Exquisite Betrayal (36 page)

As I make the turn onto her street, I notice
that it looks exactly the same as it did the last time I was here.
There sits her house with her perfectly mowed yard and those stupid
lines running diagonally across it. She used to want me to mow her
grass in Spartanburg for her after I moved in, so I did. I mowed it
like I had mowed my dad’s and she threw a hissy fit over it. The
lines weren’t running the correct way. Jeez, there was never any
pleasing that woman.

I check out her perfect flowers; flowers
that she would tend to, instead of going to my soccer games. I
would ask my dad about it when I was younger and he’d mumble some
lame excuse. This woman had constantly hurt my feelings over the
years, but today, I was putting a stop to it all. I would have my
day of reckoning with her, and it was long past due.

I park the car and walk up to the door,
careful to stick to the sidewalk. God forbid I step on her precious
grass. The door opens and there she stands in all her radiant
glory. Dressed to the nines, jewelry and make-up on with her hair
perfectly coiffed, her face registers shock.

“
Fallon. What in the world are you
doing here?”

“
I’ve come to pay you a little visit.
Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“
Well, I guess so.”

Her house is immaculate, not a thing out of
place. I’m almost afraid to place my foot on her perfect
carpet.

“
We were just finishing up
dinner.”

“
Great. I’m glad I caught you then
because there’s something we need to talk about.”

“
Oh, and what’s that?”

“
Well, can we at least sit
first?”

“
Oh, I guess so.”

This is awkward. I know I’ve thrown a wrench
into her nice little cog wheel and jammed it up tightly because
she’s already fidgeting and casting glances at me, like I’m going
to steal something.

We walk into the dining room and her dork of
a husband is sitting there, mouse faced, as he says hello to me. I
take a seat and she doesn’t even offer me water. Then it dawns on
me that she’s still pissed off at the way Ryland Thomas spoke to
her. I want to laugh because it merely strikes me as funny. Wait
until I’m through with her.

“
Don’t worry, Mom. I’m not staying
long. I’m leaving town tomorrow. I only came to have a word with
you.”

Her stiff shoulders relax and sink back
against her chair, which makes me giggle.

“
What have you come all this way to
talk about that we couldn’t discuss over the phone?”

What a perfect introduction for me and I
want to giggle again and rub my hands together.

“
How about the fact that Dad left me
over three million dollars and you never told me about
it?”

I shut up then. I’m smart enough to know
about the pregnant pause. My eyes bore into her like a steel drill
bit. She squirms then fidgets. She looks away and won’t look back
at me. I still don’t say anything. I’d wager two minutes pass
before she finally speaks.

“
I don’t really know,
Fallon.”

“
Sure you do, Mom. And I want the
fucking truth.”

She flinches, but is looking at me now. She
knows this won’t go down easy.

“
Those lawyers should’ve…”

My hand flies up as I cut her off. There
wasn’t going to be any passing the buck in this conversation.
“Don’t you dare blame the lawyers. You were given strict
instructions to make them aware of any address changes for you and
me. You failed to do so, on both accounts.”

“
I forgot.”

“
Liar.”

“
Fallon, don’t you dare call me a
liar.”

“
I call it as I see it, Mom. And
you’re a liar. You’ve lied to me so many times I can’t even begin
to count them. I learned early on from Dad not to lie, so it’s easy
for me to spot one. And you’re a liar. Why’d you do it, Mom? You
let me go through college, unnecessarily so, poor as hell. Do you
have any idea how many days I went without food because I couldn’t
afford it? Do you know how many sleepless nights I had because I
was so worried about the student debt I was accumulating? And all
you would’ve had to say was, ‘
Fallon, when
you turn twenty-two, you’ll inherit some money, so don’t worry
about it. It’ll all be fine
.’ Did you want me to
suffer? Did you?”

She’s really twitching now, so much so that
she starts to get up. I put my hand on her wrist, clamping it hard,
forcing her back in her seat. Through gritted teeth, I say, “You’re
not getting up from this table until this conversation is over. Do
I make myself clear?”

She nods.

“
Now, why didn’t you tell
me?”

“
He loved you more than he loved
me.”

“
I was his daughter for Pete’s sake.
Are you that petty that you were jealous over your own
child?”

“
Yes!”

Holy shit. My mother’s a freak. “You’re
sick.”

“
He paid you more attention than he
paid me.”

“
Maybe because you’re so goddamn
selfish he was worried I wasn’t getting any attention from you! Did
you ever stop to think about that? You never had time for either of
us. No wonder he paid more attention to me, and thank God he did.
When he died, you didn’t give a shit about me. You got rid of all
his stuff and didn’t even ask me. You had no regard for my
feelings; that I’d lost the only person that ever cared for
me.”

“
I cared for you.”

“
Really? Really Mom? And how exactly
did you care for me? What did you do for me? Tell me!”

She is silent.

“
Oh, why don’t I remind you then, if
you won’t tell me? It was all those birthday gifts you sent, wasn’t
it? Oh wait; the last thing I got from you was a card on my
sixteenth birthday, over seven years ago. Gee, maybe it was all the
help you gave me when I went to college, like moving into my dorm
or apartments. Oh wait, that was someone else. That was my
roommate’s mom. Or maybe it was the night I went to my senior prom
and you wanted to take all those pictures of me. Oh, no, that was
my date’s mom. Do I even need to go on?”

“
Fallon, I help you.”

“
When? Oh, yeah. I know. When you tell
me that I’ll never amount to anything. Honestly, that did help me.
You pushed me to become something because I worked my ass off to
prove you wrong. But Mom, I came here today to tell you I’m done
with you. When Mr. Patterson called me to tell me about the trust,
you can imagine my shock. I was so angry with you, I wanted to hop
on the first plane here and knock the crap out of you, but I didn’t
do that, obviously. That would’ve been stupid. I’m here now,
though. I’m here to tell you that, by doing that, you put the final
nail into the coffin of our relationship. It’s done. We’re
finished. I have nothing more to say to you.”

I rise to my feet, straighten my back and
make the walk to her door.

I hear her voice say, “Fallon, wait.”

“
I’m done waiting. I waited for seven
years, Mom, ever since Dad died. And I think I waited seven years
too long. I won’t allow myself to be hurt by you
anymore.”

“
Oh, I see how it is then. It’s okay
for you to just walk out of here after you hurt me. Is that
it?”

“
I’d expect you to see it that way.
Good-bye, Mom. Have a nice life.”

My dad taught me some valuable lessons
growing up and forgiveness was one of them. I forgive her in my
heart for everything she’s done over the years, however I’m still
through with her. I won’t ever be able to forget the hurt she’s
caused. The burden of misery disappears and I feel refreshed. She’s
filled my heart with such heaviness for so long that, when I drive
to my hotel, I feel like a new Fallon. Now, if I could only feel
that way about Ryland Thomas, I might be able to get on with my
life.

***

Before the sun rises the next morning, I
head to Spartanburg, a three hour drive up I-85. When I get here, I
drive straight to the cemetery in search of my father’s grave. It’s
been over six years since I’ve been here. My mom would never bring
me because she would tell me I needed to focus on the future. Then,
when I could drive myself, it was just too sad for me to visit.
Yet, here I am, staring at the large piece of gray granite with his
name engraved in it.

Moments pass before I can move. I wish more
than anything I could feel his warm arms around me, telling me
those things he used to say to make me feel better.

Life isn’t fair, Fallon, but you have to
make the most of what’s given to you and never pass up any
opportunities. As bad as things may seem, there’s a bright star
shining somewhere with your name on it.

Things he used to say crash into me and it
makes it harder for me, not easier. Slumping against his tombstone,
I cry, telling him how much I miss him. An hour passes and I know I
must leave.

It’s three hours back to Atlanta and I have
a plane to catch. It’s not an easy drive, but I make it in time for
my flight home.

When I’m in the air again, on the way back
to San Francisco, the decision about where I want to live haunts
me. Going back to Spartanburg has shown me that things have changed
so much, or maybe I have, that I don’t feel like it’s home anymore.
So that’s not a viable option. Atlanta’s out because I hate that
town. My mom’s ruined it for me. Charlotte’s an option, yet I just
don’t know.

My San Francisco friends want me to stay
there, but I guess I need to start job hunting and let that be my
deciding factor. I pull out my e-reader and start a new book. I
haven’t read a thing since… yeah, since that awful day. It’s hard
to believe, but I’ve pulled away from everything that was my life.
I toss my damn reader aside and pick up a People magazine that
someone’s left in the seat pocket in front of me. That’s a mistake.
There’s a picture of Ryland Thomas and Tilly at the Wicked Wenches
Con. I want to rip it to shreds. Before I know it, that’s what I’m
doing. The man sitting next to me says, “Not a fan I take it?”

“
That’s an understatement.” I don’t
want to get engaged in a conversation about it so I put my
earphones on and listen to music. I’ve fallen in love with this new
alt rock band from New York City named She Said Fire. I play all
their songs that I’ve downloaded. The diverse sound of their music
soothes me and I must’ve dozed off because, the next thing I know,
the wheels are hitting the ground.

I’d like to say I’m glad to be back, but I
can’t. Everywhere I turn, I see his face; restaurants, book stores,
coffee shops. You name it, he haunts them for me. The taxi drops me
off in front of my apartment and I lug my bag up the steps. As I
get to my door, my phone starts ringing, so I pick it up and see
it’s Kristie.

“
You back?”

“
Just walking in the door.”

“
Perfect! Meet us for dinner at seven.
We’re going to eat sushi, and then at nine, guess who’s playing at
The Jam Bocks?”

“
Who?”

“
Come on and guess.”

“
The Beatles?”

“
Ha ha. Funny. No, and since you’re
such a poor sport, I’m just gonna tell you. She Said
Fire.”

“
Seriously?”

“
Yep. You in?”

“
Naw. I don’t think so.”

“
You’re kidding, right? For weeks, all
I hear is how great they are and now you’re blowing them off? You
gotta get a life.”

“
Yeah, tell me something I don’t
know.”

“
Well, listen, sister, it’s not gonna
happen with you moping around the house.”

“
I know, but I may have made other
plans.”

“
You’re the worst liar
ever.”

“
Yeah, tell that to Ryland
Thomas.”

“
Fuck Ryland Thomas. Besides, he
wouldn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground. What guy his age
does, anyway? And I’m tired of that story. You need to make your
own. Starting tonight.”

I take a deep breath. She’s right. I just
feel like I’ve lost all my energy.

Damn her, it’s like she has a straight line
to my thoughts. “You’re depressed. That’s why you have no energy.
Get out. Start running again. Your ankle’s healed. Get those
endorphins flowing. Surround yourself with positive people. Your
energy will flood into you like crazy, sister. Be ready at seven
because I’m coming to get you.”

“
You’re right. I’ll be
waiting.”

Kristie makes a good point. I’m moving
on.

***

At dinner, I bring Kristie, Kelly and Brandy
up to date about what’s been happening in the life of Fallon. They
applaud my actions with my mom.

“
S’bout time that evil woman gets a
piece of your mind,” Kristie says.

“
Agreed. And it was so liberating,
too.”

I tell them of my dilemma and none of them
think I should move from San Fran.

“
Honestly, where are you gonna
go?”

“
I don’t know,” I try to talk around
my mouthful of sushi.

Brandy looks at me. “You know what? There’s
this great little studio apartment available in my building right
now. I think you should move. Clean slate. Get out of your place
and start here fresh.”

I mull it over, thinking it’s a darn good
idea.

Kristie adds, “I was gonna talk to you about
this later, but have you ever heard of The Erudite Analyst?”