Every Day a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week (19 page)

I had gone nearly six blocks past it. I had to turn around and go all the way back.

Isn’t that what happens in life when we focus on competing with our co-workers, or our neighbors, trying to outdo them or trying to prove that we are more successful or more important? We spend our time and energy running after them, and we miss out on our own paths to our God-given destinies.

Many of us would see our lives reach higher levels if we would quit competing with everyone around us and focus on our own races to be the
best at what God made us to be. It takes a lot of energy, physical and emotional, to constantly be in competition with our neighbors, co-workers, or family members.

When you let go of that need to compete, it’s very freeing. Tell yourself,
I don’t have to impress anybody today. I have nothing to prove. I’m secure in who I am. I don’t have to keep up with anyone. I’m not in that race.

The problem with unhealthy competition is that it’s a never-ending cycle. There will always be somebody ahead of you; someone with a better job, a bigger circle of friends, a nicer car, or more money in the bank. It’s a very freeing thing when you realize you are not in a competition with your neighbors, friends, or co-workers. The only person you are competing with is yourself.

Know that the “Best Possible You” may not be as successful as your neighbor, but that’s okay. The best you may not be as thin as your sister, but that’s fine. The best you may not be as talented, as dynamic, or as outgoing as your co-worker, but that’s all right, too.

Be comfortable with the person God made you to be. You can’t get distracted and lose your focus by comparing yourself to others. Run your own race.

I realize I may not be the best minister in the world. I’m okay with that. But I’m dedicated to being the best minister I can be. I may not be as good a father as some other men, but that’s okay. I’m not competing with anyone. I’m trying to be the best father I can be. I may not be the ideal husband. (Don’t say, “Amen,” Victoria.) But I’m working to be the best husband I can be.

I have a friend who puts me to shame in the way he is so romantic with his wife. He plans big weekend getaways with her. He writes beautiful poetry to her. He’ll go on for hours about how beautiful she is in their conversations.

I want to tell him, “Would you quit doing that? You’re making me look bad.” But I’ve learned I’m not Romeo. I’m Joel-
eo
. God made us different on purpose. You can be inspired by others. You can be challenged to rise
higher. But don’t condemn yourself if someone else does better at one thing or another.

Some people are stronger in certain areas, but we all have our strengths. My romantic friend writes beautiful poems to his wife, but I’ve written some pretty good books!

Some people are insecure because they pay too much attention to what others are doing, where they are going, what they are wearing or driving. Instead, they should stay focused on their own goals. You’re not anointed to compete with others. God gave you the grace to be who He has called you to be.

When you have unhealthy competitive feelings, life is a constant struggle. You will never be good enough because as soon as you catch up to one person you’ll find another ahead of you. That’s not the way to find happiness in your everyday life, is it?

Ladies may have friends who wear a much smaller dress size, but their attitude should be,
I’m not feeling inferior because I can’t measure up to those standards. No, I’m wearing this size 14 like nobody has ever worn a 14 before. I’ll dress it up. Accessorize it and strut around like it’s the hottest thing going!

I’ve known ladies who normally wouldn’t stand out because of their looks, but they make themselves attractive because they carry themselves with confidence and seem so secure in who God made them to be. You meet a woman like that and you can’t help but think,
She’s got it going on
.

Confident, happy, and secure people stand out because what’s on the inside shows on the outside. They are so comfortable in their own skins they’re not easily intimidated. They don’t feel inferior if they don’t wear the best fashions or have the perfect physiques. They understand they’re not in a competition. They’re focused on being the best they can be.

Take what God has given you—the height, the weight, the personality—and make the most of it. Dress it up and wear it proudly. I see too many people constantly frustrated and down about their looks, their height, or their weight. They’re always fighting to fix what they don’t like about themselves instead of accepting themselves.

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m all for people improving their health by staying in shape, working out, and eating right. I’m not saying we should be sloppy. But we have to realize that genetics plays a role.

Our parents, grandparents, and God determine our genes. Those genes, for the most part, determine our ideal size, weight, and height, as well as how much hair we have and whether we have strong, athletic, muscular physiques or one like my brother, Paul!

Most of our features are predetermined by our genetic makeup. We may be able to adjust that weight 15 or 20 percent. Still, if your genes are set for a weight of 150 pounds, no matter what you do, you can’t maintain your weight for long at 100 pounds. That’s not who God made you to be.

If you feel you have to compete with someone who is naturally fifty pounds lighter, you are setting yourself up for frustration and feelings of inferiority. You’re competing with someone who is not even in your race.

Your race to be the best is yours alone, and it is yours to win. God will not measure you against others. He won’t judge you according to what a co-worker accomplishes, what your neighbor drives, or whether you are as thin as your best friend.

God will judge you by what you’ve done with the gifts He gave you. He’ll be interested in how confident and secure you are. Or did you feel insecure and beat yourself up while comparing yourself to others?

I was watching the Indianapolis 500 on television and admiring the sleek race cars. They’re low to the ground, extremely aerodynamic. They are equipped with huge engines that power them at 200 miles per hour down a straightaway. They can take curves at 100 miles an hour. They’re quick. They’re fast. They’re precise.

But in spite of all these strengths, the Indy cars also have weaknesses. They only have room for the driver. They’re not that comfortable. The inside is all metal and equipment. No A/C. No stereo. No luxury. Why is that? The Indy cars are designed for a specific purpose, to be the best in their particular race.

Victoria and I have a Suburban SUV that can easily hold eight people comfortably. The trunk area is so big we can put all of our bicycles and luggage back there. The SUV has air-conditioning and a nice stereo system and sits so high you feel like the king of the road.

But if you took our Suburban out on the Indianapolis 500 track, the race cars would run circles around us. The SUV would be lapped again and again. If you tried to take a turn at 100 miles an hour, you would hear the angels say, “Welcome to heaven.” The Suburban couldn’t handle the Indy track. The big, comfortable vehicle would be competing in a race it was never designed to run.

On the other hand, if Victoria and I traded our SUV for an Indy race car and tried to use it every day, we might draw a lot of attention—those cars have a lot of sizzle—but I don’t know where we’d put the kids or the groceries. If you hit a pothole in one of those things, you’d feel like you were in an earthquake. In a few days we’d be asking for our SUV back.

Each type of car is designed for a specific purpose. The Suburban won’t be winning any races on the track at the Indianapolis 500, and the Indy race cars aren’t any soccer mom’s choice for an everyday vehicle. Still, both types of cars have incredible strengths. The key is to make sure you run each of them in the right race.

Today, you may be the human version of that Indy car with the speed, the agility, and the looks. If that’s you, go for it. Be the best you can be. Run your race.

If you’re not an Indy-model person, don’t feel bad about it. There is nothing wrong with saying, “Those are not my strengths. I’ll never be that fast. I’ll never be that agile. I don’t look that sporty, but I’m okay with that.” After all, the SUV may not have as much sizzle, but there are far more of them on the road than Indy cars.

In the New Testament, John was baptizing hundreds of people and making a name for himself when someone asked him: “Who are you?” (John 1:19
NKJV
).

John knew what they were really asking, and without missing a beat, he said, “I am not the Christ” (v. 20
NKJV
).

John knew what he was, and he also knew what he was not. It’s just as important to know what you’re not because if you don’t realize your limitations, you may be drawn away from what God anointed you to do. Then you will be in a constant struggle.

Pride and competition can make it hard sometimes to admit what you are not. It takes a secure person to say, “I’m not gifted in that area, but I have my own talents.”

When I hear our Spanish pastor, Marcos Witt, preach and then burst into song at the end of his sermon, I’m in awe of him. Of course, he is a musical person. He’s won several Grammys, but he makes it seem effortless when he sings. I heard him the other day, and his singing gave me chill bumps up and down my arms.

My first thought was,
God, that’s not fair. How come he’s got two good gifts? He can minister
and
sing.

Then I realized, I’ve got two good gifts, too. I can minister, plus I’m good at picking Spanish-speaking ministers with many talents!

You see, there is always a way for us to feel good about ourselves without comparing or competing. You can feel good about yourself right where you are. You have an anointing to be you. The good news is, nobody can be a better you than you.

I read about a seven-year-old boy, Joey, who was never content with himself. He always was much more impressed with Billy. He walked like Billy and talked like Billy.

Well, Billy didn’t like who he was either. He admired Corey. So Billy
walked like Corey and talked like Corey. So, Joey was copying Billy, who was copying Corey.

It turned out that Corey had an inferiority complex, too. He was much more impressed with Frankie. So he walked like Frankie and talked like Frankie.

Thus, Joey was copying Billy, who was copying Corey, who was copying Frankie.

You’ll never guess what happened next. Frankie wasn’t happy with himself either. He admired Joey. So he was walking like Joey, talking like Joey.

All right, let me see if I’ve got this straight: Joey was copying Billy, who was copying Corey, who was copying Frankie, who was copying Joey! Joey was copying himself!

This story points out the truth that the people you want to be like, very often, want to be like you. They may admire you just as much as you admire them. So there is nothing wrong with looking up to people. It’s good to show respect and admiration. But don’t give up your identity for theirs. Run your own race. You have something great to offer.

The first time Victoria and I went to Billy Graham’s home to visit him and Ruth, we were so honored. When we walked into the living room and saw Billy Graham sitting in a chair, it was like seeing Moses. He is one of the heroes of our faith. I’ve always had the utmost respect and admiration for him. I have looked up to him and held him in awe. It was an honor to meet this giant of our faith.

As I shook his hand, he said, “I love watching you on television, and I just so admire how you can take that message of hope around the world.”

That is so amazing
, I thought.
I’ve admired him my whole life, and somehow he’s found something in me to appreciate.

Billy has a very gracious personality, but we all need to believe that we
are special. You are anointed in your own unique way. You are gifted. You have accomplishments.

You may tend to see how great everybody else is, but let me tell you, there is something great about you. Somebody thinks you’re amazing. Someone else is inspired by your life. Some even wish they could be you. You are a person to be celebrated. So put your shoulders back. Hold your head up high. You don’t have to compete with anyone else. Just be the best you can be.

This is one of the things that threw King Saul off-track. He was doing fine. Samuel had anointed him to be king. His future looked very bright. But he didn’t understand this principle.

One day he and David were in a battle. They defeated the Philistines. Everything was great until some of the women said, “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousands” (1 Samuel 18:7
NIV
).

First Samuel 18:9–10 says Saul was very angry and jealous; he never again looked at David the same way. Saul was so insecure that David’s success made him feel inferior. (Saul wasn’t comfortable being an SUV. He had to be that Indy race car.)

You’d think King Saul would be thrilled to have someone as skilled as David on his team. But it takes a secure person to say, “Even though I’m ahead of you, I will let you shine. I’ll let you rise higher.”

One of life’s tests requires learning to celebrate the successes of others. You may be tempted to be jealous or critical when someone rises higher, passing you up, whether it’s in the office, on a team, or in an organization. The Scripture says, “Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them” (Romans 12:6
NKJV
).

The real test as to whether God continues to promote you is how well you handle the successes of others. Can you celebrate what God is doing in their lives and not be jealous and critical, or feel you are in competition with them?