Ex, Why, and Me (13 page)

His fingers relaxed around her wrists before he regained his firm grip. “I don’t believe you,” he told her, his voice gravelly. “You’re trying to lower my guard.”

“You’ll find out soon enough.” She bathed his cock with the flat of her tongue, starting from the base and working to the tip. His cock beat against his stomach by the time she swirled her tongue along the domed head.

Ryan’s fingers pinched her skin. His shallow breaths echoed in the cave. Her heart pulsed to the same beat as the throbbing between her legs as she inhaled his scent.

She kissed and licked his cock, wanting more. She wanted to grasp the base and pump him with her hands. Cup his balls and squeeze them gently.

Michelle inched down and covered one sac with her mouth. Ryan turned out to be more sensitive than she had anticipated. He flinched and jerked against her mouth. She suckled and licked him until he released her hand. She immediately cradled his balls.

Ryan grabbed the back of her head and silently urged her upward. She smiled against the nest of his wiry hair.

“Let go of my other hand,” she whispered. The sense of power flooded her when he immediately complied.

She grasped his cock with both hands and pumped him fast and rough. Ryan twitched and swayed underneath her touch. She would have loved to have seen the pleasure rippling across his face.
Next time…

Michelle covered the head of his cock with her lips and relaxed the muscles in her throat. She inched down his length and drew him in, building a rhythm that was too much for him. Ryan jerked and his guttural groan reverberated against the cave walls.

Later Michelle faced the wall of the cave, determined to get some sleep as her body ached for its own release. It didn’t help that her back was pressed firmly against Ryan’s chest or that she was cradled into his loose embrace.

He lifted his head and murmured sleepily in her ear. “Didn’t you say something about not having sex with me?”

“That sounds vaguely familiar,” she whispered as she sought a comfortable spot on his arm for her head. Why was he asking?

“You don’t even like me anymore,” he teased.

She jabbed her elbow into his ribs. “Stop that. It’s not true and you know it.”

“What do I know?”

“I like you. Now go to sleep.”

Like him. She rolled her eyes at that statement. What a euphemism. The truth of the matter was, she wasn’t sure how she felt about him. It was more than like. Right there on the edge of falling in love.

Oh, who was she kidding? She had already fallen, and hit the ground hard.
Ker-splat
. Ryan Slater had been her first love. Okay, her only love. She had been crazy about him. Lusted after him.

And she had never quite gotten over him. Funny, she thought she had. It was odd that here she was, right by his side, after all this time. She hadn’t thought that would happen.

But why not? Michelle frowned at her wandering thoughts. If she loved him, why did it seem so weird that she was with him now? Come to think of it, she had never once thought of them having a future together. Why was that?

Unless Vanessa was right. Michelle’s eyes widened. Her fling with Ryan had been a part of her to-do list.

All the fragments that she never allowed herself to look at suddenly came together and crystallized. She didn’t like what she saw. She didn’t like the facts pointing at her. Because she had meant for that disastrous night to be a one-night stand. She had considered having sex with him being the end of the relationship.

Michelle’s body tensed as the truth hit hard. She really
was
shallow. If a guy she dated thought having sex was the end of the relationship, she would hit him upside the head.

“What’s wrong?” Ryan asked, his voice laced with exhaustion.

“Nothing,” she said calmly as her mind screamed,
I messed up! I completely messed up!

She had loved him for what seemed like forever, but she had never thought what they had would last forever. Why? Her eyes darted around the cave as her mind went into a tailspin. Why did she think that?

Had she fixated on one level of the relationship and needed to complete it? Had she looked at Ryan and thought he would suit one purpose and only one purpose?

No. Yes. Maybe it had been all of that or none of it. It was more than going after the sex. She had been after the fantasy.

And it had been that way with her ever since. Even her French lover. And the one after that. And then there had been that guy she met on vacation who was still under the illusion that she was a flight attendant.

Oh, my God.
Michelle wanted to bolt up. Run from the cave. Her arms and legs shook as she forced herself to lie still.

All of those guys were her fantasies, and once she slept with them, the fantasy was over. Reality set in. A relationship had been made and then the hard work had started.

Kind of like her career. No, she didn’t want to think about it. Michelle shifted and turned, pressing her face against Ryan’s chest. The powerful beat of his heart giving her some comfort.

She loved the idea of being a chef. Loved the work. Enjoyed going to Europe, working with amazing people and in fabulous restaurants.

Now the hard part was starting. It had nothing to do with her mojo. She had to dig in and maintain the dream. Make it work.

Because fantasies and dreams were not the same. A fantasy came easy, was perfect, but unattainable. A dream could be achieved if you put your heart into it.

She had really fucked up.

Finding her mojo wasn’t it at all. Michelle closed her eyes, wishing she could block it out. Her mojo happened when everything around her was new and exciting.

The excitement disappeared when everything became routine. When she saw the unglamorous structure holding up the fantasy. She needed to face reality. Dig in at work. Put her heart into it.

She needed to do that in all aspects of her life. Both in her career and in her relationships. She had to stop running.

But what about Ryan? Michelle nestled in closer to his chest. Was he her fantasy lover or her dream lover? After tonight, did she want to have a relationship with him?

And if so, what was she going to do about it?

As they made it to the top of the bluff bright and early the next morning, Ryan felt torn about seeing the other players at the checkpoint. He was relieved the level they were stuck on was finally completed, but he also preferred having Michelle to himself.

“Ryan! Michelle!” Margaret hustled over to them, her face lined with concern. “We were worried about you two. Are you all right? Where were you?”

That was going to be a sticky answer. He was prepared to be vague when Michelle spoke.

“We were still on the trail when it turned dark,” Michelle explained. “So Ryan made us sit in the cave all night.”

Ryan wanted to pull her aside and warn her. She was dancing on the edge of being talked about. Obviously she had been living in the big city too long.

Margaret looked properly horrified. The older woman scanned their wrinkled clothes that were streaked with dirt. “That’s terrible.”

“I know!” Michelle agreed fervently. “It was!”

“It was?” Ryan asked, arching an eyebrow. To hell with discretion and propriety. The night wasn’t all that bad.

“It was,” Michelle said, giving him a look of warning.

Ryan decided not to pursue it. The tips of her ears turning bright pink were enough for him. He’d like to know if she blushed like that all the time. One of these days he was going to make love to her in full sunlight.

“Where did you guys stay?” Michelle asked Margaret.

“We were fortunate to make it to the checkpoint right before it turned dark. Dennis and I were so exhausted, we couldn’t eat dinner. We went straight to bed.”

“How did you get here on time?” Michelle asked. “Didn’t the handcuffs slow you down?”

“Handcuffs?” Margaret’s eyes widened when she saw the bound wrists. “Oh…I see…”

Yep. He and Michelle would give Carbon Hill something to talk about tonight. Michelle didn’t seem worried about it, but then again, she didn’t live here anymore. It was going to be up to him to protect her name. He’d do it, too.

“You
weren’t
handcuffed?” Michelle asked, finding it hard to believe.

“No.” Margaret slowly shook her head. She couldn’t take her eyes off their wrists. “What did you two do to deserve this?”

“We got hit in the paintball level,” Michelle admitted. “I take it you didn’t.”

“No, we didn’t get hit, although there were quite a few near misses.” She looked over at a picnic table where the others sat. “Clayton and Brandy weren’t handcuffed, either.”

Michelle turned to Ryan. “We were the only ones who got hit. The
only ones
who were handcuffed.”

“I guess we’re special.” What was she getting all upset about? They had experienced one of the most memorable nights of his life because of it.

Well, okay, they did have to spend it in a cave, which was worse than behind the pinsetters, but he was willing to make that up to her. She could name the time and place and he would be there.

“Where is Annie?” Michelle asked, struggling with a polite smile. “She would have the key to set us free.”

“Try by the van,” Margaret said, pointing at the vehicle parked next to the road. “That’s where I saw her last.”

“Thank you!” She tugged at Ryan. “C’mon, no time to dawdle. We can finally get this thing off of us.”

“I’m in no hurry,” he said, refusing to do more than stroll toward the van. “I’m getting used to it.”

“You would.” She kept trying to make him move faster, but he wasn’t going to give in. “Annie might have coffee waiting for you. And breakfast.”

Michelle knew him too well. “Well, why didn’t you say so in the first place?” He broke into a full run, dragging her behind him.

“Hey, guys,” Annie greeted them with a smile as she stepped out of the van. “Glad you finally made it.”

“Do we get released now?” Michelle asked hopefully, the metal clanking as she shook her bound wrist.

“You sure do.” Annie dug the key out of her jeans pocket. “Oh, Michelle! What happened to your wrist? It looks bad.”

Ryan glanced down at Michelle’s arm. It did look red and chafed. Did that happen when he held her against the bluff? Or was it when he took her on the cave floor?

The guilt ripped through his gut. He didn’t know he hurt her and she didn’t say anything to him. Why not?

But there was a darker emotion swirling with the guilt. One he was least comfortable with. He felt a primal satisfaction of seeing his brand, his mark, on her.

“Nothing,” Michelle said dismissively. “It was difficult keeping side by side hiking the bluff.”

“I never thought about that,” Annie said as Ryan took the key from her. “But, yeah, I guess that would be a problem.”

Ryan turned the key, releasing Michelle from the cuffs. His hand dropped to his side as she pulled away. “You’re free now,” he said.

He released the latch and removed the metal from his wrists. He gave it back to Annie, his hand feeling too light. As if something was missing.

“And, Michelle, before I forget.” Annie reached for the dashboard. “Here’s your phone.”

“Yes!” She grabbed it with both hands and clasped it to her chest. “Thank you! Where did you find it?”

Annie bit her lip, as if she wasn’t sure what to make of it. “It was on your bedside table.”

“Oh, really?” Her voice was flat and controlled as she shared a look with Ryan. “Interesting.”

“And your mother keeps calling every fifteen minutes.”

Michelle cringed. “I should have known. Did you tell her where I was?”

“I told her that you were in the middle of completing a challenge.” Annie’s face was suspiciously blank. “She didn’t get any more information out of me.”

“Thank you.” Michelle backed away. “I better call her back.”

He watched Michelle retreat. Last night might have brought them closer, but how was he going to keep Michelle by his side after the hunt? It might call for some desperate measures.

“So, Annie,” Ryan said, leaning up against the van. “Where’d you get those handcuffs?”

Michelle found a private spot on the grounds, away from her competitors and the group of men who seemed to be building something. She dialed her mom’s phone number and prepared herself for the lecture of all lectures.

“Michelle Louise Nelson,” her mother said by way of greeting. “Where have you been?”

Apparently once she entered the city limits, it didn’t matter that she was twenty-five and had been living on her own for quite some time. “I’ve been completing a level.”

“In the middle of the night? With
Ryan Slater?
The boy no good mother would let her daughter go out with? Did anyone see you?”

“No,” Michelle assured her. “And before you ask, this is the last day. It shouldn’t take all night.”

Her mother gasped. “It better not! You still have to judge the horseradish recipe.”

Michelle winced. She had forgotten about that. Eating horseradish in front of a crowd was going to get the better of her. She’d rather go back to the cave.

“Michelle,” her mother’s voice rose. “You didn’t forget, did you?”

“Of course not.”

Her mother didn’t believe her. “It’s a good thing I called. You have to be there. You cannot be late. Do you understand?”

“I’ll be there. Promise.” But that was all she could promise. She had no idea what the next level would be or how long it would last.

“Good.” Her mother gave a deep sigh. “Now, what do you plan to wear?”

Michelle pulled the phone from her head and stared at it before putting it back to her ear. “I don’t know! I’m still wearing the clothes I wore yesterday.”

Her mom was silent for a few heartbeats. “No one has seen you yet, right?”

She didn’t have the patience to have this conversation. “Oops, my phone’s battery is running low. I forgot to charge it.”

“Michelle?” Her mother’s voice was low and urgent. “Is the
Herald
there taking pictures?”

If her bed head made the front page, in color, her mother would go into hysterics. “I gotta go.”

“Remember, you have a station!”

“Love you. Bye!” She turned off the phone and walked to the picnic table where Ryan sat. “What does this outfit say to you?” Michelle gestured at her jeans, jacket, and T-shirt. “Former Miss Horseradish or hobo?”

Ryan’s gaze slowly traveled up and down her body. Michelle’s breasts felt heavy and tight and her cheeks grew hot by the time he gave his opinion. “You look beautiful.”

Good answer. She rested her elbows on the picnic table. “I forgot about the horseradish recipe competition,” she admitted in a low voice. “Just for the record, I don’t like horseradish. I hate it.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed it.”

“And now I have to judge the finalists.” She closed her eyes in dread. “I’m not going to survive it.”

“You’ve ridden a horse. Been shot at. Slept in a cave. Stuff you didn’t think you could do. So what’s the big deal? A mouthful of horseradish is nothing.”

“Well, when you put it that way, how about you judge the competition?” she answered brightly. “I’m sure you’ll love the cottage cheese horseradish gelatin thing.”

“That gelatin thing is not half bad. I think it’s a Carbon Hill classic. I can’t judge it for you, but I’ll be there to watch.”

Michelle sat up straight. “You will? Why? The hunt will be over.”

“Why not?”

Huh. There it was. The relationship stuff. The couple-dom. The expectations were already building. She wasn’t sure if she liked it.

And why did they have to start now? At a horseradish contest, of all things. Come to think of it, why would he want to be there?
She
didn’t want to be there. “You don’t have to go. You’ll be bored.”

And that was the crux of the matter. He was going to get bored fast. With them and the idea of them. With her. He was going to find out that she was an ordinary woman. Not a goddess. Not a beauty queen. Not his fantasy.

“I’m going.”

“Going where?” Brandy asked as she sat down next to Ryan. A little too close to him. Her perky ponytail swatted against his shoulder and lay there.

Michelle tried to hide her irritation. Her nerves were already on the edge. Her manners were touch-and-go. She didn’t want to be anywhere around this woman.

“Michelle is supposed to judge the finalists for the horse-radish recipe contest,” Ryan said as he took another sip of his coffee.

“Is that right?” Brandy’s eyes narrowed as she looked at Michelle. “Because you’re a cook, or because you’re a former Miss Horseradish.”

“Both, I imagine,” Ryan answered for her.

Michelle wanted to kick Ryan under the table. Didn’t he see the steam coming out of Brandy’s ears? Or how the woman was turning green with envy. Talking about this in front of her was like waving a red cape in front of a blood-thirsty bull.

“Michelle doesn’t seem to understand that the Carbon Hill women have given her an honor.”

“I see it,” Michelle replied, wondering why Ryan was telling Brandy all of this. “But I don’t think I’m the right person to judge.”

“I agree with her,” Brandy said as she inspected her damaged manicure. “The women of Carbon Hill are very particular about who gets the blue ribbon for the horseradish recipe.”

Great. Michelle felt the pressure building. She was going to walk right into a political minefield. Why did her mom want her to do this?

“Very
particular,” Brandy continued. “They aren’t going to be happy to hear that the final judge spent the previous night handcuffed to a man she isn’t married to. Not happy at all.”

Michelle propped her head on her fist. She had seen this coming and there was nothing she could do about it now. Any arguing, pleading, or response would give Brandy ammunition.

“Then again,” Brandy paused as she gave some more thought to the matter. “Even handcuffs among married couples would be enough to freak them out.”

Michelle tilted her head and flashed a tight smile at Brandy. “Well, who is going to tell them?”

Brandy smiled back, baring her teeth. “You know how these things get around.”

Michelle looked at her straight in the eye. She hoped she was giving the image of not caring. She didn’t want Brandy to get wise to the fact that she was figuring out the mathematical formula of picking the woman up by her ponytail, twirling her around a couple of times, and throwing her off the cliff.

Unfortunately, math was never her strongest subject.

Well, her mom would never forgive her after this hunt. She would probably start wearing sunglasses and a scarf whenever she went out. The disguise only looked good on Audrey Hepburn—which her mother would point out frequently. Probably for the rest of Michelle’s life.

“I know what you mean,” Ryan said as he set down his coffee cup. “It’s amazing how some of these rumors get started. Like that one about you.”

Brandy looked at him from the corner of her eye. “There are a lot of rumors about me, and most of them were started by my pageant competitors. They couldn’t handle the pressure. The more pageants I win, the more friends I lose. That’s the price I have to pay for my success.”

Was this her way of saying “don’t hate me because I’m beautiful”? Michelle was thankful she hadn’t eaten anything yet. That would have definitely caused her to gag.

Ryan leaned over and whispered something in Brandy’s ear. Michelle was surprised to see the woman’s eyes widen. The red head turned pale. Even her freckles lost color.

“That’s…that’s…”

“That’s what I said.” Ryan took another sip of coffee as if they had been discussing the weather. “I said no way would Brandy do
that
. But, it turns out someone had taken pictures at the party.”

“Those pictures are doctored. I keep telling people that.” Brandy bolted from her seat. “I was young…impressionable…and…and…”

“Double-jointed,” Ryan finished for her. “Let’s hope the women of Carbon Hill don’t find out about it.”

They watched as Brandy whirled around and flounced off. “She’s not going to say a word,” Ryan told Michelle.

Michelle leaned forward. “What’s the rumor?”

“Uh-uh. No way.” Ryan’s smile crooked to one side. “I’m not telling you.”

“Oh, then it’s really good.” She shifted on the bench, getting ready for the story. “Don’t hold out on me. What did she do?”