Even Now (33 page)

He pulled into the parking lot at Top Gun, killed the engine, and climbed out. The day was chilly, but the sky was a brilliant blue. He leaned against his car, crossed his ankles, and stared toward heaven.

“Okay, God, I’m trusting you.” He smiled, but it didn’t erase his sadness. “Show me what’s next.” He gave a salute toward the sky. “I’ll be on standby until then.”

He breathed in and headed toward the backdoor of the building. He needed speed, needed to buckle into a cockpit and fly like the wind through the forever sky. Maybe that would help him feel better.

It was 8:50 in the morning when he reported at the desk. He picked up a stack of mail and was on his way toward the instructors’ lounge when one of the guys behind the counter motioned to him. “Captain Galanter?”

“Yes?” He kept his eyes on the mail. There was a familiar envelope in the bundle, something from the office of Ellen’s father. The young man a few feet from him said something, but Shane missed it. He tucked the mail under his arm and frowned. “Sorry. What’d you say?”

“You have a message, sir.” He held it out. “She says it’s urgent.”

Shane walked back to the counter and took a small slip of paper. “Thanks.” He nodded at the guy, turned, and headed down the hall. As he did, he looked at the message. It was handwritten, taken early that morning. He read it: “Please call Emily Anderson in Wheaton, Illinois.”

Anderson? Shane came to a slow stop. Emily Anderson in Wheaton? He stared at the number and wondered . . . Emily? Emily Anderson? He leaned against the wall, dizzy with the thoughts racing through his head. Was it possible? The wild hope bursting within him wasn’t so much because of her last name, or even because she was from Wheat on. But because her name was Emily.

The name that —

He blinked hard and shook his head. Maybe his thoughts were fuzzy because of Ellen, or because it was a beautiful Monday morning and he couldn’t wait to get up in the sky. Either way he needed a clear head. Thinking about Lauren or the baby or anything from the past would only hold him back.

Her name had to be some sort of coincidence. Anderson was a common name and so was Emily. Still, he needed to call the woman. Probably a teacher, someone bringing a group of kids to Lake Tahoe and looking for an educational side trip. Happened all the time. He stepped into his small, boxy office and eased himself into his chair, all while reading the message one more time. It had to be about a tour group, he was convinced.

He dialed the number and waited. He would take care of the call, set up a tour date for the lady, and get into his flight suit.

All before nine o’clock.

Emily was typing another e-mail to her mother.

The e-mails and phone calls had given them a wonderful chance to connect, even before a face-to-face meeting. This time the topic was journalism, how badly she wanted to write for a newspaper the way her mother did. She was just finishing it when the phone on the desk next to her rang. She answered it, her eyes still on the computer screen. “Hello?”

“Yes, Emily Anderson, please. This is Captain Shane Galanter returning her call.”

She gasped, and then covered her mouth so he wouldn’t hear her reaction. There was still no way of knowing if she had the right man. Even so, her heart was in her throat, and she was on her feet. She paced out of the room and to the end of the hallway. “This is Emily.” A knot tugged at her stomach. “I’m looking for a Mr. Galanter. I’m just not sure I have the right one.”

“Okay.” The man sounded at a loss. “There’s only one of us at Top Gun, if that helps.”

“Well . . . ” She stifled a nervous bit of laughter. What if this
was
him? What if she was actually talking to her father — her very own father! — for the first time in her life? “Actually, I’m not sure that the Shane Galanter I’m looking for is an instructor at Top Gun.”

He chuckled. “Why don’t you tell me about the one you’re missing.”

“Good idea.” She liked him. He had a kind voice and a sense of humor. “My Shane Galanter has dark hair and dark eyes and he’s pretty tall. He grew up in Chicago and dated a girl named Lauren Anderson. Then the summer before his senior — ”

“Emily.” The teasing lightness in his voice was gone. In its place was a sense of quiet shock. “You have the right Shane Galanter. Now it’s my turn.” He hesitated. “Who are you?”

She stopped pacing and leaned against the wall. It was him! She’d found him! A smile pushed its way up her cheeks, just as the first tears filled her eyes. After all these years had it really been that easy? A matter of spelling his name right and finding him through the Internet? The story began spilling from her at record speed. “I’m your daughter.” A sound came from her, part laugh part sob. “I’ve looked for you all my life, only I was looking on the Internet and I was spelling your name wrong, until last week when I found my mother’s journals and I realized your name had two
a
’s and that’s how I — ”

“Emily?” He sounded breathless, almost doubtful. “Your mother’s name is — ”

“Lauren. Lauren Anderson.” She giggled out loud. “I found
her
five days ago, the same day I called you.”

“I just got the message. I . . . I can’t believe this.” His voice was thick, choked with what must’ve been almost overwhelming emotions. “So she did it, she gave you up for adoption.”

“No, not at all.” Emily exhaled hard. There were so many pieces to pull together. “It’s a long story. I’m not sure where to start.”

“I don’t know anything, Emily.” He laughed, his tone soaked in disbelief. “Why don’t you start at the beginning.”

“Okay.” She slid down the wall until she was sitting on the floor. “When you and your family left for California, my mom was desperate to find you . . . ”

The story poured out in all its detail. All the while Emily was overcome by a joy that made her feel like she was floating. She’d found her dad! They were actually talking on the phone. It was more than she could imagine. She’d found both her parents in the same week. And now it was up to her to get the information to her dad so he could join them. He would come, she had no doubts. She’d asked for a miracle.

And God was making it happen.

L
auren felt like she knew her daughter, and it had only been a week.

During that time over the phone, they’d filled each other in on much of what they’d missed, the facts they hadn’t known about each other. Lauren told Emily about her first trip out west, and how sick Emily had gotten.

“I thought it was my fault.” Lauren willed her voice to convey the depth of her regret. “When they told me you were gone, I knew I only had one hope left — to find Shane.”

She told Emily about coming to Los Angeles and finding an apartment and getting a job. How she’d been determined to finish college and start a writing career, and how every day along the way she never stopped looking for Shane.

Other times the conversation would be about Emily. Lauren learned that her daughter had a deep faith, one that colored everything she did, everything she felt. Emily shared the highlights of her childhood, the special moments at home and in school, and her decision to play soccer.

“I still play now, at Wheaton College.” There was pride in the girl’s voice. “Grandma says my dad was an athlete.”

“Yes.” Lauren’s heart felt scraped bare. Not only because of all she’d missed, but because Shane’s memory was alive and standing next to her all the time now. “He was a baseball player.”

They talked about Lauren’s parents and how anxious they were to see her, and about Emily’s place on the school news paper. But no matter how many times they talked or how often they exchanged e-mails, Lauren couldn’t really believe her daughter was alive — not until she saw her in person.

Finally, on a Saturday afternoon, after five hours of air travel, Lauren grabbed her things from the overhead compartment of a 737 and headed through the plane and down the Jet way into Chicago’s O’Hare Airport. Even then she couldn’t believe she was home again. Back where it all started, all those years ago. Eighteen years. A lifetime.

Emily’s lifetime.

She exited out the gate and followed the signs to baggage claim. Emily was going to meet her near the entrance. Lauren wore a conservative skirt and a jacket with low pumps, the sort of outfit she might wear to the
Time
magazine office. Her hair was freshly trimmed, as long and blonde as it was when she left home. As she walked down the concourse, her heart kept time with her heels. All her life she’d cradled other people’s children, wondered what Emily might’ve looked like if she’d lived. Now, in a few minutes, she would know.

The reunion would be beyond anything she could’ve dreamed, but it would be marked by sorrow. Emily told her the day before that her dad’s cancer was much worse. The doctors were giving him a few weeks at best. Lauren picked up her pace, seeing in her mind’s eye her father the way he looked when she left home. Her heart hurt because they had so little time now. But it was impossible to feel only sorrow. After all, whatever time they had was a gift she’d never dreamed of having.

The crowds were heavy, and Lauren dodged around a large group of teenagers dressed in basketball uniforms. Emily probably traveled with her soccer team. Maybe the two of them had passed just like this in an airport sometime and had never known it. She darted toward the escalator, steadying her carry-on bag in front of her and gripping the rubber handrail.

Live combat didn’t make her feel this nervous.

The escalator carried her down, slowly, slowly. Lauren peered into the clearing and she saw a hallway and a pair of double doors. Just beyond them was a pretty girl with dark hair, pacing a few steps one way and then the other, her eyes never leaving the doorway. Was that her? Lauren had about five seconds to study the girl, but in the end she didn’t need even that long to know. The girl had Shane’s dark hair, his striking features. And at the same time she was a brunette replica of herself at that age. Lauren stepped off the escalator and rushed through the doors, out of the way of the flood of people behind her. She stood there, staring at the girl, her heart in her throat.

The reality hit her just as their eyes met, as they held, and as they spoke volumes without saying a word. This was her daughter, her Emily! Her baby girl really was
alive!

Emily spoke first. “Mom?” She came to her. “It’s you, right?”

“Yes, Emily.” Lauren dropped her bag and held out her arms. Her daughter came to her then, rushed into her embrace, and stayed there. Lauren rocked her back and forth as tears streamed down her cheeks. Their hug was warm and sure, and it took Lauren back to the last time she’d held Emily. She’d missed a lifetime of rocking her, but she wouldn’t miss one second more. “You’re so beautiful.” She breathed the words into her daughter’s hair. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”

“Me neither.” Emily drew back. Her eyes were bright as the sun, even though her cheeks were tearstained. “I looked for you all my life.”

“I missed you every day.” She pressed the side of her face against her daughter’s. “If I’d only known.”

Emily sniffed, and a bit of laughter came from her. “But you’re here! You’re really here. Now we’ll never be apart again, okay?”

“Okay.” She studied her daughter, reveled in the sight of her. They’d missed so much together, that maybe Emily was right. Maybe they would find their way to the same city and never be apart again. It was a piece of the story that hadn’t yet been written. Lauren’s life had been in the Middle East, but that was before finding Emily. Now the future held more questions than answers.

“Hey.” Emily stepped back and picked up Lauren’s bag. “Can we get something to eat? I brought a photo album we can look at.”

It was past one o’clock, but until then she hadn’t realized how hungry she was. “Here? At the airport?”

“Why not?” Emily linked arms with her. “We’re here, right?”

“Right.” Lauren couldn’t remember feeling this happy, not since her daughter’s birth. They collected her two checked bags and headed back through the double doors up the escalator to a small Mexican restaurant.

Emily kept checking her watch and finally Lauren gave her a curious look. “Are we late?”

“No.” She laughed, but it sounded nervous. “I told Grandma and Papa we’d take our time.”

“Okay, then.” They ordered, and Lauren found a table. When they were seated she leaned closer. She couldn’t get enough of Emily, the way she looked so much like Shane and so much like herself all at the same time. She covered her daughter’s hand with her own. “Why don’t you show me your photo album?”

“All right.” Emily grinned. “Let’s start at the beginning.”

The first photos showed her as a toddler, taking her first steps, and sitting in front of a white-and-pink frosted birthday cake with one lit candle in the middle. Each picture was like a precious, painful window to all Lauren missed, all she’d lost out on. Why hadn’t she gone back? Even one phone call and all the lonely years could’ve been avoided. By the second page she felt overcome with sorrow.