Every Last Breath (6 page)

Maggie felt like the wings of hope had latched onto her back and given her flight. Everything was going to be alright. She could breathe now and enjoy the holiday. Klaus had been kind enough to let her take the day off so that was a huge help, and she was also thankful that the school had room in their aftercare program to watch Eli while she drove back from Denver. The office visit was also free, part of the consultation network. So far, the God had been on her side.

Klaus would pay her for the extra hours she put in, so she stopped by the office after dropping Eli off. It was a lot of extra driving but it was worth it. Pulling through McDonald’s she picked up two hot chocolates on her way to the school, hoping Eli wouldn’t be too upset she picked him up late. Little kids hate being last.

Maggie parked the car and headed inside. The wind was blasting full force. Once she signed him out of aftercare, his little hands were so busy playing he didn’t want to go home. “Do we have to go?” he whined.

“Yes, it’s time for dinner.”

“But mom.”

Maggie lured him out by promising to pick up the pinecones once they got home. She stuck to her promise.

Eli left his book bag in the car and ran inside for a box to collect the pinecones. The weather wasn’t getting any warmer and with the extra work Maggie had piling up in her car, this was the best way to spend time with Eli and get his assignment done.

She clipped on Vala’s leash and headed out to the yard, “Come on Eli. The sun is going down.”

Maggie’s street was not your typical residential neighborhood. There were subdivisions in Colorado, but hers was more secluded and a dirt road that led up to some larger homes that overlooked the main route. The boundary between properties was often unmarked but understood, you didn’t trespass on your neighbors lawn, not in the hill country where everybody carries a rifle.

The farther they drifted from the house, the more looming Maggie felt. What if her dream was about Eli. Was he the one being shot at?

She deterred her fears to Vala. She would know if anyone was outside, she’d hear them before Maggie could ever see the threat.

“Not much farther honey.”

Eli kept charging full steam ahead. She loved his fervor but it was getting cold. The wet ground was also proving to be slick. Maggie kept a loose reign on Vala and watched her footing

“Eli, that’s enough. We need to walk back.”

“A little more mom.”

He was no longer picking up pine cones. She looked down the hillside to the back of someone’s property. There was a man pulling into the driveway. It looked like Ben’s truck, but she couldn’t make it out.

A minute later the back door opened and out came three dogs.

Vala stood at alert and Maggie told Eli to stop.

“There’s Ben mom.”

In his little voice he called from the hill. “Up here Mr. Ben.”

Maggie thought about it. With the way the road turned it could be his aunt’s home. That made her feel even safer. So far, everything was going smoothly.

Ben stayed for dinner. Better yet, he found her apron, poured her a glass of wine and kicked her out of the kitchen while he and Eli made meatballs.

Perched on the couch, she loved the idea of dating Ben but her heart wasn’t so sure. Ben was perfect with Eli and Eli adored Ben. He wanted to go everywhere with him. Ben this, Ben that. She hoped she wasn’t setting him up for heartbreak. Maggie sat with her legs crossed flipping through her magazine. “Ben, are you a fan of the beach?”
       “Yes I am,” he replied, as he turned on the oven.

He dug some rolls out of the freezer and prepared to make sub sandwiches. Eli was emptying the refrigerator as he gathered the necessary salad items. “Lettuce, tomatoes, onions, carrots, cucumbers.” He pushed them up on the counter as Ben finished up rolling the meat into tennis ball size monsters and slid the tray in the oven. Eli had finished his job and washed up.

“Hey buddy, why don’t you go play with your mom, while these cook.”

He scurried over to his chess set and arranged the pieces. “Will we have time to play, mom?”

“Yes my love. We certainly do.”

Dinner was filled with laughter. It was so great to have company. The table was big enough for six, so eating with just two made it seem incomplete. It had been a while since the familiar sound of her son’s laughter filled the house. She could chase him and play but with only two people the game wasn’t as much fun. Eli took Ben’s hand and snuck off through the room.

Maggie kept her eyes shut. The blaze from the fire was the only light in the house. When Maggie sounded off, “twenty, here I come.” Her stomach fluttered.

She trailed off to the closet and again to the bedrooms. She patted down the bed and reach under. The only room left was the bathroom. She swept her arm through the tub, never checking low. Then she heard that squeaky giggle, and Eli was found.

“Aw mom, I don’t want to hide.”

“Come out and help me find Ben.”

“Oh you won’t find him mom. He’s too big to fit anywhere but behind the door.”

Maggie bit her lip. His cuteness was too extreme. She walked back into the kitchen. Ben was stealthy she had to give him credit.

Eli started to squirm; she could tell she was getting close. When Maggie turned around to shush him, Ben stepped out and tickled her. “Again,” Eli cried. “Let’s play again.”

“Okay, but you’re it.”

The boy ran off counting as he rounded the corner. “Where should we hide?”

Maggie bent down beside the couch, if she tucked her head down she would fit. Ben went and stood by the fireplace, moving the old fashioned coat rack in front of him. Eli’s feet pattered across the floor, “Ready or not here I come,” he hollered. His eyes adjusted to the light and he looked around.
        “I know you are out here because no one came by my door.” He spun around the couch and tagged me. “You’re it again mom!”

And, before I knew it he pushed the coat rack out of the way and squealed to find Ben. I can’t remember how long it had been since I felt so relaxed and happy. I just didn’t want the night to end. But, like all good things, it did.

Ben said goodnight to Eli and let himself out.

Eli’s teacher, Mrs. Thompson, called on Friday. Maggie spoke briefly with her since she called while a buyer was in the office. She agreed to meet with her after dismissal and returned her focus to the breeder from Canada looking for a dog for a client.

Mrs. Thompson greeted her at the door. “Thank you for coming.”

Maggie removed her coat, hoping Eli was okay. The teacher sounded a little cross on the phone so she presumed the tyke was in trouble. The question was, how much trouble?

Mrs. Thompson sat at her desk and pointed to the chair by the wall as a comfortable place to sit. “I didn’t want to alarm you but Eli has been a bit obsessed this week, especially in his drawings.” She unfolded a piece of paper with a tall man, wearing wings standing next to a tree.  Maggie looked again, brushing her bangs back from her face. “Oh my.”

“Do you know who this is?”

Maggie brought the drawing closer. “Yes, I think this is my neighbor’s nephew, Ben. He’s been spending some time with Eli.”

“Well your son seems to think he is some sort of magic super hero. He’s been telling the whole class that a superhero came to his house for dinner but had to go because there were more people to help.”

She folded her arms. “What exactly is your concern Mrs. Thompson?”

She’d been through this before. Eli was not like the other kids. He was withdrawn but extremely active. He bonded with the boys but wanted to be their leader, and if he couldn’t convince the kids to do things his way, he would refuse to join in their activity.

Maggie was fine so far, until Mrs. Thompson next statement. “I hope everything is fine at home.”

“Everything is going great.”

“Are you sure about that?’

Maggie retracted. “Mrs. Thompson, I fail to see how an innocent drawing, that, might I add has no knives or guns in the picture, would make you think that Eli is under stress.”

The teacher did not agree. “I don’t want to see Eli get a broken heart. It will affect his grades and his ability to pay attention.”

“His grades!’ Maggie’s voice began to rise as she felt the heat fill her cheeks.
This was kindergarten. And yes, there were some days when Eli was probably stressed because his mother was having nightmares, and Eli most certainly, was not like the other kids. He’d been raised in a volatile home. How was he supposed to act? she thought but didn’t say.

It was all she could say before she lost control. These people did not understand. Not one of them. Hadn’t they read his file? Didn’t they know anything? What’s a little boy with no father supposed to think and draw?

“I think your expertise stops at the end of the school day. Now if my son hurts somebody or directs any anger on himself, you can call me. But not until then.”

She stormed out of the room.

Eli stayed quiet as she sped up the mountain. She was sure he could tell from her erratic driving that she was upset. Kids were insightful. With everything going on in the world, what would make the school question Eli’s behavior based on a drawing? It’s not like he was carrying a weapon, which his dad would have encouraged. 

Her thoughts drifted back to the night she heard a cluster of whispers coming from his bedroom. She stepped into the room, it was dark. She knew Eli was awake she heard him speaking. But now it was silent.

“Eli, who are you talking too?”

“No one mommy.”

Her panic level rose. Jack had often seen things that weren’t there. “Eli, is someone else in the room right now?”

He did not respond. She prodded, “Honey, answer mommy.”

“No mommy.”

“Eli, are you fighting something evil in your mind?”
        “I was telling something evil to go away. I didn’t want it to hurt you.”

She gulped. What was the something evil? She didn’t allow him to watch grown up TV and all the cartoon he watched had to be low violence and not scary. They’d been over this before.

“Are you alright mommy?”

“Yes honey, I am fine.”

Then he rolled over and went to sleep, telling her that he loved her.

The house was cold when Maggie and Eli returned home from school. “Eli, go check the door in your room and momma’s window. See if they are open.”

She didn’t worry about their being an intrusion, Vala would have alerted her to that. On her way back toward the living room, Maggie noticed the microwave clock blinking. “Had they lost power?”

She rubbed her arms and checked the thermostat. It was set at 70° but it read 59.

Eli reported that both were closed and locked. “Stay inside, I’m going to let the dog out and get some firewood.”

“Yes ma’am.” He was as compliant as ever. She made a mental note to tell him she was proud. He didn’t seem to mind the cold. A fire would heat things up quickly, so she leashed Vala and headed out to the wood pile near the garage.

The palate was empty. That was impossible. She made a fire last night and the wood was there. “Thieves!”

Maggie called three wood delivery services. Each one was busier than the next and she couldn’t afford to pay a premium, not with the upcoming lawyer fees, and Christmas. Of course there were cheaper less dependable methods, like signs by driveways, or online listings but she had no way to transport the wood. As a last resort, she could call some neighbors to see if any of them had seen anyone suspicious around or even had their wood pile stolen. Maybe someone had already reported it.

Her first call was to the elderly couple next door, no answer. She had their number in case of an emergency but other than watching them decorate for the holiday, she had not seen them.  Then there was the couple down the way, with a fury of boys. They’d have firewood. Wrong. They were out of town and kept their wood supply locked up in the backyard.

After his snack Eli ran into her bedroom and wiggled under the blankets until he got comfortable.
       “Baby, I just made the bed.”

“Can we have Mr. Ben over for dinner? He was real nice to me. And I don’t know a lot of men.”

Maggie began to see the obsession Mrs. Thompson pointed out, but it was still a healthy thing, to want a male role model. “We can invite him honey, but right now mommy is worried about the firewood. Can you stay in my room while I make a few more calls?”

“Yes mom, but promise me you will ask him.”

“I will, but let’s not get our hopes up.”

Eli laid still, “Mom, why do you always tell me that?” he questioned.

She tucked in his blankets. “Tell you what?”

“Why do you say I shouldn’t get hope?  You always told me to keep my hopes up. Now you tell me not too.”
       She patted his golden curls. “I just don’t want you to get hurt, baby. That’s all.”

“No one’s gonna hurt me mom. I put on my magic boots and I’m gonna be strong just like Mr. Ben.”

“I bet you will.”

“As long as you ask him to come, he will. I know it.”

She breathed in deeply. “I’ll ask him, I promise.” Taking a deep breath she tried not to sound desperate. She dialed the Von Eiffer’s home phone. When the phone rang she hoped Ben would answer. The phone went right to voicemail. “Hi Mrs. V, this is Maggie from up the hill. I was wondering if you had any spare firewood, my company can’t make it up here till Tuesday and I am out. And thank you so much, for sending your nephew up. He was a tremendous help. Talk with you soon.”

As she ended the call her mind wandered to Jack. What if he found her, what if he was the one who took her wood? Maybe he was out of jail and he came to Cascade. Maybe it was him that she saw in town? 

Claire’s voice followed that thought. She told Maggie it was normal to experience hyper- vigilance, it was just her brain’s way of understanding what happened. It meant that random things would happen and she would assign a meaning to it that made the most sense. But her type of “sense” always put her on guard.

Vala growled and moved to the front door. Maggie’s heart raced. She took her phone and began dialing 911. Eli hopped out of bed and ran to the door. “There’s a truck mommy? Who’s here?’

She put her arm around the boy and looked outside. The red truck was stacked with wood and the lift gate was down. Putting on her sweater she followed Eli outside.

The sun was still hiding behind the clouds when Ben Hall appeared rounding the corner from her house. “Ben? What are you doing here?”

He smiled, lumbering closer, “Our wood pile got swiped early this morning. My aunt sent me up to check on you earlier, already saw the same had happened here.”

“How much wood did you bring?”

“About 1/2 a rick.”

She was flabbergasted. “Wow, I don’t know what to say.”

“People can freeze in this weather, you got to have heat,” he said warmly. Maggie felt her face flush.

Maggie had not forgotten about her thermostat. “My heat’s out too. This is really a godsend.”

Ben dropped the load of wood. “What do you mean your heat is out?”

He removed his gloves and pointed to the house.

“How about you open the door and I bring this load inside.”

“That’d be great.” She turned up toward the house.

Eli was on his way out with Vala when he spotted Ben. He dropped the dog leash and ran over. “Hi Ben, can I help?”

“Sure little man.” He handed him two logs and Eli waddled alongside him back into the house.

“Do you feel that?”

              “Yeah, it feels like a draft.”

              Ben looked around the house, “I think ti’s coming from the basement,” he said. Maggie’s house had a small furnished room downstairs where she did the laundry. She walked to the window while Ben investigated. The closer she got to the window, the more the hair raised up on the back of her neck. There were footprints trudging through her backyard. It came from the neighbor’s yard and crossed through heading back into the woods. That was strange.

              “Eli, come here baby,” she called nervously.

              The boy ran into the kitchen and stayed by his mom. “It’s cold in my room.”

              “I know. Don’t worry, Ben’s going to fix it.”

              A few minutes later, while the anxiety was already rising up inside her, she compared the foot prints and the reality of Jack being loose, to the coincidence of low gas or some other homeowner’s dilemma. As her heart raced, Ben made it back up the stairs. He warmed his shoulders and told her the thermostat broke.

Maggie smiled. She scared herself for nothing.

Ben called a repair company in the Springs and had a tech come up before dinner. Then he returned his attention to Eli.

Maggie watched from the kitchen as she sorted her mail and put away the dishes. This is exactly what he needed, male bonding. Together they went to the fireplace. Ben piled up some wood beside the mantle. “Eli put those pieces right here,” he said pointing to the metal rack. “I’m gonna teach you the right way to stack this up for your mom.”

“We’re going to place them on each other like this.”

“Okay.”

He did as he was told. “Now what?”

Maggie would have taken a picture but she didn’t want to show any desperation by doing so, she’d have to resort to a mental picture in her head. Click.

“Where are your matches?”

Eli ran into the kitchen and opened the cabinet. Maggie watched him buzz by. How did he know where she kept the matches? She had hidden them up on the fourth shelf, a place she never imagined he could reach. His little mitts patted around until he felt the box. And just like that he snatched them off and took them to Ben.

They bent down close to the fire and Ben showed Eli how to stack the logs. “You have to leave enough room in there for the air to fan the flame. Fires need air.”

“Got it.” Eli laid down with his stomach to the floor and propped himself up as if he were taking a lesson. He crossed his ankles and swung his legs back and forth. “Can I light it when its time?” He begged.

“This will do the trick.” He lit the sticks and paper while keeping Eli back at a safe distance.

The fire immediately started to crackle and take flame. Eli was mesmerized. “Do you want to play chess with me?”

“Sure, if you teach me.”

“Alright,” Eli went to get the game. “Wait right here. I’m coming right back.”

Maggie’s heart melted. She hadn’t seen anyone interact with Eli outside her family, for a long time. Her little man raced back from his room with the chess board in hand and a zip lock bag of their plastic pieces. He rounded the corner and flopped down in front of the fire. “Let’s play down here.”

“How about up on the table? I’m a little big to play on the floor.”
              Eli turned his head contemplating the suggestions. “Okay, you are the guest so I will do what you want. But then it’s my turn.”

Ben looked up at Maggie, his kind eyes matching his smile. “How do I to set this up?”

Three games later, Maggie had finished making dinner. She decided just to cook, hoping the savory smell would persuade Ben to accept her invitation. With a set of dishes in hand, she spread out the table.  “You are invited to stay for dinner. It’s almost ready.”

“Oh can he mom?”

Ben reclined on the couch and helped Eli put away the pieces. “I guess I can swing that.”

“Eli why don’t take off your uniform and get washed up for dinner bud. Okay?” The six year old bounded across the floor in record time. Ben however stayed seated and commented on the Christmas tree. “You two picked a very nice tree.”

“You can thank Eli for that. He got me out of my comfort zone by picking the largest tree they had.”

Ben turned his attention toward Maggie. “So what’s all this talk about you hating the mall? I don’t think I’ve ever heard a female say that,” he said jokingly. Maggie couldn’t help seeing herself in his arms.

She took out the dishes and set the table while they talked. “I don’t hate the mall. It’s the crowd that gets to me. All that pushing, shoving, rudeness. I’m better off going in and out of individual stores.”

“You can’t let fear stop you.”

Maggie loved his grown in beard and strong muscles, but she wasn’t too sure she wanted somebody to pick out her faults.

Ben asked to wash his hands. “I understand. That’s kind of why I am living with my aunt right now.”

She didn’t know that. “You’re living with Ingrid?”
        “Yeah, I have been for over for months now.”

“How come I’ve never seen you?”

He laughed. “Well my work is mainly in Denver, so the commute keeps me busy.”

“What is it that you do?”
        “I’m an engineer. We’re working on some commercial projects near the highway.”

“How about you?” Maggie considered her answer before replying.

“I do some office work here in town. But I also place authors with publishers, I’m a book agent.”

“What does a book agent do?”

She laughed and stayed busy in the kitchen. “I represent authors who need publishing, so I pick and choose which manuscripts I think will sell or make great books. When the publisher signs the author, I get paid. If they don’t, then I keep at it.”

“Really? That’s interesting.”

“It’s a risk but I love it.”

“Do you write as well?”

“You know,” she cocked her hip. “Everyone asks me that. But no, I haven’t.”

“Too bad, I’m sure you’d be a great writer.”

“Why does everyone say that?”

Ben shrugged. “Curiosity, I’d guess.”

Maggie realized that if she didn’t watch it, he could easily start asking about why she lived out here alone and where she came from. What type of mother traipses her son across the country away from family? Would he suspect she was running?

Eli raced back into the kitchen. “I cleaned my room. Can Ben come see it?”

“Why don’t you ask him?”

She finished setting the table while the boys played in Eli’s room. This was going to be quite a night. She could feel it in the air.

Ben stayed until Eli’s bedtime. By that hour, he had been at their house for four hours. That’s a long time. But she wished it was even longer.

The man excused himself to make a phone call, she pointed to the back deck, it was quiet out there but she could still observe him. Body language explains a lot. She watched on and off while cleaning up the kitchen.

“Everything all right?”

“Yes. It’s all good.”

She wanted to know who the call was from and if it impacted him from coming over again. Hell, if Eli wasn’t around she would have asked him to stay for a glass of wine. Wait, what was she thinking? She barely knew this man. She told Claire implicitly, she was not interested. Yet Ben was right here in her kitchen and the attraction seemed mutual.

“Who’s going to read to me?” Eli’s little voice interrupted their kitchen cleaning. Buttoned up in his moose flannel pajamas he stood in his bare feet on the Alder floors and flashed a book to Ben. He paraded into the living and sat by the fire. He then patted the wood in front of the fireplace. “Come on Ben. No one else ever reads to me.”