Exposed: Book One of The Love Seekers Series (27 page)

They dropped me off at home, and I never heard nor saw any of them again. The rest of my time in town, I managed to avoid running into anyone present that day, but their taunts and Allen’s derision stuck with me throughout the years. As many times as I tried to forget their faces, the leers and sneers, their horrifying jabs, that memory was ingrained deeply into me. I could push it down and pretend it didn’t exist, but sometimes it snuck out and toyed with me. Only Gia knew what happened that day, and how it still affected me.

Maybe allowing something to chain me up like that was stupid. I allowed it to hold me in place instead of moving forward, but I couldn’t help it. My sister, that experience, and then getting sick. I felt like life kept knocking me down and messed with my prospects. Finding someone always proved difficult for me, and nearly impossible after the MG. Honestly, I started to believe my future would not include love.

At least, until I began talking to Bryan.

Bryan swooped in when I had reached a low point, and helped build me back up. Now I believed, even if not wholeheartedly, that someone existed for me out there somewhere. I was scared though. Not only did that memory hold me hostage, the terror of putting myself out there still gripped me.

I hated seeing the disgust, pity, indifference in people’s eyes when they saw me. Of course when I used my walker versus my cane, everyone’s reactions were magnified a hundred fold. When I mentioned that to my sister, Ellie laughed it off and told me I tended to exaggerate and once again allowed my imagination to run away with me. Her words stung, but I had plenty of practice at hiding my hurt. No one ever stared at her like she was a freak. No one ever glared at her for using a walker. Her health remained intact while my body seemed like it fell apart.

After I got sick, I begged and pleaded with God or the universe to heal me. I asked for prayers from family and friends. MG remained. I wanted to give up and give in numerous times, but I forced myself to keep fighting. I could never bring myself to completely surrender. Eventually, I learned to deal with the effects of MG and adapted. Military brats excelled at adapting after all.

I accepted my life was no longer the same, and that I had a new normal. However, every time I met a guy for a date, a new wall appeared, barricading me into my own personal inner sanctuary. But by doing that, I almost lost myself without realizing it. Again, Bryan was the person who helped me realize how buried I had become.

He had yet to steer me wrong, so I would take his advice and guidance, and I would march forward, praying the chains of my past did not jerk me backwards. Baby steps.

Baby steps began with calling Chad.

Picking up my phone, I scrolled through my contacts until I found his name. My heart pounded in my chest and ears. Was I breathing? I thought I was, but it hurt to breathe. I didn’t know. My pulse sped up, and my face felt flush. It was time to forget my fears, jump off the cliff, and make the call.

Before I worked up the courage to hit the
talk
button, my phone began howling at me with an incoming call. At some point while I tried to convince myself to hit the button, I had turned up the volume to max.

Screaming in surprise, I threw the phone into the air and it landed on the coffee table, sliding across it, and falling over the edge away from me. If I thought my pulse was racing before, nothing compared to the speed it raced now. I didn’t know. Breathing deeply, I pressed my hand to my chest and felt the erratic heart–beat trying to break through my ribs and escape. The pulse point in my neck thrummed, and I felt it spazzing without touching it. Hell, anyone could probably see it and take my pulse without laying a hand on me.

I was always that person who sat on the fence about whether surprises were good or bad, and today, I despised them. My breathing came hard and fast: in and out, in and out. My lips began to feel numb and tingly. I was hyperventilating and could not control it. I needed to take in long deep breaths and settle down.

A pounding started at the base of my skull and moved forward. Bending down, I placed my head between my legs and breathed as deeply as possible. Why the fuck did I feel so panicked over a simple phone call?

Five breaths later, I felt better and the anxiety had started to wane, but the pounding grew louder behind me. It took me a moment to realize the loud noise came from my door and not my head.

***

Bryan

Had I followed my own advice, I would have stayed away from Emma the remainder of this trip and not seen her again until Mel and Luke’s wedding. Instead, I stood in front of her door, using my fist to beat on it. Where the hell was she? Why didn’t she answer?

              Maybe I overreacted a little when I left my sister and mom in the middle of lunch and hurried over to her house. Maybe. But, what was I supposed to do? Chad called and asked if it would be all right if he asked Emma out on a date. My Emma!

              Wait a second. Not my Emma. She was a friend and nothing more. However, she deserved a whole hell of a lot better than Chad Destin. I loved the guy. I mean he was my friend and buddy, and we hung out whenever I got into town, but there was no way on God’s green earth that I would allow him to date Emma. Period. End of discussion.

              And when I told him those exact words, he laughed and said, “Dude, I actually don’t need your permission. This is nothing more than a courtesy call because we’re friends.”

              “She’s not ready,” I proclaimed, which went against everything I had been saying up until this point.

              “Once she jumps on the horse, she’ll be fine.”

              “And you want to be the horse?” My left hand pressed the phone against my ear harder as my right hand pumped open and closed as I tried to stave off the urge to punch something or someone. If Chad had been in front of me, he would have made an excellent punching bag.

              His chuckle made me want to kill him. “Hey, why not? I’ll make sure she enjoys herself and has a really good time. It’s not like you want her, and she’s hot. Just because she isn’t 100% healthy doesn’t mean she isn’t fuckable.”

              I growled, the sound rumbling deep and low in my chest. “Excuse me?”

              “I’m messing with you. Why don’t you take a fucking chill pill and chill the fuck out? All I’m saying is, she seems like a nice girl and I plan on asking her out.”

              “Over my dead body! Didn’t you just get out of a relationship?”

              “Bryan, remember who your friends are. I’ve had your back since college.”

              “So?”

              “Come on. We both know Sarah wasn’t the girl for me. Who knows? Maybe Emma is.”

              “You can’t,” I snapped again.

              “You aren’t her daddy or her boyfriend. I can do whatever I fucking want to, and you can’t do a damn thing to stop me.”

              “She deserves to have someone romance her, not someone who wants to fuck and be done with her.”

              “Who says I only want to fuck her? You might be my friend, but you are crossing the line, Bryan.”

His tone warned me to take a step back and leave this alone, but I couldn’t. “I’m crossing…? Back off, Chad,” I roared. “She deserves better than you can give her.”

              The buzzing of silence coming through my cell phone greeted me. Had he hung up? I pulled my phone away from my ear and glanced down at the screen. Call still active. Lifting he phone back to my ear, my hand ached from how tightly I gripped my cell phone, and it surprised me that it didn’t shatter with the pressure.

              I almost said something else, but his quiet words stopped me. “Is that your final answer? And before you say anything, you need to ask yourself why you care so much. Why are you so pissy about this particular girl?” With that, he hung up and the line went dead. I didn’t have to pull the phone away to see that the call had truly disconnected this time.

              That particular girl? Why was I pissy about Emma? Why the hell would he ask a question like that? Obviously—maybe not to him—I was trying to watch out for her. Up until that point, Emma had some of the worse luck with men. She didn’t trust easily, and the last thing I wanted for her, the last thing she needed, was to be pursued by a playboy who pretended to be a lifer. Chad would never be a lifer, and Emma deserved better in her life. My concern meant nothing more than that.

              After he hung up, I placed enough cash to cover the lunch bill on the table, jumped in my car, and sped over to her place, determined to convince her to decline Chad’s less than innocent invitation. The drive seemed to take longer than it should, my chest felt tight, and I couldn’t stop grinding my teeth. With the way I mashed them together, they might’ve turn to dust, and I didn’t give a fuck. I needed to get to her before he had a chance to talk to her. I didn’t care that a phone call required less than a minute to make, or that my trip took almost fifteen minutes driving from the restaurant in the heart of Charleston to her apartment on the outskirts of town. I also didn’t care that the only reason it didn’t take longer was because I sped and might’ve run a couple of stop signs.

              My reaction wasn’t logical and I couldn’t care less. I had to protect her from him and anyone else who did not approach her with honorable intentions. It was my duty to make sure she found someone who would cherish her.

              By the time I arrived at the door, I was panting from the exertion and anxiety. Only friends. I only wanted to offer my friendship to her, and I refused to explore my feelings beyond that. She seemed sweet, wholesome, and amazing. And compared to her, Chad was the scum of the earth. An angel like her deserved better than the devil.

              I tried to knock softly at first, in order to be as polite as possible, but she didn’t answer and my stomach lurched, sending my nerves into overdrive. My fist pounded harder and louder, until finally, I could hear something inside. When she answered the door, relief flooded me and I could breathe again. She appeared to be all right, and this time her walker stood between us.

              Seeing the surprise and shock on her face when she opened that door, was almost comical, and I couldn’t help but chuckle a little as my body continued to come down from its nervous high. One side of her hair looked tangled and almost stood on end, as if she had moments ago woken up after a night of heavy drinking or heavy sex, and her flushed face did nothing to deter from that imagery. I easily remember the feel of her backside pressed firmly against my front. How it hugged…

              My throat felt tight and I cleared it. I hadn’t shaved since I had gotten back in town and had a short stubby beard, and it did its job of hiding my blush. Thankfully her eyes remained focused on mine and did not move lower, otherwise things could’ve gotten awkward. “Uh, hi.” Well, that sounded stupid even to my own ears.

              “Hi,” she replied, her perplexed expression wrinkling her forehead into a frown. “What are you doing here?”

              “I was in the neighborhood again…” Words failed me when she started to snicker. I felt my own smile pulling at my lips, and I rolled my eyes at my own foolishness. “Okay, not really, but I’m leaving tomorrow, and I thought you and I could grab a bite to eat and talk a little before I headed back home.”

              “Talk?”

              “Usually happens when you open your mouth and words come out. Much like we’re doing right now.”

              She wrinkled her nose, and I couldn’t help but think about how cute she looked when she did something so seemingly innocent. Then she narrowed her eyes, and her grin prevented her expression from appearing harsh. “I do know what talking is, butthead.”

              “Butthead again? Ouch. You wound my manly pride.”

              “I’m sure.”

              “So food?” I asked and took an ostentatious step forward. As I thought she would, she backed up and allowed me to enter her apartment.              

              “I suppose I can grace you with my presence. Let me grab my purse.”

She slowly turned around, but the first step she took forward, she stumbled and would have fallen if I hadn’t caught her. In that second, I thought my heart was going to stop. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” Her words didn’t match her tone of voice. She sounded almost angry.

“Em—”

“I said I’m fine.” She fixed her footing and stepped out of my embrace.

My arms felt almost bereft, and they tried to reach out to her again, but I dropped them to my sides before they touched her. No, this couldn’t happen. We were friends. If circumstances were different, if we didn’t live in different parts of the country, then maybe, but not now.

Clearing my throat, I gazed at her back as she moved into the living room and leaned against the breakfast bar separating the living room from the kitchen. If she stiffened up anymore, I could picture her body snapping like a twig with only limited force. I didn’t know what I had said or done, but I had to do something to relax her. My eyes searched the small area, looking for something that might put her at ease. They found a couple of dog toys scattered around the living room. “Where’s your dog? Is he all right?”