Entwined (56 page)

Grimaldi snapped back that she was by the cages with Mike and Vernon. He continued to follow her: "She becomes as crazy as the bloody animals…Ruda—
Ruda, will you listen to me!
"

Ruda was splashing through the mud toward the trailer. "I hear you, Luis. But please don't ask me to
listen to you
! I saw the rifle, Luis! I don't want you in or near the ring for the second half, hear me? You are pitiful,
pitiful
! So desperate to be part of the act you have to stand there like something out of a Wild West show!"

She ran on. The sweat she had worked up in the ring now mingled with the cold rain, making her shiver. She entered the trailer, leaving the door open for Luis. "I'm cold.
I'm cold
! Run the shower."

♦ ♦ ♦

Rebecca was not with Mike, as Grimaldi had believed, but on her way back to the trailer. She was about to open the door when she heard Ruda's angry voice. She stood motionless as Grimaldi shouted. "Don't order me about as though I were a dog!"

"Then what are you? What possessed you to stand like a prick with that bloody rifle!"

"Maybe I was worried about you—you hadn't rehearsed, you were distracted because of this Rebecca business."

"She is my sister,
my sister,
Luis! You know what that means to me? Can you even contemplate what it means to have found her? She came to me,
she came to me, Luis!
"

Grimaldi sat heavily on the bunk bed, wiping his hair with the towel Ruda had tossed aside. She was pulling off her boots as she talked. Outside, Rebecca was frozen, unable to move from the trailer steps, huddled in Vernon's rain cape.

"Help me with my boots."

He held the toe and heel and jerked hard.

"She took a long time finding you. Why didn't she turn up earlier?"

The boot came away in his hand and Ruda fell back. She pushed her other foot out to him, and he began to pull off the boot. "She didn't know I was alive."

"She tell you she looked for you?" he asked.

Ruda pushed against him. "I looked for her, she looked for me.
Yes, yes, yes!
Oh come on, pull, Luis, I've got to change."

"There's something wrong with her, Ruda. I tried to tell you earlier. There was a man, said he was her husband. He was with a woman, a doctor. They said she was sick. I think they meant crazy sick!" He pulled hard at the boot heel. The boot came away and Ruda fell backward again.

"What did they tell you?"

"Nothing much. I just felt it from the way they were so desperate to find her. They knew about you. They were looking for you. I said they'd best come to the trailer after the show."

"Why did you do that?"

"What else was I supposed to say? I knew she'd been here—Christ! They wanted to try and find you there and then. If it wasn't for me they'd have been wandering around…"

"You should have just minded your own business."

"You are my business."

"Since when?"

Luis hesitated. "Since you killed Kellerman."

She stared at him and he sighed. "I know Ruda, so don't deny it. I know you killed him."

Ruda unbuttoned her shirt. "Ah, I see. You are going to blackmail me, is that it?" She pulled her sweat-soaked shirt off. "Try it and I'll get your bloody rifle and I'll shoot your fucking head off…"

Luis grabbed hold of her. "You know what I was prepared to do for you? That inspector—when I saw him arrive, you know what I wanted to do? Say it was me, say
I
killed Kellerman! I was going to do that for you Ruda, because—"

Ruda let the shirt drop. "Oh God, what did you tell him, you fool!"

"I told him nothing. They were just coming to see the show, they had free tickets. I said nothing."

She seemed almost amused. "You were really going to do that for me?"

He pointed to the clock. "You got ten minutes. I'll get the boys ready."

She unzipped her pants slowly, never taking her eyes off his face. "He took a long time to die. I never meant to kill him—but he threatened me and…there was this big green ashtray, very heavy. I kept on hitting him and his teeth fell out. I remember seeing his teeth on the carpet. He was always so proud of his white teeth, but they were as false, as fake, as he was."

She took a deep breath. "Oh God, Luis. He took such a long time to die."

Ruda kicked her pants off. The terrible jagged scars were shining with sweat. She looked up to him and held out her arms. He hugged her tightly.

"Nobody will hurt you. I won't let them."

She stroked his face. "So if they come for me, you'll say you did it? You'd really do that for me?"

Luis kissed her forehead. "Yes, yes, I'll say it was me. Nobody will ever hurt you again, I promise."

She cupped his face in her hands and kissed his lips. Her eyes searched his eyes. She traced his lips with her fingers. "Be nice to her, Luis, she was always the weak one."

"Yes, I can tell."

She gave a strange smile. "Can you now? I underestimated you."

Luis tapped his wrist to indicate the time, and brought her the costume. He heard the shower being turned on, and eased the plastic cover from the white jacket, glad to be needed.

Outside, Rebecca sat hunched on the steps. When she heard Ruda call out for her costume, she moved away, afraid to be seen. She lost her footing, falling in the thick mud. She tried to stand, but she had slid halfway beneath the trailer.

The trailer door opened. She could see the polished boots, and hear Ruda telling Grimaldi to bring her to the ring.

"And Luis…no gun! Promise me?"

As Ruda hurried away, Rebecca could see Grimaldi's feet. She crawled a few inches, calling out to him. The mud oozed beneath her. She could smell the wet earth, and she was lost. The dank stinking tunnel, the stench of the sewers, the scurrying rats. Two tiny girls forced to stay silent. They clung to each other. Above them they could hear the clank of steel-edged boot heels against the rim of the manhole cover. They were waist deep in filthy water. Rats swam around them. They heard the echoes of boots and screaming voices.

The darkness began to swallow her. Rebecca's heart beat rapidly as she tried to force the memories away. She tried to concentrate on getting herself out from beneath the trailer, but the fragmented memories overpowered her.

♦ ♦ ♦

Ruda snapped at Vernon that she could handle Mamon, all they had to do was their job, and she would do hers. Vernon backed off and looked at Mike. They were radioed up to the main soundboard, ready to start the second half of the show. Ruda asked Mike, "Where is she?"

Mike's thoughts were on Mamon and for a moment he looked blank.

"My sister. She was with you, wasn't she?"

Mike shook his head. "She went back to the trailer."

"Go and get someone to find her, she might have gotten lost. Tell her to stand by Grimaldi."

Ruda was pacing up and down as the orchestra started the second-half intro. "Mike! I don't want him with that bloody rifle. If he comes in with it, get it away from him. Don't let him go in the ring with that goddamned thing."

Mike nodded. He didn't even know where Grimaldi was, and he would not risk looking for him now. He signaled to one of the helpers to go and look for Grimaldi and Rebecca.

Ruda edged closer to the entrance. She stamped her feet. She was wearing her second costume, a white jacket, black trousers, and black boots, with black leather gloves. The white shoulders of the jacket were padded since she would be working with Wanton. He was very unpredictable and could give a nasty scratch. She was in fact always more worried about Wanton, though he was only a quarter of the weight of Mamon. Panthers were more difficult to train by far.

The release cages were lined up. Three male lions paced up and down, as eager to get into the ring as Ruda. Behind the lions came the lioness, behind them the tigers. The last two cages held Wanton and Mamon.

"Ladies and gentlemen—Please take your seats for the second part of the show. Take your seats, please…"

Ruda turned to the standby board. The red and green lights were not on. She looked back to the ring, and tilted her head from side to side. Her neck was tensing badly. "Come on, come on," she murmured, her hands clenched at her sides.

Mike received the radio signal that Grimaldi was in position on the far side of the ring. Alone.

Vernon came to Ruda. He pressed his earpiece. "Bit of a delay with a big party on the left bank of seats."

"Shit! Any money it'll be the bastards that haven't paid to get in anyway."

Ruda shifted her weight from one foot to the other and sighed impatiently, then gave a fleeting look around for Rebecca and asked again if Mike had located her. Mike smiled, gave the thumbs up. Ruda nodded. "Make sure she's okay, will you?" Again he nodded, and Ruda breathed in deeply.

Ruda closed her eyes trying to concentrate on the act, but she couldn't stop thinking of Rebecca. When she'd helped Rebecca change, she'd noticed her clothes, even her underwear, were of the finest quality. She had worn a big diamond ring. Ruda tapped her stick against her leg. Rebecca had four children, a rich husband. Her life must have been very different from her own. She wondered if Rebecca
had
tried to find her, tried as hard as she had…Ruda opened her eyes, forcing herself to concentrate. "Are the pedestals set up?" Ruda asked no one in particular. Vernon replied that they were. Ruda looked again to the lights. "What the hell's going on! Come on, light up. Red, come on red…green, red, green!"

Rebecca curled her body into a tight ball beneath the trailer. The colors came in rapid succession. She had to remember each color, she had to give them to Ruda. If she didn't give them to her sister, Ruda would be given no food, they would hurt her. She heard Papa's voice, saw the cards being laid out, red, green, blue…

The red light flickered. "Stand by, Miss Kellerman."

Ruda stood rigid. She didn't see the draped entrance to the main ring, but instead the dark green curtain. The hand that drew the curtain open was clean, with red painted nails; the woman had beautiful blond hair swept in a perfect coil. Her eyelids were painted, her cheeks rouged and powdered like an actress's. The dark red lips were often parted in a half smile. Ruda could see him behind the glass, just a fraction to the right of Red Lips, one of his gloved hands resting against the high dentist's chair. He had oiled, slicked-back ebony hair, chiseled features, and wore an immaculate uniform. They made a handsome couple. When he smiled his teeth were even and white.

Rebecca wore a frilly dress, white socks, and black patent leather shoes. Once, when the curtain was drawn back Ruda saw that she had been holding a doll, and she had held it up for Ruda to see. A doll with orange hair and a porcelain face, pink-cheeked, pink-lipped, with delicate china hands. Ruda had pretended that when they drew the curtain back she was looking into a mirror, seeing herself. It had calmed her and made the pain go away.

Papa made the unwrapping of a toffee into an art, holding each end of the wrapper delicately between finger and thumb, as if afraid to get so much as a trace of toffee on his white gloves. Ruda's mouth was always dry, tasting of metal. She longed for the sweet, watched the elaborate unwrapping of the treat with desperate eyes. When he smiled and touched Rebecca's chin to indicate she should open her mouth, when he looked through the glass to Ruda and smiled as he popped the sweet into Rebecca's mouth, Ruda could taste the sweet, soft caramel. The green film over her baby teeth became sweet and delicious.

Days or weeks later when Red Lips drew back the curtain, Ruda could see Rebecca had changed. The frilly white dress was dirty. Her mouth gaped open. She could see the tears, could see her fighting and scratching and sobbing, but she couldn't hear because the curtain draped a soundproofed cage. She was desperate to get to her sister, desperate to know what frightened her so much, what terrible things they were doing to her. She too would scream and scream, but Rebecca couldn't hear her either.

What Ruda could not have guessed was that Rebecca was screaming because they were showing her what they had done to Ruda.

Vernon shook Ruda's shoulder, once, twice. She turned, startled. "My God! Hurry, you've had the green light twice…are you okay?"

Ruda collected herself, then nodded. They were repeating her intro music. She waited a beat, then walked into the ring. Cheers and loud applause greeted her entrance.
"Ladies and gentlemen—Ruda Kellerman!"

Rebecca remained hunched under the trailer. Her head started to pound and she prayed for it not to happen, not here. Someone was squeezing her brain. Then through the throbbing pain she heard his voice. He was saying over and over that she was a bad girl, she had not tried hard enough, now she would see what she had done. They tied her in the chair. She was paralyzed with fear, screaming for them not to draw back the curtain. But they did, slowly, inch by inch. And there was Ruda.

Ruda's body was covered in open sores. They had cut off her hair. Rebecca could see lacerations on her scalp, see the wires attached to her head. She could see them propping Ruda up, too weak to walk, too weak even to stand.

Ruda, unable even to hold up her head, smiled through the glass. She gave a tiny, pitiful wave as if to say: "I am still here. I'm still here, Rebecca."

The pain was excruciating. Rebecca sobbed, buried her face in the mud. All she could see was Ruda's tiny wretched face. Was this the memory she had blotted out of her mind? She wanted the pain to stop, wanted the memories to go away—but they kept on coming.

"Please help me, somebody help me."

Papa kissed her, unwrapping a sweet. "Good girl. Now if Ruda can repeat that exact formation of cards, when I open the curtains the next time, she will be beautiful again…"

"Please help me, somebody help me."

But no one could hear her, everyone was at the big top. She couldn't stop them from coming. Rebecca could see herself in the frilly white dress, feel the urine trickle down her legs. She was afraid they would open the curtain, she was afraid to see what she had done to Ruda, and she tried desperately to remember what Papa wanted. What was it he wanted…what was it?