Faithful to Laura (29 page)

“Cora put you up to this, didn’t she?”

He saw Laura’s shoulders slump. “She didn’t have to.” When she turned around, he could see the tears in her eyes. “Everything has changed.”

“No, it hasn’t. So what if she showed up? She should have been here six years ago, when I didn’t have anyone. Now I have parents. A family.” He reached for her. “I know it sounds crazy, but I also feel like I have you. Remember when I said I understood you?”

She nodded but remained silent.

“I also know that you understand me.” He cupped her shoulders with his hands, felt her body trembling beneath his touch. “You understand me better than anyone else could.”

She pulled away from him. “I’m goin’ back to Tennessee.

Tomorrow.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut. “When did you decide this?”

“I been thinkin’ about it for a while. You were right, I need to let Mark go. I need to get on with my life.” She looked up at him. “Just like you need to get on with yours.”

“I will. I am. This is my life. Here, in Middlefield. Not New York. And definitely not with Cora Easely.”

“She’s your grandmother.”

“She’s a snooty old woman—”

“She’s blood. And she deserves a chance.”

Sawyer reached out. She tried to pull away, but he clasped her hand. “What about us? Don’t we deserve a chance?”

Laura averted her gaze. She let out a long breath. “Look at me,” she whispered.

“I am.” He stepped toward her. Cupped her face with his palm. “I’m looking at you right now. I like what I see.”

She met his eyes. For a fleeting moment he saw his emotions reflected in her gaze. He opened his mouth to say something else, but she pulled away from him again. “I’preciate you sayin’ that.”

“I don’t want you to appreciate it. I want you to believe it.”

“Sawyer, I . . .” She shook her head. “I’m goin’ back home.

Mei
parents need me. I was selfish to leave them.” She took another step back. “Cora needs you.”

“Cora doesn’t need anyone. Or anything. She’s got enough money to
buy
a grandson.”

Did he imagine it, or did Laura flinch?

“She wants you. She lost her daughter, Sawyer. Can you blame her for wantin’ to get to know you? I’m sure there’s a
gut
reason why she’s shown up now. Don’t you want to find out why?”

“Yeah, but not . . . not at the cost of losing you.”

“Sawyer.” Laura swallowed. “You . . . you never had me.”

She turned and walked away.

“Laura!”

She didn’t answer. He watched as she grabbed her coat and purse.

“Laura, please—”

She disappeared out of the office. He followed her out of the shop, ignoring the stares of his father and uncle. A few flakes of snow floated down. Small ones. Almost insignificant.

The way Laura felt about herself.

He didn’t buy what she was trying to sell him. He knew she cared. Could see it in her eyes, hear it in the cracking of her voice. But her words held a grain of truth. He did need to give his grandmother a chance, despite his anger toward her. And Laura’s walking away made it easier.

That’s it!
he thought.
She’s denying herself, denying our feelings for each other, so I can discover my past
. He stopped at the end of the driveway and let her go. The terror of losing her eased. He understood her, just as he always had. She was doing this for him.

And he would let her. Because while they might be apart for a short time, he wouldn’t let her push him away forever. He would go to New York, listen to what Cora had to say, then go to Tennessee. If Laura thought she could get rid of him this easily, she thought wrong.

There was hope for them after all.

Laura fought the tears as she walked toward the Shetlers’ home. Snow fell on her cheeks, her lips, chilling her skin. But that was nothing compared to the coldness she felt in her heart.

She had walked away. From her job. From the people who had been kind to her. Most importantly, from Sawyer.

For a moment she didn’t think she could do it. The tender way he looked at her when he spoke. The truth that he wasn’t bothered by her scars. The hope that bloomed like fresh clover when he drew near to her.

But she had to do what was best. For both of them. She thought about the check in her purse. Tonight she would say good-bye to Emma and Leona. Then she would pack. By morning she would be ready to leave.

But she wouldn’t catch the bus to Tennessee. She was going somewhere else.

Finally, it was time to finish what she started.

“So you are leaving?”

Sawyer flinched at the tears in his mother’s eyes. They had just finished supper. Cora hadn’t joined them, saying she had another headache. Fine with him. It had taken everything he had to eat the few bites on his plate. Now he and his parents were sitting at the table, each nursing a cup of coffee none of them seemed to want.

He nodded. “But I’ll be back,
Mamm
.” He looked to his father. “I just need a few days. Maybe a week, tops, to get everything sorted out with Cora.”

His dad nodded. Little emotion shone in his dark brown eyes. “We understand. And we’ll be fine.” He turned to his wife. “Won’t we, Anna?”

She nodded, then jumped up from the chair and went to the stove. “Anyone want coffee?” Her voice was as thick as the dregs in the bottom of the cold percolator. She seemed to have forgotten their mugs were still full.

“Mom.” Sawyer went to his mother and put his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened for a moment, then turned and hugged him.

“I understand why you need to leave.” She wiped her eyes and moved away. “And I’m sorry I’m not making it easier for you.”

“It’s okay. I’m only going for a visit. I’ll be back. I promise.”

She nodded but didn’t look convinced. She turned away and fiddled with the coffeepot. Sawyer returned to the table and sat down.

“I suppose Laura isn’t coming back?” Lukas said.

Sawyer shook his head. “She’s going home to Tennessee.”

Lukas sighed. “I thought she’d stay longer.” He shook his head. “She was a
gut
worker. Learned the business quickly. I liked her. And I would have thought she’d do better than just walking out on the job.”

“Don’t be angry with her. She’s had a rough time of it.”

“So have you.”

“We all have,” he said. He looked at his dad and smiled. “I’m glad you like her. I like her too. And if I have anything to do about it, she’ll be back.”

Both his parents looked at him in surprise. “You’re going to Tennessee?” his father asked.

“As soon as I’m finished in New York.”

He leaned back in the chair and took in a breath. “But before I can do that, I have to commit to something else. When I get back from New York, I want to join the church.”

Lukas didn’t say anything. Sawyer looked over his shoulder at his mother, who was still standing by the stove.

“I thought you’d both be happy.”

“We are.” His dad looked at him. “As long as you’re joining the church for the right reasons.”

“I am. I know this is something you both wanted—”

“It doesn’t matter what we want.”

“It does to me.”

His mother came back to the table and sat down. “Your
daed
is right. You can’t join the church because you think it’s what we want. Or because you feel it’s the right thing to do.” The sorrow in her eyes had changed to intensity. “Or because you’re in love with a
maedel
.”

Sawyer looked away. He was in love, but he couldn’t admit it to anyone, not until he could convince Laura of his feelings.

“That’s not the reason I’m joining. I know I belong here. With you. With the Amish.”

“You think that now,” his father said. “But when you
geh
to New York, you may change your mind.”

“Cora will definitely try to change it for you,” his mother added.

“She can do what she wants, but it won’t work. I’m only agreeing to go with her to find out why my parents lied to me. And why it took her so long to find me. Why she let me . . .” He swallowed.

“Go to foster care?”

He nodded. “You saved me from that.”

“Because we love you. And we love you enough to tell you the truth.” She straightened. “Sawyer, if you join the church—”

“When.”

If
you join, you have to do it freely, just as God wants us to “come to Him freely. Being a member of the church isn’t something to take lightly.”

“I’m not.” Sawyer gritted his teeth. “I’ve been thinking about this for a long time.”

“Have you prayed about it?” his father asked.

Sawyer drew in a breath.

“I see.” His father leaned forward. “Sawyer, this isn’t a matter of thinking. It’s a matter of the heart. Once you join the church, you can’t leave.”

“Not without being shunned.” Once again his mother’s voice wavered.

“You don’t have to worry about that.” He reached for his mother’s hand. Hesitated. Then held out his other hand to his father. After a pause, his dad took it. “I love you both. I love being a part of this family. Of this community. This is where I want to spend the rest of my life. Cora Easley isn’t going to change that.” He squeezed his parents’ hands, then pushed away from the table. “I’m going to tell Cora I’ll leave with her.”

“She doesn’t know?” his mother asked.

“Not yet. I wanted you and
Daed
to be the first.”

His father stood.
“Danki, sohn.”

Sawyer nodded. He started to leave the kitchen but stopped and looked over his shoulder. “I meant what I said.”

His mother nodded. His father remained stoic.

Sawyer could tell neither one of them fully believed him.

C
HAPTER
24

Sawyer looked around the spacious first-class cabin. He tapped his foot against the floor of the plane as it drifted farther into the clouds. He yanked down on the window shade.