Even Now (21 page)

Except once in a while, when a cool wind kicked up in the middle of December and she could still feel how it was, sitting around a Christmas tree with her parents and Shane’s parents and Shane. She stared out the hotel window, but instead of the wind-beaten sky, she saw a scene from two decades ago, heard the laughter, felt the warmth of shared love.

What would happen if she went back now?

She blinked, and the memory swirled into nothingness, like dust in the desert wind. It didn’t matter what would happen, because she couldn’t go back. She didn’t know the way if she wanted to. Her throat still hurt, and her eyes grew moist. She coughed.
Get a grip, Lauren.

“Come on, Gibbs. You’re tougher than this.” She pressed her hands to her eyes and inhaled sharply. “A story’s waiting.”

She grabbed her backpack and double-checked to see that her lip balm was still inside. Then she snatched a bag of American lollipops from one of her dresser drawers. Lollipops were in high demand at orphanages. It gave her a way to connect with the kids. With that she was out the door and headed down the stairs.

Normally with a story pending, she could shake off any memories of the past. But today it wasn’t so easy. Was it Christmas making things so difficult? Whatever it was, times like this she had to wonder which battle affected her more. The one that still raged in parts of Afghanistan.

Or the one deep in her heart.

S
hane Galanter had been putting off the engagement party for nearly a month. But when Ellen suggested December 23, he knew he’d run out of excuses. Even the Top Gun flight school where he worked as an instructor was closed down that Friday and the following week. Fighter pilots needed a Christmas break, same as anyone.

Maybe even more so.

The engagement party was at the Marriott in Reno. Ellen had worked with his mother to pull it together. Eighty people in one of the hotel’s smaller banquet rooms. Shane left his car with a valet and squinted up at the building. It wasn’t true that it never rained in the desert states. That afternoon was fifty degrees with drizzle. Another reason he hated spending a Friday night in a room packed with people.

“Here, sir.” A blond surfer kid handed him a claim check.

“Thanks.” He stuffed it into his pocket and faced the hotel entrance.

He wanted to marry Ellen. It wasn’t that. But throwing a party to announce their engagement seemed a little outdated. He was thirty-six, after all, and Ellen was twenty-seven. People their age were supposed to have a quiet ceremony and get on with their lives.

He sucked in a quick breath and slipped his hands in his pocket. The party was more his mother’s idea than anything. His parents loved Ellen, the way they hadn’t loved any of his previous girlfriends. He maneuvered himself through the lobby to the bank of elevators. Not that he’d had many girlfriends.

None that ever really mattered until now.

Ellen Randolph, the daughter of Congressman Terry Randolph, was a Christian connected to the most powerful Republican circles in the country. Shane met her two years earlier at a congressional award dinner. He was receiving an honor for being one of the top fighter pilots in Operation Enduring Freedom. She was working for her father, and he noticed her a minute after entering the room.

Halfway through the night, Shane saw one of the veteran flight instructors talking with her and her father. The man was one of Shane’s most respected mentors, so he made his way to the small cluster of people and managed to get an introduction.

He and Ellen had been inseparable ever since.

He stopped at the front desk and waited until one of the attendants looked his way. “Yes, I’m trying to find the Galanter banquet room.”

The girl blushed as she looked at him. She was a heavy redhead with pale blue eyes. “The engagement party, right?”

Shane smiled. “That’s the one.”

“Let’s see.” She checked a list taped to the desk. “You’re in the Hillside Room. It’s on the tenth floor, right turn off the elevator.” She batted her lashes at him. “You by yourself?”

He gave her a half grin. “I’m the guy getting married.”

“Oh.” Her cheeks darkened. “Lucky girl.”

“I guess.” He gave her a nod and headed for the elevator. It had taken him longer to get ready than he’d expected. He’d wrapped things up at the air base early that afternoon and made good time getting back to his home in La Costa. But he’d lost time after he got dressed. He was looking for a certain set of cuff links when he spotted the picture. Her picture.

The one Lauren gave him before he moved.

Seeing her face stopped him cold. He took hold of the photo and found his way to the recliner in the corner of his bedroom. For half an hour he held it, looking at her, studying the way her eyes seemed to look straight at him. He’d never really stopped looking for her. But over time it seemed ridiculous to keep trying so hard. He was through officer’s training and naval flight school before his father sat him down and put it to him as kindly as he could. “Son, you need to let her go. She doesn’t want to be found or you would’ve come across her by now.”

“I’m not looking.” His answer was quick, but it wasn’t the truth.

“You are. All of life is out there waiting for you.” His dad was sitting across from him in the apartment he was renting at the time. He leaned closer, his expression intense. “Some where out there is a woman who will love you and make you happy. If that woman was Lauren Anderson, you’d know.”

He didn’t want to admit it, but his father’s argument made sense. He’d done everything but go door-to-door throughout all of Illinois looking for her. Still, he hated the lack of closure. The last thing he’d told Lauren Anderson was that he’d love her forever. No matter what. Nothing had happened to change that, except the obvious. She’d vanished from his life without a trace, without a single trail to follow.

And yet, here he was, on the night of his engagement party, staring at Lauren’s picture and wondering what had happened. When his family first made the move, and it seemed only a matter of days before they could talk to each other, he had believed everything would work out after his senior year. But as months wore on without any way to contact her, he began to suspect his parents.

“You must know how to reach them,” he’d say every few days. “Just tell me the number. It’s my life. I have to live it the way I want to. And I want Lauren.”

But his parents always denied having any of her family’s information. “A few weeks separation was all we agreed to,” his mother would tell him. “When Angela Anderson calls with their phone number, you’ll be the first person to have it.”

Shane shook off the memories and looked this watch. The party was starting in five minutes, and Ellen had asked him to be there half an hour early. He stepped into the elevator and pushed the button for the tenth floor. Four floors up, the lift stopped and a family of three stepped inside. They wore bathing suits and had towels draped around their shoulders.

“Headed for the pool.” The man raised one eyebrow as if to say it wasn’t his idea.

“Sounds like fun.”

“What about you?” The guy surveyed him. “Christmas shindig?”

“Engagement party.” Shane leaned against the elevator wall. “Mine.”

“Hey — ” the man reached out and shook his hand — “congratulations.”

“Thanks.” He smiled at the guy. His wife was busy helping one of the kids with his shoes.

On the eighth floor the family got off. Shane watched them go, and a sudden stab of envy pierced him. He shook it off. What on earth did he have to be envious about? Just as the door was closing, a blonde woman walked past, headed in the same direction as the family. Probably another swimmer . . .

But Shane hesitated, staring. Almost without thinking, he hit the “door open” button. There was something familiar about her. Something he didn’t quite understand — not until she looked over her shoulder.

Shane’s breath screeched to a halt.

Lauren!

The girl was the mirror image of Lauren! He let go of the button, intending to step out, but the doors started to close. He slid his hand between them, stopping them. But by the time the doors opened again, she was gone. He checked his watch and frowned. This was crazy. He was already late. Still . . . He couldn’t leave without knowing.

It was a long shot, but it was possible. Maybe she’d located him through his rank and file, or found him with the help of a private investigator. How many Shane Galanters could possibly live in the Reno, Nevada, area? Maybe she was staying at the hotel. His heart thudded hard against his chest as he darted off the elevator and jogged down the carpeted hallway. A fitness center and a spa were on opposite sides of the corridor. The pool was at the very end, and since she’d been wearing flip-flops he guessed that was the most likely place to find her.

He passed a few kids on his way, and when he reached the pool door, he flung it open. He hurried inside and scanned the deck area. It took seconds to spot her. She was sitting next to a small-framed alderman, watching a couple of older teenage boys in the pool. Was one of them his son? The child he’d never met? Shane clearly wasn’t dressed for the pool, and because he’d rushed into the deck area, he suddenly had everyone’s attention.

Including hers.

Now that she was looking at him square on, he could see the obvious. It wasn’t Lauren. He gave a sheepish nod in her direction, then backed away. He was on the elevator again in less than a minute, his heart still racing. What had he been
thinking?
His days of searching for Lauren were over. He had Ellen now. He wasn’t supposed to still be seeing his childhood love behind the sunglasses of every blonde in Nevada.

But for a moment, he’d been overwhelmed by the idea that the woman
was
Lauren — and that could mean one of the teenage boys was his. His very own son. He made a fist and banged it twice against the elevator wall.
Insanity
,
Galanter. Pure insanity.
He gave up on the idea of having kids years ago. Somewhere out there he had a child, one that was probably being raised by a kind adoptive family. Hadn’t he decided that was enough?

He caught his breath and let his arms fall back at his sides. Cold feet, that’s all this was. He was marrying a lovely, intelligent girl, someone who would make a wonderful wife. She was articulate and excited about the politics he was passionate for. She didn’t want children, either.

That suited him fine. Children would only remind him every day of what he could’ve had — should’ve had — with Lauren.

He stepped off the elevator, straightened his suit jacket, and followed the signs to the Hillside Room. Half the guests were already there, mingling around the perimeter of the room. Before he had time to look for her, Ellen was at his side. She wore a conservative blue floor-length evening gown, one that subtly emphasized her figure and complimented her eyes.

“Hi.” She eased herself into his arms and smiled at him. Her expression was soft and sexy, her attention his completely. She brought her lips to his and kissed him. It was a kiss slow enough to stir him, but brief enough to keep up the polished look of propriety that was important to both of them. She pulled back a few inches and searched his gaze. Her tone was low and teasing. “Glad you could make it.”

“Me too.” He refused to think about the blonde at the pool. “You look wonderful. Sorry I’m late.”

“It’s okay.” She flashed him a grin, stepped back and fell in beside him, her arm around his waist. “Come see your mother. She’s looking for you.”

They crossed the room to a bank of windows on the other side. The view from the tenth floor was stunning. Even under gray skies, the mountains that stretched along the horizon looked spectacular. His mother was by herself, leaning on a handrail and staring out at the view. Ellen kissed his cheek this time. “I’m going to greet some of the guests.”

“Okay.” He smiled at her as he turned toward his mom.

Her dress was simple and elegant. She looked ten years younger than her age as she glanced at him over her shoulder. He would’ve expected her to be bubbly and ecstatic that night. It was what she’d always wanted, that he’d marry a girl like Ellen. Instead her expression was shadowed with what looked like doubt and fear.

“Mom, you okay?” He hugged her, and then leaned on the railing next to her. He gave a low chuckle. “You’re supposed to be right there with Ellen, remember? The belles of the ball.”

She set her chin and looked back out the window. “This is Ellen’s party, not mine.”

He hesitated. “Hey . . . ” He slung his arm over her shoulders and gave her a light squeeze. Whatever was eating at her, it wasn’t going away. “I was just kidding.”

“I know.” She sighed and stood a little straighter. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes narrowed, but she kept her gaze straight ahead. “I can’t get something out of my head.”

“What?” Shane had no idea where she was headed with this. He removed his arm from her shoulders and turned just enough to see her face. His tone was still light. “Don’t tell me you changed your mind about having an engagement party.”

“No, Shane.” She looked at him. “It’s more serious than that.” Lines webbed out from the corners of her eyes. More lines than usual. “I need to know something.”

“Okay.” He let the humor fade from the moment. “Shoot.”

She looked around the room, as if she wanted to make sure only the two of them could hear what she was about to say. Then her eyes locked on his. “Are you
settling
for Ellen, son? I need to know.”

A strange sensation worked its way through his gut, something he couldn’t identify. Lauren’s face came to mind again, but only for an instant. He made a sound that was more exasperation than shock. “Of course not. What would make you ask that?”

She’d always been good at reading him. Whenever she looked deep into his soul, he knew better than to hide the truth from her. And she was looking at him that way now. “Shane, the last thing I want you to do is marry someone because you think your father and I like her. That’s not the case, is it?”

“Mother.” He raised a single eyebrow. “No offense, but you’re giving yourself a lot of credit here.” There was a small wall that went two feet up toward the window. Shane put his foot on the low sill and leaned toward his knee. “Ellen’s perfect for me. Of course I’m not settling for her. I could’ve stayed single forever if I hadn’t met her.”