any of our early stuff recently?” He’s talking to Derek, who starts chuckling as well. “Man, we were bad.”

“No shit, bro. I was in the car the other day when our first single came on. I reached over and changed the station in like half a second.” Derek actually slaps his knee he’s so amused. It’s the most alive I’ve seen him since I’ve been staying with Ava and Blaise. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he was dying, but maybe he’s just going insane what with his marriage being on the verge of being blasted to pieces and all. Hell, maybe it already happened. The man hardly looks like the boy I knew anymore.

“You know, now that you assholes mention it, it really isn’t any wonder Addy moved on to boy bands after listening to you guys for years.” Damn. Ava never misses an opportunity to bring up the boy band era.

“Listen. I wasn’t
really
into boy bands. It just seemed like the easiest way to try and fit in a little. Being the twin freak with the drunk mom and famous sister wasn’t always a walk in the park during high school.” That sounded more pathetic than I meant it to. “I’m just saying, being slightly more mainstream seemed favorable.”

“I get what you’re saying.” Angel nods, catching everyone else’s gaze as he lets his eyes travel around the limo. “We all do. Sometimes you just need to be a little more like everyone else to stay sane.”

“Yeah.” My voice is way too quiet for him to actually hear it, but he nods again like he understood anyway.

“Check it out. Rusty got himself a new sign.” Blaise cuts through our moment in his usual elephant in a china store way. How Ava deals with him on the daily is beyond me. Although I guess he’s different with her. It’s like she’s his entire world. I’m sure he never misses one of her
moments
.

“Snazzy.” Only Royce would use a word like that and make it work.

Doesn’t take long and we’re all being funneled into the bar through the back door. From there, Rusty’s head of security leads us straight to the VIP section upstairs. It’s an open loft with a killer view of the stage. Not to mention, the sound travels beautifully along the high ceilings.

Rusty’s already up there, ready to greet everyone with open arms. It takes a while before it’s my turn to say hi, and since I’m the only one he’s never met, Ava sticks around to make the introduction.

“Rusty, this is my baby sister, Addison. We’re breaking her into the business and figured this was the perfect place to start!” I can’t help but notice how coming here was suddenly no longer
my
idea.

“Addison. Good to meet you, darlin’.” He reaches out and gives me a hug and I totally get why Ava’s always talked about him the way she has. He definitely has a dad vibe about him. Not that I would know exactly what that might feel like, but in all the years I’ve imagined what it might be like to see my dad and have him embrace me, this is as close as I’ve ever gotten to the real deal. It’s nice.

“Nice to meet you, too. Ava’s always talked about you. It’s great to finally see you in person.”

He gives my arm a little squeeze and smiles warmly. I can’t help but wonder how much he knows about Ava and I and our family history. Considering his family has lived around these parts forever and he’s known the band since they first started, it’s probably quite a bit.

“Well, I’m going to leave you all to it. The bar is fully stocked with all the usual things. I expect you all to make yourselves at home and I’ll send Chels up to check on you kids.” He waves and leans in to kiss Ava on the cheek before he walks toward the stairs and disappears.