Faith and Fidelity (17 page)

Helena, I just want to know she's okay...

“There are some people here to see you... ”

The doctor's face swam away. And Vic Wolkowski's replaced it.

“Hey, Evan. How you doin'? Oh shit, that's right, you can't talk... ” Vic spoke in a hushed tone. “Well don't worry. We've got your kids here and they're okay... Matt's here... ”

At Matt's name Evan shut his eyes tightly.
Thank God
, he thought.
He's taking care of my kids, I know he is.

“Uh... hey, Matty, come here and talk to Evan. I'm... uh... going to go talk to the doctor, see when the kids can come in.”

When Evan opened his eyes, Matt was there.

Matt fidgeted like a child, waiting near the door of Evan's room. He watched the doctor and Vic talk to Evan, reassure him that everything was going to be all right. He took deep breaths, tightened his hands into fists that could probably punch through concrete at this moment.

Go away
, he thought desperately.
Just leave and let us talk... let me talk to him. I have to make sure he's okay.

When Vic called him over, his heart turned over. He mustered as much calm as he could and stood next to Vic. Struggling, he raised his eyes to meet Vic's— suddenly avoiding the man in the bed, the one with all the bandages on his chest— and saw... something. Vic nodded, patted Matt's arm, and walked toward the door. He didn't look back.

Matt let his eyes drift down to Evan— pale and drawn, hooked up to monitors and IV's. He shivered. Shit. His vision got a little hazy.

When it cleared, he saw that Evan had opened his eyes, was staring right at him.

Matt forced his voice past the lump in his throat. “Hey.”

Evan blinked weakly.

Matt released the tension in his hands, let them stroke the back of Evan's hand, around the IV needle. It felt good.

He whispered, “You're fine... So is Helena. She didn't get shot, just a dislocated shoulder. They pumped her full of drugs, stuck her in a room... Her mom's with her. I thought you'd want to know she was okay.”

He saw Evan's eyes fill up a bit. Matt knew exactly what had been running through his mind. Knew the relief of someone telling you your partner was alive and all right. He squeezed his hand gently. The lump in his throat swelled.

“The kids are here— Miranda wanted me to tell you not to worry. She's great, man, just great. Holding herself together, helping me with the little ones. Kathleen's quiet, but I think she's okay. The twins, they're holding on tight. They're scared... but I think once they see you they'll be fine.” Shaking, Matt felt the words rush from his mouth. His vision blurred again. “And by the way, if you ever pull this shit again I'm going to throw you out a fucking window. I had to take off work, asshole.”

He felt the hand under his move slightly, felt Evan's fingers work to touch him. He focused his eyes as best he could.

There was the ghost of a smile on Evan's face.

“Yeah— funny for you,” he choked out. He took Evan's hand into his. “Jesus.”

They stayed that way for a long minute, holding hands and watching one another. Evan's eyes started to flicker. Matt could see he wasn't going to be awake much longer.

“Hey, I'm going to go get the kids, okay? Then you can sleep as much as you want.”

Evan managed to move his head in a tiny up and down motion. Matt felt pressure against his hand.

“I'll be right back.” Matt was loath to let go of his hand but he knew how important it would be to all of them to see one another. He leaned down and pressed his mouth again Evan's, tasted the metallic tang of blood and anesthesia... the pressure against his lips was barely there but he knew... “I'll be right back,” he whispered again. “I love you.”

That small affirmative head move. That hint of a smile.

Matt managed to tear himself away and walk to the door. His face was burning hot. He knew he had to pull his shit together right this second because walking out that door meant walking back into reality, where he was just a nice guy, a friend of the family, and not...

And not Evan Cerelli's lover.

Vic checked on the kids while Matt was in with Evan. Serena had joined them and was holding the twins, an arm curled protectively around each of them, when Vic walked in.

“How's Helena?” Vic asked softly, sitting next to Serena.

“Fine. She's still asleep. They were taking her vital signs, changing her IVs... I thought I'd come and find you. They told me you were here.” She smiled at the children. “And then I found my young friends and decided we'd keep each other company.”

“Well, their dad is fine— very tired after the surgery but doing really well.” Vic tried to sound as positive as humanly possible. “He looked better than I expected.”

And then Vic thought about the look on his face when he said Matt's name. And the look on Matt's face, well shit, since he had gotten there... Vic felt uncomfortable all of a sudden, didn't know why, and decided he needed to talk to Matt now... and privately.

He patted Serena's arm and stood back up. “I'm going to go see if Matt's finished in there— get you guys in to see your dad.”

He walked out, in search of Matt.

And found him, leaning against the wall outside of Evan's room. Sucking in air like it was his last chance.

Vic approached quietly, afraid to spook his friend. “Matty?”

Matt looked up at him, eyes red and damp.

“You okay, man?”

He opened his mouth but snapped it shut half a second later. And shook his head.

They stood in silence.

“Is it because of Tony?” Vic finally asked, because he burned with curiosity. “Is that what's going on here?”

Matt sighed heavily. “I can't do this right now, okay, Vic? But later... we'll talk.”

Vic said nothing.

“I'm going to go get the kids. He's about to fall asleep and I know he wants to see them.” Matt pushed away from the wall, moved away from Vic before he could speak.

Left alone in the hall, Vic stuck his hands in his pockets and waited.

They crept into the room as a group, with Matt standing guard. Evan's eyes fluttered opened as if he sensed his kids. Matt picked up the twins so they could lean over and kiss their father. Elizabeth began to weep afterward, little tiny sounds of relief and fear and exhaustion. Matt let her wrap her arms around his neck and carried her over to the door, whispering to her, assuring her that everything would be fine. He watched Miranda holding Danny's hand. They talked softly to their father and Matt could see Evan's frame relaxing, sinking farther into the mattress. He would be able to sleep peacefully, knowing the kids were okay.

Matt brought Elizabeth back over to the bed, to stand with the other three.

“I think your dad's ready to get some sleep. Let's say good-bye for now. We'll come back tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” Miranda agreed, leaning over to kiss her father on the forehead. “We're going to come back tomorrow, Daddy. Promise.” She lifted her younger brother up, so he could say good-bye.

The kids seemed a little less tense, but Matt could see their exhaustion. He waited for them each to take a turn, saying good-bye and giving their dad kisses. By the time Elizabeth had her turn, Evan was asleep, his face serene. Matt used all his willpower not to follow the kid's lead and put his mouth on Evan's.

“Okay, let's go,” he whispered. “I guess I'm going to take you home.”

They walked out the door and Elizabeth picked her head up.

“Grandma!”

Matt Haight looked up and saw a trio of tense people standing with Dr. Waresa.

“Oh you poor babies!” The older woman crooned, stepping forward to pull Elizabeth from Matt's arms. She flicked a glance over his face, a little suspicious.

An older man, built like a bulldog, stood next to a very attractive brunette. Their expressions matched the woman Elizabeth identified as her grandmother.

Everyone was looking at him wondering— who the hell are you?

Forty-five minutes later, Vic Wolkowski was standing next to the nurses’ station, gripping a cup of coffee so tightly he could feel the black oily crap sloshing up over the sides. He was waiting for Matt to come meet him here, so they could talk.

After the ten initial agonizingly painful minutes of introductions, explanations, and tension that made Vic's eyes ache, the MacGregors took charge of the children— effectively moving them away from Matt, who they kept glaring at like he was a convicted child molester. Vic watched Matt turn to steel, watched him gently say good night to the children, watched him practically tear up as they were led away by their grandparents and aunt.

They had barely managed “polite” with Matt, pretty much dismissing him after he introduced himself as a friend of Evan's. They spoke to Vic directly, inquiring about Evan and mentioning that they would take the children with them until Evan recovered. Vic couldn't challenge them— it was their right. And Matt couldn't challenge them— Vic saw it was taking all his self-control not to. The kids looked a little stunned, but the family was pretty overwhelming, smothering them with hugs and comforting baby talk. At the last moment, Elizabeth and Danny had some kind of weird twin moment and started getting hysterical at the same time. No amount of comforting by their relatives would help, and then things got even stranger because both started wailing for Matt.

And that produced more raised eyebrows and weird vibes. Matt announced he was going to walk down to the car with them, in that no-uncertain-terms voice that Vic knew well, and this calmed the twins down, and the other girls looked relieved as well.

The MacGregor's, on the other hand, looked like someone had stepped on their collective family feet.

So Matt, the kids, and the MacGregor family went en masse down to the parking lot and Vic was left standing there, thinking—
when Matty comes back, we're having a freaking conversation.

Matt hugged the kids each in turn— even Miranda who waited until the last possible second, made like she was going to get in the car before wrapping her arms around his middle— and promised that he would talk to them soon.

He saw four beautiful faces staring at him bleakly through the glass of the MacGregors’ monster Oldsmobile and wanted to kick the door down and rescue them.

“I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?” Matt mouthed to them. It was probably bullshit because Evan's in-laws didn't seem inclined to be helpful. But he smiled encouragingly and saw the kids respond. And that was all that mattered.

The car pulled away, followed quickly by the sister-in-law's shiny Volvo. Matt watched for a moment, then suddenly realized it was freezing and his coat was somewhere upstairs.

He hurried back inside, wanting to get warm and wanting to see Evan one last time before he left.

And then there was Vic, who he just knew was waiting expectantly for some answers.

He was actually tapping his foot.

Matt walked up to where Vic was leaning, coffee cup in hand, lips set in a straight line. He took a deep breath—
Steady, Matty, steady.

“So Vic— you ready for us to have that talk?”

“Uh yeah. I think it might be nice to know what the hell is going on here.”

In the cafeteria, they found a table in the corner and brought some more coffees along.

For a few minutes Vic just watched as Matt fiddled with the sugar packets and little cups of cream and two stirrers. He made it look like a chemical experiment.

Vic cleared his throat.

“Matty?”

Matt sighed, put the stirrers down and finally peeked up at Vic. “Yeah?”

“I've been here for almost ten hours now. This coffee is wearing a hole in my intestines the size of freaking Canada. Talk to me, please.”

“This isn't easy for me... ” He rubbed his face with both hands, sighing heavily. “It's... ” His voice drifted off.

“We've been friends a long time. You can say anything to me, Matty.”

Matt nodded. After a long pause, he murmured, “I think you've seen... well, how I've reacted to this... uh... whole thing... ”

Vic nodded. “Yeah, but I feel like it's more than this reminding you of Tony. Am I right?”

“What happened to Tony, yeah... it's a part of it but... ”

They sat in silence for a long moment.

“We're... Evan and I... he's... we're very... uh... close.”

“Close friends?”

“Friends, yeah. But... ” Matt locked eyes with Vic, his face drawn and somber. “We're more than that.”

His tone, his emphasis on the word... After a flair of shock— as he thought,
Matt just told me he's gay
— Vic felt the weight of the revelation settle heavily into his stomach. He had no idea how to respond.

Vic took a sip of his coffee, nodded at Matt. “Okay, Matty. I think I understand. I'm a little surprised, ‘cause you never mentioned this to me before and we've been friends a long time... ”

Matt smiled thinly. “Recent life-changing event. I'm still working out the whole thing in my head.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“You okay with it?”

Matt shrugged. “I think so. I'm not sure. No.”

“Does anyone... ”

“You and Helena. That's it.”

“The kids don't... ”

“Jesus, no. We're just coasting right now... not thinking too far ahead.”

They sat in silence. Vic felt uncomfortable because he didn't know what to say. He wanted to tell Matt it didn't change anything about how he felt for him, about their friendship. He wanted to tell him that their secret was safe, and that he would help Evan with whatever he needed at work... but he was just so fucking floored right now.

So he just sat there, sipped his coffee, and nodded. Watched Matt grow more and more restless in his seat.

“I'm going upstairs, see if I can say good-bye to Evan.” Matt sounded tired and a little sad. And that made Vic feel worse.

Matt stood up, gathered up his garbage.

“Hey, Matty. Listen, I'm okay with this. I want you to know that.”