Fallacy (Apprehensive Duet Book 1) (31 page)

“Don’t you dare go getting all high and mighty on me right now. You’re one to talk about caring after all these years. I’ve stood by you through the absolute worst time of your life. I took your shit month after month. Making sure you ate and didn’t suffocate under your misery, and when push comes to shove, you don’t have my back?” I yell at her, standing from my chair getting in her face as she did to me. It feels good to finally get this off my chest.

A look of surprise colors her face before it morphs to sadness. “Is that what you think? I don’t have your back?”

Is she kidding me? “Yes, that’s how I feel. You flat out told me you weren’t going to support me. I asked you to try and get to know Jordan, but you’re too busy buddying up with Alex’s girlfriend. It’s like you don’t want to even try, but you can try with her. It's pretty fucking insulting.”

“That’s not true. I only have what you’ve told me to go off of, and for months, you had nothing good to say about the man. You didn’t like him, so I didn’t like him. I didn’t have a problem with him, but you did, so I did. I was following the best friend code, and then one day you’ve done a complete one-eighty and are marrying the man.

“You would do the same thing I’m doing to you if the roles were reversed. You have before. And because you pushed Tanner so hard in my face, I’m the happiest person in the world. So I’m sorry I want that for you too. I don’t want you to make a mistake. And you, my lovely friend, are making a mistake,” she says as she sits down in the chair in front of my desk. Her body deflates, and she sighs. Almost like a weight has been lifted off her as well.

“I’m not making a mistake, and I need you to trust me,” I say, returning to my own chair feeling very worn out.

“Maybe if you told me the real reason why you’re doing this, I’d understand better. I just don't get it,” she whispers softly, brushing a tear from her eye.

I give myself a minute to consider telling Ashley again. My mind’s made up relatively quickly. I can’t tell her. I don’t have the time to deal with her emotional reaction to it all. Managing my own emotions is brutal enough. There’s already so much on my plate. I’ll just give a different truth.

“Ashley, you need to trust me. This isn’t a mistake. It’s a means to an end. I’ve never had intentions of marrying anyone. I get that you found your one and I’m happy for you. I truly am. But that doesn’t exist for everyone. You got lucky. My life has always been about my career. Marrying Jordan is the only way to get my father out of my life. We both know what we’re getting ourselves into.”

Ashley’s the only person who insists on a reason for marrying him. Everyone else thinks it’s a love story, except Blair who understands the arrangement.

“But why? Last I had heard before the engagement announcement was you didn’t even like him,” she asks, a look of confusion crossing her face as she leans forward in her chair. So she did see the announcement and still didn’t call.

“Actually, I do like Jordan. Once I stopped biting his head off every chance I got and actually heard his side of the story, things changed a little. He’s become my friend. We’ve gotten pretty close over the last few months, and I genuinely like the guy,” I tell her, crossing my arms over my chest. But more for protection than anger. I realize it’s the first time I’ve actually admitted out loud I like my fiancé.

“Your friend? I’m your friend. Tanner is your friend. Alex was your friend. This Jordan isn’t your friend.” Low blow bringing Alex up. Guess she’s not feeling calm anymore because she’s up out of her chair again. “And his side of the story? What the hell does that mean? What does he get out of this?” she snaps.

“Jordan’s dad has stage three pancreatic cancer. He doesn’t have much time left. And Jordan wants his father to go thinking he’s found a family. Family is the most important thing in their house. He wasn’t raised by fuck-ups, like us. They actually love one another and want to see him happy. I can help him give his dad that…”

“I’m sorry his father is dying, but it’s hardly a reason to marry him, Quinn,” she interrupts.

“It’s not the only reason I’m doing this,” I sigh. “Jordan’s a good person who wants to make his father proud before he passes. He’s twenty-nine years old and enjoying life. He was doing his thing before he settles down. He’s not really ready for settling down. Time isn’t on his side right now. His parents’ opinion means something to him, and he has a limited amount of time left to do what he feels he needs to.” I really need wine for this conversation. It's times like this I wish I had a mini bar in here.

“Well, then continue to be his damn friend. Don’t marry him. This is everything you’ve hated about the idea of marriage. This is what you always swore you wouldn’t have. This is why you don’t believe in commitment, but you’re doing it anyway. You know he’s not going to be devoted to you.” She comes to a stop in front of me and runs her fingers through her hair in frustration. Bet she wishes I had a minibar in here too.

I return her gaze with one of my own. My eyes hard. “My eyes are open, Ashley. I know what this is. I don’t have an illusion of living a perfect little life with my loving husband. I’m not picturing white picket fences and two point five kids. I know what I’m getting into, and that’s what makes this different than what I’ve been fighting against for the last fifteen years.”

”But you’re giving up your chance at happiness. What happens when you want to get married? What happens when Jordan meets the one he wants to spend his life with?”

Okay, I’ll give her that. Those are all valid questions. But questions I have answers to.

“For the millionth time, I don’t want to get married. I’ll never have what you have. As far as Jordan, when he meets the one, and he wants to explore it, he can. If he decides he wants to marry someone else, we get divorced.” Like millions of others do every day when their husbands find a replacement.

“You did have what Tanner and I have, but you threw it away for some reason no one knows,” she says shaking her head.

“I have my reasons. Not everything is always as it seems. Most guys are all the same deep down inside.” I’m not keen on admitting I let myself forget that for a while. I haven’t ever actually spoken about my break up with Alex. I have my reasons, and that’s all anyone really needs to know.

“This guy must have a monster cock to convince you into doing this,” she laughs sardonically.

I shrug, noncommittally.

“It is, isn’t it?” she laughs but not in the “that was funny” way. “He fucked you into compliance. You’re just in this for the great sex, admit it.”

“I’m not,” I snapped. “I haven’t even seen it, so he can’t use it on me. I’m not that much of a whore.” I’m offended she thinks I could do this just for cock.

“Wait, what? Who are you sleeping with then?” she asks in a way which says she doesn’t really get me. I’ve slept with a lot of people. I’ve had a lot of sex. Ashley’s always making it out to be like I can’t live without sex. I’m not a sex-addict. I just really like sex, but I can go without it just as well. I haven’t gotten laid in almost two months. Sex has lost a lot of its appeal in the last year or two.

“No one, Ashley,” I say, trying to control my irritation. “I haven’t been like that for almost four years. I don’t sleep around every night anymore. It’s called growing up.”

“You gave up sex for this guy?” she asks, but it’s more to herself than me.

“I didn’t give it up for him. He never asked me to. It has to do with me. I feel dirty thinking about fucking someone else with his ring on. It makes me feel like every piece of shit guy out there. And I don’t see Jordan in a sexual way, so I have no desire to actually sleep with him.”

All the color drains from her as her eyes go wide. “Oh my God. This is worse than I thought.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I ask my voice raising as the anger comes rushing back. Worse than she thought? There’s nothing fucking wrong with me.

Shaking her head, she heads toward the door. “Nothing, Quinn. There’s no point in talking to you. You’ve become a walking hypocrisy.”

Stepping around my desk, I follow her to the door and grab her hand to stop her. “I’m not a hypocrite.”

“But you are. You’re doing everything you said you would never do. You’re becoming a cliché. You even picked black dresses for your wedding, which you always said you thought was the worst color for a wedding anyway. I definitely remember you saying people only choose black when they really don’t want to get married…”

“It’s a black-tie event, Ash. Did you think I’d pick a flashy color? Does that sound like me?” I interrupt her.

She scoffs and shakes her head. “None of this sounds like you. Oh, and by the way, you’re wrong about Alex and Tiffany. They aren’t a couple. She’s probably more attracted to you than him. She’s a friend who he’s been helping out while she moves across the country for a job, not Alex.” She laughs. Fucking laughs. “I don’t know who you are anymore. I miss the old Quinn. I miss my best friend. The one who I talked to every day. The one who didn’t go to socialite events for the arts. The one who always had great sex stories to tell me. Jordan is changing everything about you, but it’s still not a mistake, right?”

I don’t even get a chance to respond before she walks through the door of my office, slamming it behind her so hard the painting on the wall rattles.

When the fuck did everything in my life get so screwed up?

Alex

“Hey sleepyhead,” I smile at Tiff as she emerges from her room. We’re on opposite schedules, and it feels like it’s been forever since we hung out. Tiff got the overnight shift at the hospital when they finally added her in the rotation after she settled in. I felt sorry for her at first, working twelve-hour shifts overnight doesn’t sound fun at all, but after her first turn, she said it was actually exciting. Apparently, the ED is hopping in the city at night. The one good thing about it too is she doesn’t have to navigate the train at night. A pretty little thing like her walking about the dark, dangerous city at night would put me on edge.

“Hey,” she mumbles, her voice still throaty from sleep. “Whatcha up to?”

“I’m actually just going over some training reports for work. I’m heading to Tanner and Ashley’s for dinner, want to come? I’ll make sure to get you back in time for work,” I offer. She hasn’t done much in the last few weeks other than work and sleep. I know she said it’s because she has to adjust to the new schedule, but I still don’t want her doing the same thing she was doing in Arizona.

“I’m actually off for the next two days, but I don’t know. I think I’m just going to hang around here and relax,” she yawns as she grabs a bottle of water from the fridge.

“Tiff,” I sigh. “You came out here to start over. You can’t do that from this apartment or the hospital. You need to get out and live a little.”

“Pot meet kettle?” she smirks quirking an eyebrow at me.

“Hey, I get out more than you, so I’m not as bad,” I defend myself. “And it’s hard to do much when working these crazy hours. The first month of the season is always the hardest for me.”

Rolling her eyes, she huffs at me. “Yeah, yeah. Fine, I’ll tag along as long as it’s okay with them. I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not imposing, trust me. Ashley is desperate for adult interaction. She’d be happy to have more,” I say, knowing without a doubt she’s more than welcome. “I was planning to leave in a half hour, is that enough time for you?”

“It's not anything fancy, right?” I shake my head confirming it isn’t.

“Then I’ll be ready,” she says, heading from the kitchen down the hall to the bathroom.

“I’ll never get over this house,” Tiff says to Ashley as we gather in the kitchen for a drink.

“It’s just a house. It intimidated me for a little bit too at first.” Ashley smiles as she uncorks a bottle of wine and sets it aside to breathe for a minute. “I’m so glad you were able to come tonight. How are you liking the East Coast?”

“It’s different,” Tiffany laughs. “It’s been a bit of an adjustment, but I needed the change. I was trapped in a life that mostly revolved around my ex-girlfriend. My life was sad. I basically spent all my time at the hospital, my place, or his,” she says as she points a thumb at me.