Eternity (14 page)

“Yes I was” I admit, “when we were together! It’s bee
n
two month
s
Jake! Two months that you were shacked up with your mistress, let alone how long it was going on before then. I’ve come away, I’ve moved on, frankly it’s too little too late.” My words have reduced in volume but not in venom.

“But….” He starts.

“No! Just no Jake
,
yo
u
destroyed our relationship, not me. It’s too late to come crawling back, it’s far beyond being fixed now.” With that I turn and walk away, leaving him standing dumbfounded in the sand.

Back in my room I’m pacing up and down, so many questions are whizzing round my head, I can’t think straight. How did he even know I was here? He must have spoken to Caz, or maybe Phil told him?

God I want to speak to Caz she will know what to do with him; but more than that, I want to be with Carlos, he could just wrap me up in his strong arms and hide me away from reality.

Sinking onto the bed I choke out a sob and once the gates have opened I cry uncontrollably, howling out at various intervals until my body is shaking and I lie there broken and weeping.

I was so sure all my sadness had turned to anger by now, but one outburst and I’m right back where I started. I don’t want to keep feeling like this, but I’m never going to be over him am I? I can run away from it as much as I like, but in the end he’ll find me and reduce me to this every time.

My tears start over anew at my private revelation. Right now it really feels like this will last forever, I cannot imagine a time when I will stop feeling this way. Attempting to stifle the last few cries and vaguely compose myself, I wipe my eyes and pick up the phone. Its five rings before she answers “Hi, Kate is that you?” her bright tone breaks me down all over again “Oh Caz” I wail.

“Kate!? What’s happened? Tell me. Is it that Carlos?” she takes a stab in the dark at the cause of my misery.

“No, not Carlos, Jake. Fucking Jake is here!” my anger is seeping back through, re-charged, irrationally, by her accusing Carlos of upsetting me like this.

“WHAT??? He’s there? Actually there? I take it you spoke to him? What the hell is he doing there? How would he even know where you were? I didn’t tell him and your parents wouldn’t…..oh! Phil, it must have been Phil, when I get my hands on him…..” she is off on a rant, but it confirms my suspicions of how he found me.

Once she comes to a pause in her tirade I explain what happened, what he said, how I responded, much to Caz’s delight, who had assumed I would have taken him back in a heartbeat; I’m offended at first, but if I’m honest with myself, before coming here I probably would have, in fact right up until I met Carlos I would have.

It was only my dates with him that have opened my eyes to just how bad it was with Jake and to how much more there is out there, just waiting for me to get my hands on!

“It’s such a mess Caz, Carlos might be back tomorrow and what if Jake plans on staying longer?” I ask, desperate for her to have an answer that will magically fix everything.

“Well you’ve told him where to go, so maybe he will just leave?” she says optimistically.

“It’s doubtful though, isn’t it?” I reply, losing hope.

“There’s something else I need to tell you” she starts somberly, “I wasn’t going to say anything to you till you got back, but now this has happened, I think you need to know.” She pauses still unsure whether she should divulge whatever information she is holding.

“Go on” I encourage her.

“Stacy’s pregnant”

I’m silent, what can I possibly say to that?

Realising I’m too shocked for words, Caz goes on “Jake told Phil a couple of days ago, she’s about fifteen weeks along” she explains.

“I…but…what…..” I can’t even string a sentence together. He never wanted kids with me, I had been so eager to start a family, even before we got married, but he always said no, it was never a good time, it had broken my heart to think that it might never be a good time. But I had gone along with it, praying that he would some day change his mind and now he goes and knocks up his bit on the side?

I try to speak again, “Wait, so why is he here trying to get me back?” I ask, stupefied by the whole situation.

“Do you want my honest opinion?” Caz asks outright. It’s inevitably going to sound harsh, but at least it will be the truth.

“Yes” I state simply.

“OK, well he never wanted kids, I know you were hopeful that he’d change his mind, but if you really think about it, he was never going to relent” she speaks the words that I only say to myself. “Now he thought, for whatever stupid reason, that he had found something better in that Stacy bitch, but then she goes and ‘accidentally gets pregnant’ and he is out the door like a shot, crawling back to you, because now he sees that at least you…” she pauses, this is going to be the bit that stings, “well you wouldn’t disobey him” yep there it is.

As much as it feels like a stab in the back, it’s true. We were married, we had a house, both had reasonable jobs; at any time I could have just got pregnant and told him to deal with it, but I was so under thumb I would never have defied him like that. Maybe deep down I knew he would up and leave if I did.

“I think your right, god he is so despicable. I actually feel sorry for Stacy.” I say, although right now I am so numb I don’t think I could feel anything even if someone jabbed a fork into my thigh.

“Don’t feel sorry for her. She knew exactly what she was getting into, she deserves a man like him” Caz says, frankly.

I actually manage a chuckle “yeah, I guess so” it feels like I’m watching it happen to me, but I’m not in my body, I just feel detached from the whole ridiculous situation.

“So what are you going to do?” Caz asks.

“Nothing. For the time being at least, hopefully he will have left by now and if he hasn’t I guess I’ll just have to deal with him later. At least now I’m 110% sure I want nothing more to do with him. Can you believe I actually felt bad for coming down on him so hard earlier? Well not anymore!” I say assertively.

“I’m glad to hear it Kate, you deserve so much better than him, I’m just sorry it’s taken so long for us all to realise what a dick he is!”

We say our goodbyes shortly after that, by now it’s nearly 13.00; I’ve got an hour and a half before I’ve got to be out the front of the lobby to meet for this bike ride.

My head is sore from crying, but I’m full of nervous energy so it will be good to work off some of this hot air.

Going to the bathroom I splash cold water on my face, attempting to dissipate some of the puffy redness now practically swallowing my face whole.

Grabbing a hair tie I throw my hair up, no longer caring how it looks; what a waste of time spending so long on my appearance this morning turned out to be!

I begin to route through my clothes for some shorts and a top suitable for cycling and come up with the water bottle I had taken on the plane. I had bought it a few years ago for the car as it has a straw like nozzle which makes it easier to drink from when driving; Mines pink and I had bought a matching blue one for Jake. Looking at it, a lump forms in my throat and impromptu tears threaten to fall, No! this is not the time, Kate, pull yourself together.
I
will no
t
shed another tear over that cheating, sleaze-ball, I tell myself firmly.

Whatever I had thought was between us was all based on lies told by him and naively believed by me. At least now I know the cold, hard facts. If I can just get over how stupid I feel for falling for it all those years, then maybe I can move on once and for all?

By the time I’m stood out front waiting for the rest of the group to materialise, the blotchy affect on my cheeks has just about gone and my eyes are only slightly swollen. I plaster a big smile on my face and keep my voice light and airy as I make small talk to distract from it.

“Kate!” comes Blair’s shrill exclamation from behind me. The moment I turn towards her she fling her arms around my neck squeezing enthusiastically “are you coming on this bike ride too?” she asks jumping up and down at the mere prospect.

“Yes I’m coming” I laugh, I’ve instantly caught her good mood.

“Hey, what’s up? You look like you’ve been crying” she coo’s stroking my hair.

“Oh it’s a long story” I brush off the question like it’s no big deal, “I’ll fill you in later, for now lets just get on these bikes and have a great afternoon!” I say forcing the smile back into my voice a little too obviously. Blair agrees, shouting over her shoulder and summoning John over, away from the instructor he is deep in conversation with. He bounds over, giving me a brief hug, “How’s things Kate? Did you enjoy your shopping trip, you can’t have bought much as Blair came back with just about all of what Mexico has to offer!” he teases, tickling her sides.

“It was great thanks, and yes I managed to get a couple of bits before she bought the whole stall!”

Just as Blair starts to defend her purchases, we are called to attention by today’s guide. 

In turn we are each fitted with a helmet and a bike and lined up ready to go, there are only about ten guests taking part, I can see why cycling would not be the most popular activity on a beach holiday; it’s still at least twenty five degrees and as I push off shakily I’m already starting to regret it.

I haven’t been on a bike for years, I was hoping to god that it was how people say, ‘you never forget how to ride a bike’, but now I’m going I’m not so sure that’s true.

Granted I am staying upright which is a bonus, but I am anything but stable.

Rolling down the slope away from the hotel I keep my feet on the floor, skidding in the dirt to maintain my slow speed.

Blair stops at the bottom waiting for me, laughing at my obvious incompetence. “What are you doing?” she manages between laughs.

“I’m not very practiced at this, it’s the only way I can get down there safely!” I shout back, concentrating on keeping the handlebars straight.

When I eventually get to Blair she is still giggling, “Why didn’t you say something? You could have had one of the kiddy bikes with training wheels!?” cracking up even more at her own witty remark.

“Oi! I’m not that bad!” I laugh as she gives me a skeptical look.

“Come on, we’re getting left behind” she says giving me a helpful push in the right direction. Thankfully the next leg of our journey is flatter, as it turns out when they said hills they meant, occasional gentle slopes, so it really isn’t too strenuous; although I still bring up the rear for the most part of the journey.

The continuous peddling and struggle to stay balanced provides the perfect distraction from my problems and before I know it I start to feel more confident, allowing for small bursts of effort where I can briefly catch up with the rest of the group. Blair slows intermittently to give me some encouraging words, then shoots off with ease to catch up with John at the front.

We stop a couple of times to re-group and re-hydrate, and before I know it we have cycled the first hour and start to circle back towards the hotel.

I break into the middle of the group and although my bum is killing me from sitting on the hard seat, I push myself to maintain my position for the journey home.

The sun is still blaring, but if you get a good speed up the wind created keeps you relatively cool. Blair is chatting away next to me, I give a few short answers, but it’s difficult to hide the breathlessness from my words; it’s always embarrassing to struggle at something, next to someone who finds it a breeze.

As we reach the home stretch, the road dips down into a dauntingly steep slope, I go to lower my feet to the floor when Blair admonishes me “Hey, hey, don’t go sneaking your feet down! You’ve been doing so well, use the brakes!”

“But…” I start, unsure of her confidence in my abilities.

“No buts, just apply them really gently till you are at the right speed” she says demonstrating on her own bike.

I copy her, the bike begins to slow, but I begin to shake, causing me to weave about unsteadily again.

“It’s OK, you’ve got it” says Blair from behind me, keeping a safe distance from my unpredictable movements. No sooner than the words leave her mouth, does it happen. My back wheel hits a rogue stone, catapulting me over the handle bars, I hear Blair’s scream before I even react to it myself; then it all goes black.

When I open my eyes the first thing I notice is the searing pain in my head, slowly things around me come into focus; the guide is sat to my left leaning over me, repeating my name and waving his hand in front of my eyes, Blair is sat to my right, sobbing into John’s arms, and past that circle of heads there is a bustle of commotion, presumably from all the other riders around us.

“What happened?” I mumble, confused.

“Oh thank God” Blair says, letting go of John and grabbing my hand, “You had us scared there for a minute” John says.

“I’m so sorry Kate, it’s all my fault, I should never have got you to use the brakes when you weren’t ready” Blair says frantically, tears still streaming down her face.

“No, no…” I try and sit up, still unsure of exactly what has occurred. The Guides hand is instantly on my shoulder pushing me back down, “You stay lie down” he demands.