Every Day a Friday: How to Be Happier 7 Days a Week (18 page)

W
hen I announced plans to move our church to the former Compaq Center, 99 percent of the congregation supported the move. Most were very excited. But there was one very vocal opponent. He made sure I heard about his opposition. Every week after the service, he would come find me in the visitors’ reception area. He would say, “You know, your father said he would never move the church. You’re making a big mistake. And I just want to let you know if you move it, I’m not following.”

I thought,
Is that a promise?

Everyone has a right to an opinion. But he didn’t know what I was feeling on the inside. He didn’t know what God was speaking to me. I could not allow him to stop the move. The easy thing is to play it safe. But be strong and follow what God has put in your heart.

I’ve learned I may have to displease a few people so I don’t displease God. I never like to see anyone leave the church, but if I’ll stay true to my heart, I believe for every one who leaves the church, God will send me two dozen more in return.

Now when somebody threatens to leave, I just smile and say, “Can I show you the door? The sooner the better.” (Okay, I may not say it, but that’s what I think!)

Too many people base their worth and value on what other people
think of them. They worry if others like them, approve of them, or think of them as important. Because of such insecurities, they are constantly playing up to others, trying to win their favor and to meet others’ every expectation.

When you do that, you set yourself up to be controlled and manipulated. You allow others to put you in a box. Some people do not follow their dreams because they are so concerned about falling from the good graces of others. You may lose the approval of others if you follow your own dreams. But if your friends approve of you only when you meet their expectations, they aren’t true friends. They are manipulators. They are controllers.

There is a real freedom when you realize you don’t need the approval of others. You have almighty God’s approval. Don’t try to keep everyone around you happy. Some people don’t even want to be happy. You’ve got to be secure enough to say, “I love you, but I won’t allow you to control me. You may not give me your blessing, but that’s okay. I have God’s blessing. And I’m not a people pleaser; I’m a God pleaser.”

Take charge of your life. If you’re being manipulated and pressured into being someone you are not, it’s not the other person’s fault, it’s your own fault. You control your destiny. You can be nice. You can be respectful. But do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty for being your own person.

Life is too short to spend it trying to keep others happy. You cannot please everyone. To fulfill your destiny, stay true to your heart. Do not let anyone squeeze you into a mold.

When my father went to be with the Lord and I stepped up to pastor the church, an older gentleman I had known my whole life took me aside and said, “If this is to work, here’s what you have to do.”

He told me how to run the church, how to minister, how to lead the staff, how to move forward. I listened to his advice. I was very open. But nothing he said matched what I felt on the inside.

I prayed. I searched my own heart about what he’d told me, but noth
ing bore witness. I risked falling out of his good graces by following my own heart. The decision was difficult, but I went for God’s approval, not this man’s.

I stepped out and followed my heart, and God blessed my decision. The church thrived. I did fall out of the man’s good graces, however. He wasn’t happy that I did not take his advice.

Those who become upset if you don’t do things their way are not really
for
you. They don’t have your best interests at heart. If they were for you, they would be mature enough to say, “Even if you don’t do it my way, even if you don’t take my suggestions, I’ll support you. I’ll be behind you because I’m your friend and I want to see you succeed.”

That’s a true friend.

When I didn’t take this man’s advice, he was no longer on my side. It wasn’t something big and obvious, just subtle things. I’d walk into a room and I could feel his sense of disapproval.

Thank God I didn’t need his approval. He wasn’t God. He wasn’t sitting on the throne. He didn’t write the plan for my life.

I looked to God instead and said, “He may not be for me, but I know You are for me. God, I may not have his approval, but I know I have Your approval. That’s all that really matters.”

I pressed forward doing what God put in my heart to do. God not only brought our church through that transition, but He brought us through bigger and better and greater than we ever had been. God knows what He is doing.

Before you were born, God stamped His approval on you. You don’t need to buy the friendship of anyone else. If you start a friendship off by buying it, you’ll have to continue paying to keep it going. When you grow tired of doing what your new friend wants you to do, the friendship will end. They’ll cut you loose. You are better off trusting God to bring you divine connections.

God will always give you direction for your life. Other people may have suggestions. They may have ideas. But God speaks directly to you. The Holy Spirit lives inside you. He leads you. He guides you.

Yes, be open and listen to your parents and mentors and friends, but follow your own heart. There is a still, small voice; a knowing inside you—that is God talking to you.

Be careful, though, about those who always have a word from the Lord to share with you. I grew up in church. I’ve heard a lot of words from the Lord, some of them right on, some of them way off. But anytime someone gives you a “word from the Lord,” it should simply confirm what you already know on the inside.

When that older man told me how to run the church, his words didn’t agree with anything that I was feeling. They were totally foreign. I’ve learned that God will not tell others what He wants for my life without telling me Himself. God and I are on speaking terms. We talk every single day.

If I would have been a people pleaser and run the church like that man wanted and ministered like he told me, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I would have his approval, but what good would that do me?

I would rather have the approval of the Creator of the universe. I would rather have the God who spoke the worlds into existence smiling down on me.

This was a difficult concept for me because I want to please everybody. I want to be liked. When you follow what’s in your heart, though, some may be unhappy with you. They may not understand. You may fall out of their favor. You may even lose friends.

When my mother was twenty-six years old, my father decided to leave the church that he had been pastoring for many years. The old congregation wasn’t really behind his new doctrine of faith and healing and miracles. My mother had longtime friends in that church. Instead of celebrating my mother’s new beginning, those friends wouldn’t have anything to do with her.

Lifelong friends walked away, all because my father decided to launch out on his own. I love what Jesus said in Luke 18:29–30: “Everyone who has given up house or wife or brothers or parents or children, for the sake
of the Kingdom of God, will be repaid many times over in this life” (
NLT
). Notice it doesn’t say when you get to heaven God will bless you. It says, right here on the earth, if you give up anything for God’s sake, He will reward you more than you can even imagine.

My mother lost all of her friends. They wouldn’t give her their approval anymore. But can I tell you God is a faithful God? My mom found many more new friends, even more than she could ever have imagined.

My parents could have played it safe, stayed in that church, and held on to the approval of those friends. They could have stayed aboard that boat, but God asked them to board another.

At some point God will ask you to get out of the boat. It wouldn’t be as difficult if all of your friends and family members encouraged you to do that, too. But most of the time, your friends will advise you to stay put.

Some gave my parents an ultimatum: “Stay here and we’ll support you. But if you leave, you’re on your own.”

That’s when my parents followed the words of the apostle Paul: “I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God” (Galatians 1:10
NLT
).

Don’t be held back by the fear that people will abandon you. If they leave you, you don’t need them. God said He would never leave us or forsake us. So if they walk away when you truly need them, they aren’t of God. We know God can’t lie. So you can draw the conclusion:
If they left me, they weren’t a part of my destiny. If they don’t want to be my friends, I don’t need them. If they don’t give me their approval, it’s no big deal. I have God’s approval.

Sometimes a well-meaning person may try to hold you back. Jesus told Peter that He was going to Jerusalem “and suffer many things” (Matthew 16:21
NKJV
). Peter said, “Far be it from You, Lord; this shall not happen to You!” (v. 22
NKJV
).

Peter loved Jesus. He was concerned about Him, but he didn’t understand Jesus’ destiny. Others may not understand what God has put in your
heart. You don’t have to write them off, but you do have to be strong and follow your destiny, with or without their approval.

That’s what Jesus did. He looked at Peter and said, “Get behind Me, Satan! You are an offense to Me, for you are not mindful of the things of God, but the things of men” (v. 23
NKJV
). He was strong. He was firm. But He wasn’t disrespectful.

He didn’t say, “I’m never speaking to you again because you don’t agree with Me.”

Jesus simply spoke the truth in love and went on to fulfill His destiny without Peter’s approval.

In the same way, you will not become everything God has created you to be if you must have the approval of everyone around you. I would love to tell you that all of your family and friends will be there to cheer you on and encourage you and support you. Most of the time, though, somebody will be jealous. Someone won’t understand. Some will try to belittle or discredit you.

You can’t please everyone, so let those who disapprove know you love them and that the only approval you need is God’s. Tell them, “I have almighty God’s approval, and He has promised if I give up anything for His sake, He will reward me greatly.”

That’s a powerful attitude. When you are secure enough in who you are, you will be confident in the destiny in front of you. Keep being your best. Do that, and nothing will stop you.

The Creator of the universe will break down every barrier and take you to where you’re supposed to be. Keep a good attitude. Shake off the negative voices. Don’t pay any attention to the naysayers trying to discredit you and make you look bad. If you stay in faith, the more they talk negatively of you, the higher God will take you.

The Scripture says promotion doesn’t come from people but from God. You may not have the approval of someone “important,” but focus on winning the favor of God instead.

How do you do that? By being a person of excellence, by having an atti
tude of faith, by blessing your enemies, by being good to people. When you do that, you curry favor with the Creator. He will fight your battles. God will bring you those divine connections: people who celebrate you and cheer you on.

I love loyal people. I love faithful people. I have friends, family, and staff in my life right now who I know will give me their approval until the day I die.

God has put people in my life who celebrate me and give me the freedom to become who He created me to be. He has put the same type of people in your life—the right people. So don’t waste your time trying to win the approval of those who would manipulate you and put you into a box of their design. Your destiny is too great for that. You don’t need their approval. You have the approval of almighty God!

I
was out jogging one day and I noticed a person in front of me about a quarter of a mile. I could tell he was running a little slower than me and I thought,
Good. I’ll try to catch him.

I had about a mile to go on my path before I needed to turn off. So I started running faster and faster. Every block, I was gaining on him just a little bit. After just a few minutes I was only about one hundred yards behind him, so I really picked up the pace and pushed myself. You would have thought I was running in the last leg of an Olympic competition. I was determined to catch him.

Finally, I did it. I caught and passed him by. On the inside I felt so good.
I beat him!
Of course, he didn’t even know we were racing. After I passed him I realized I’d been so focused on competing against him that I’d missed my turn.