Everything is Everything Book 2 (26 page)

After feeding him his breakfast, Vanessa bundled up Crash and then took a cab to her grandmother’s house. Vanessa missed that there were always back-to-back taxicabs in New York, waiting for someone to wave them down. Vanessa wondered why it was different in the mid-west.

It had taken her nearly two years and now she was anxious? She chuckled to herself and the cabdriver looked at her suspiciously from the rear view mirror.

“Do you know where we’re going?” She asked Crash who watched the world as it travelled rapidly past the window. Vanessa turned Crash around to face her.

“We’re going to see my grandmama. Can you say grandmama?”

“My mama.” Crash said.

Vanessa laughed. “Am I your mama?”

“My mama,” he said seriously, evidently not understanding what she thought was so funny. She hugged him and he allowed it for a moment before squirming down from her lap to  kneel by the window.

“I know grandma’s going to love you,” she whispered while stroking his hair.

Vanessa carried her son up the walk to her grandmother’s house while Crash strained to get down to the ground so that he could play with the snow. Mr. Paolini must have come by to clear grandma’s walkway the way he had done each year since they had moved into the house.

She found herself missing the middle-aged man that lived next door. He was married and had grandkids and yet he still managed to take care of his, as well as grandma’s lawn in the summer and her walkways in the winter. In exchange grandma would bake them pies and cookies.

“No, Crash,” she said when he kicked to get down. She rang the bell juggling her toddler, purse and diaper bag. When the door opened it almost seemed as if the world had come to a standstill.

Her grandmother’s face was frozen in surprise and Vanessa realized that she had been watching them from the front window.

“Hi grandma,” Vanessa said after a prolonged silence.

The sound of her granddaughter’s voice shook her out of her surprise and she opened the door wider to allow them inside.

“Come in out of the cold.” Bertha Mae looked from Crash to Vanessa as they entered the house and then a smile spread across her face.

“Who is this little boy?” Bertha Mae said, her eyes not moving from Crash. She appeared to absorb every inch of him.

Vanessa realized that she was lightly gnawing her lip. “Grandma, this is my son Matthew. But I call him Crash.”

Vanessa’s grandmother reached out to touch her great grandson’s mittened hand and Crash pulled back and turned to his mother, hugging her shyly.

“Crash,” Vanessa said, “this is my grandmama.”

“My ma ma ma,” he repeated.

Bertha Mae chuckled and Vanessa saw that her eyes twinkled in delight—only the twinkling was merriment mixed with unshed tears.

“Do you want to hold him?” Vanessa asked in a voice thick with emotion.

Bertha Mae nodded enthusiastically, not trusting herself not to begin crying. Vanessa passed Crash over to the older woman and he went willingly enough as long as he was able to keep his mother in his sights.

Bertha Mae stroked his hair, a look of awe on her face. She looked at Vanessa again. “He looks like you.”

Vanessa’s brow rose. “Do you think so?”

Bertha Mae nodded and then suddenly she reached out with her spare arm and gave her granddaughter a hug.

Vanessa clutched her grandmother, clinging to her with a shaky sob. They stood that way for a long time until the littlest one squealed to be released. The women separated with laughter that suddenly broke the tension.

“What in the world are we doing standing here?” Bertha Mae stated while heading up the stairs into the house.

Vanessa followed them upstairs, enjoying the aroma of cooking food and feeling as if she had never left home.

“It smells good in here, grandma.”

II

“Isn’t that thing on his feet uncomfortable?” Bertha Mae asked as they sat at the dining room table watching as Crash walked around the living room exploring everything in his reach.

“No,” Vanessa assured her. “It doesn’t hurt him.”

Her grandmother’s expression appeared doubtful. “When I was young babies wore hard white shoes to keep their feet straight. When they got older they wore saddle shoes.” She watched with concern. “How long does he have to wear them?”

Vanessa shook her head. That was the million dollar question. “Until his feet stays straight. If this doesn’t work he could end up getting surgery. Fortunately his condition isn’t as bad as it could be.”

The ultra sound hadn’t even identified a problem. She hoped that by his second birthday he would just be able to rely on physical therapy.

Bertha Mae’s attention returned to her granddaughter. “I have to admit that I’ve wondered what happened with your aunt when you left the house. I have a feeling that you didn’t just let it go.”

Vanessa’s smile turned grim.

“I went over there right after I left here and I stormed into her apartment and I told her what I knew.”

Vanessa’s grandmother leaned forward, her eyes wide with a mixture of surprise and pride.

“You didn’t!”

“Yes I did.” Vanessa’s face felt hot as she described the next. “I even threw a telephone at her.”

Bertha Mae covered her mouth and her body began to shake as she suppressed her laughter. “Oh my!”

“It hit her in the head …”

Grandma laughed so hard that tears streamed from her eyes. “Well, I can’t say that she didn’t deserve it.”

“Grandma!” Vanessa wasn’t sure if she wanted to smile or cover her face at the memory.

“Well it’s true!”

“Well,” Vanessa shrugged. “That’s the last I’ve seen of her.” She sighed. “I haven’t talked to my cousin Jalissa since then—except that she called to tell me that she gave birth.”

Vanessa had often wondered about Jalissa and her son. Their children would be nearly the same age. She had regrets and the loss of her friendship with Jalissa was a big one.

Grandma reached out and took her hand, squeezing it lightly.

“I’m sorry. I know your cousin wasn’t just another family member. I know she represented a link to your past. It must have been hard to lose that.”

Vanessa looked at her grandmother in surprise at how perceptive she was. When Vanessa was younger she had thought her grandmother had all the answers to all the world’s questions.

And then she had become a teen and all she wanted was to live her own life. And while Vanessa still wanted that, she now recognized that her grandmother was the queen of the ‘Hard Knocks Life’.

She’d lost her husband to another woman, her daughter to rape and murder and then her granddaughter--who just ran off without a word.

Vanessa squeezed her grandmother’s hand.

“I’m sorry grandma. I’m sorry for how everything went wrong with us. I’m sorry for not calling you—even if I was mad, it doesn’t matter, you’re my grandmother and I love you.”

Bertha Mae wiped the tears from her eyes. “I’ve had a long time to look at myself. And you know what I see? I see a woman that doesn’t realize that she can’t dictate how others live their lives. I have a history of pushing people away from me. First it was your grandfather. I played a part in why he turned to another woman—though I won’t take all the blame,” she said in a firm voice that reminded Vanessa that her grandmother could be both soft and hard—just like her mother—just like her.

“But I’m not always the easiest woman to get along with,” she continued. “And what I did to your mother, I ended up doing to you. So it’s me that is sorry, baby girl. I am never going to try to run another person’s life.”

The two women hugged.

“I love you too, baby girl.” Bertha Mae whispered.

Grandma made hot chocolate and the two got caught up. Vanessa learned that in her absence Grandma had been busy. She began taking classes in flower arrangement, pottery making and had joined a quilting club.

Vanessa didn’t ever remember her grandmother being very social. Other than church she generally kept to herself. It seemed that after more than two decades she was finally finding a way to enjoy life.

“Now what have you been doing with yourself?” Grandma asked. “Have you been okay up in New York?”

Vanessa nodded and smiled. “I’m doing good grandma. Remember my friend Charisma?”

“Of course I do. That girl was more of a performer than you.”

“Well she and I share an apartment. We’ve both found work acting and singing. Charisma has been more successful. I’ve been too busy being a mother.” She looked over at a makeshift pallet of quilts and blankets on the floor where Crash was napping.

Bertha Mae’s face grew confused.

“You and Charisma share a place? So you’re not with the baby’s father any longer?”

“Scotty?” Vanessa tilted her head at the odd question. “Well he’s in prison so …”

“No. I thought he was out of prison. I was following his case but they don’t put that much in the paper-“

“Wait, what did you say, grandma?” Her grandmother wasn’t making sense.

“That young man that you were engaged to; I read in the news paper that he was released from prison. Mind you, I might have never known since it was just a small article. But I remembered his name from the news; Scott Tremont.”

Vanessa was breathing so hard that she very nearly began to hyperventilate. She rose on shaky legs.

“There’s got to be a mistake …” she whispered.

“Vanessa, baby, I don’t think I’m mistaken.” Her grandmother reached out and took her hand. “Baby, you didn’t know?”

Vanessa shook her head in denial.

“Oh my lord …” Bertha Mae said softly. “Baby, this happened a year ago. That man’s been out of prison for a year-“

Vanessa ran from the room to the bathroom where her dry heaves turned into full out vomiting. Her body felt hot and cold as sweat began to make its way down her body, causing her skin to feel clammy against her clothes.

She felt her grandmother’s hands stroking her hair. Vanessa couldn’t move as she contemplated her grandmother’s words.

“Vanessa,” she said gently. “It’s time for us to have some real talk. I don’t want to say anything to upset you. Lord knows that I don’t want to lose you again.”

Vanessa looked at her grandmother with a pained expression. What was she talking about? Didn’t she understand that she’d just been told something devastating? What else could be on her mind except for Scotty?

Bertha Mae continued to talk. “For the last two years I thought I had driven you away to New York. But there is something more going on here. You said you were in love with that young man but you evidently stopped talking to him as well. You had no idea that he’s been out of prison. Baby girl what happened? What made you leave? What made you refuse to even talk to any of us?”

“Oh grandma,” she said in a tired whisper. “Things began to happen fast when Scotty was sentenced to prison. I found out that I was pregnant. After I moved to New York Crash came too soon and he needed special care. I didn’t set out to never communicate with anyone. But before I knew it, it was a month, than a year. And now here we are.”

Vanessa sniffed and weakly flushed the toilet. “But Scotty…” She shook her head not knowing where to begin and then she rose to her feet and turned on the faucet so that she could splash her face.

Grandma waited patiently and then Vanessa turned to her, sniffing back her emotions.

“Scotty broke it off with me.” Saying the words still stung. “He said he didn’t want me hanging on to a man that might be spending ten or more years in prison.”

“Oh.” Her grandmother sighed.

“I left when I told him about the baby and he just told me to leave. I can’t say what’s in Scotty’s mind.” Vanessa’s voice broke as she spoke but she fought to keep the tears from filling her eyes. “But I never thought that he would push me
and
our baby away. I thought that he’d have to be a part of our lives even if it meant that it happened from prison.”

Her grandmother reached out to stroke the stray strands of her that had fallen from her ponytail.

“Vanessa you did what you thought was right and I guess he did as well. But things are different now. You need to contact this man and see where things stand now. And based on your reaction I’m thinking that there is still some feelings there.”

Vanessa grabbed tissue and wiped her nose. “I want to talk to him.”

But how?