Every Soul (23 page)

“Maybe.”

“We’ll see,” he says pulling my hand away and pinning it against the mattress, then he crashes inside of me. My pussy is instantly consumed with all of him. I love the feeling, so full and hard. Now with both of my hands pinned out to my side, Bain looks at me, his hard dick inside of me, and says, “Jesus Christ, babe, this pussy of yours is amazing.”

I tighten my muscles, holding fiercely onto him, as he loves the inside of my body. Then I tighten myself around him and immediately want to come. The pleasure is too great, causing me to let up. Bain grunts above me, both of my knees are slacked to the side and my hands are held under his, leaving me fully in his control.

I can’t stop the cries of passion, what he’s doing to me is too much to handle. These slow, long thrusts are pushing me over the edge. Then Bain says, “My kingdom, your pussy is my kingdom,” and I lose all logic and fall under his spell. My body quavers and writhes on its own, with my eyes tightly shut, enjoying this bliss. Then Bain lets his release go, his noises are the loudest they’ve ever been, causing me to focus on him in this moment. The veins on his neck change and his tattoos morph as his muscles strain from underneath. The pressure from his hold on my wrists is so tight that it ignites something inside of me. Something deep within, a craving I’ve been searching for since the day…I lost him.

Being with Arion makes everything right. Everything is so different than it was before. Finally, I have a glimpse of how good things can be, that my life still has potential, and now I have to say goodbye to her. I’m not sure how to accomplish something so overpowering, but James has set up workouts for me with three NBA teams. I know it’s only for a week, but saying goodbye like this feels like what could happen if I get drafted somewhere she doesn’t want to go.

We haven’t even spoken of our feelings, so for all I know, what I’m feeling is totally different than what she is. Maybe she needs a break and some time. I know for me, I can’t get enough of her. Not having her with me sort of scares me. I gave up pills, stopped obsessing over Kinsey’s case, and let myself fall down a hole with Arion. She has been my curative, taking away everything bad that was hurting me before.

“There you are,” she says, coming out front and catching me off guard. It’s far too early to be awake, but my mind told me otherwise.

“Good morning, baby,” I say, opening my arms to her. She comes over in nothing but one of my t-shirts and crawls onto my lap.

“Morning. Are you okay?”

“I am now,” I respond, too afraid to tell her about my three-city stop. It was one thing when I was training locally, somewhere that was within a drive. Now, I have to fly to Phoenix and Memphis. If one of those teams wants me, they are sure to fly me back and extend things even longer.

“What do you want to do today?”

“This,” she says holding me a little closer and exhaling longingly.

“I can do this all day, baby.”

Lifting her head with that sexy ass smirk written all over her perfect face, she stares at me. “Are you for real?”

“I think so,” I respond, taking her head in my hands and directing her ear to my chest. She presses it firmly against my shirt and listens. “This is real, what you do to me is real. I know you said no feelings, but Arion, call me crazy if I’m the only one feeling this.”

She doesn’t move and I pray that the words I want to hear come out of her mouth. That she says something and doesn’t let me sit here like a fucking loser spilling my heart out.

“You need to know this. I can’t keep hiding these feelings any longer, especially since I’m leaving town soon.”

Finally she moves and looks at me. “You’re just going to New York.”

“As well as Phoenix and Memphis. James emailed me with the news, both the Suns and the Grizzlies want me to come work out for them and I want you to come with me. I
need
you to come with me.”

She lies back down without another word. Taking my hand, I run my fingers through her messy blonde hair.
Dammit, I should have stayed fucking quiet. She’s clamming up on me.

“Come on, A, say something.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Quit your job and come with me.”

Tears fill her eyes and she says, “Don’t start with that again. I can’t. I have a job that I love and you know that.”

“Don’t you think you could love working for me? I’m sure James needs the help. I’m going to get a huge deal, so I can pay you double what you make now.”

“Bain, it’s not about the money, plus I don’t know the first thing about the NBA.”

“Come on, babe. Just give it a chance.”

“Bain, I can’t just drop everything. We don’t even know where you’ll get drafted. Besides, I do have commitments in New Jersey that I can’t just walk away from.”

“I’m not asking you to walk away from anything.”

“But you are. You’re asking me to leave my job,” she snaps and climbs off of my lap, her ass hanging out of that shirt, and I instantly regret opening my mouth. I should have just left without her and dealt with my own insecurities.

Rage consumes me, almost more for my own stupidity than anything else. I did this. Then I remember my mom always telling me when I fucked up,
Make it right, Bain. It’s not too late, it’s never too late.

Bolting out of the chair, I go inside. Arion is nowhere on the main level. Sprinting upstairs, I find her dressed and tossing her clothes into her suitcase. “No, baby. Come on, let’s talk about this. You’re blowing things way out of proportion.”

“Am I? I think I heard you pretty clearly. I’ve told you again and again that I’m not going to leave my job, but you won’t drop it. I can’t turn over my life to you like I did with Nate. You know how that ended and I won’t put myself in that situation again.”

Stepping in front of her, she stares at me like the strong woman that she is. I rub my thumb over her plump lips, holding her chin. “Don’t you see what you mean to me? Please don’t take that away.”

Staring down at her, my heart is erratic. She’s about to leave and give up on what we have, all because I can’t be away from her. It hasn’t been long, but goddammit she means the fucking world to me. She doesn’t answer me, so I take her hand and place it over my heart and then rest mine on hers trying to feel the rhythm. Tears wash out the corners of her eyes and she pulls away from me.

“Please take me home, Bain.”

Stepping to her again, I say, “You are home. Anywhere I am is your home. Don’t you fucking get it?!”

“Don’t yell at me.”

“You’re going to throw this all away because you’re scared. I’m not him, A. I’m not going anywhere or getting deployed. I’m sorry I don’t want to be away from you.”

“Bain, don’t fucking go down that road.”

“Arion, please. Don’t you see how fucked up we used to be? Don’t make things go back to the way they were.”

“You did this. You’re not going to control me. Things were fine how they were. Now you’re trying to change everything.”

“Do you think I can control this? Because if you do, then you’re dead wrong.”

“I don’t fucking know what to think, but I wanna go home. Now!”

Nodding my head repeatedly, I finally back down. She doesn’t give a shit about how I feel. She’s obviously too tortured and burdened by the past, just like I was. She’s pulled me out of it; I just need to figure out some way to pull her from this darkness too. I need to make her see the light. Right now, there’s nothing I can do. She won’t listen and wants to leave. Maybe if we get on the road, she’ll hear me out when we are trapped in the car for five hours.

“Yeah, James, I fucking heard you.”

“Jesus, are you all right?”

“I already told you once, I’m fine. If you could please just stick to emailing me like I asked, you wouldn’t have to deal with my bullshit.”

“This is the last call for all passengers boarding flight 238 to Phoenix.”

“That’s me, I gotta run. I’ll email you later.”

I hang up with James, feeling a bit regretful for how I went off on him. But Christ, the man is worse than an overbearing mom and my nerves are shot. It’s been four days since my fight with Arion and I haven’t heard a word from her. She refused to see my side of things on the drive home, and right now I can’t change what happened. As much as I just want to be with her, I can’t. One of the worst parts is that my career has me here and I have to take that seriously. Checking my messages, she still hasn’t responded.

I guess I blew it by opening my mouth. Did I really think she would up and quit and just chase me around the US? That’s fucking insane to ask someone to do that anyways. For the last few days, our fight has been all that’s replayed in my mind. Walking down the tarmac, I prepare to board the plane and feel sick that I’m going so far away without her. Fuck, I wish I had some pills to numb the pain. Inside, I’m such a mess. There are so many thoughts that swirl around, from Kinsey, to that piece of shit detective, and then my beautiful Arion. Maybe I’ll be able to sleep on the plane, God knows I need to. As I get situated in the front row, I’m thankful to James for booking this; he not only got me the front row, but the seat next to me. Pulling my hat down low, I pop my hood up and sink back against the plush leather, stretching my legs out in front of me.

Visions of Arion invade all of my senses. From the first night in the alley to fucking her on my kitchen counter, it all consumes me. Before her, I was hell-bent on Kinsey’s case, and now, none of that matters like it used to. I guess I shouldn’t have become dependent on her. That’s where the feelings started. She warned me not to do it, but I did. She helped me deal with all of the pain I was experiencing. Then I broke her rules.

Do not text him back. Do not text him back. Do not text him back.
Lying face down on my bed, I know I can’t text him. But he’s relentless and won’t give up. Rolling over, I stare up at the white ceiling replaying the events that took place a few days back. Since the moment Bain dropped me off, I instantly regretted everything. Being away from him has hit me hard, but inside I know it’s best to protect my heart. The pain I’m feeling now is nothing compared to what I experienced when I lost Nate. It was utterly debilitating – crippling. It took me over a month just to get out of bed. At least this time I’ve managed to go in to work. Maybe I’ve been a little late, but I’ve been there.

I try to close my eyes again, but Bain’s words are loud and clear.
Quit your job and come work for me.
He knows me so well, and it still baffles me how he thought I would give up everything I’ve worked so hard for.

Getting out of bed, I pad across the room and peer into the living room. Aubrey is still not home, so I grab a bottle of water before heading back to bed. My phone rings and I’m reluctant to answer it, but I catch a glimpse of the screen and notice it’s Barb.

“Hey,” I say in a quiet tone.

“Hi, honey, how are you?”

“I’m okay.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Just got a lot going on in my head.”

“Don’t we all? Do you want to talk about anything?”

“No, that’s okay. It’s just nice to hear your voice, you always make things better.”