Ex-Terminator Life After Marriage (18 page)

“He gave me the whole world, but I gave nothing in return but a heartache. I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I feel like I need to unleash this burden. Guilt is partly to blame, and before God and these witnesses, I’d like for your forgiveness, Marvin.”

Marvin made a move to get up.

“I’m not finished. When I came back into Atlanta a few weeks ago, it was for my own selfish reasons. I needed Marvin, but what a surprise I found. My husband…who adored the life out of me…had moved on. It was so uncharacteristic of the Marvin I had come to know and love that it threw me for a loop. Seeing him with Rachel in that restaurant disturbed me greatly.

“But this is really not about me and Marvin. I have something else to share. I’m not ashamed to say that in a moment of desperation, I came running back to find the only person I thought could help me.” Suddenly, Denise clawed at her head.

Gasps filled the room: Denise stood holding a wig before her, revealing a nearly bald head.

“A few months ago, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. I may only have a year to live. I’m in the first stages of chemotherapy.”

There were more gasps, and every woman in the room instinctively touched her breasts, as if guarding against the pronunciation of the Grim Reaper’s next victim. They looked at this woman standing before them in disbelief.

“I don’t want your pity, just your love.” Large tears welled up in Denise’s eyes that she tried to control. “I know I should have stayed in New York where I have lots and lots of family, but when it came down to it, my ex-husband was the family I needed.”

Marvin rose from his seat, pulling Rachel with him. He stood in front of Denise and looked into her pained eyes.

“We will be here for you,” Marvin said to Denise. “Rachel and I will be here for you.” Marvin pulled a resistant Rachel closer. Denise sobbed openly.

T
he front door shook and squealed on its hinges. Sylvia hadn’t realized how hard she’d closed it until her body vibrated. She kicked off her five-inch heels as she marched through the living room on her way to her bedroom, dropping her keys and purse on the living room table.

Sylvia sighed. Month after month of helping others find their way to a new and healthy life and believing what she told others was the way to get beyond an unhealthy divorce was something she now questioned. Did she really believe? How could she help others when she wasn’t sure what she wanted herself? It seemed to make sense when the idea had come to her in the beginning, but now…Adonis still kept floating back in her subconscious in the middle of the night or at the breakfast table while she nibbled on a bagel saturated with strawberry cream cheese, his favorite. “Damn him to hell.”

This afternoon was another matter—one too complicated for Sylvia’s fragile heart. Who would have thought that an ex-wife would barge her way into a meeting that was going oh-so-right with testimonies and tell the world that she might have a year to live. It was not what Sylvia envisioned. She wanted healing for the hurt…the pain that Adonis caused her, but it seemed she had to wait in line because everyone else’s pain was much greater than hers.

She peeled off her slacks and caught a glimpse of herself in the floor-length mirror. She turned from side to side, admiring what she saw. She was still attractive, even though a slight bit healthier. She blew the mirror a kiss, and her reflection tossed back her round hips as they sashayed around the room.

“I need to get out of this funk.” Sylvia sighed and flipped on the radio.

“It’s the top of the hour. This is WJZZ-FM, your Hot-Hotlanta jazz radio station. Don’t turn the dial. We’ll be right back after the news with the soulful sounds of Will Downing and my girl, Jill Scott,” the announcer promised.

Sylvia pulled off her cotton blouse and tossed it on the bed. Not sure what to do next, she plopped down on the edge of the bed and extended her arms back to prop up her body, then looked up at the ceiling.

“God, why do I feel so empty? You have to help me. It’s been almost a year, and I can’t let it go. I say I’m over Adonis, but these meetings are causing me to want him more than I’m afraid to admit. Lord, You’ve got to help me. I don’t want a man who doesn’t want me—a man who has gone on with his life with another woman.

“I went out with…I’ve been with…uhhh…Kenny.”

Sylvia sat up straight. How could she talk to God about Kenny? It was an out-of-the-way fling with an old flame. Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. It was nice to have someone’s arms wrapped around her.

Rising from the bed, Sylvia walked the few steps to the small table next to the chaise that held the picture she and Kenny took a few weeks ago at a formal gathering Mona gave and catered at an exclusive Atlanta nightclub. She picked up the picture and gazed at the couple with the wide smiles. “Humph, he does look good. And he smelled good, too.”

Falling onto the chaise, Sylvia hugged the picture to her breasts and closed her eyes.

“I was just thinking about you,”
Sylvia sang seductively, then realized that Jill Scott was singing along with her.

She looked at the photo and ran her fingers over Kenny’s face.
“You just running across my mind, you just running across my mind, you just running across my mind,”
she and Jill sang.

Visions of dancing with Kenny crept into Sylvia’s head. She scooted farther down on the chaise, bending one leg at the knee, and closed her eyes. She felt Kenny’s hands circle her waist and Karl Lagerfeld seep through his pores as he inched his face closer to hers. They lost themselves in the melody—the slow, syrupy rhythm that beckoned for them to become one. Oh, but she came alive when his lips touched hers, and she reciprocated like she was Cinderella and the clock was only minutes from striking twelve.

She let Jill continue to sing as she lay there and reminisced.

She recalled the moment Kenny handed her the key to his room, and she stared at the palm of her hand as if an unidentified foreign object had just landed. There was a twinkle in his eyes—she was sure it was lust—but suddenly she was game for whatever. She tried to play hard to get but followed the man into his hotel room. Her heart needed a massage, so she’d let an old friend do the honors. That was the first time, and there was a second, although nothing happened either time. She was having serious feelings for this man.

“How amazing,”
Jill sang. And Sylvia ran her hand down the length of her body, over her breasts and down her thighs.
“And kiss this and this and this and this, and that,”
Jill and Sylvia sang together.

Tears began to well up in Sylvia’s eyes. She looked once more at the picture she clutched in her hand, studying it for a long moment. Brushing a tear away from her face, she placed the photo on the table, facedown.

“Lord, forgive me of my sinful thoughts. I know You will give me the strength to get through this mini-depression. Lord, will You be my lover tonight?”

Ding, dong
.

“Hold on, I’m coming,” Sylvia shouted. She grabbed her white-and-black polka-dotted robe off the hook on the bathroom door, slipped it on and headed for the front door. She combed her hair with her fingers and tied the belt around her waist. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” she shouted again as the pounding on the door became louder.

“Girl, are you going to let me come in or what?” Rachel said when Sylvia got the door open.

“Of course,” Sylvia said as Rachel pushed past her.

Rachel’s jaw dropped as she tripped over one of Sylvia’s shoes. “Uhhh, what happened up in here? Shoes all over the place, papers strewn across the floor and no car outside. Was this a drive-thru? I smell impatience all up in here. And why do you have your robe on, looking like one of the 101 Dalmatians? It’s only been an hour since we left the meeting. You got somebody up in here?”

“No, Rachel.”

Rachel quickly moved from the foyer into the family room and plopped down on the couch. “That witch is trying to steal Marvin from me,” she began. “I don’t believe her. Waltzing into our meeting with her sob story to try and get her ex-husband back.”

“You saw her hair,” Sylvia pointed out.

“So it was short and splotchy. Doesn’t prove a thing—she could have done it herself.”

“Rachel, I believe Denise is sick even if I didn’t particularly care for how she chose to deliver her message. She’s a drama queen, and drama queens do what they do best—act it out. Clearly, Denise has issues, but I don’t think she’s feigning her illness.”

“Sylvia, she’s not going to take away the best thing that has happened to me with her one-act play. I’ll fight her like the disease she has.”

“That was not nice, Rachel. You ought to be ashamed for having thought that, let alone utter the words out loud. Listen to yourself. I know you’re afraid of losing Marvin. He’s a good man, but you have to trust that he loves you. He told me so.”

Rachel’s shoulders relaxed. “He did?”

“Yes, and it was
before
Denise made her public announcement. But like he helped Claudette, he’s not going to abandon Denise during her time of need.”

“You’re right, but I don’t trust her as far as I can see her, Sylvia.” Rachel picked up a pillow from the couch and threw it back down. “I hate her,” she said, beating the pillow with her fist.

“Hate is a mighty strong word, sister.”

“I know I’m being selfish because I want Marvin all to myself. Let’s drop it…the subject, that is.”

Sylvia looked at Rachel, who sat back on the couch pouting. If it were her man, she would probably be doing the same thing. Her thoughts were on Kenny again; his image was strong in her mind. Misguided messages…no, messages she took to her bosom and pretended to ignore, danced in her head. She wanted him, and as soon as she got rid of Rachel, she would call Kenny and ask him to come and play.

Was she mixed-up? Ten minutes earlier, she was asking God to help her. Now, she was helping herself.

“Earth to Sylvia,” Rachel said, popping her fingers. “Where is he? I know you’ve got a man stashed away in your closet.”

“Are you through?”

“Not until I get some answers.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, you crazy girl. And stop pulling on my robe.” Sylvia slapped Rachel’s hand.

“Don’t keep any secrets from me, Sylvia. Where’s the man? You got him hiding in your closet. I’m going to check. You might as well confess because you know I’ll find you out.”

“Nothing to tell, darling. And stop snooping around like a beagle. I have nothing to hide.”

“Mmm-hmm. See, you can pretend that you don’t want Adonis back,” Rachel said, as she placed her hand on her hip, “but your best friend knows better. I’m not stupid.”

“You’re being silly, Rachel.”

“Jealous, that’s what I say. Jealous.”

“Jealous of you and Marvin? I don’t think so.”

“Sylvia, I love Marvin. I don’t know what I would do if he decides he wants to be with Denise, even if it’s because he feels sorry for her. Why does she have to have cancer now? Don’t say it; I know I’m being mean.”

“I understand, sweetie. My advice is to be there for Marvin.”

“I will. I just know that at one time Marvin loved Denise very much…maybe he still does. And now Denise’s illness may bring them back together.”

“You may have to step back and let Marvin help her.”

Rachel sat quietly on the couch, deep in thought.

Sylvia sat next to Rachel and rubbed her back. “It’s okay. I’ll let you in on a secret. I was beginning to have reservations about our support group. I’m not sure that I believe in what I’m doing.”

Rachel hugged her. “Girl, you are doing the right thing. If it hasn’t helped you, it has helped a whole lot of other folks. Look at me. Look at Ashley, Claudette and Mona. I’m grinning all the time like I haven’t got the good sense that God gave me. I’ve been renewed and I have a little more faith in that creature we call man. There are some good ones out there, Sylvia, if only I had let God pick out my man in the beginning. I’ll get through this crisis.”

Sylvia smiled. “You are a good friend, Rachel.”

“You hang in there and don’t even think about going anywhere because we need you. Your knight in shining armor will come.”

“He may have already come.”

“I knew it, I knew it, I knew it,” Rachel crowed.

“You know what, you silly girl?”

“Drive-thru.”

“No, not quite a drive-thru.
”

“Whatever.”

They laughed. Rachel picked up a pillow from the couch and tossed it at Sylvia playfully. “Now, tell me.”

“Okay,” Sylvia began. “I’ve been reminiscing about Kenny.”

“Kenny? He’s still hanging around?”

“Kenny is a changed man, Rachel. You may not be able to see the good in him, but I have been with him to know.”

“Have you slept with him?” Rachel asked politely with a bit of sarcasm in her voice.

“No, but we have spent the night together
.
”

“I can’t believe you kept this from me. Don’t blame you for a minute. I would have kept it under wraps, too. And you didn’t sleep with him? I don’t quite get it.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Okay. That’s the second time someone has said that to me in as many days. I’m not stupid; it’s just difficult to understand.”

“Nothing difficult about it at all. He is a gentleman—much like Marvin.”

“Okay, my sistah. Tell me anything. Was it good to you?”

“Again, we didn’t have sex, Rachel.” Sylvia’s mind was wandering. “I was having those crazy dreams about Adonis leaving me. Kenny’s touch was so gentle. He held me like my momma used to do when I hurt myself. He’s been good, Rachel.”

“I have to respect that. And if my girl feels good about it, who am I to criticize?”

“Exactly what I’ve been trying to say.”

Rachel sucked her teeth. She picked up a magazine that was on the floor next to the couch. “Now, this is what I call
phine
.” Rachel pointed to the healthy hunk who was one of the thirty-one most eligible bachelors in
Ebony
magazine.

“Be happy for me. I am for you. It’s like this, Rachel. The meeting today was for the most part great, but it made me feel just how lonely I was. All those testimonies about how new life had sprung up in different lives. Look at you and Marvin, Claudette and Tyrone. I’m not settling for Kenny; I am falling in love with him.”

“Sylvia, we’ve been friends a long time. I have made plenty of mistakes in my lifetime, but I know that Marvin not only feels right; he is right. I have no reason to sit in judgment of you. I was thinking about all the strides you’ve made to get over Adonis only to let a two-time loser like Kenny teeter your totter for a few minutes. But I have to believe you know who Kenny is, and I know you’ll do what you think is right for you.”

“Great. Now why don’t you pick yourself up from my couch and go see about your man so I can see about mine.”

“Does this mean you’re kicking me out of your house?”

They laughed.

“All right, Sylvia. I’m going to see about my good man.”

“Arial said you didn’t know how to pick a man.”

“She said that?”

“Yeah, but I’ll let her know you’ve got a good one now. So get up and get ready for your drive-thru.”

“No…you didn’t. I’ll have you know that I’m going to the drive-in. There’s a world of difference between drive-in, drive-thru and drive-by.”

“And…the difference is…?”

“I’ll say this.” Rachel sighed. “They’re all quickies.”

Sylvia picked up a pillow from the couch and threw it at Rachel. It was on. Pillows flew through the air.

“You better watch out for my African fertility statue,” Sylvia warned.

“Oh, the magic stick. You’ve been working this statue overtime.” They laughed and laid the pillows on the couch.

“I love you, Rachel. You’ve always been a good friend.”

“Honey, you’ve been there for me more times than I’ve been there for you. Sylvia, I love you from the bottom of my heart. I’m serious about our support group. It has helped me to get way beyond where I was at our first meeting, and I have you to thank.”