Exposed: Book One of The Love Seekers Series (22 page)

He waited for a few seconds and I wondered what he was thinking. Was he really that concerned? Even the mere thought of that gave me a giddy feeling deep inside me.

Bryan:
I’m sorry. I’ve been waiting for you to get back home so I could hear how it went

I guess I was a little anxious knowing your own reasons for hesitating.

Me:
You set me up.

Bryan:
What do you mean?

Me:
Chad’s sister has MS.

Bryan:
Yes, which is why I thought it’d be safe.

Me:
Safe? As in no judgement?

Bryan:
Exactly.

Me:
He didn’t judge me. He helped.

Bryan:
Only him?

Did I dare tell him the truth? I hedged instead.

Me:
It was fine.

Bryan:
Em…tell me. I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me.

I admitted, in that moment, I felt a little taken aback. Fix it? What did he have to fix? People and their judgmental attitude? Newsflash, there would always be those people in the world. I coped, and when I couldn’t, I hid.

Me:
What do you mean?

Bryan:
Nothing. Tell me.

Me:
What do you want to fix? You can’t force people to look at me any differently than they do. They make the conscious choice to get to know me or not. I’ve lived with it for over four years now. Most people form their opinions on appearance rather than getting to know the actual person. It happens in schools, in jobs, and everywhere else. It hurts, but that’s reality. You can’t change the world.

Bryan:
Why not?

Me:
Really?

My reply was pure unadulterated sarcasm.

Bryan:
So are you going to tell me what happened today or not?

Though his words were typed, I almost felt and heard his frustration coming through with his message, and I honestly couldn’t understand why he felt like that.

Me:
Nothing much. Went to the party. Chad helped me inside. You didn’t tell me he was a fan of Chicago. We might have plotted your demise for that. We drank, ate, and swam a little. I took a couple of naps, we talked and joked. Mel got there late. More laughing, watched a movie, and that’s it.

Bryan:
He always plots my demise. I hope you came up with something more creative than him.

Me:
Of course. I got mad plotting skills. LOL. ;)

Bryan:
That’s my girl. What about the other guests?

His girl? I wished.

Me:
Some were dicks and ignored me or told me I should get my walker out of their way. Some whispered that they didn’t know why I was there, but I brushed it off.

Bryan:
That all? What really happened? I feel like you are leaving something out.

My thought inadvertently went to Cory and everything she said. Tears stung my eyes again, but I didn’t want her or her actions to make me cry again.

Bryan:
Em? Hello?

I must’ve disappeared into my own little world again because I noticed it’d been almost ten minutes since he’d sent his last response asking for the whole truth. This was turning into a bad habit whenever I talked to him.

Me:
Sorry. Had to use the bathroom and forgot to tell you.

That’s it. Nothing else happened.

Bryan:
Why don’t I believe you?

Me:
Trust me.

Bryan:
LOL. I’ve heard that one before.

Me:
Can’t you be happy I went?

Bryan:
I am, but…

Me:
But?

Bryan:
I don’t want you to shut out the world if people act like douchebags.

Me:
I haven’t done it yet.

While that statement could be considered true, in the last couple years I had become more of a hermit than I used to be.

Bryan:
I don’t want you to give up.

Me:
And that’s why I have you. You’re going to help me find Mr. Right For Me.

Bryan:
LOL. True.

Me:
But let’s start again tomorrow. I’m exhausted. I’ll talk to you later.

I hit enter and waited for his response, curious to see what it would be this time.

Bryan:
K. TTYL, honey. ;)

Not the kiss, but I’d take it. Uh. No. No, I didn’t want it. He was not my Mr. Right anything. Period.

Chapter 21

Bryan

Signing off with Emma for the night had been difficult. Deep inside my gut, I knew she only divulged half of the real story…if that. And now Chad refused to answer his phone. Something bad went down earlier. I gave that rat bastard friend of mine one task, one simple thing to do: watch over Emma and make sure nothing or no one hurts her. How hard could that possibly have been? Someone got through the lines of defense I had set up, and now I wanted to punch someone for hurting her.

It pissed me off that when it came to Emma, I was unable to control my emotions. I hated feeling powerless, and yet, I was powerless to protect her from so far away. If I could’ve found a way, I would’ve been there for her today. Why didn’t every house have a transporter like
Star Trek
yet?

I had this inherent need to shield her from all harm, and I did not want to dwell on why I felt that way. We were friends. She was Mel’s friend. All that existed between us could be summed up in those two statements. Past, present, and future, the only thing that would ever happen between us was friendship. I ignored the small pang in my chest. She deserved better than someone who could not and would not commit to a real relationship. She lived on the opposite side of the country, and this was merely a sort of business deal. I’d drawn a line in the sand and I refused to cross it.

Shoving another t–shirt into my suitcase, a thought occurred to me…plagued me really.
As of tomorrow, we won’t be on different coasts.
“Hell no!” I snapped out loud to my empty bedroom.

              Tomorrow I boarded a plane, thanks to my approved leave, and then I’d handle the family crisis to the best of my ability. That was all I could fit into my agenda. It was all I could deal with in my life right now. My career and my family came first, and I didn’t have time for anything or anyone else. That was a lie. I had my friends, and they were in some cases closer to me than my family. Than my parents. Maybe, if I worked and arranged it, I may stop in to check on Emma, but I doubted I would make the effort. Our relationship needed to stay on the computer. It had to because…because I couldn’t allow it to turn into more.

              Relationship? What relationship? Shit. I think Evan’s words were starting to permeate the air I breathed right down to my very soul. No. Once she found someone our ties would sever, and the bells of freedom would ring. For her? For me? I didn’t know any more.

              Just not with Chad. She deserved better than to become a rebound girl. Plus, Chad fell short of the mark. He wasn’t good enough for her. While he might have been committed to his last girl for the past six months, prior to that, he had a different girl every night. His fear of commitment exceeded mine. I knew I didn’t have much room to talk given my track record, but not Chad. Fellow players worshiped him as a god amongst men. Emma should not be tied to someone like that.

              Granted, his girlfriend did the breaking up this time, but if he expected me to believe he suffered from a broken heart, I couldn’t do that. I was almost certain, he’d been plotting how to dump her for at least a couple weeks before the ax fell on him. Chad lived and breathed for Chad alone, and obsessed about himself a little too much for my liking.

              It wasn’t that I didn’t like my own friend. I did. I’d known Chad since my freshman year at college when we pledged the same fraternity. Together we scouted for women, got into trouble, and had a grand time. If I needed him, I could call him and he would be there for me regardless of the circumstance.

But Emma was special…different. Were any of my friends good enough for her? No, definitely not. Maybe I needed to re–evaluate my pool of friends.

              Emma deserved nothing less than the cream of the crop. She deserved a prince among men, even if I wasn’t certain where to find such a man. I’d try for her, though. For her, I’d search the world for him, if only to prove to her someone existed that embraced everything she had to offer. Of course I’d discovered only recently how amazing she really was through our chats. I wished she could see herself the way I did, and I wished I had seen it sooner.

              And I didn’t want to discuss or analyze my behavior when she first signed into FaceSpace tonight. Earlier today, I performed my flight drills, and as soon as I changed out of my flight suit, I checked my messenger app. No messages. I went home, and as soon as I pulled into the driveway, I checked again. Nothing. I started packing and checked my stupid app every thirty minutes–sometimes sooner. My focus remained on her instead of packing, and I had a 6:00 A.M. flight, which I hadn’t packed for.

              I guessed calling me or messaging me was too much to ask? Okay, now I sounded like a prick and an overly obnoxious, jealous boyfriend. Which I wasn’t. Like any good friend who sent their friend into unchartered territory, worry settled into gut and held on tighter than a cowboy riding a bull. Anything could’ve happened to her, and something did happen. Maybe I shouldn’t have forced her to go.

              Forced? Ha! But wasn’t that exactly what I did? I sat there and convinced her that this would open the door to her future. I was an ass who tended to be a control freak. I hated not knowing. Every time I glanced at my phone, the same questions ran through my head,
Was she all right? Were people treating her nicely? Did they accept her? Did she meet anyone new?
Now I sounded like an overprotective parent.
Kill me now before I started imposing a curfew on her.

             
Zipping my suitcase shut, I threw it on the floor and sighed, before falling onto my bed. A mere girl had begun wreaking havoc on my life, and it needed to stop. I felt sorry for her, but it was starting to spiral out of control. I disliked losing control of my life—another reason a match between Emma and I wouldn’t work.

              I repeated my current mantra aloud, “Just a girl. Only going to help her. She’s a job. I’m doing her a favor and that’s it.”

Chapter 22

Emma

              I was drowning my sorrows with ice–cream and diet root beer, which completely contradicted each other, and I did not care one iota. In fact, my disappointment grew when I discovered I only had cookies and cream instead of vanilla ice–cream, and therefore couldn’t make a root beer float.

              Could someone drown their sorrows in ice–cream and soda in reality? Probably not. Times like these, I wished I’d kept alcohol in the house. I imagined my best friend, Gia, rolling her eyes and shaking her head as she commented, “Drama queen much?”
Why, yes I am.

              Thinking about her made me miss her and I wanted to talk to her. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number without scrolling through my contacts. It was probably the only number I had memorized. Any time I felt like things were falling apart, she kept me grounded and sane.

              “What’s up?” She picked up on the first ring and spoke before I could say anything.

              “One of these day’s I’ll get the first word in.” Gia and I had known each other for more than a decade, and in all that time, I had never spoken first on our phone calls. If she called me, she was already talking by the time I hit
talk.
I swore she really did that. If I called her, she hits
talk
and immediately spoke. I never won, and that was all right.

              “Wishful thinking, sweetie. But hey, it’s always good to have dream and goals and all that.” She snickered, making me laugh.

              “Yeah. Yeah. I get it. How’s it going? You at work? How’s my favorite goddaughter?

              “Last I checked, she’s your only one since Ellie went and had only boys, and nope, I’m off today.”

              “Whatever. You know what I mean,” I teasingly returned. “How is my girl?”

              “She’s good. Growing like a weed and a little pain in the ass right now, but this too shall pass.”

              “Awe. What’s wrong with my little bug?”

              “Just a phase. She throws her tantrums on a daily basis and expects us to cave.” I could hear the love and tiredness come through the phone. Elizabeth was Gia’s first and only baby so far, and didn’t start the terrible twos until she was three and a half. Up until recently, she had always been the sweetest baby I had ever known; however, her parents now referred to her as their demon possessed child and constantly asked where their sweet baby had gone.

              “But you won’t give in to her.”

              Laughing, she said, “You know me so well.”

              “Of course. Better watch it or I’ll share all your dirty secrets,” I teased.

              “Whatever. It’s your secretes you should be worried about.”

              “Nah. Only when I start dating some famous Hollywood actor or some other sort of celebrity.”

              We both giggled, and my body relaxed.  As much as I loved Mel and my sister, nothing beat the connection of a best friend. Someone who knew me better than I knew myself, and accepted everything regardless of it all.

              “What’s going on?”

              My sigh escaped before I could stop it.

              “Seriously, what’s wrong?” she demanded.

              I wanted to spill my guts and tell her everything I’d kept to myself, or at least what had been going on between Bryan and me. I couldn’t hold back any longer and confessed everything in a rush. When I finished, I released a sigh of relief “And as of today, it’s been three days since I’ve heard from him at all. I haven’t even seen his little green dot light up on FaceSpace. Mel says she hasn’t heard from him either and that he’s probably busy. Which I know he probably is. He is a pilot and in the Navy and—”

              Gia cut me off. “Em, take a deep breath and calm down.”

              I did what she told me to do.

              “Listen to me. I’m with Mel on this. He’s probably busy and has a good reason for being on radio silence. Don’t worry about that.”

              “You’re right.”

              “I know I am. Now answer something for me.”

              “What?” My brow furrowed in confusion, anticipation building as I waited for her question.

              “Have you been cyber–stalking him?”

              “Ex–Excuse me?”

              “Okay, maybe not cyber–stalking, but have you been FaceSpace stalking him?”

              “No, of course not!”

              “Em.”

              Her terse tone sounded exactly like the tone of voice she used on her daughter, Elizabeth, when she managed to find herself in trouble. It was the tone only used by mothers, and made everyone within a one–mile radius to listen and obey. “Not really. I will periodically get on FaceSpace, and look to see who’s online and who isn’t. That’s all though.”

              “FaceSpace stalking.”

              “Shut up.” She might be right, but I hated to admit it.

              “Real mature.”

              Giggling, I retorted, “Yep. I thought you understood that out of the two of us, I’m the mature one.”

              “In your dreams.”

              “Just because you’re older by one month.”

              “Older equals wiser,” Gia taunted me.

              “Age before beauty.”

              “Beauty was the horse.”

              We both laughed again. I found my center during our back and forth teasing; she always made me feel better.

              When she regained control of herself, she said, “He probably had something important come up and can’t contact you. As for what he’s doing for you, I applaud him. It’s about fucking time you got over your hang ups and started meeting new people.”

              “Need I remind you that I have met new people? I even went on a blind date that ended in him leaving as soon as I arrived.”

              “So? Listen, Em. Those assholes that people have been setting you up with were for them, not you. They don’t know the real you or what you’re looking for in a guy. They assume they know you, which basically amounts to a hill of beans. Hell, you’d probably get along better with an armadillo than any guy they find you. And the fact this last one wasn’t even told you have MG, is total bullshit. You were set up to fail, and that pisses me off. I’ve told you time and time again, even before you got sick, there is someone out there for you, you just have to be patient, not give up, and keep looking. And then when you got sick, you got on this giant pity party that’s lasted for four years, and it’s about time it ended. You sell yourself short all the time and you don’t have to. You’re pretty, funny, smart, sarcastic as shit, and my best friend. If you weren’t worth it, I wouldn’t have stuck with you all these years. I’m ecstatic he’s setting you straight and forcing you out of your comfort zone. Lord knows staying in your little bubble, you wouldn’t meet any good guys. I support him 100%.”

              In her own way, she had just read me the riot act and griped me out completely. Gia had never been one to pull punches, especially with the people she considered special to her. “Got it,” I grumbled.

              “Do you? Because if not, I’m sure I can go over it again.”

              I snorted. “No, I’m good.”

              “Excellent! As for Bryan, you like him don’t you? I mean, I know you always had a little crush on him since you always talked about how hot he is and stuff like that.”

              “A little crush. That’s all.”

              She sat there for a moment in silence, and then said, “No, not any longer.”

              Since the day we met, Gia had managed to figure out when I held something back or lied. “Maybe. I don’t know, but I’m not his type. Time to move on.”

              “What about this other guy? Chris or Chuck?”

              “Chad?”

              “Yeah, him. You’d think I’d remember that name since I have a cousin named Chad.”

              “No. He just got out of a relationship and the last thing he wants is another one. It did feel nice to let down my guard a little though. He didn’t hover too much or make me feel like less than a person because I had to use my walker while I was there. He even got a room ready so I could take a nap.”

              “I’m sure he understands. With his sister having MS, it helps.”

              “Yep.”

              “Have you talked to him since the barbecue?”

              “Maybe.”

              “You bitch! You’ve been holding out on me. First Bryan, and now this. I should fly out there and kick your ass.”

              “Well, I would love to see you, but keep your hands and feet to yourself.” I started to giggle.

              “Spill.”

              I took a deep breath, and finally explained. “Really, there isn’t much to tell. He called the day after and checked on me and that’s about it. He had to go after that and I haven’t talked to him again.”

              “Don’t lie. Nothing else?”

              “Seriously. We started to trash talk each other’s hockey teams and he got another call right after I said that Chicago sucked. It was the only insult exchanged. He said he would call back, but I haven’t heard from him again.”

              “Nice of him to check on you.”

              “I agree.”

              “If you were insulting him, who does he root for?”

              “Fucking Chicago.” I made a gagging sound in the back of my throat.

              “Bleh.”

              “I know!”

              She had her own team she followed, but thankfully, our friendship remained intact because it was not Chicago. “Dallas is better.”

              “LA.”

              “On this, we will never agree.”

              “True story,” I barked, a smile lighting up my face.

              “So what about asking him out?”

Odd question since she knew I loathed doing the asking. I always got tongue–tied, stuttered, and turned beet red. The two times I managed to do the asking, were a couple of my less than stellar moments that I would rather forget ever happened–even if one of the two did agree to a date with me.

              “Excuse me?”

              “You heard me.”

              “No, I don’t think I heard you correctly. We must have a bad connection.”

              “You seriously need to get over your fear of asking someone out.”

              “It’s not a fear…okay, maybe it is. I’ve just grown up believing the guy should do the asking. As far as Chad is concerned, I don’t know. He just got out of a relationship and from what I understand, it was kind of serious. I doubt he’s ready to date. And before you ask, those are the only two men on my radar. Is that pathetic or what?” I tried to make it sound like a joke, but my voice shook.

              “Or what,” she quickly answered. “You have guy friends you can date. Bryan is a good guy and is trying to help you, and Chad is a decent guy who didn’t make you feel weird for being sick. You always find an excuse as to why you can’t pursue someone. It’s no wonder they’re the only two guys on your radar, but give it time and eventually you’ll have a list a mile long.”

              I didn’t quite believe her, however, hearing it made me feel better. “Thanks, girl.”

              “I’m here for you no matter what.”

              The conversation went from teasing to serious to teasing again. Each change happened in the blink of an eye, but this was who we were together. “Thanks. I miss you.”

              “I miss you too. I’m going to try and come out in a couple of months.”

              “I wish you could come now.”

              “Me too. Can you come down here?”

              “Not right now. Maybe next month. I have a full schedule of doctor appointments for the rest of this month. At least one a week, and some have two or three.”

              “Ouch.” I heard her hiss.

Whenever I went to a doctor appointment, I always had to get labs done, and each doctor wanted their own special tests run. Sometimes they only took one vial of blood, but the times I had to see rheumatology, it varied from four vials up to fourteen. My rheumatologist currently held the record for most blood sucked out of my body. “Tell me about it. I swear my rheumatologist is a vampire.”

“How many vials the last time?” She chuckled with me.

“Twelve, and I had to sit there because I got dizzy. I might have been better off donating blood.”

“The others aren’t so bad though, right?”

“Not really. I just get tired of going and dealing with it all.”

“I know you do, but you have to hope and believe that one day they will come up with something that will put you in remission, or that they will find a cure.”