Even Now (4 page)

A year ago she’d seen a movie with her dad where the main character was trapped in a hallway with no doors and no windows. Scary music pounded from the big screen as the walls began closing in, closer and closer, leaving the guy no way to escape, no way out. Just when it looked like he’d be crushed, he spotted a trap door and got out with his life.

That’s the way it was with her and Shane now. The walls were closing in — but there was no trap door. No way of escape insight.

They never meant to sleep together, but it happened. Not once, but a few times. Only a few times. Lauren stared at her hands. Her fingers were trembling. Proof that she was falling apart a little more every day. She’d fought so hard to get a little freedom from her parents. To get them to trust her. Getting them to let her go alone with Shane to youth group had been a major deal. But finally they gave in. Let her have some freedom.

Maybe too much.

Over the summer, their parents started letting them hang out together in their bedrooms with the doors closed. At first Lauren was thrilled. But now . . . She shook her head. What did they think was going on in there? Especially in the past year, since Shane had his own car and didn’t take her home until hours after his parents were asleep.

“We trust you,” her mother said once. “As long as you’re with Shane.”

Lauren felt a wave of disgust well up inside her. Why would that make things safe between them? Knowing someone as long as she’d known Shane made it
more
dangerous, not less. They were so comfortable together that giving in, going all the way, seemed like nothing more than an extension of kissing. Until it was over.

The first time, when they were finished and they got dressed, they both were scared to death. “God’ll punish us for sure,” Lauren told him.

Shane hadn’t argued. They skipped youth group that week — and the next too. After that it was easier not to go, not to look in the faces of their leaders and lie about how well they were doing or how they were praying or reading their Bibles.

The punishment came, all right. A positive pregnancy test six weeks later. Since then everything changed between her and Shane.

Everything but this one fact: they loved each other. And it wasn’t just a kid thing. They loved with a realness and a longing that consumed them. Yeah, they’d messed up and they were sorry. One of the youth group leaders knew about their situation, and the guy had met with them and their families a few times to pray and ask for God’s wisdom.

But the punishment remained. She was seventeen and pregnant, and her parents’ friendship with Shane’s parents seemed to have all but disappeared. Their fathers were even breaking up their business relationship. Where would they work once they sold the bank?

Lauren had a hard time breathing whenever she thought about it. She studied Shane again.

His jaw was set, his eyes distant. He hit the steering wheel with his right hand. “I
hate
this.” He let his head fall back against the seat. “Something’s going on, but not one of them is talking.”

“Tell me about the bank again.” Lauren’s stomach hurt. She leaned over and studied his profile.

Shane closed his eyes. “I heard my dad on the phone. He said something about the sale of the bank, how it would close in a few weeks and then he could make the investment. Some new investment.”

Panic made her squirm. “If they’re selling the bank, why haven’t my parents told me? That’s the part I don’t get.”

For a long time he was quiet, then he turned and let his hands fall from the steering wheel. “Lauren . . . ” His expression softened. “There’s more.” He took hold of her fingers, sheltering them with his own. His eyes told her more than his words ever could, that he loved her, that he wanted to make this work but he was just a kid and he didn’t know how. He ran his thumbs along the edge of her hands.

“What?” Her word was barely loud enough to hear. The inside of her throat was so dry she couldn’t swallow right. It was hard to believe there was more, that something else could be wrong.

He hung his head for a moment and then looked her straight in the eyes. “I think we’re moving.” Fear took over his expression and he blinked it back.

“Moving?” She shook her head slowly, not wanting the word to sink in, not wanting anything to do with it.

“In that same phone call.” He swallowed hard. “My dad said something about going to Los Angeles in June, when school was out.”

“LA?”
She grew still, and from somewhere deep inside her she felt the faintest fluttering. “Why . . . why would they do that?”

His expression was intense, more serious than she’d ever seen it. “I think they’re trying to keep us apart.” He released her hands and shoved his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know what to do, Lauren. I won’t let them tear us apart, even if I have to live on the streets, I won’t let them.”

Her heart raced and her breathing grew shallow. It wasn’t real, was it? His family wouldn’t move him across the country a little more than a month before their baby was due, would they? “In June?” She gulped, trying to find her voice. “They might move to LA in June?”

He searched her eyes. “I’m sure your parents know. They all know. We’re the only ones they aren’t telling.” His eyes grew watery, and he gritted his teeth. “They can’t do this. We need to know their plans so we can fight against them, okay?”

Fight against her parents? When they’d finally accepted the fact that she was keeping her baby? If they didn’t have her parents or his parents, who would they have? Who would support them? She wanted to ask Shane, but she bit her lip instead. Her hand came up to his face and she touched his cheek with her fingertips. “I’ll find out what I can.”

He gave a quick nod and looked at the snow-covered windshield again. His eyes were still serious, as if he were searching through a list of options trying to find one that made sense. Finally he looked at her and gave a sad shake of his head. “I can’t believe this.”

“Me either.” She looked at her watch. It was midnight, time for her to get inside. She leaned close to him and kissed him, slow and tender. They hadn’t shared more than an occasional kiss since they found out she was pregnant. Almost as if they’d found a way back to how things had been before Shane had a car, back when holding hands and sharing a once-in-a-while kiss was the extent of their physical relationship.

“Lauren.” His eyes had a sweet intensity. “Promise me nothing will change, no matter what they try to do to us.”

She needed to get inside, but he still held tight to her hands. Her heart melted and she slid closer, slipping her arms around his neck. “I love you, Shane. I’ll never love anyone else.”

“I want to be older.” He pulled back, his eyes wide and intense. “I wanna wake up tomorrow and be twenty-five, with a college degree and a job and a ring in my hand.”

A ring?
“A wedding ring?”

“Yes.” He framed her face with his hands. “I want to marry you. I always have. This is
our
situation, our problem. But we need to figure it out, even if we
are
young.” He was breathing hard, almost frantic with hopelessness. “I’m not letting you go.” He kissed her again. “I love you, Lauren. I don’t care how old I am; I’ll never love anyone like this. Never.”

“I love you too, Shane. You won’t have to let go. I promise.” She spoke the words straight to his heart and when she was sure she’d start crying if she didn’t leave, she opened the door and stepped out into the snow. She waved once more as she turned and took light, careful steps up the walkway.

Inside, she leaned against the front door and waited until she heard his car drive away. The worse things got, the more she loved him, the more certain she was that somehow they could handle the days ahead. If only their parents would give them the chance.

Her father’s voice came from the den down the hall and she followed the sound. What was he saying? Something about the bank? She slowed her pace. He mustn’t have heard her come in. She tiptoed to the edge of the door so she could hear better.

“How far is it from here?” It was her mother’s voice. She must’ve been filing papers, because a rustling sound made it hard to understand her.

“Only about an hour. The town’s great, wonderful schools. Lauren can have the baby this summer and start her senior year fresh, no baggage.”

“I’m not sure.” Her mother sounded skeptical. “If she keeps the baby, we’ll have more than prom and college applications to deal with.”

“If she does or if she doesn’t, I want her to have a fresh start. You know how it’ll be around here, Angela. She’ll always be the good girl who went and got pregnant with the school’s baseball jock.”

Anger surged into her veins, but Lauren didn’t move. They might have more to say, and she didn’t want to miss it.

“Come on, Bill.” Kindness filled her mother’s tone. “Shane’s more than the school’s baseball jock.”

“I know that.” Her father’s words were fast and frustrated, like hail in a summer thunderstorm. “But right now the two of them need to be apart. That’s what’s best for them.”

“And Sheila and Samuel found something in LA?”

“Definitely.” For the first time in the exchange, her father’s voice relaxed some. “They’ll be gone by mid-June.” He paused. “I never realized how hard it is to work with Samuel Galanter. The man’s a control freak, and so’s his wife.”

“They used to be our friends.” Her mother’s voice was soft, defeated. “It’s like we didn’t know them.”

“In a few months, we won’t.” His words sounded pinched. “The nerve of that kid to take advantage of my little girl. We’ll see how much time he gets with her once they move to California.”

Lauren had heard enough. She burst through the doorway, hands on her hips. “Don’t you listen for the door?”

Both her parents opened their mouths, shock written in their expressions. “Lauren!” Her mother was on her feet. She tried a smile, but it died long before it hit her eyes. “No . . . we didn’t hear you come in.”

“Obviously.” She paced in front of them, looking from her mother to her father and back again. “So you’re part of this . . . this moving to California thing?” Her face was hot.

“We’re not part of it.” Her mother was at her side, touching her shoulder. “We wouldn’t have anything to do with another family moving away, honey.”

“But that’s it, isn’t it?” Her voice was louder than before. She glared at her father. “You and Mr. Galanter sold your bank, and now you’re going your own ways. And if that breaks up me and Shane then so be it, right?”

“The Galanters might be moving, yes.” Her mother’s voice was calm, and that was bad. The more upset her mom got, the calmer her voice. “That plays a factor in what we’re doing, obviously. We’re selling the bank, so — ”

“Right!”
She was shouting now. “That’s what I mean. How come Shane had to tell me? Why didn’t I hear anything before this?”

“Watch your tone, young lady.” Her father stood and walked closer, his finger pointed at her. “We’ve been conducting business in this family for years without consulting you. You might be seventeen and pregnant, but that doesn’t mean you’re an adult, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’ll be privy to everything your mother and I do.”

His tone wounded her, hurt her to the depths of her soul. Shane was right. The sale of the bank, the idea of both families moving, all of it was part of a giant plan to tear them apart. She closed the distance between them and took his hand in hers. “Why, Daddy? Why are you doing this to us?”

He pursed his lips and looked away. When his eyes found her again, they were softer. “There is no
us
when it comes to you and Shane. You’re kids, nothing more than children. We’re going to save you from yourself, Lauren.” His voice was thick. “I love you too much to do anything else.”

Her world rocked hard to one side, tilted in a way that made her wonder if it would ever be right side up again. She glanced at her mother, her ally, but she received nothing back. Her mom wouldn’t even look at her. One small step at a time, Lauren backed up. Her heart was beating so hard she figured they could hear it across the room. “You won’t win this!” Her voice was loud again — loud and shrill.

“You will not talk to us that way, Lauren.” Her father’s gentleness from a moment earlier was gone. “Go to your room and think about your actions. This is no way for a daughter of mine to act.”

She shook her head, stunned. Nothing was making sense, not his words or his expression or his tone of voice. It all ran together and she dropped her voice to little more than a whisper. “You won’t win.” Wetness filled her eyes, blurred her vision. She couldn’t make out the details of her father’s face through her tears, but she stared at him anyway. “I love him, Daddy. Selling the bank, moving away . . . ” Her throat was too swollen to talk.

“Honey.” Again his expression eased. “You don’t know what love is.”

An ache filled her chest and she could no longer draw a breath. Not with the two of them so close, knowing full well that they’d done this, planned against her and Shane this way. Her tone was still quiet, thick with the pain that coursed through her. “No matter what you and his parents do, the two of us will be together. You can’t live our lives for us.”

She turned and ran to her room. She was about to throw herself onto the bed, when she remembered the baby. The precious little baby. It wasn’t his fault or her fault, but here they were. She sat down on the bed and stretched out on her side. With both hands on her middle, she let the tears come.

All she wanted was to love Shane. How had things gotten so crazy, so mixed up? So she and Shane were young. So what? Did that mean they didn’t have a right to try to make this work, to figure out a way to raise their child and find a life together? She looked around her room at the pretty furniture and luxury bedspread.

Her parents had more money than they knew what to do with — and so did Shane’s — but somehow they’d all missed out on how to
love.
The more she thought about their houses and their cars, the lifestyles they lived, the angrier she got. If they were poor or even average, the way most of her friends were, then this problem wouldn’t be nearly as big. Her pregnancy would be a disappointment to them, sure, but she’d stay home and raise her baby, and Shane would visit as often as he could. Then, when they graduated from high school, they’d get married and everything would work out fine.