Ex-Factor (Diamond Girls) (15 page)

Gymnastics was a solitary sport, and I simply wasn’t used to synchronizing my movements with a group of nineteen other girls. Regardless, I gave one hundred percent during each practice, and hoped at the very least that counted for something. My poor body was taking a beating. Aside from the normal soreness that came along with tumbling, I also had to deal with things like flying elbows and feet to the face. The insides of my upper arms looked like someone took a cane to them, when in fact the bruises were from catching my flyer. I’d take a bruise any day, though, over letting my flyer hit the floor.

“Okay, girls. Line up at the corner of the mat and do a few warm-up run-throughs. Once you feel comfortable, start working your individual passes.” She sauntered over to the belt station at the far end of the mat and lowered the device to the floor. “If you’re struggling with your standing tuck, please come see me. Callie! This means you!”

I watched in silent mirth as Callie dragged herself up off the mat with a scowl, and trudged over to Coach Shea, petulant and snippy. She grudgingly hefted the belt from the floor and snapped it around her waist, but not before beaming me with her standard venomous look of hatred.

Personally, I found it hilarious that she struggled with her tuck. She threw off a constant air of superiority and perfection, and made no bones about the fact she believed she was the team’s MVP. That title, in my opinion, went to Claire, who could not only tumble with the best of them, but could fly like nobody’s business as well. Callie was a good cheerleader, but she struggled just like I did, and I could tell it burned her down to her core.

The girls and I slowly made our way to the edge of the mat and fell in the back of the line.

“So,” Erin said, jabbing me in the ribs with the set of torture devices she referred to as fingernails. “What the heck was that last night with Bodie? I saw you two in the parking lot on my way out. Start talking.”

I couldn’t help myself. Just like the night before, a huge grin crawled across my mouth, and heat scorched my cheeks at the mere thought of Bodie. I mashed my lips together and shrugged, trying to play it off like our kiss had been no big deal, but Erin wasn’t into my little ruse.

“Uh-uh,” she said. “That boy was performing a tonsillectomy on you with his mouth. That calls for details, so make like a canary and start singing, chica.”

Livvie mashed her lips together and turned to chat with one of the other girls on the team. She hadn’t said two words about Bodie since our short conversation in the car, and it was obvious her feelings toward him hadn’t changed. I loved Livvie, and while I craved her support and approval, I didn’t necessarily need it. Bodie might have been bad news before his accident, but he certainly wasn’t anymore. He was a survivor—like me.

“Honestly, I don’t know where to start, or what to say. Up until yesterday, I was positive Bodie hated me. What happened between us at the dance, well, it surprised me.”

“A tongue slithering down your throat can have that effect,” Claire chimed in, sassy as ever.

Erin smacked her shoulder and shook her head, sputtering a shocked-sounding “Claire!” She placed a hand on my shoulder as we moved forward toward the edge of the mat. Only Livvie and one other girl stood ahead of me. It would be my turn to tumble before I knew it.

“Promise me you’ll be careful around him?” Erin said, her tone one of concern and support. “Bodie’s nothing like the guy he used to be. In a way, that’s good. He doesn’t party like he used to. But you’ve seen how he is, Nev. He’s closed off, hard, and angry all the time.”

I moved forward and nodded. “I’ll be careful. I promise.” I said the words quickly, and for Livvie’s benefit only. Part of me felt sick. Both Erin and Livvie had warned me to watch out for Bodie, to be wary of him because of his involvement in an alcohol-related crash. What would they think of me if they knew what I’d done the night my father died? Would they still talk to me? Or would they drop me like a bad habit and warn others away?

Bodie might have been trouble before, but he wasn’t now. He didn’t scare me in the least. Not after what we’d shared last night. He’d opened himself up to me, revealed a part of himself I was positive he’d kept from everyone else. No. I knew, deep down to the very core of my being, that I had nothing to fear where Bodie was concerned.

My only worry was whether or not I could trust my own feelings and instincts. They’d failed me before, majorly, and I couldn’t help but worry I was getting caught up in all the feel-good emotions that came along with a new crush. Bodie and I had shared one kiss. And while that kiss, in my opinion, had been heart-stoppingly, mind-numbingly, I-want-it-to-happen-again-and-soon perfect, I wasn’t one hundred percent sure he felt the same. I’d jumped full-throttle into the relationship thing once before with Nate and suffered a serious case of road rash. After everything that had happened over the past two years, I wasn’t sure I could deal with any more heartbreak.

Deciding it was high time Erin faced the firing squad, and eager to get the heat off me, I beamed her with a playful grin and raised a brow. “So, how’d it go with Eli last night? Do I need to haul your ass down to the nearest clinic and get you tested for STDs? Help you pick out some layette?”

Erin’s eyes grew large, and her mouth dropped open as she smacked me on the shoulder. “Jeez, Nev! You’re as bad as Claire.”

Claire whooped from behind her and raised her hands in agreement.

Her expression grew serious and reassuring. “We hung out at his place after the dance and had a really nice talk. I told him I wasn’t ready to get physical yet, and he was cool with it. We’re going out later tonight.”

“That’s good.” I forced a smile. I just hoped for her sake he’d been telling her the truth.

I turned my focus to Livvie, who shot across the mat like a bullet, whipping out a beautiful round off back-handspring tuck for her warm-up. She made the pass look effortless, and it was easy to see why she was a valued member of the level five team. Girlfriend had talent oozing out her ears.

I sucked in a deep breath. The familiar rush of excitement and adrenaline that overtook me when I tumbled surged forth from my center like a raging storm and flooded my body with an overwhelming sense of happiness. I took off across the mat, legs burning, core muscles contracted, and threw a front through round off back-handspring layout.

My landing was solid, just like the guilt gnawing at my chest. It was becoming easier and easier to allow happiness in. Tumbling no longer choked the life from me as it had for so long after my mother’s hospitalization, and I hadn’t thought about my father once while I was with Bodie. For the briefest of moments, I’d forgotten everything that had happened over the course of the past two years. I’d let go. I’d had fun. What kind of person did that make me?

***

My stomach churned as I drove along the narrow two-lane road leading me away from the hustle and bustle of Indigo Falls into the unincorporated area of town.

Bodie had sent me a text shortly after practice, inviting me to come to his place to work on our class assignment. Smacked upside the head with a mixed bag of emotions ranging from nervous anticipation to guilt over allowing myself to become so excited, I’d sat on my bed in a dazed stupor until Livvie finally hauled me into the bathroom and all but shoved me in the shower.

She wasn’t happy about me spending time with Bodie. It showed in her forced smile and the way she chewed on her bottom lip. She only ever did those things when she was worried or upset, and it hurt me to know I was the source of her anxiety. But the cool thing about Livvie was that even though she didn’t approve of Bodie, she still supported me. Not only did she help me choose an outfit, but she also helped me with my makeup and straightened my hair.

People don’t come more awesome than that. Which was why I kept the truth about my dad a secret, even though it made me feel like an ass. Withholding the truth about what happened the night he died felt like lying, and Livvie deserved so much better than that. I wanted to tell her—
God
—I was going to tell her, and then she’d made that comment about Bodie being trouble. He and I, well, we were pretty much the same in every way. If she didn’t like him, she was sure to hate me, and I couldn’t risk that. Livvie was the only family I had left, aside from Aunt Trish, and I couldn’t stand the thought of losing her.

I glanced in the rearview mirror at my smooth, shiny hair, secretly hoping Bodie would play with it like he did the night before. I loved that he had a thing for my hair, and I was beyond thankful my cousin had taken the time to help me get ready. I owed Livvie more than I could ever repay her. If I could become even half the person she was, I’d be doing all right.

The sun rode high in the sky, the bright rays beaming down on fields of leafy green as far as the eyes could see. Grapes of Semillon, Chardonnay, and Zinfandel hung ripe and ready from their vines, wooden stakes with their individual type planted at the end of each row. The names were as endless as the grapes themselves, and I marveled at how something so tiny could produce something so potent and powerful.

The further I drove into the country, the fewer and farther between the buildings became. The wineries and tasting rooms that had been so abundant when I’d first turned onto the narrow road named Vineyard Way had spaced farther apart until finally I saw nothing but an aging road surrounded by green on both sides.

I fiddled with the radio, finally settling on a country station. I wasn’t a fan of country music per se, mostly enjoying the crossover songs that sometimes played on the radio. However, after last night, I couldn’t deny the strong compulsion to give it a try. A song I didn’t recognize blared from the speakers, a young guy with a rich voice singing about going barefoot at night while wearing blue jeans.

I didn’t ponder the lyrics for long, focusing on the sign ahead marked Valley Way. I knew from Bodie’s text this was my turn, and I pressed my foot against the brakes as I made my way onto the narrow, dirt-lined road.

Large trees—willows, I thought—lined each side of the road, creating a lush, shaded canopy that was altogether beautiful. The narrow road continued on for quite a ways, heading straight for the base of the outlining hills.

My throat constricted as I passed a particularly large willow on the left with a spattering of flowers and rest in peace signs that had faded and withered from the elements.

So that was where it had happened. That’s where Bodie had gotten hurt, where his sister and his friend had lost their lives.

Bile coated the back of my tongue. Bitterness and despair over his plight, over the tragic plight of my father bubbled up from within. How on earth did Bodie do it? How did he drive past the scene of the accident every day and stay sane? I’d yet to see the place where my father had lost his life and was certain I’d never have the strength to come within a hundred yards of it.

A sensation I hadn’t felt in quite some time stirred within my chest, drowning out the emptiness and loss that sank its fingers into me, bone deep. Admiration. Bodie lived with a daily reminder of his mistake, and unlike me, who fell apart at the mere mention of anything bad, Bodie held himself together, went about his daily life, and continued living. That kind of strength was remarkable. And a total turn on.

“Holy…whoa.”

My jaw dropped as I slowly pulled up to the address Bodie had given me.

The long line of willows tapered off as I finally reached the base of the hill. A large iron gate surrounded what looked to be an enormous property, with a sign that read “Willow Tree Ranch” riding high above the entrance. A horse, fashioned from a piece of flattened iron, hung from the sign, indicating just what type of ranch this was. Horses? Bodie lived on a horse ranch? It would explain his love of country music, that was for sure. A small piece of the puzzle that was Bodie slid into place. No wonder Livvie had insisted I wear sneakers with my jeans instead of my usual flops. She knew I was headed straight toward a real life
Bonanza
.

Beyond the open gate sat a beautiful, two-story, ranch-style home, complete with a wrap-around porch and a flower-lined path leading up to the entrance. The house looked like it belonged on the front of some type of home and garden magazine, and a small pang of unease churned inside my gut. Bodie might be a country boy, but he lived in fancy digs. Way fancier than I was accustomed to.

To the right of the house lay a pebble-lined road that split off in two directions. A driveway veered around the back of the house to the left. If I kept going straight, it led to several buildings, including what looked to be stables, a barn, and a large, covered riding area of some sort. I veered left and parked my Mustang behind an old, blue Chevy truck.

My stomach gurgled, a combination of hunger—I’d been too anxious to eat anything more than a couple of slices of toast that morning—and nervous anticipation. I hoped the damn thing would stop protesting and zip it before I got inside. Rumbling tummies weren’t exactly at the top of the list of things that turned boys on.

I rolled my eyes, silently cursing myself for getting so excited. There was a damn good possibility Bodie wasn’t as into me as I was into him. The kiss we shared could have been an in-the-moment thing for him that he was now currently regretting. I blew out a ragged breath, disgusted with how quickly I let myself become wrapped up in emotion. One little thing, good or bad, was all it took to get me rolling down the path of ridiculous assumptions and insecurity. Obsessing over whether or not Bodie might share my feelings wouldn’t do me a damn bit of good. Especially when there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

A multitude of annuals in every color imaginable lined the carved stone pathway leading up to Bodie’s front door. I had no clue what their actual names were, only that my mother had always referred to the bright, sunny flowers as “annuals.” Whatever that meant. It was funny, the things I remembered. I barely recalled the sound of my mother’s voice, but I remembered vividly the name she gave a stupid flower.