Entangled (47 page)

“I’m so sorry, Noah. I didn’t know.” She covers her face.

“I know, I couldn’t expect you to know, neither did she.”

“You look good, happy even.”

“I am. It’s all thanks to that woman,” I gesture to the door Maddy walked through moments ago. “She helped me change a lot. And of course Aunt Linda and Derrick too.” I play with my straw from my drink to keep my mind busy.

“Look like the move was a good thing for you.” She looks down, sad. “I’m sorry for all the things I didn’t do or didn’t say and should’ve. I lost sight of what was important.”

“You can’t erase years of negligence and pain over one lunch. I needed you, mom. I needed a mom and you weren’t there.”

“I know, believe me, I know. I see how much I screwed up. I let the divorce change me in the worst way.” We turn to see Maddy walk back to the table.

She glances from me to my mom, “I’m sorry, I can give you two some time to talk. I’ll come back.” I stand and reach for her, “No, it’s okay. You don’t have to leave.”

“Maddy, I’m so sorry for putting you on the spot. I had no idea-“

“Mrs. Parker, it’s okay, you couldn’t have known. I’m not upset.”

“Please call me Nancy.” She amends. She turns to me, holding my hand, “You need to talk to your mom. This is your chance. I’ll be outside and walk around, when you’re done.” She kisses me, I feel torn. It’s cold outside. I take off my coat and
throw it over her shoulders. “Are you sure?”

“Positive, I’ll be fine. I love you.”

I let go of her hand and watch her step outside. “She’s really sweet. How’d you meet?” I hear my mom ask. I sit back down across from her.

“Aunt Linda and Derrick. They’ve helped her through her rough life. She’s one of Derrick’s best friends. Aunt Linda adores her.”

“She seems strong for all she’s been through.”

“Enough about her mom. I need to know why you think I should trust you again. What if you relapse and go back to the way you were? What then?”

“Noah, this isn’t going to be easy for either of us. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on life and how I let your father control me. I’m not as weak as I once was, but I’m not as strong as I wanna be yet, either. My best solution is we take it a day at a time.”

“What about dad?”

“What about him?” I find Maddy outside the window, pacing the street. I’m glad she has my jacket. “Don’t let him control you anymore.”

“Believe me, I finally told him to go to hell. I’m looking for a smaller place to live. I don’t want any of his shit.” I do my best to reserve my smile for later, for now I just keep an open mind and a neutral expression. I believe one can change, but it takes time. Well, I believe it now. I didn’t used to believe it. “What about the other men?”

“I don’t have any men in my life right now. There’s only one I really want back in my life. I’ll do what I can to make it up to you.”

I tap on the window and nod my head for Maddy to come back inside. “It’s good to see you, Noah.”

“Just don’t make me regret this. It’s bad enough I hate one parent. It would be nice to have a mother who’s conscience of her only son, once in a while.”

We finish our lunch and part ways, making plans to meet up again before we leave. Maddy and I walk around the neighborhood.

“How are you holding up?”

“Mmm. Just taking in the sights. How was your talk with your mom?”

We walk hand in hand, around a cluster of slow people talking on their phones. Cars pass by, honking their horns…a normal occurrence. “Better than I expected, yet I’m not holding my breath. What’s that saying, “a zebra doesn’t change its spots”.” Maddy looks at me sideways, trying not to giggle.

“I think it’s a “leopard” doesn’t change its spots.” I thought it sounded funny in my head. I just laugh it off, trying not to feel stupid. “Look who’s correcting who now.” I nudge her in the side and she giggles. “I’m really sorry my mom was asking questions. I can only imagine how you felt being in the spotlight like that.”

“It’s really okay. She didn’t know. I’m used to it, talking about them in the past. They are in the past now, I can’t keep dwelling on it.” My heart aches for her but she’s so strong. I admire her for that.

It’s a cold night, in the 50’s, but no snow yet. “So what do you want to do? We’re not supposed to meet up with Spencer until later.”

“I’m open. I don’t know this place so I wouldn’t have a clue.”

“I have an idea; let’s go to the Museum of Natural History. Interested?” She shakes her head, unenthused but she goes along with it. I always find it a good place to visit, so we go.

Chapter 53

Maddy

Lunch with Nancy wasn’t too bad. I was more nervous for Noah thany anything, but she doesn’t bite. I was a little blindsided when she asked about my parents, I’ll admit, but then again we’d just met and like most, that’s one of the first questions that’s asked in a situation like this. I didn’t get all emotional and storm out like I thought I would, I really did have to pee. Though I won’t lie, the woman was a little intimidating at first glance. But I’m reserving my judgment for later. She’s beautiful though, like her son.

I wasn’t too excited about the Museum when he suggested it; it’s just not my thing no matter where I go. But I didn’t want to insult him, so I went along with it. I never really liked History, but Noah seems passionate about it, which explains why he was studying to be a history teacher. I’ve learned that in a relationship, you don’t always do things to make yourself happy, you do things to make the other person happy and in turn, they’ll do the same for you. It makes sense to me. I did a lot to make Landon happy, but for him, it was take, take, take. Noah on the other hand, he gives me more than I’ve bargained for. It’s amazing when you find someone unexpectedly, when you weren’t looking.

Now we stand in front of the New York City library, the second largest library in the United States. The building is so old, but really well kept. Stepping into the building feels overwhelming and quite cold, so many books to gander.

“I’m…gonna look around.”

“Take your time, don’t get lost.” I wave my hand, finding his words ironic, considering a small town girl like me could get lost pretty easily. I guess there could be worse places to get lost in. I do love books, when I have the time to read them. I love the smell, the feel, the moment when you open it and the pages take you to another time, another place, away from reality.

It’s eerily quiet as I gaze from the floor, to the top of the ceiling and it’s flooded with books. “This place dates back to the 1800’s. They keep it well maintained. It’s also supposed to be the same library a scene from The Day After Tomorrow was filmed.”

“I remember that movie, and that scene. It does look like it.” I take a book off the shelf and sit on one of the comfy sofas, about the same time my phone goes off. “Shit.” I say too loudly. Noah glances down, when I pull my phone out to check the caller. “It’s my boss,” I hold it up for him to see and answer it. “Hey Amanda, what’s going on?” I whisper, walking away.

“I was just checking in on you. How’s it going in New York?”

“I’m at the city library, and have only been to a couple other places. We’re going on the tour bus tomorrow
.” I glance at Noah, who’s casually looking down at the floor. “So far, it’s been great. We have lots to visit, so I’ll have a better update in the next day or two.” I smile at him when he looks up.

“Okay, be sure to take a lot of pictures. And you must see the tree at Rockefeller Center. Oh my god, so amazing.” Pictures, damn I have not taken any.

“Okay, I’ll definitely be doing that. I have to go because I’m really loud and my voice is echoing.” I whisper into the phone.

“Okay, have a blast Hun. Can’t wait to hear from you.” We hang up and I quickly scroll through my phone for my camera, waving my hand to Noah. “Come here, I need to take a lot of pictures.” He takes my phone, turns it around and snaps photos of us up-close. We do some silly ones, some serious ones, and a couple of us kissing.

When we get outside, we take more pictures in front of the building. I take pictures of the surrounding buildings and trees and anything I can see that’s interesting. I realize I didn’t bring my actual digital camera, stupid me. “Hey, I need to get to a gift shop later, sometime soon to get a camera. I only have my phone.”

“We can do that.” We walk around some more, and I’m thankful for my walking shoes and I’m not wearing my boots.

“Hey let’s get a hot dog, there’s a vendor not far from here. Well it’s in Manhattan, so we’ll have to get on a subway and then we can eat at Central Park.” I smile at the idea and my stomach growls at the thought of food. “Sounds perfect.” I tell him, skipping ahead.

We walk through the crowd. I keep wishing it would snow and I could run in it and play, throwing snowballs at Noah and roll around in it.

An hour later, we get our food and find a spot in the park on the ground and eat our lunch, almost in a picnic manner. I look around the streets, gazing at the small restaurants and shops around us, wondering how many people come through here every day. I could see myself living here, maybe. But growing up in a small town, it’s intimidating sitting here, wondering if you’re going to run into a mugger. I always heard there’s more crime in New York, but it could just be word of mouth, making it seem worse than it is. “Are we going to see where the World Trade Centers used to be?” I ask, in between bite fulls.

“Yep, it’s on the agenda for tomorrow, during the bus tour. It’s a hop-on, hop-off tour so we can get off as we please and get on another bus. There’s a lot for you to see, but some of the sights are fine to just pass by.”

“I’m so excited! Can you tell? Can you?” I’m practically bouncing around, while eating my hot dog and fries. He just laughs at me. “Is that what excited is supposed to look like?” I snicker at him as he reaches to grab my arm, I jerk away, out of his reach. “I would ask what you think of New York so far, but I’ll ask that question after you’ve seen everything else.”

“I like it so far. It’s better in person than seeing it on TV. And so busy, I can see why it’s called the “city that never sleeps”.”

“Yep, it definitely does make sense.” He stuffs his face and gathers his trash.

“Do you miss it here?” He looks at the ground, picking at leaves and sticks, avoiding eye contact. I can sense he’s struggling to answer. I touch his arm to get his attention, “Hey, it’s okay to answer me honestly.” He looks up at me, mustering a sincere smile, but it falls short.

“I do, sometimes I lie awake at night, thinking about my life here. Not that I’ve had any good memories, all my memories here are tainted with sad ones. I miss Spencer the most. But I love where I am,”

“It’s just not home.” I finish for him, totally getting where he’s going with this. I guess I’d feel the same way if the tables were turned. I move to sit close to him and he moves his legs out, gesturing for me to sit between them. His arms wrap around me like a cloa
k, pulling me back to his chest and I lay my head back against his shoulder. “I understand.” Our hands clasp together around my stomach.

“I love it there, and I don’t want you to think I’m not happy where I am. I’m just, I think being back here has brought new emotions to the surface and now I’m all melancholy and shit. I feel like a chick.” I slap his leg.

“Stop it, there’s nothing wrong with a guy getting in touch with his emotional side.”

“Maybe not if I was by myself, it wouldn’t be a big deal. But getting weepy in front of you makes me feel weak.” He rocks us side to side and I forget about being cold. I could be naked and the minute his arms were around me, I’d feel like I was tangled in a heated blanket, and safe. I close my eyes, forgetting about the people around us and revel in his warmth. “I think after visiting with my mother, I just started wondering what it would have been like had she been there for me. Maybe I would have had a better childhood, worth remembering.” I know what that feels like. I knew what it was like for a short time before it all was snatched away.

“If you two have a chance, take it slow. You both deserve a second chance to have a normal, happy mother-son relationship.” I lean forward and turn my head to look at him. His eyes show sadness and it punches me in the chest, needing to comfort him. Before I have a chance to change the subject or the direction of the mood, his phone goes off. He reaches in, and answers it before looking at the caller. “Hey Spence,” My ears perk up and I wait, trying to hear the conversation. “Okay, we’ll see you soon. Okay, okay cool bye.” He taps my bottom and I lift up so he can get off the ground. He gathers his trash to throw away.

“So what’s the plan?”

“We’re meeting Spencer at our old hang out bar in about 30 minutes. We gotta catch the subway. Are you finished?” I stick the last fry in my mouth and nod, throwing my trash away.

As he walks off, I grab his arm and pull him to me. “Hey,” I look into his eyes, seriously, “It’s going to be okay. Things are going to work out. I have faith. Okay?”

He plays with my hand; a sliver of a smile lets me know that he believes me. “Okay, I’ll take your word for it.” He grabs the back of my neck, pulling my face close to his and then kisses me, still looking me in the eyes. “I love you.”