Equilibrium (Marauders #4.5) (18 page)

Brick nodded and blew out smoke, never taking his eyes off Roach.

“And why didn’t you tell me?”

“Um… She didn’t me want to.”

The comment made Brick laugh. “Boy, she’s got you wrapped around her fingers, doesn’t she? They do that, and she’s an expert. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into with her.”

Roach only nodded. He didn’t know what else to do. It didn’t look like he’d be sent away or beaten into a pulp in the ring, so he was just going to… keep trying to avoid that.

“She’s waiting outside,” Brick said. “I tried to tell her to stay the fuck at home, but she’s persistent when she’s pissed.”

Roach nodded. “She’s always persistent.”

“Yeah,” Brick said with a smile. “I still wanna bash your face in, and even a hint from her that it’s okay, I will. Just keep that in mind. And if you think for a fucking second that you can stick your dick in someone else or make use of the ‘on a run’ rule, you’re dead wrong.”

“I don’t. I wouldn’t.” Jesus, he wasn’t a fucking idiot. Besides, he wouldn’t want to.

“Just making sure,” Brick said and stood up. “I’ll talk to her first. You wait.”

Roach stared at him. “What? We’re done?”

“You’re not an idiot, and neither am I, so I’m not gonna ask you if you love her or your
intentions
or any shit like that. If you fuck my daughter in the clubhouse while I’m here, you’re either an idiot or crazy about her. Like I said, you’re no idiot.”

Roach kept staring at Brick as he left the room. Then he scrambled to his feet and followed him through the clubhouse and outside. Eliza was there, but he waited by the door to let Brick talk to her first.

~oOo~

Eliza

No one had tried to talk to me where I was sitting on the bench outside of the garage. Everyone had come out of the clubhouse with some, probably made-up, reason to go to the garage, and they’d seen me, but no one had talked to me. I wasn’t sure why, or what they were waiting for, and I was starting to wonder if I’d been declared ‘persona non grata’ in my absence, or if it was just that no one wanted to piss Dad off. It might have been that I glared at anyone who’d even looked at me. Whatever the reason, they all went back into the clubhouse without talking to me. Not even Mitch or Mac said anything, which felt really fucking unfair.

I’d followed Dad. He’d tried to make me turn back home a couple of times, but other than that we hadn’t spoken. It was like he couldn’t look at me, and it hurt. I couldn’t remember a time when he wouldn’t look at me.

When I saw first Dad, and after him Roach, come out of the clubhouse, I stood up and waited. Roach halted, but Dad kept walking towards me, and I stood still. I didn’t flinch, and I kept looking at him, but I stood still. He stopped about ten feet away.

“You were right,” he said. “I owe you better than hiding behind club business when it comes to things that involve you. And I’m sorry.”

“Did you say that to him?” I asked with a nod towards Roach. “That you’re sorry?”

“No,” he smiled. “And I won’t.”

I couldn’t remember him ever looking so tired and… old. I wondered how I’d missed all the gray in his hair and mustache. When I closed my eyes and thought of Dad, that wasn’t what he looked like. We kept studying each other, like we were looking for clues to what the other one was thinking, and even if I was scared to ask, I had to.

“Now what? Are you sending him back?”

“No, and it’s not because I like him much right now, no matter how much he helped you.”

“Then why?”

“Because I owe you, and I’m gonna owe you till I die. And I love you.”

I smiled. “You didn’t say that to him, did you?”

“No,” Dad said. “I told him I knew you’d go after him in two seconds.”

I took a few steps closer to make sure Roach couldn’t see me. It meant Dad had to bend his head forward a little, and he stroked his mustache. I knew what that meant; he was trying to figure out what I was doing.

“You know I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know,” he confirmed.

“So you lied?”

“I did.”

“Why?”

Dad smiled and stroked my cheek. “I don’t want him to know that he’s not the only one who does stupid shit just to make you happy.”

“I need him,” I said and leaned my cheek into his hand. “I love him.”

“Yeah, I had a hunch you did. I’m just not sure I’m ready to let you go yet.”

“Then don’t. I don’t think I want you to anyway, and I don’t want to have to choose between you two. I still need you, too.”

“Okay then,” he said, and I was pretty sure his voice was a bit thicker than normal. “Got one of them hugs for me, Baby Girl?”

I nodded, and when he lifted me up, I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes.

“How long can I hold on?” he asked.

“Till we’re Even-Steven.”

“So till I die?” he laughed and hugged me tighter. “You might regret it, but I’m okay with that.”

“Is this going to be a problem?” I asked him, still holding on. “As in, am I gonna have to fight you to see him, or… I don’t know. Is it going to be a problem?”

“No. I’ll keep my fists to myself until you tell me otherwise.”

“I love you, Dad. I’m sorry for what I said.”

“Don’t be, Baby Girl. You were right, and I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner.”

He put me back down on the ground and stepped to the side. He turned around and looked at Roach. After a confirming nod from Dad, he came over to us.

“You’re still her boss,” Dad said to Roach. “But you two better keep your hands to yourself while you’re working. I’m not fucking kidding. I’m not gonna take any responsibility for what I do if I catch you two naked again.”

“Okay,” Roach said and took a few more steps towards us.

Dad left us and walked towards the garage, so I went the last few feet towards Roach until I was right in front of him. There was a strange feeling in the middle of the relief, and I hesitantly reached for him. I exhaled when he took my hand and pulled me closer and into a hug.

“So, are you staying here for a while?” I asked.

“I’m staying here for a while,” he confirmed. “Pretty much as long as you and your dad let me.”

I laughed and tilted my head back to look at him. I let my fingers graze his cheeks and further back until I reached the soft hair at the back of his neck. It wasn’t my favorite spot, but it was safer for public, and I liked it well enough. At least I thought it was safe for public, until Roach groaned.

“You’re giving me a hard-on, and I’m not sure they’re okay with me sporting a hard-on for you in front of them. Your dad was only half the challenge.” He gave me a kiss. “I need to convince the rest of them that I’m serious, too.”

“Okay,” I said and let go of him. “I guess the best way to start is to go through that door like we’re a couple. In a respectful manner.”

“You okay with that?”

“Fairly certain no one will beat
me
up, so I’m okay with it.”

“You are evil,” he laughed. “Okay, Princess. Let’s go.”

With his arm around my shoulders, we walked towards the door.

Then we opened it.

EPILOGUE

A Lucky Fuck

~oOo~

Roach

HE’D BEEN WORKING UNTIL the strip club closed the night before, but he’d promised Eliza he’d come to her afterwards anyway. It was a big day for her: her first day back in school. When he woke up and reached for her, he realized she hadn’t woken him up when she left the bed. But he could hear her, and he tried to get the annoying fabric hanging around her bed out of the way to see the rest of her room.

His morning boner became a full hard-on when he saw her.

“What the fuck are you wearing?” he asked.

“School clothes,” she smiled. “We have a dress code. So no short shorts, short dresses, or things like that.”

She had a plaid, bluish dress with long sleeves and a white collar.

“I’m not sure it’s okay to get a hard-on from that,” he mumbled. “Come here.”

“You’ve just seen too many strippers in school uniform outfits. This is just a dress. A proper, nice-girl dress.”

“I don’t know what that is, but you’re hot.” He held out his hand. “Please. Just a kiss.”

“Just a peck, I have lipstick.”

“I can see that,” he said with a big smile. When she closed in on him, he ran his fingers through her hair. She’d cut it off the week before, and now it was just shoulder length. He hadn’t even known that was one of her
things
. She hadn’t cut it since she’d been raped, and she’d wanted to get rid of the last
thing
before she went back to school. “I’ll be on stand-by. One call and I’ll pick you up.”

“I know. Just tell me you love me.”

“I love you.”

“And that I can do this.”

“Not gonna tell you that, because you know you can.” He took the promised peck. “Your turn.”

“I love you.” She straddled him and rubbed her crotch over his hard dick. Then she said, with a very British accent, “The cock, that is the trumpet to the morn.”

“What?” he asked with a laugh. “
Medea
?”

“
Hamlet,
actually. But if I didn’t have lipstick, I’d use your cock as a trumpet to sound the morning’s arrival.”

“
Hamlet
is a dirty, dirty play.”

“It’s actually cock as in ‘rooster,’ but I thought it worked.”

He laughed and looked at her, gently stroking the outside of her thighs and pushing his dick against her.

“Think you can come to my place in that dress and drop the tights on the way? I kind of wanna slip it up your thighs and fuck you.”

“You’re weird,” she smiled and gave his nose a kiss. “It’s a boring school dress.”

“I’m not weird. You’re the one quoting
Hamlet
in the morning. Besides, you’re always hot, so I’m always thinking of how I can have sex with you.”

She was doing well. She’d gained some weight, her sleep was better, and she’d lowered the dose of Prazosin. For a while, she’d have more nightmares, and she still had some, but they were getting more rare, and she was letting him be there for her when she woke up. She was going back to high school that very day, and she was already talking about college.

College in New York.

He was planning on being far away when she told Brick about it. Especially the part about how awesome it was that Roach had an apartment in New York so she’d have somewhere to live. It wasn’t that he didn’t want her in New York or living with him, quite the opposite; he just wasn’t sure how Brick would take it. He also knew Brick didn’t really like the New York club, and it was very different from the Greenville one. There was hardly anyone with a family, few old ladies, and a lot more sweetbutts. Simply put: it was a harsher environment for women. Not that Roach thought it would be a problem for Eliza. She’d be there as his old lady (and fucking hell, he liked the sound of that) and they’d know she was Brick’s daughter. No one would dare to mess with her.

Still, he’d prefer to be
in
New York when Eliza told Brick the news.

But in general, both Mel and Brick were a lot calmer about Eliza, and he thought it was because they’d finally fully accepted that the old Eliza wasn’t going to come back. They’d probably just had to mourn the loss of that girl to fully accept this new one.

Roach didn’t care which. As far as he was concerned, this Eliza—the one who was sitting on top of him and looked at him as if he was the most awesome thing on the planet—was fucking perfect.

“Thank you,” she suddenly whispered.

“For thinking about sex every time I look at you?”

“No. For getting me to a point where that doesn’t freak me out. For bringing me back. For seeing me. We both know I wouldn’t have been where I am if it wasn’t for you.”

“Well, you wouldn’t be straddling me on your bed, which would’ve sucked. As for mentally, I think you would’ve gotten here sooner or later anyway. You are your father’s daughter, after all.”

She smiled and leaned closer. “Think you’re underestimating my mother. Just like you did with me.”

“I don’t. Not even a little.”

Mel was a badass woman on expensive heels wrapped in designer clothes. He liked her, and he
loved
that she was on his side. Brick would probably be more of a problem if it hadn’t been for Mel. And Roach knew for sure that he wouldn’t be sleeping in Eliza’s bed. That had been an argument he’d thankfully missed, but Eliza said it hadn’t been too bad. Mel had told Brick to stop being an idiot. He would never admit to Brick that he knew Mel had said that.

“I need to go,” Eliza mumbled and gave him another kiss. “I’ll come to the clubhouse after school. Will you be there?”

“Yup. Go to school, make friends, and then come and see me.”

“I have Doctor Flores and rehearsals later today, and you’re working tonight, aren’t you?”

“Fuck,” he groaned. He’d forgotten that, and he really wanted to spend some time with her during the day. “I’ll pick you up after rehearsals. I’m going on at nine, so that gives us a couple of hours.”

“Perfect,” Eliza smiled and jumped off the bed. “I’ll see you.”

“See you,” he smiled.

He had a boner and decided to fix that in the shower. By the time he came downstairs, Mel had already left and Brick was having breakfast. Brick was not a morning person, so Roach didn’t even try to talk to him. Besides a small… disagreement about the sports section of the paper, it was a calm morning. They left for the clubhouse around lunch.

He was sitting talking to Bull and Sisco when Eliza came running inside with her phone in her hand and dropped down on the couch next to him.

“Two numbers, two new friends—or whatever—and I got their number.”

“Um… congratulations?”

“I’m trying to demonstrate that I’m moving forward.”

“I know you are,” he laughed.

He wasn’t worried about that anymore. He knew for sure she wasn’t sitting at home, waiting for him, when he was on a run or something. She had her stuff, and she still lived at home. They spent most nights together because she said she slept better when he was with her, but she had a whole other life that he had almost no part in.

“Pretty soon I might not even need you,” she said and flipped her hair back. “I’m like totes cool.”

“Someone said that to you?” Bull asked.

“Yeah, a girl said that. She laughed and said, ‘You’re, like,
totes
cool, Eliza.’”

“I hope you punched her,” Sisco said.

“No, because it’s high school, not a biker club. You don’t punch people, you give them the stink eye.”

“Is her number one of the two you got?” Roach asked her.

“No. I’m moving forward, I’m not going retarded.”

“Because you’re totes cool. Give me a kiss.” He pulled her closer, and she tipped back her head with a big smile on her lips.

“Just a tiny one,” she said. “We’re in public you know, and I’m moving forward, I’m trying to make sure I’m not—”

He interrupted her with a kiss.

He’d said that to make sure that she wouldn’t settle, and he actually kind of liked that she was making fun of it. She still had bad days, and once in while when they had sex, something he did or said made her freeze, and they stopped, but not often. They’d taken it easy, but lately she’d started to demand things with an annoyed tone, and he liked that. Apparently there was such a thing as too careful for her, too.

“Smart ass,” he mumbled when he let go of her lips.

“Hey, Buttercup,” Mitch yelled from the door, and then came to drop into one of the armchairs. “Did you give anyone the stink eye today?”

“See!” she said and pointed at him. “He gets it. Two people, and they were prime stink eyes.”

“My sister only ever gives prime stink eyes,” Mitch smiled. “Dad told me to tell you that if you wanted a lift with Mel, you needed to go now, because she had a meeting later. Otherwise that newspaper-stealing asshole could take you. I guess that’s you,” he said to Roach and wiggled his eyebrows. “Sports section?”

“Yeah. I thought he’d read it.”

“You’re going to be on his shit list for weeks,” Eliza said with a happy voice. “I’m going with Mom. Follow me outside?”

“Sure,” he said and got up.

She was holding his hand and turned to walk backwards in front of him.

“I have Doctor Flores and then rehearsals. Still okay for you to pick me up afterwards? Do you have time before work?”

“Yeah. Just give me a call,” he said and leaned forward to snag a kiss when they were by Mel’s car. “Give ‘em hell, baby.”

“I always do,” she said with a big smile before getting into the car.

“So, asswipe,” Brick said behind him when the car was leaving the lot. “How long are you gonna keep wearing that New York patch?”

“What?” Roach asked and turned around.

“How long are you gonna make her think you might pack up and go to New York at any second?”

“You’re sick in the head, Brick, do you know that? I never know if you’re gonna punch me or give me a hug.”

“I know,” Brick said with a big smile and lit a smoke. “I like you on your toes. You didn’t answer.”

“No, because I don’t know. It depends on her, and if she’s planning on staying here or not. And she’s just started high school again, so I thought I’d wait before I start asking her what she’s planning.”

Also, since Eliza might move to New York in a year or so, there wasn’t much point in transferring, but he kept that detail to himself. Brick smiled. A smile which made Roach suspect he knew a lot more than he let on.

“Good answer.”

“Thought you’d like it,” Roach muttered.

“Trust me, kid, if I really didn’t like you, you’d know that with certainty.”

He’d had a feeling that was the case. He’d figured that if Brick let him spend the night in Eliza’s bed, he’d have to be more or less okay with him.

But sometimes it was hard to know.

~oOo~

Eliza

I looked around in Doctor Flores’ very familiar office. I’d spent countless hours in it, and I think it was safe to say that there weren’t any other rooms I’d cried in as much as I’d cried in her office. I’d hated it before, but now I liked it. I felt safe in it. Not safe from harm, but like anything said in there would stay there. Stick to the walls among hundreds and thousands of secrets and confessions just like my own.

Since it was my first day back in school, Mom had, in an attack of worry, booked an extra appointment—just in case. I didn’t really mind. It wasn’t that much of an effort to come here anymore, but I wasn’t looking forward to it the way I used to there for a while.

“It went pretty okay,” I said. “I mean, I know who most of them are, and all they know was I was sick and was home from school last year. I think some of them speculated that someone got me pregnant and that I had the kid in secret. Like it’s the Fifties or something.”

“Would it matter if they knew the truth? I don’t mean that you should tell them, but would you mind?”

“I wouldn’t like it,” I admitted. “But more because I just don’t want that to be all people can think about when they see me. It’s not that I’m ashamed or something, and I don’t want them to think I am.”

“You think that’s what people would think?”

“I know I would. Not that they’re ashamed, but If I’d heard about someone who’d been gang raped, I would think about it when I saw them. At least until I got to know them.”

“And if they find out?”

“I’ll deal with it. I’d just prefer to not have to deal with it.”

She nodded and made a note in her pad. “How are things between you and Roach?” she continued.

“Good.”

Roach had been to see Doctor Flores, too. Both alone and with me a couple of times. I think it was something Dad or Mom had wanted him to do, and he’d agreed. As much as they worried about how much I depended on Roach, he was even more worried about it, and I suspected he wanted to make sure he wasn’t messing me up.