Essence of Desire (14 page)

Her mind kept replaying images of him dressed in those sexy black jeans and that black sports shirt. Again the description of dark on dark in dark came to mind. And the memory of his scent-manly, musky, and male-made tremors ripple through her. For the first time ever, Trask had unsettled her--so much in fact that, after leaving him on the patio, she had immediately left the party. It had taken the entire drive home to try to pull herself back together.

“Mrs. Evans, I didn’t expect you back this early.” The cheery voice of Mrs. Woods met her in the foyer. The elderly lady lived next door with her son and daughter-in-law and, on occasion, kept Austin for Felicia.

“I’m sorry. I did it again,” the older woman added before Felicia could respond to her statement about returning early. “I forgot your last name isn’t Evans anymore.”

Felicia smiled. She had known that, when she had made the decision to go back to using her maiden name of Madaris, it would cause some confusion. But she had not wanted to use her former husband’s name any longer. Especially now, since her second husband had remarried.

“That’s all right, Mrs. Woods. No harm’s been done. I know it’ll take some getting use to,” Felicia said, coming into the living room and placing her purse down on the table. “How was Austin tonight?”

Mrs. Woods beamed. “He was fine as usual. Tyra came over and played with him for a while. As usual, the two of them had fun together.”

Felicia nodded. Tyra was Mrs. Wood’s six-year-old granddaughter. Although there was a two-year difference in Tyra’s and Austin’s ages, they were perfect playmates. Now that Tyra had started school, they didn’t get to see each other as much as they used to. Felicia was glad to hear that Tyra and Austin had spent some time together tonight.

“You should be proud of yourself, Mrs. Madaris,” Mrs. Wood continued. “Austin is such a special little boy. And he’s so smart, too. There aren’t many four year olds who can read and write as well as he does. Tonight, he and Tyra were busy working on his letter to Santa.” Mrs. Woods chuckled. “I believe it’s three pages long, too. I imagine a boy his age would want a lot of stuff.”

“Yes, I imagine he would at that age,” Felicia said, sharing Mrs. Wood’s chuckle as she walked the older lady to the door. “Thanks again for watching Austin for me tonight.”

“It was my pleasure. Like I said before, he’s special. Good night.”

“Good night, Mrs. Woods.” Felicia closed the door and leaned against it for a moment. Mrs. Woods was right. Austin was a special little boy, and she was so thankful that he was hers.

A shudder passed through Felicia when she thought of how close she had come to losing him nearly five months ago. If nothing else, that had been her wake-up call and had made her take a closer look at her priorities in life.

Moving past the living room she immediately went into her son’s room. He was there in his bed, sound asleep. Although Austin had recently gotten a haircut, his hair still had distinct curls in it. Those curls had been the only things he had inherited from his father and her first husband, Steven Gardner.

Steven was the spoiled, rich son of Andrew Gardner, a businessman who owned several hotel chains along the West Coast. She had met Steven at a party while visiting a friend in California. She had been drawn to his good looks, his bad-boy image, and most importantly, his money. Within a week they had gotten married. Not once did she consider the fact that she didn’t love him. All she had cared about at the time was that marrying him fit nicely with her plans to wed a man of wealth.

It didn’t take long for her to discover that Steven had only married her to spite his parents. And if his sudden change in attitude toward her hadn’t been a rude awakening, then meeting his parents for the first time definitely had.

Felicia had been so used to being pampered all her life by her family that, when she had encountered the elder Gardner’s hostile attitude toward her, she hadn’t known how to handle it. They hadn’t hesitated to let her know that, as far as they were concerned, she was not good enough for their son. But the one thing she refused to do was disappear from Steven’s life as his parents had suggested. Even after finding out she was pregnant, they didn’t change their attitude toward her.

Steven had accused her of deliberately getting pregnant to keep him trapped in their marriage. And his attitude toward her had worsened. Two weeks after Austin was born, Steven had informed her that he wanted out of their marriage. She had returned to Texas a divorced woman when Austin was merely six weeks old.

Steven had never bothered to come visit his son, and last year she had received word from friends in California that he had gotten killed in an auto accident. He had been intoxicated and had lost control of his car while traveling at a high rate of speed. She had tried calling his parents and had eventually left messages when she hadn’t been able to reach them. Like Steven, they had never come to visit Austin or acknowledge his existence. But each year at Christmas time she would send them a photo of Austin with Santa. They had never acknowledged those photos either.

Releasing a heavy sigh, Felicia walked over to the window, pushed the curtain aside, and looked out at the darkness. You would have thought that her disastrous marriage to Steven would have taught her a lesson about marrying for money instead of love, but it hadn’t. By the time Austin was celebrating his second birthday, she was getting married again--this time to a prominent surgeon by the name of Charles Evans. Again she had found herself marrying for money instead of love.

At first it seemed things were going great between her and Charles. She enjoyed her role as a doctor’s wife and thoroughly appreciated how generous he was with his money. Her appreciation ended the day she discovered he was having an affair with one of his patients. She’d had the misfortune of walking in on the two of them while they were making love one afternoon in his office. A little more than a year later, she was divorced once again.

Charles’s betrayal had angered her. It had made her bitter, resentful, and spiteful. And those attitudes would have continued had she not come close to losing Austin. She would never forget that day as long as she lived.

She had gone out on a date that evening and had left Austin with a baby-sitter. The sixteen-year-old girl had been highly recommended by a few people in the neighborhood. Felicia would never forget the call she had received at the restaurant, advising her that Austin had nearly drowned in their pool and was being rushed to the emergency room. The girl had left him alone for a second to go back in the house to answer the phone. Luckily she had known CPR and was able to administer first aid until the paramedics had arrived.

The next twenty-four hours had been critical, and at one time, it was doubtful that Austin would make it. It struck her hard that she had spent all her free time pursuing wealthy men and had not seen to it that Austin received adequate swimming lessons.

That night, while facing the possibility of losing her son, she realized something very elemental. She didn’t need an extravagant lifestyle to be rich. Being rich was not always measured in terms of material possessions. That night, it suddenly became crystal clear that for four years God had blessed her with the greatest richness of all: her son. Having Austin made her the richest woman on earth. She had not fully understood until then that she had not obtained her wealth from any material gain, but as blessings from God.

In the hospital’s chapel, she had earnestly sought forgiveness and had prayed to God for another chance to appreciate the rich life that He had already given her: a life with her son. The Lord heard her prayer and answered it. Two days later, Austin had been released from the hospital to go home, suffering no permanent damage from his near death experience.

Felicia thought about all the changes she had made in her life since that night. Positive changes. Everyone, including her family, had been surprised by those changes. And through it all, the entire Madaris clan had provided her with unwavering support. It was wonderful to have such a large close-knit family that was constantly spreading so much love and care. Her family, she belatedly realized, had always been a blessing by being there for her through the years. Their presence had been another richness she had taken for granted.

Felicia closed her eyes briefly when she remembered Trask’s accusations tonight about her looking for a rich husband. If only he knew how wrong he was. But then, he saw her as the old Felicia, the one who had always made marrying a rich man a priority. His snide barbs tonight about her looking for a rich husband indicated as much. He probably would be shocked to know that she had not dated since that incident with Austin.

Felicia turned to move away from the window. Going back over to Austin’s bed, she was about to pull the covers up around him when she saw his letter to Santa beside him. It was the one he and Tyra had worked on together. And it was three pages long, as Mrs. Woods had said.

Curious as to what all Austin wanted for Christmas, she took the letter into the kitchen. She sat down at the table and began reading.

Dear Santa,

My mommy said I’ve bein a good boy this year, so I hope u will give me my Christmas wish. Mor than anything, I want a Daddy. I had 2 daddies befor but they didn’t stay. Please give me a daddy who will stay forever. I no that is a lot to ask for, so if you can’t give me a Daddy who will stay forever, can u pleaze give me 1 just for the Holidazs? If I could get him earlay, he can help us pick out our Christmas tree. I promiz to give him back to u on Neu Year Day. I want him to do guy stuff wiz me. I luv my mom, but she does not know how to do guy stuff. And my big couszin Clayton is marriz now so he doesn’t come around az much. A Daddy for the Holidazs is all I’m asking four this year. Pleaze give me a daddy to luv me.

Austin

A knot formed in Felicia’s throat after she read her son’s letter to Santa. Dragging her hands down her face, she wiped the tears that flowed from her eyes and willed herself to remain calm and not fall apart.

Austin’s letter made her soul ache. It also made her feel like a complete failure because, after her two marriages, her son still didn’t have a father he could depend on. It just wasn’t fair that the one thing Austin wanted she would not be able to give him since she had vowed never to marry again except for love. And she didn’t see herself falling in love anytime soon.

Tears continued to flow from Felicia’s eyes. Her son would be disappointed when he didn’t get the Daddy he wanted for the holidays.

***

Trask heard the sound of distant thunder as he entered his apartment. He had enjoyed the party Clayton and Syneda had given for him tonight. It had been so good seeing old friends again, as well as meeting new ones.

He glanced down at the business card a woman had discreetly slipped into his hand. On the back of it, she had written the words:

“Call me anytime, Cherie.”

He smiled. She had been quite a looker. He just might give her a call. With the move back to Houston, and starting his new job, he had been too busy to get involved with a woman. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed a little female companionship until tonight. He must be in a pretty bad way if he could develop a sudden case of the hots for someone like Felicia Madaris.

With a heavy sigh, Trask had to admit his case of the hots for Felicia hadn’t actually been all that sudden. He didn’t have to do much struggling to recall that he had been unable to keep his eyes off her at Trevor’s wedding reception three months ago. The dress she had worn to the reception had been a lot less revealing than the one she had worn tonight, but it had been an eye-catcher just the same. Clayton had been right about Felicia using her clothes to make a statement. Not every woman could get away with wearing the kind of outfits he had seen Felicia parade about in. Most women didn’t have the body to fit them. But he couldn’t ever remember a time he hadn’t seen Felicia in something that had not looked as if it had been designed exclusively for her.

Like that clingy black thing she had worn tonight.

Shaking his head, he headed for the kitchen, thinking how quickly his body had responded to seeing her in it. And if that didn’t beat all, during his drive home from the party, he kept thinking about her. It still drove him crazy when he thought about what was or what was not under her clothes. His heated imagination had made the bottom part of his abdomen throb and ache. When she did that slow turn for him out on the patio, to show him just how smooth her dress had fit, he had wanted to use his hands to travel down the length of her. And when he put his hand on her arm to stop her from going inside, he had been dazed by the heat that touch aroused in him. Even now, just thinking about it was seriously interfering with his breathing.

Trask struggled to catch his breath and thought there was only one solution to his problem. He evidently needed some intimate time alone with a woman. Tomorrow, he would give this person named Cherie a call.

Clayton Madaris released a deep, heavy sigh as he handed the letter he had just finished reading to his wife, Syneda. The two of them sat on the sofa facing Felicia, who was sitting in a wing-back chair. Her eyes were red and puffy. After reading Austin’s letter to Santa, Clayton understood why.