Even Now (35 page)

When he realized who Emily was, he couldn’t make plans fast enough to come out to see her. That was when she told him that Lauren was coming too.

Lauren . . .

How long had he looked for her, wondering if he’d ever find her again? The photo he had of her was getting worn around the edges. He looked at it all the time, dreaming of this day, praying it might happen. What would it be like, seeing her after so many years? His heart pounded and he tried to dismiss his fears. What if she’d changed and her feelings for him were long dead? It would almost be easier never to see her again than to look in her eyes and know she’d left her love for him somewhere in the past.

No. As hard as it might be, he wouldn’t trade what was coming. He loved Lauren still, there was no way around the fact. Whatever the coming hour held, he would let his heart ride it out.

He wore jeans and a white button-down shirt. Civilian clothes. Emily hadn’t told him much, but she’d mentioned that Lauren was a reporter for
Time
magazine, a correspondent in the Middle East. That meant that they might have far less in common now than they once had. It was something he didn’t want to think about, not yet. A wave of people filed off the escalator and out the double doors, but none of them was Lauren. Three more people, an older couple carrying a boxed up poodle, and then . . .

They were walking arm in arm, two women with the same look, one blonde, one brunette. He straightened, willing himself to hold up. He wasn’t sure about the girl, but the woman was Lauren. He’d seen her in his dreams every night since he moved to California. She was older, but the years had only made her more beautiful.

The younger of the two — Emily, it had to be — stopped and looked first one way, then the other, and then straight at him. Her eyes lit up, and he could hear her gasp from twenty feet away. For a second she turned to Lauren, but then she looked back at him again, as if she didn’t know what to do first.

She tugged Lauren a few feet in his direction, and then she let go and ran the rest of the way. “Dad!” Her arms were around him, and she was crying.

“Emily . . . ”

Here she was, the child he’d longed for, the one he’d never forgotten. His daughter, his very own! This was the girl who kicked at his hand as an unborn baby. That was their last contact until now.

They hugged arms tight around each other, before his daughter leaned back and looked him up and down. “Look at you! No wonder Mom was crazy about you.”

He laughed and framed her face with his hands. The face that was so like his own. “I never thought I’d see this day, Emily.” He wanted to look at Lauren, see if she’d followed their daughter closer. But he needed to have this moment first. “I promise you I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for the years we’ve lost.”

Emily gave him a quick hug, then — as if she suddenly remembered — she jumped back and both of them looked at Lauren. Her bags had fallen over, and she stood there, frozen in place, her mouth open.

The minute their eyes met he felt it, the connection. How had he thought for a minute that what they shared might’ve changed over the years? He had always known nothing could change it, and he was right. For along moment they stood there, trying to believe what they were seeing. Tears ran down Lauren’s cheeks, and finally he couldn’t wait another second. He went to her at the moment she started toward him, and they met in the middle. If it were a movie scene, he would’ve swept her up, twirled her around in a circle, and kissed her the way a soldier kisses his girl after a long tour of duty.

But this moment held as much sorrow as it did triumph. As wonderful as it was to see each other, Shane couldn’t help feeling desperately sad. They’d lost two decades. And the privilege of raising their child together. That loss would always be with them. They stopped in front of each other, and slowly, with all the tenderness he had to give, he drew her into his arms. The lost years slipped away like so many seconds, and he soaked in the feel of her. They fit perfectly together, the way they always had.

“Lauren . . . I can’t believe it’s you.” He could feel her heart pounding against his chest.

She held him tighter. “I looked for you . . . for so long . . . ” She drew back and searched his eyes. “Where’ve you been, Shane?” Her crying grew harder, her voice the barest whisper. “I couldn’t find you.”

People were milling past, casting curious glances at them. Not far away Emily had righted her mother’s luggage and now she was watching them, her face taken by a smile that stretched from ear to ear. Shane tucked Lauren’s head in close to his chest and swayed with her, feeling himself responding to her presence. “I thought I’d lost you forever.” He kissed the top of her head.

“Me too.” Her voice was a mumble against his shirt. After a few seconds she took a step back and studied him. “In my dreams you looked just like this, Shane.”

“You too.” They had so much to catch up on. He wanted to ask her why she changed her name, and what life had done to her way of thinking now that she was a
Time
magazine correspondent. He needed to tell her that he was in the navy, a fighter pilot, but all that could wait. He smiled at her. “Emily found me a few days ago.” He leaned sideways and flashed their daughter a grin.

She gave him a cute little wave, and he did the same.

“I asked her not to tell you.” He put his hands on her shoulders and searched her eyes. Looking into them was like getting his first drink after years in the desert. “I wanted you to be surprised.”

“Surprised?” She took a few steps back and bent at the waist, bracing herself on her knees. When she looked up her expression was still filled with disbelief. “I’m surprised my heart’s still beating.”

He laughed and took her hands. They stood there, not quite able to get enough of each other. Finally he felt his smile fade. “You know about your parents?”

She nodded. “Daddy’s sick. He might only have a few weeks to live.”

“Emily told me.” He motioned for their daughter to join them. When she did, he put one arm around her and one arm around Lauren. He felt a rush of joy at the way they felt against him. Lauren and Emily, both of them. The feeling was amazing, like he’d found a missing part of himself and now — finally — he was whole again. He blinked back the wetness in his eyes and gave them each a light squeeze. “Let’s get back to the house.”

Emily nodded. Fresh tears filled her eyes, but she smiled at both of them. They were halfway to the parking lot when Emily said, “This is it, exactly.”

“This moment, you mean?” Lauren looked around him and smiled at their daughter. Shane’s throat tightened. Their daughter. Their little girl. A part of each of them . . .

“Yes. When I asked God for a miracle, a picture came to my mind.” Emily skipped a few steps in front of them and turned around, her arms spread wide. “This picture. Exactly this.”

I
t was the first day Bill hadn’t felt like getting out of bed.

Angela asked him a few times, suggesting that he join her at the kitchen table for hot oatmeal or later that he sit on the sofa with her and watch a movie. The kids would be there by four o’clock. It was important that he stay awake and alert.

But he had only taken her hand and looked straight to the part of her that belonged to him alone. “Everything hurts, Angie. I’m sorry.”

His answer dropped her to the edge of the bed. She sat there shaking. It took awhile until she said anything. “You never told me.”

“I didn’t want to.” He smiled and laced his fingers between hers. “I have pills if I need them. It’s just that I want to be alert when the kids come.” His shoulders slid up and down against the pillow. “I figured if I rested all day I could fake it a little tonight.”

That was at noon. He slept most of the day and now he was up and sitting in his recliner in the family room. She studied him from the kitchen and wondered how he would look to Lauren and Shane. Older, of course. But he was thin now, much thinner than before. His face was gaunt and the cancer had left his complexion ashy gray. He was cold too. No matter how high she kept the thermostat, he needed a blanket across his legs. Tonight he was using two — both of them extra thick.

Still, with all the changes and the pain he was in, his eyes glowed as he looked at her. “Any minute!”

“Yes.” All their searching and praying and wanting their daughter had come to this. Lauren and Shane together again in the same room. With their daughter. And with them.

Part of her was so excited she could barely put the apple pie in the oven. But another part of her was terrified because she and Bill were at least partly responsible for separating them. If only Bill had asked the phone company to leave forwarding information on the recording connected to their old number. It was something he regretted every day. She wasn’t about to bring it up now.

Once the pie was set, she poured the two of them coffee and joined him in the family room. She took the chair she liked best — the one closest to him. Just as she sat down, she heard a car, and after a few minutes, the sound of Emily’s voice. Angela closed her eyes and reached for her husband’s foot. “Father God, be here tonight.”

She expected them to ring the doorbell, then realized Emily would never do such a thing. So she wasn’t surprised when she heard the group come into the entryway, and after a bit of hushed conversation, she heard Emily’s voice heading up the stairs with what must’ve been Shane. Angela stood and waited, her heart barely beating. Were Emily and Shane giving them this time alone with Lauren? It was something she had wanted, but never voiced. There was silence in the entryway for a few seconds, and then the sound of heels on the tile floor.

And suddenly — there she was. Standing before them, like something from a dream.

“Lauren . . . ” Tears blurred Angela’s vision and a sob caught in her throat. She was afraid to move or cry or say the wrong thing.

Lauren blinked and tears slid down her cheeks. Their eyes locked and she massaged her throat. “Mom . . . ” Her eyes shifted to Bill. “Dad . . . ”

Angela couldn’t wait. She crossed the room, and carefully, as if her daughter might break, she took Lauren into her arms. With one hand on the back of Lauren’s head and the other pressed to the small of her daughter’s waist, Angela cradled her the way she’d done when Lauren was little, when she’d come home from kindergarten with a skinned knee.

Only this time she and Bill had caused her daughter’s pain. And it went far deeper than any childhood scrape. “I’m so sorry, honey.” She muttered the words against the side of Lauren’s face. “I’ve spent my life being sorry.”

Lauren felt stiff at first, as if the awkwardness of the moment kept her from giving in to her emotions. But as they embraced, Angela felt her daughter letting go, felt the sobs shaking her slight frame. “I’m . . . I’m sorry too.”

When their tears slowed some, Lauren took a step back and turned toward Bill. Angela watched them.
God . . . You did this. You brought her home while we still had a chance to be together. All of us
,
the way we should’ve been from the beginning
.

“Daddy, how are you?” She reached the edge of his chair and he held his hand out to her. She took it and leaned closer, hugging him for what seemed like a minute. She eased onto her knees, bringing them face-to-face. “Does it hurt?”

He shook his head and brought his hand up along her face. “Not anymore.” With his other hand, he brought her fingers to his lips and kissed them. “We were wrong, Lauren. I’m so, so sorry, baby.”

Angela felt her composure slipping. He was a strong man, Bill Anderson. Strong and intelligent and not given easily to shows of emotion. At least, not before Lauren left. When she didn’t come back and they couldn’t find her, she’d watched him change. What he’d done by leaving their forwarding information off the recording, he’d done in love. He loved Lauren and would’ve gone to any lengths to protect her. It was that protective instinct of his that longed for Lauren with every passing hour. She was his little girl, and in some ways he hadn’t been complete until just this minute. With her safely in his arms again.

Lauren looked weak as she struggled to her feet. The day had been an emotional one for all of them. She wiped her cheeks with her knuckles and looked at Angela and then Bill. Her eyes settled on Bill. “I’m the one who left.” She lifted her chin a few inches. “I thought Emily was dead and I panicked. I never . . . ” Her voice cracked and she held on to the back of Bill’s chair for support. “I never should’ve gone without saying good-bye.” Her expression was a twisted mass of sorrow and regret. “Forgive me . . . please?”

She dropped to the arm of Bill’s chair and put her arm around him, leaning close and letting her head rest against his. “I missed you, Daddy.” She looked up and turned the other way. “You too, Mom. How did so many years get away from us?”

Angela came to them, and the three formed a hug full of hope and promise and second chances. There was no talk about Shane, but Angela knew that would come. They couldn’t move too far ahead without first letting go of the past.

Lauren lifted her head and looked at Bill again. “I’m sorry . . . about the cancer.”

“I didn’t ask God to make me better.” His voice was hoarse, barely understandable. He framed her face with his fingers again. “I only asked him to bring you home.”