Face Time (36 page)

Nodding my head, I remember Nari growing up. She used her strength to get her way in anything. Now, she’s using it to improve herself. Laura uses her strength, too. She’s been through hell, and she’s still fighting. She showed me her vulnerability in New York, and my heart aches again with the memory of holding her on the floor of her bathroom. She needs my support and love as much as I need hers.

I turn and look at the door, my leg bouncing in time to my rapidly beating heart. I hope she’s okay.

“We both like strong women,” Daniel says, smiling at my concern. “Sandra was strong, too, but in the wrong way. I like Laura.” He nods at me, and my gut twinges with jealousy. “I told Nari last night I was sure she’s sticking around. Chase couldn’t stop talking about her.”

Jin felt the same way. I think everyone can tell she’ll be sticking around for some time.

Daniel sets his drink down and stands up. “I have to go get Chase’s room set up for the night. I’ll be right back.”

Now that I’m alone, I take my Scotch to Dad’s desk and sit in his chair. Leaning back, I survey his study, his library, his place to be at peace and away from my mother. He spent a lot of time here working or relaxing in the lounge chairs. It was always the first place I looked when I needed to find him.

This could all be mine. There are two paths my life could take: I could break up with Laura, stay in Seattle, take a job at my father’s firm and marry Sandra, never have a family, and be unhappy for the rest of my life. Or I could take Laura from here today and never come back, have a family with her, and a career overseas. The choice is clear to me. I want to be happy.

On the desk in front of me are framed photos I’ve seen a million times before, but the one of my father as a boy, newly imported to America with his older brother to live with distant relatives, makes me burst into tears. His older brother, my uncle, died a few years ago, and my dad was never the same after. They were both such loving people, always taking care of everyone in the family no matter how much it cost or how stressful it was to juggle schedules and deal with personalities that clashed. That’s the kind of man I want to be. I want to support my family. I want to continue to be loyal and kind and never think about expense.

I wipe the tears from my face with my hand, ignoring the tissues on the desk. I miss you, Dad, and I love you. I’ll try to do right by those in the family who will be happy for my help, but I won’t force myself on them.
 

Laura tried to help everyone in her family, and she was neglected and crushed. She has so much love to give. I can’t walk out of here today and never see my brother and sister again, if they still want to see me. That kind of love is precious. It’s something Laura fought for and lost. If her own family can’t give her the love she deserves then she’ll get it through mine, if I have anything to do about it.

I sit at the kitchen table and try to drink tea with Lee’s mom, but it’s possibly the worst conversation I’ve ever had. She doesn’t answer any of my questions about the house or what she’s ordered for dinner or acknowledge any of my compliments on her garden or the very kind and generous people that came to Lee’s father’s wake yesterday. Nothing. She just stares out the large floor-to-ceiling windows at the rain softly falling on the stone porch outside. I try to lean forward and refill her tea cup, but she places her hand over the top and speaks in Korean.
 

“Mom,” Nari hisses from the stove. She’s making grilled cheese for Chase who’s in the other room playing video games. “Please be polite.”

Fine. I get the picture. I’m not welcome here and probably never will be. I’ll ignore the old bat and let her know her actions can’t change me or my relationship with Lee.

I unwind my scarf from around my neck and place it on the back of the chair, get up, and leave the table.

“Nari, let me help you cook. I miss my kitchen.”

“You don’t have to, Laura. I’m just making him grilled cheese and green beans.”

“Please,” I say, making strict eye contact with her and lowering my voice. “I’m getting nowhere with your mom.”

“Okay.” She nods, pressing down on the sandwich on the griddle. “Green beans are in the fridge.”

The kitchen is a beautiful open space, modern and bright, like the rest of the house. A huge island houses a six-burner stove and oven with an industrial strength hood overhead. I open the refrigerator and find not only a bag full of Chinese long beans but also a chilled bottle of white wine. Fuck, yes.
 

“Do you mind?” I ask Nari, showing her the bottle.

“No. Please.” She points to a kitchen cupboard. I open the door and pull out a wine glass, filling it three-quarters of the way. I set the glass next to the stove, open a few cabinets, find a wok, cutting board, and chef’s knife. Nari gets a glass of water and sits opposite me at the breakfast bar with a sigh. “I’m exhausted after yesterday.”

“It was a lot of standing for you. Your feet must be aching.” I sip the wine and wash the beans in the sink before placing them on the board and cutting them to child size length. “What you need is a pedicure.”

“Maybe in a few days.” She props her chin on her hand and watches me.

“Fry them or steam them?” I wave my knife at the beans and the wok.

“Fry them, I guess. He likes them salty.”

“Okay.” I glance over at Lee’s mom, and she’s continuing to ignore us while staring out the window. Her mug of tea is cold.
 

I grab a large tin of sesame oil from the counter behind me and a bottle of soy sauce sits right next to it. Excellent. I heat up the wok on the stove with some oil and throw in the beans. They sizzle loudly, splattering and spitting steamy water at me, so I step back and wait before grabbing the handle of the wok and flipping them around with little flicks of my wrist and arm.

“I don’t have enough arm strength to cook like that.” Nari watches me flick the wok over and over. “My dad was good at it. He would regularly set food on fire just to impress us.” She laughs and shakes her head, sighing and then frowning at her silent mother.

“I only use utensils when I have to. I’ve even built up some callouses in my fingers to pull burning hot items from the pan and not flinch.” Opening the soy sauce bottle, I douse the beans and continue to let them cook while sipping on more wine. I have a pleasant buzz going and it’s making everything else bearable. I wonder what Lee and Daniel are doing and how much time we have to kill before leaving. I like Nari and Jin, and I feel bad things are so fucked up for them all right now. It’s hard being the outsider because I don’t know them well enough to comfort them. The situation with Lee’s mother is tense, and Lee needs to consider his siblings…

And that reminds me of David.

So I turn off the stove before my mind wanders, and I burn the green beans.

“Chase! Dinner’s ready,” Nari calls, and Chase comes screaming into the kitchen at top speed. If this were a cartoon, smoke would be wafting from the soles of his feet. He runs straight into his mother’s arms, and she swings him up into a seat next to her at the breakfast bar. “Laura, made you green beans to go with your sandwich.”

I plate his dinner and slide it across the bar to him, look up, and Lee is standing in the doorway.

“Thanks, Laura,” Chase says, and my smile returns. Lee rounds the island and comes straight to me, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind.

“Are you all right?” he whispers. “You looked really upset.”

I shake my head. “I’m okay. I was just thinking about David.” A small smile lifts my lips again, but it falls when Lee squeezes me.

“Who’s David?” Chase asks, but Nari shushes him and pushes his plate closer to him to make him eat.

“Laura had a brother but he died ten years ago in a car accident,” Lee explains. I’m grateful that he took over where I left off.

I pull away from Lee so I can look up at him. He’s been crying, his eyes glassy and red. He kisses me on my forehead, and I concentrate on the spot for a moment loving the burst of warmth on my chilly face. In the days after David’s death, I spent a lot of time fantasizing that he was still alive, that he met the perfect girl, a blonde, and they had a gaggle of kids that would swarm our family barbecues and call me Aunt Laura. Lee has this big family, and it’s falling apart with the death of his father, like mine did when David died.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” Nari pokes Chase in the arm, prompting him to eat. “That’s terrible.”

A stream of Korean gushes from Lee’s mom, and he turns around to face her, his mouth falling open and face turning white.

“Mom, that’s not true,” Nari says. Lee’s mouth works but nothing comes out of it.

“What? What is she saying?” I whisper under Lee’s mom adamantly speaking in Korean and pointing her finger at us.

But Lee won’t translate for me, instead he turns me around and ushers me out the door. “Come on.”
 

He pulls me down the hallway, up the stairs and down another hallway to what I assume is his father’s study. Through glass French doors, I’m stunned into silence by the immense bookcases, fiction, non-fiction, law books, and binders full of paper labeled for different years crowded into every available space. On the right is a modern desk with a Herman Miller office chair and family photos up on the wall behind it. Daniel is sitting in one of two black leather Eames lounge chairs, his feet up on a matching ottoman, drinking a glass of Scotch, and reading a magazine.

“What’s going on?” He jumps from his chair.

Lee stops me, his hands clutching both of my upper arms. “My mother…” He cringes and moans in pain. “My mother hired a private detective and knows everything about you.”

“What?” Daniel and I say together.

“She’s downstairs spouting off every last detail of your life to Nari.”

“Even… Asia?” A rush of tingles covers the back of my head, and I break into a cold sweat. “And after?”

Lee shakes his head. “Mostly after. When you returned all the way through your time in New Orleans. She even knows about Rene.” I clutch his hand and fall into the chair. Thank god Lee is smart enough to not talk about my abortion in front of Daniel.

“Goddamn Min-Yung,” Lee growls, his voice shaking in anger.

“Who? What?” I ask, looking between Lee and Daniel.

“Your assistant?” Daniel asks.
 

Lee nods. “Fucking Sandra,” Lee spits, his face reddening. “She and Min-Yung were always on the phone to each other. I never had a private moment between the two of them. And then I told Min-Yung to stop talking to her, so Sandra convinced my mom to do all the spying. They got Laura’s home address, and that was enough to start an investigation.”

Daniel nods, and my world turns upside down. I am way out of my league in the dance of corruption and lies this family is navigating. How long has she known? Since I got here? I’m not sure, and I can’t even defend myself because she won’t speak English to me. The specter of Sandra knows more about getting information than I do. She wants to hurt me and make me pay for taking Lee away.

From downstairs comes yelling in Korean, both Nari and Lee’s mom, then Chase appears at the door. “Mommy is mad at grandma.”

“I’m coming.” Daniel sets down his glass and follows Chase out.

I try to manage the panic overtaking my lungs and stomach. Don’t cry. Don’t lose it. I breathe deep, but no matter how what I do, air doesn’t get past the lump in my throat. I take one look at Lee and run for the door.

“Laura!” Lee yells and runs after me, but I got a lead on him. I head for the end of the hall and hope to god the door in front of me leads to a bathroom. I throw it open and find a bedroom. Fuck.

“Bathroom!” I scream as the room spins around me. I’m drunk and having a panic attack. I’m going to throw up. Lee pushes me through the bedroom to an adjacent bathroom. I lunge for the toilet and lose everything I ate and drank into it today, stopping only to sob and wipe my face with a handful of tissues from Lee.

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry, Laura. So fucking sorry.” He rummages through a cabinet, finds a clean washcloth and wets it with cool water. I close the lid on the toilet and move as far from it as I can, backing myself into a corner of the bathroom and resting my head against the corner of the two walls. His mother hired a private detective to find ammunition on me, and I’m sure she hit pay dirt.

Lee squats down in front of me and holds the washcloth to my forehead. I shiver violently, and my teeth chatter.

“Panic attack, baby?” he asks.

“Yeah. I get them when the world is falling to pieces around me.” I grab his other hand and squeeze it. “Lee, I told you how bad and fucked up my life is because I trust you. I never wanted your family to know. Never. I should go. I need to go… just leave.”

Lee’s knees come down on either side of mine. “Please, Laura. Remember I begged you not to leave me…”

“But Lee, maybe I’m no good for you and your family? I don’t have grand life dreams. I'm thirty-two years old, and all I want out of life is to just to be independent and happy. I’m not successful. I’m not from a good Korean family. I’m not from any family at this point. I have pennies in the bank...”

“You'll move to Seoul with me and get your own job, Laura. I'm sure of it.”

“But I'll still be dependent on you, Lee, and your mother knows this. That’s why she hired the detective.” I lower my voice and mumble, “And I thought my family was fucked up.”

“My mother hired the detective because she’s a paranoid, old crazy woman, and this is not the first time she’s done this to me.” Lee’s jaw tightens, and he settles further onto my legs with a thump. “Laura, I don't want anything from you in exchange for the money that I will gladly spend on us. I just want your love which I would hope I'd get with or without my money.” He pulls the washcloth from my forehead, leans in, and kisses me on my cheek. I shiver again faced with his warmth. “We’re leaving Seattle together. I want to get away from my mother as much as you do at this point.” He smirks, and my insides start to defrost. “Honestly, Laura, I never want to hear you devalue your life because you don’t meet some standard of success. If anything, you’re more successful at life than I am. I’ve never been tested the way you have. You’re stronger than us both.”