Envious (32 page)

“No.” He just stared at me coldly. “You were fine with this before. You can’t just take a step back.”

I spotted my shirt near him and reached for it, but he shoved me backward. “What are you doing?” I yelled as I fell into his pillows.

Then he smiled his cocky grin and kneeled over me. I watched him nervously, wondering which side of him I’d be seeing. Where was his sweet side? Where did his understanding side disappear to?

“I’ve been patient,” he said, smiling wickedly.

I glared at him. He had no understanding side. He looked so amused by my resistance. I sat up and he grabbed my right arm, forcing me back down. I bucked against his grip, but he held me down tightly. I could feel his fingers digging into my shoulder. I shoved at his hand and tried to pry it off me, but he grabbed my free hand and thrust it back down onto the pillow by my head. I whimpered as I struggled beneath him. “Get off of me,” I demanded.

“You want me, chicky. Don’t pretend not to.” Then he kissed me so hard I could feel his teeth. His full weight pressed down on my body. I struggled and squirmed but couldn’t get free. Panic surged through me. I broke free from his kiss and started to yell, but he shoved me harder into the bed and covered my mouth with his lips. I tried to break away, but I was stuck, trapped.

Oh my God… Oh my God!

I could barely breathe. He was everywhere.

“Stop it,” I screeched. I yanked my hand free and hit his face. He grabbed my hand again and pushed it down into my other hand, locking my wrists together and rendering me completely helpless under him.

“Let me go!” I roared as he nibbled at my neck. I felt myself becoming hysterical. What was he doing? Why wasn’t he listening? “Mike, please…” I whimpered coming close to frightened tears.

Don’t be scared Sandy, stay angry!

I wriggled under him, trying to work my way out of his grip. He was so damn heavy.

You beat Todd,
I reminded myself.
Mike is nothing. Nothing!

I bucked under him, trying to throw him off. “Stay down, you fucking bitch,” he told me.

My ankles were hanging off the side of the bed now. I kicked his sturdy, solid wood bedside table. The toes of my shoes locked under the top of it. Perfect. I used it as leverage to push him off, channeling the force from its weight through to my hips. He barely moved, but it was enough to break my right hand out of his grasp.

“Let me go! Mike, let go!” I screamed as I batted at him with my free hand, lashing out like a maniac. He tried to grab for me, but I evaded. I shoved at him and hit wildly at anywhere I could reach. He took my pathetic attempt at battering him easily. I stared at his hand that still held me. It was so close, cutting off the circulating in my hand, mere inches from my face. I surged forward and bit into his finger. He yelled out, his hand recoiling in pain. I was free.

I scrambled to get out from under his legs. He pushed me back down to the mattress, cursing, but I pushed back, knocking him off of the bed. Mike crashed onto the floor, and I leapt off the mattress. He reached for my ankle, and his fingertips scraped at my skin in vain.

I ran, grabbed my coat off the kitchen counter, and fled to the door.

He was up. “Cassie!” he yelled, coming after me.

I screeched in panic as I fumbled with the chain lock. I pulled it free and yanked open the door. He reached for me and I slid through the opening, slamming the door closed on his arm. Mike roared in pain as I rushed down the stairs. I slipped on the steps, crashing down on my backside and sliding down the staircase on my butt. I fell into the wall at the bottom step and clambered to my feet, ignoring the blinding bursts of pain. I fled the building and rushed out to the street, into the freezing cold night.

I struggled to run as I pulled my thick down coat around my exposed skin. My heart pounded against my chest and my lungs screamed, but I kept running, panting heavily. I ran with no energy left to continue on, buttoning my coat as I pressed on anyway. I could feel burning hot blood pulsing through my veins, and I was afraid they would burst from the effort that carried me forward.

I started to feel dizzy and slowed to a jog, looking behind me for the first time since I left, checking for Mike. He wasn’t there. No one was there. I needed to slow down. I couldn’t run anymore. I couldn’t even walk or breathe. My legs felt like they were quickly filling with lead. My wrists ached. I could still feel Mike’s hands all over me. I could still taste him, that bastard. That sick bastard. I struggled to catch my breath, leaning against a tree for support, and protection.

Where was I? Was I going the right way? I looked around. I was in the middle of a neighborhood. No stores or gas stations. No public places with pay phones. I didn’t know who I could call anyway.

When my breathing slowed to a nearly steady pace, I began moving again. I limped along for blocks, trying to ignore the pain that racked my body from my tumble down the stairs. Each time a car passed, I tried to hide. It was damn near impossible, but I tried anyway. If Mike was out looking for me, would I even be able to fend him off again? My mouth and throat felt dry, and my throat was sticking to itself, burning with a raw feeling. My lips were dry and cracking from the cold night air. I trembled uncontrollably. My hands felt freezing cold on the outside but burned hot like lava on the inside. My head ached and pounded against my skull, throbbing viciously. I tried not to think about it. The last of my Advil was gone. I would have to buy more. I wished the pain would numb my thoughts, but panic persisted.

Mike touching me.

Awful thoughts ran though my head in a never-ending loop. Mike, slimy Mike…
Why did I ever let my guard down?
Eric was right, damn him. He was right. I knew Mike was slime. I knew he was a sleaze. Eric knew. Elijah knew.
What was wrong with me? Why me?
I knew it was pitiful, but I couldn’t help thinking,
why me?
Bad things seemed to follow me.
I can’t escape.

Why me?

Somehow, hours later, I found my way back to campus. Luckily, I hadn’t brought a purse to Mike’s. My ID and keys were shoved into the pockets of my winter coat. I trudged to the Residence hall and up the stairs to my room. I caught a quick glimpse of Bailey running barefoot from our room to the staircase at the opposite end of the hall. Ignoring it, I unlocked our door with my shaking hands and stepped inside, closing the door behind me. Safe, finally.

Something moved on Bailey’s side of the room. I glanced over.

My heart pounded against my ribs. My brain jostled inside my skull. I was not prepared for what I saw, for
who
I saw… Muscular arms and powerful hands. Dark brown hair lay in his dark, dangerous eyes, and a wooden bat in one hand. Todd.

I gasped in panic and fell back against the closed door. I shifted to my side of the room as Todd carefully followed me with his murderous eyes. I hadn’t seen a look so severe from him in years.

“Todd. What do you want? Get out!” My voice was low and angry, masking the paralyzing fear that gripped me. His left arm was covered in a deep blue plaster cast. I could see it shaped around his hand, barely peeking out from under his black sleeve. I backed away and tripped over my bed, falling back onto the mattress.

“Sandy, Sandy, Sandy…” he said. His voice was raw and he seemed nothing like the last time I saw him. I’d swear he was drunk. “You arrogant bitch. You fucking piece of crap.”

“Leave me alone!” I demanded.

“Leave
you
alone?!” he yelled as he swung his bat, smashing my alarm clock. It clattered to the floor in pieces. “You broke my arm! How can you not fucking get that?! You beat me with a bat, you fucking bitch!” Todd roared. “Well, news for you, I have my own bat now.” He smacked it down next to me on my bed. The mattress jerked and I flinched.

“I tried to talk to you, you psycho!” he yelled, lowering the bat to his side. “You smashed my car. My
car
! And I don’t even have a damn clue, bitch.”

He swung again, taking out his frustration, knocking my lamp from my bedside table. It clattered to the floor. I scrambled backward, off my bed and pressed against the wall, trying to make my way closer to the door. I had to get out.
I have to get away from him.
Todd flung the bat to the floor and reached for me, then instinctively pulled away.

“Damn you, Sandy,” he said, looking away, burning holes into the carpet with his eyes. I thought his anger was beginning to fade, but I was wrong. He stepped up to me and yelled just two inches from my face, “Damn you! I didn’t do shit to you, bitch! I didn’t do anything!” He grabbed my shoulders lightly in his massive hands, so lightly in contrast to his fierce attitude. I could barely feel his fingers through my coat, and that was when I realized…he wasn’t going to hurt me.

The door burst open. Eric and Elijah and Tom piled into the room. Tom yanked Todd away from me, grabbing him from behind, pulling him by his underarms. “Let go, you fucking shit hole! Let go!” Todd yelled at him, craning his neck to get a look at who had hold of him. Tom dragged him towards the doorway, but Todd elbowed him in the ribs. Tom flinched, almost losing his grip. Eric scrambled to grab hold of Todd too, but he kept slipping from his reach. Eric made a tight fist and punched Todd square in the jaw, stunning him for a moment, but just. Elijah grabbed Todd’s arm as he was about to throw a punch back at Eric. Together, they all dragged him away. I saw that they were hurting his broken arm, but I wasn’t sure if I cared. I was just so glad he was on his way out.

I saw Bailey waiting right outside our doorway. She yelled at Todd, “Don’t you dare try and push your way in this room again, asshole!” I watched as Todd was pulled out to the stairwell. “Are you alright?” Bailey asked, her freckled face burning bright red. She looked so shaken. I bet I looked worse and just hoped she was too stunned to notice.

“Yeah,” I said, without feeling alright at all. I looked out the window and saw the three dragging Todd to the parking lot.

“He just pushed his way in,” Bailey explained. “He wouldn’t leave. He said he wanted to see you. I got nervous, so I went to get help.”

I barely listened to her talk. I was watching the parking lot. They threw Todd to the ground and I saw Tom kick him hard in the ribs a couple times, only stopping because Elijah pulled him back, chastising his friend. They all walked away and left Todd laid out on the icy pavement. Bailey was staring out the window now.

I quickly took off my coat, threw a t-shirt on and pulled my coat back on. When I reached the door, Bailey turned reluctantly from the window. “Where are you going?”

“I’ll be right back.” I fled my room and hurried down the stairs, passing my three rescuers without one word for them.

Rushing out the door and around the building to the parking lot, I went to my stupid cousin. He was lying on the pavement, shivering in the cold.

“Todd,” I said. He barely lifted his gaze to acknowledge me. His nose was bleeding a thin trail down his cheek, and there was more blood staining his lips in a deep red shine. I wasn’t sure if it was from his nose or from some other wound. “What? You gave up on drugs, so now you started drinking? Is that how it goes?”

“Ah’m not drunk, Shandy.” As he spoke, bloody spit spilled from his lips. It wasn’t a drunken slur. It was a mouth-full-of-pain-and-blood-slur. He closed his eyes and rolled onto his back, then started to cough. He sounded like he was choking. I stood over him for a moment, watching, then I broke down and helped him. I sat him up and red spit poured from his mouth and down his chin. He made an attempt to wipe it away with his broken arm but gritted his teeth in pain from the movement. His plaster cast looked kinda crushed from what I could see. Todd carefully lifted his broken arm with his right arm and held it protectively close to his body, feeling it over through his hoodie sleeve.

“What’s the matter with you? I made it perfectly clear that I wanted nothing to do with you. And yet, here you are,” I said, kneeling uncomfortably beside him.

“Like I care what you wan’,” he said.
How very true.

“I’m sorry for hitting you,” I confessed. “I don’t know why I flipped out. But I do hate you.”

“Bitch,” Todd muttered.

“Do you want me to leave you here?” I asked, meaning it as a threat.

“Fine by me.”

I sighed. I couldn’t stand him, but it wasn’t my nature to leave people helplessly injured in parking lots. I turned and saw all three guys, Tom, Eric and Elijah, watching us from a distance. “Can you help us?” I called to them. Then I turned back to Todd and asked, “Where are your keys?”

The three walked over, looking very confused. “What’s the problem?” Tom asked, cocking his head, oozing with masculinity as he glared down at Todd. I felt strange to have Tom playing the part of a close friend. I barely even knew Tom. But it felt better than having Eric there.

“Can you help me put him in that car over there?” I asked, pointing to the junky old white car parked next to a new Honda.

“No one’s helping no one,” Todd said defiantly. “Jus’ lemme die my lonely death in peace,” he complained, carelessly falling back to the pavement.

“Shut up,” I told him.

Tom grabbed Todd by his underarms, dragging him to his feet, and Elijah helped tow him over.