Evan's Addiction (43 page)

     Leaving the door slightly ajar so Sam could finish getting ready I
stripped down and hopped in the shower; a marvelous shower that had water
spraying from all sides…
Auhh, to be rich
. Samantha and I were used to
sharing a bathroom since she visited so often in the past year so it didn’t
bother me. Tilting my head under the spray of water I observed Sam walk back
into the bathroom brushing her hair through the blurry glass of the shower’s
cubicle.

     “I’m sure you know all the statistics on experimentation in
college.” She came close to the glass and gave me kissy lips. “Come on, let’s
become a statistic.”

     I snorted and slapped at the glass. “Catch me after Evan dumps me;
I’ll probably be ready to experiment then.” The words came out teasing but my
heart clenched excruciatingly at the imminent truth to them.

     Silence met my comment but I could feel her stare through the
partition, and realized my error. My remark, although joking, was a pathway to
my personal life.

     “Why do you say that, and so nonchalantly too? Watching you two
together is like witnessing two lost souls finding each other. You guys are
perfect together. Are you only seeing each other casually or something, because
you never seemed like the casual type, Shaw?”

     I blinked the water out of my eyes and stared at her through the
glass. “Wow, two lost souls, Sam? You know I’m not that deep, right?”

     “Don’t give me that crap, Shaw. You’re like a bottomless chasm;
you just have a really good veneer to disguise it.” Samantha barked out.

     I gaped at her in surprise but joked, “Take that back; I’m like a
shallow puddle.”

     She snorted while rubbing some hair product in her hair. “Give it
up girl. I’ve gotten to know you really well in the past year and while you
present a first-rate ‘
I could give a shit’
attitude, you actually truly
do give a shit. I know talking about yourself is the last thing you like to do,
but I’m going to step over that line. We’re friends, and friends talk about
personal shit. Carrie’s patient and lets you come to her when you’re ready to
talk, but I’m not as patient and I want to hear what’s going on.”

     I stood under the water spray squirting shampoo into my palm
processing her unexpected edict. She didn’t appear to be done, because she
continued talking as she squeezed lotion in her hand and began rubbing it into
her skin that wasn’t covered by her bra and underwear.

     “You two may have just started dating but the way you are around
each other screams something longer than that. I’m not tremendously close with
Evan, but I’ve watched him with a few of the other girls he’s dated…” My face
contorted in distaste at that. “And while he was pleasant with them, he didn’t
converse with them like he does with you. You two seem to have this special
language that excludes the rest of us. And I’ve never seen him all over another
girl like he is with you either. I’m seeing something that looks pretty intense,
but you’re already expecting an end to it. Why is that?”

     Sam appeared ready to hear from me now. I had to decide if I
should tell her to mind her own business, or actually make use of what she was
offering…a friend to talk to? She was right in that Carrie didn’t press me to
talk if I didn’t want to, and I appreciated that. I knew she cared and was
there for me, but I was accustomed to handling my own problems.

     Surprisingly, the lock on the door to my emotions seemed to be
disengaged at the moment and I felt the need to share. 

     Transferring the glob of shampoo in my hand to my hair I rubbed it
in aggressively. “Evan isn’t known for his longevity in relationships so I’m
not putting a lot of expectation into this thing between us.” I was starting to
accept that sometimes you had to settle for short moments of happiness in life,
or else you might not have any. 

     Sam sat down in one of the bathroom chairs. “But he’s different
with you. I see it. Carrie sees it, and she said Nic sees it too.”

     I liked hearing that because I didn’t want to be one of many, but
while Evan might act differently he was still the same person.

     “Evan’s warned me that he has a short attention span. Did you know
that he’s a genius?”

     Sam laughed. “Did he really tell you that? Talk about…”

     I interrupted her. “No, Sam; he’s a tested genius.” I could see
her brows rise in astonishment at my revelation. “That’s the reason he loses
interest so quickly in women. He says few things can keep his attention for
long. When you think about it it doesn’t sound too farfetched for an excuse.”

     She frowned. “So he gave you a heads up that that he was going to
lose interest in you…he actually said that? Damn, I always liked Evan, but that
is such a douche-bag excuse.”

     Even though I’d yelled the same thing at him I felt the need to
defend him. “No, he says he feels something more for me than those other girls,
but we’re talking about an ingrained trait of a person and that’s not something
that can change.”

     I stuck my head under the waterfall to rinse out the soap in my
hair, and to halt the conversation. My need to spill had swiftly faded. It
hadn’t helped me like I thought it would. I completed the rest of my shower as
Sam dried her hair. When I finished and stepped out, wrapping a towel around
me, Sam switched off her dryer. Her light brown hair was a downy cloud around
her sympathetic face.

     “You know, people change all the time.”

     I knew that, but it was usually when they had to, were forced to.
Evan’s life was nearly perfect, he had no reason to change, and I had never
been enough to change anyone’s life before.

     I smiled sardonically, tightening the towel around me. “Sure, all
the time.”

     She scowled. “I could see it happening. He’s all over you all the
time. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was halfway in love with you.”

     A fist squeezed my heart painfully but I forced out a laugh.
Grabbing another towel I avoided her gaze as I wrung out the water in my hair.
“Love is for fools, and I mean that in the best possible way in regards to
those who are. Evan would probably tell you that love is a chemical reaction of
endorphins and pheromones. Neither of us is meant for love.”

     “Love may be foolish sometimes, but it doesn’t mean it’s not
real.”

     Sam’s tone had me looking up and I distinguished a hidden pain
behind her solemn tone and gaze. What do you know…she was in love…and it wasn’t
all hearts and flowers.

     “What is your foolish heart telling you?” I was hesitant to ask
because I didn’t like prying, but it was so out there on her face.

     She smiled sadly. “That I’m in love with someone eight years older
who doesn’t love me.”

     She didn’t give a name, and I wasn’t going to press, even though
her revelation made me incredibly curious. Sam being eighteen made eight years
older kind of a big difference. I understood where she was coming from though
and shared a commiserating sad smile with her.

     But I shook myself out of it quickly and gave a huff and careless
wave. “Love is an archaic word that our minds fabricated to rationalize teen
pregnancy and uncomfortable clothes.”

     Sam’s eyebrows shot up and she stared at me for a moment before
breaking out in laughter. “Where the hell did you hear that from?”

     Walking over to her I snatched the hair drier from her hand. “From
my mouth; weren’t you listening?” Giving her a ‘duh’ look I switched on the dryer
and drowned out her groan of exasperation.  

CHAPTER
TWENTY

EVAN

     After grudgingly parting with Shaw so she could get cleaned up I
made my way to the bedroom I was sharing with Blake. I opened the door to find
he was still sleeping, tangled in his blankets and hugging a pillow.

     I wonder who he was dreaming about?

     Removing my sandy and crusty clothes I took a piss, and then
stepped in the shower. Turning on the water jets my thoughts pondered the time
I’d spent with Shaw last night and this morning. I’d never spent hours talking
with a female or wanted to snuggle into one like I did her. Had no desire or
inclination to, but I hadn’t wanted to let Shaw go last night. Sure, waking up
next to a warm body was nothing new to me, but waking up wrapped around a body
I didn’t want to let loose, lose myself in over and over again, and not let go
of ever—well, that was a first.

     Everything with her seemed better. Racing had even been more
stimulating with her there; knowing she was watching me, cheering me on. 

     Even though my feelings for Shaw were potent, I wasn’t as
confident as I led her to believe that they would continue that way; that I
wouldn’t get bored and restless like I always did. With how much time I was
spending with her I’d expected a decrease in interest, but surprisingly they
were getting stronger.

     I wasn’t scheduling more time with Shaw just because I craved it—
and
damn did I crave her
—I was also trying to determine if boredom was going to
set in before things between us became too serious. It was why I was holding
off on having sex with her…and holding off was one of the most difficult and
agonizing undertakings I’d ever put myself through. I wanted her like I’d never
wanted anything ever in my life, but I didn’t want to hurt her again.

     Weirdly, my need to protect her was more powerful than my desire
to sink inside of her…at least I hope it was.

     Shaw was stretching my self-control though. I thought after her
first time she’d be more appreciative to my idea of going slow, but she was
always trying to push us towards sex, and while I knew she wanted me it seemed
like she was testing me. Shaw wasn’t an optimistic person; her life growing up
hadn’t offered her many positive endings, so I don’t think she was expecting
this thing between us to work out, and my past only added to her pessimism. I
understood her mindset, and that only strengthened my resolve not to hurt her.

     I’d been selfish when I’d used her body against her in my efforts
to convince her to give us a chance, but I couldn’t step back. My desire for
her was too great.

     Nevertheless, I had to hang onto my will-power where she was
concerned and understand my feelings before I led Shaw down a road that might
bring more disillusionment in her life, and that I was this neurotic over her
feelings was another new reaction she stirred within me. She didn’t just rouse
a wish for fun and sex. She stirred more than my customary corporeal desires.

     Hell, my customary desires went beyond customary when I was with
her. They felt amplified by the hundredth…thousandth…degree. The half-swollen dick
I was washing gave testament to that. The damn thing hadn’t been able to relax
since she’d come back into my life. My blood was always hot and surging
whenever I was near her, or even thinking about her. She was like Viagra.

     “Where the hell were you last night?”

     I turned my head to see Blake stagger in to stand in front of the
toilet. A second later I could hear the stream of his piss over the shower’s
flow.

     “Shaw and I fell asleep on the beach.”

     The stream continued. “You two are like gun powder and flint, and
I’m expecting to see an explosion soon.” The stream stopped and then I heard a
flush. “Nothing better than a big explosion, but there’s a pretty good chance
of someone getting hurt.”

     I peered through the glass with a frown watching him amble over to
the sink. “And is that someone you’re referring to Shaw?”

     He gave a small shrug. “I’ve known Shaw for a year, and while I
don’t know her very well because she has a cement wall three feet deep
surrounding her to keep people out, anybody can see she has some major feelings
for you, and that was before she tackled you on the race track last night.”

     I couldn’t hold back my grin because I had liked knowing she’d
been concerned. “She did get a little carried away for what was basically a fender
bender.”

     Blake snorted. “That girl almost climbed the fence to get to you
until I pulled her off to go around. Then I watched as she flung her sandals to
the wayside so she could run faster. Witnessing her freak-out confirmed what I
always suspected; that her cement wall was hollow on the inside.” He shook his
head. “Did she tell you that I asked her out when I first met her?”

     A scowl hit my face promptly at his declaration. “What! No she
never mentioned that. You never mentioned it. Why am I just hearing this? You
two fucking went out?”

     Uncontainable anger rushed over me at the thought of them dating.
Her virgin status said they hadn’t had sex but the thought of his lips or hands
anywhere near her, or hers near him, would be a difficult thing to get past.

     Blake laughed. “Shit man, calm the fuck down. No we never dated.
Shaw shot me down in a way that had my dick shrinking in effort it get away. I
thought she was the biggest bitch alive. She was Carrie’s best friend so I did
my best to look past the bitch, and after awhile I figured out it was mostly a
façade to keep people at a distance. Eventually we reached an amicable, if
acerbic, friendship.”

     “Are you still hoping to go out with her?” I didn’t like the idea
of him holding a torch for her; maybe waiting on the sidelines for her.