Faithless (Mistress & Master of Restraint) (70 page)

I really look at both of them. Both men look defeated- the fight was a draw, the negotiations have been a draw- why defeat? Their physical forms are nearly identical- size, muscle structure, height and weight
, aura of power. Hell, even their buzz-cuts are the same. The only difference is the light blue warmth and the icy blue husky gazes that hold the same fierce determination. Why does either of them love me? It’s not a romantic love between me and Gunner- it’s familial, but it’s love all the same. Wil, I can see the look he gives me- it’s the same look I give him. It’s possessive, more possessive than the look on Ezra’s face when he gazes at Cortez.

“You can’t be with Wil tonight, it would hurt you. We’ve talked about this- all of us have. We’ve even talked to Stan about it. I don’t want to win your body by default, so if you pick Wil, we’re both walking away. I won’t let him in you,” Gunner finishes with a whisper.

“Why?” Wil says in shock.

“You know why,” Gunner growls back at him. “None of us can afford for the two of you to run off into the sunset. You have responsibilities that are larger than yourselves. Don’t do it- don’t do it,” Gunner pleads.

The part of me that clings to humanity feels betrayal over making a choice. My soul aches for Wil, but I understand what Gunner is trying to say. It would hurt us all if Wil and I gave in to our biological and emotional hungers. On a partnership level, Wil and I are perfect. We haven’t even struggled with sexual cravings until tonight- the fight brought out our lusts. We’ve studied, trained, and been an extension of the other during class. Sex would muddy our connection- the purity of our kindred spirits. Sex has been used as a weapon for Wil and me. We can’t risk using it on each other.

“Tell me why,” I softly whisper, swallowing several times to wet my dry mouth. “If Wil and I agree
that it’s truth, Wil walks out of here and locks the door behind him. If not, I’ll walk out.”

I look at Wil and he looks back. I see no jealousy, no pain or pleasure, no betrayal. He understands this better than I do. Gunner and Wil fought, and both knew the score. When Wil walks away, it’s because he hasn’t earned me yet. But I see the determined light shine from Wil’s eerie eyes that promise he will never stop trying. He’s not walking away or relenting or losing, he’s giv
ing his new friend a gift.

“I’m afraid,” Gunner reluctantly admits, voice cr
acking slightly. “I can’t be a Marine and be afraid. It will get me killed. The only thing I fear is sex, because it destroyed my brother.”

“Then why me?” again
, I ask.

“Because it should mean something,” Gunner strongly professes. “It shouldn’t be given aw
ay or taken.” Gunner’s blue gaze stares at the floor out of embarrassment. His broad shoulders shake, as if the emotion of it is overtaking him. The high from the fight is dissipating and leaving us all bared raw.

“Because I’m afraid,” he whispers to the floor. Slowly his eyes rise to Wil’s. A strange look passes over their faces, as if they both know what Gunner is going to say.
“Why you, you ask…” The intense honesty of his gaze hitches the breath in my throat. “Faith, you mean something to me because I trust you.”

I collapse onto my heels in shock. Wil approaches Gunner with a warm smile on his face that confuses me even more. They share a half-hug where
I’ll see you tomorrow
and
good match
and
my God, I hurt
are spoken. The cocky look they share removes all thought that I share any comradery with the opposite sex. I don’t think like a female, but I sure as shit don’t understand males.

I close my eyes because I can’t watch Wil leave- leave me, as he always does. He didn’t fight hard enough- he gave up. I understand why he gave up, but the teenage girl inside of me sees it as yet another rejection.

A tentative touch to my cheek has my eyelids slowly lifting. “We don’t have to do this,” Gunner softly murmurs, moisture from my eye beaded on his fingertip. He kneels before me, his warmth invading my space, but otherwise leaves me untouched. He’s no longer aroused. Lust isn’t swirling around us, making it difficult to think… or maybe Wil took the lust with him when he fled.

“It’s not because of you,” I lamely offer.

“I know,” he breathes, and I can see that he does understand. “He’ll man up… eventually.” Gunner’s lips twist up- it’s not flirty or humorous, it’s pain-filled and just as confused as I feel. “I want you. I want this. But it is something Wil needs to experience, too. While we enjoy one another, he will understand how you felt all those months ago when he was with Gwen. Only this time, it’s out of friendship. It will make him think harder than when you were with the boys. That was the game… and this is the first time you’ve been with someone without any ulterior motives- it’s gonna sting.”

“It’s sick of me, but I like that it’s going to hurt him,” I shamefully admit. “
How can I care about him, but want him to feel pain? Doesn’t that make me a bad person?”

“No, it makes you human, and it means you’re strong. Don’t ever compromise with Wil. This game is filled with weak men hiding behind fear-based strength. They are easily dealt with. But for the rest- Stanton, Wil, and even me, don’t ever back down or we will eat you alive. Fight for yourself
or you’ll never survive.”

“How do you know this stuff?”

“When I found out about the game,” a snarky smirk pulls Gunners lips, “it was a thrill. Then it wasn’t a big enough thrill. I played with the gangs, I committed crimes, and I hurt people. But the military gave me the high I was seeking. Every day, just breathing will be the test of my existence. My life depends on reading people, understanding human nature, or I won’t survive. A few of my men are weak-willed, but the rest are powerful. I know how to get them to work together, to listen to me, to follow my orders. I recognize people who will never be a follower. Stanton won’t. I won’t. Wil is pretending and it’s killing him. My sinful Faith, you will never follow anyone. So don’t back down or the men in your life will band together and push you down.”

“I’m trying,” I whine. “But it’s difficult.”

“Anything worth fighting for is never easy. If it were easy, you wouldn’t appreciate it when you finally got it. It’s what Wil is learning right this second as his mind spins what where doing in here. Someday, Wil will grow up and be a real man.”

“It might be too late by then,” I
admit, never breaking our gaze.

“I highly doubt that,” he huskily says, eyebrows
rising in challenge. “Don’t lie to yourself… and I’m finished talking.” Gunner’s voice deepens with a threat that has my body blooming for him.

A sigh escapes my lips as his moist mouth connects with mine. I feel relaxed, comforted. The kiss is gentle, a mere brush of a touch. Sensual, it’s not the blinding passion that Wil took with him. Gunner is my friend, and he’s telling me with his actions, not worthless words, that he cares for me and will miss me when he’s gone. I know we will think of one another from time to time. But there is an easing between us, knowing that
we won’t feel the mind consuming emptiness of separation. It’s why Gunner won’t allow himself to look for a girlfriend. The ache would ruin him as it ruins Wil and me.

I allow him to kiss me, explore me. I respond, but don’t take over. Gunner is a man who likes to be in charge- I like to be in charge,
too. But this isn’t about me. This is his first kiss, his first time. I am just the conduit between his innocence and manhood. His trust in me removes all fears.

Calloused fingertips skate up my sides, tunneling beneath the sweat-drenched fabric of my tank top. I shiver as if cold, but it’s liquid heat that travels in the wake of those strong finger
tips. I whimper into his mouth when the tip of his seeking tongue experimentally flicks mine. As if deciding he liked the taste, he forcefully impales me, licking the inside of my cheek.

My legs go weak, knees refusing to hold my weight. I fall back onto my heels, legs bent beneath me. Gunner’s pleased laughter fills my mouth as he learns how to possess with a kiss. My whimpers turn to heady moans when those eager fingers caress the sides of my breasts, gently cupping and squeezing- almost weighing
them in the palms of his hands. A brush with the tip of his thumbs over my throbbing nipples has me boneless with want.

My eyes roll back in my head when a sharp tug of my left nipple ring zings liquid heat throughout my system. My lower belly clenches, aches, needs and begs for attention. One… two… three more tugs, this time both nipples in tandem. Moistu
re flows from my body. I can feel the gush from inside me, the tickle down my thighs.

Breathlessly gasping, lips flee my mouth and trail kisses done my neck, teeth nipping and sucking the mounds of my breasts. “Aaaahhhh…” I call out when a hot, wet mouth latches on my right nipple, tongue impaling the ring and tugging in time with the suction of his lips. My body gives a hard clench, moans spilling from my throat as Gunner gifts me an orgasm.

I writhe in his arms, panting, mind spinning around the fact that this man is a virgin and years from now he will ruin every sexual partner he has. He will dominate them, compel and capture them. The females will chase him, begging for more. Those possessed will bow down and plead for his touch. Arrogant laughter bubbles up from his mouth and tickles my breast. He knows he’s good- very, very good, indeed.

“I’ve been staring at these tits for almost six weeks, watching them sway
and jiggle as we trained, the rings glinting in the light after your showers. That’s six weeks of jerking off to fantasies that gave me the experience. I’ve licked and sucked these titties thousands of time before I had an actual taste.

“Show me what else you’ve been fantasizing about,” I breathlessly gasp. “Holy fuck, Caleb, you’re a badass.”

“Thank you,” he nuzzles into the side of my neck, breath fluttering the small hairs. Just that small caress of air has me undulating in his embrace. “Look at me,” he commands. As if having no will of my own, I do what he bids.

My eyes flick open and meet his crazed gaze. Gunner leans back, proving that his skills are beyond his experiences. I was so far gone in ecstasy that I didn’t feel or see him remove his shorts and roll on a condom. Kneeling before me, Gunner displays his virility. Wide-chested,
a lean and long torso, grooved with deep muscles, and heavily corded thighs connect to his narrow hips- hips that support the perfect protrusion of his cock. My eyes pop, countless times I’ve seen him erect, and not once did he look like this. This is a man who is ready to mate. A blood-blushed, blunt head tops a thick, but not too long, and perfectly curved shaft, with bulging veins that twitch with his heartbeat.

A purely male, satisfied grin glows from Gunner’s face as he watches me lick my suddenly dry lips in anticipation. “
Leave the shirt on,” he huskily says, “but take off the shorts. Stay resting just as you are. I love the way you look in that position.”

The hem of my tank top is raised over my belly, resting beneath my breasts, with the scoop neck yanked down beneath my breasts as well. My bared breasts are thrust forward like an offering. The top is skin-tight Lycra
, so there is never a need for a sports bra. The shirt is more supportive than any bra, and the way Gunner has it now, makes me wonder if this is another of his fantasies.

I slip out of my shorts and stay kneeling before Gunner. If he wasn’t kneeling, too, I might have been pissed. His intense gaze on my knees has them further parting. I sit on my he
els, legs folded beneath me, thighs spread wide with my cunny on perfect display. It’s Gunner’s turn to swallow hard. I watch his throat work as the sound echoes around the training room, and the power I feel is suffocating. I know in an instant that I could use my body to get what I want- but I won’t ever do it. Sex is sex. Love-making is love. Sex and love should never be used as a weapon.

“You’re the badass, Syn,” Gunner half croaks out. “The ink, the piercings, those perfect tits and tiny little cunt… I want to devour you,” he deeply growls. “You’re such a contradiction. Your size and sex makes men want to protect you, but you could kick our asses without blinking an eye. It’s dangerous and fucking smoking hot. I don’t think you know it, either… and that makes it even more dangerous
... I just want to tug and bite and pull those rings and bars. Someday, someone should put bells on them, so when you ride, you will ring a song of lust.”

“More fantasies, I presume?” I taunt in a sultry cadence
, eyebrow arching in challenge.

“Fuck yeah,” Gunner groans, “it is now.”
He sounds breathlessly impatient, but his movements are slow and calculated. He kneels before me, bending slightly at the waist until we are face-to-face. He places a gentle kiss to my parted lips, and smiles against my mouth.

“Ugh!” I grunt in shock, fingers gripping his shoulders, nails biting into flesh. That smile I felt but didn’t see, was menacing, anticipatory. The fat head of his cock
chimes an invisible bell on my clit ring. Back and forth, side to side, his flesh slides hotly and wetly across my engorged nub. I would have fallen in exquisite pleasure if I hadn’t gripped his shoulders. Sensing my weakness, Gunner’s hand supports my lower back, fingers splayed across the top of my ass.

“You’re the first person to play with my rings,” I breathlessly admit. “I didn’t get them for this reason. But I’ve always wondered how it would feel during sex. I didn’t think it would be this good…” I trail off as gasps are pulled from my throat.