Entangled (31 page)

“Noah, be nice. He bought me a pitcher. I can’t just kick him out.”

I narrow my eyes, a little hurt and irritated. “I can buy you a pitcher.” As Trey started to interrupt me I threw up a hand in his direction. “This doesn’t concern you.”

“Dude, I bought this pitcher, you can have some if you want.” I step in Trey’s space and glare at him angrily. “You can take the pitcher and get the fuck out of here. She doesn’t need all that alcohol.” He begins to protest but as my fist is aiming at his face, he grabs the pitcher and hauls ass away from the table. I turn back to Maddy, and catch her pissed expression.

“That was rude. He was just talking to me. You didn’t have to be an ass.” I sit down across from her, my nerves shot to hell. Why is she acting like this?

“Maddy, that asshole was all over you the last time, or did you forget? He was staring at your ass every time you were bent over the pool table. He clearly had only one thing in mind. And I’m sure this time is no different.”

“Right, because you know what everyone’s intentions are every time you walk into a bar, just by looking at them. Right?” I know what his were. “Well in any case, at least he acted like he was interested in me.” I kept my foot grounded to the floor, biting my tongue. I won’t leave her like this, no matter what. Something is bothering her.

“How long have you been here? How much have you had to drink?” I push her glass away from her.

“Enough to forget everything. It’s been a shitty week. What does it matter to you, anyway?” I drop my head, uncertain of a response. I feel like an ass. I take her hand and force her to look at me. She’s reluctant at first, but when I see her turn her head, I see tears in her eyes. I lean over the table to kiss them away, before common sense sets in. “Why didn’t you call me?” She pulls her hand away, avoiding eye contact as she wipes her eyes. “Maddy, why didn’t you call me?  I would have come. I would’ve taken you somewhere, anywhere you wanted to go. What’s wrong?”

“Life. That’s what’s wrong, Noah. Life is one fucked up game and I’m the pawn. I’m sick of being the fucking pawn.” Her voice rises, making me flinch. “I just want the pain to go away. I want it all to go away. I want everyone to be happy. I want to be able to sleep at night. God.” She grabs both sides of her head as if she’s trying to crush her skull. I reach up, grab her hands and slowly bring them down.

“Please talk to me. You gotta get it out.  Drinking is not the solution.” She spaces out, her eyes never blinking. This side of Maddy is frightening. Maybe she really should see a professional, as much as she doesn’t want to.

“Andi’s father is dying. He has cancer. He’s a second father to me, well more like a first.” The air from my lungs flee my body. Shit.

“Christ.” I whisper. What do you say to something like that?

“All those years I had no one, they took me in. They were a selfless, kind family and now they’re repaid with this shit. It’s not fair.” I hop out of my seat and grab her in a hug, rubbing her back. Her body shakes with every sob she lets out. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” She
mumbles in my chest but I can’t make out the words so I just wrap my arms tighter around her. I know what it’s like to deal with death. Maybe not the death of a parent, but death in general is the hardest fact of life. I feel her grip tighten around my back, like she’s trying to hold on. She suddenly pulls back and gazes into my eyes, so intense, I’m almost certain she can see through me, into my soul. And then her eyes travel downward and stop at my lips.

God damn, I want to kiss her. Just once. I could just move less than an inch and my mouth would be against hers. And I want to. She starts to lean in as I turn my head away. I can’t do it, not like this. “Maddy, I think we should take you home.”

She laughs, grabbing her purse. “Don’t bother taking me home. I’ll find a ride.” She stumbles and I step in front of her, gripping her shoulders. “Stop it. You’re drunk and you need to sleep it off. I’ll take you home.”

“You don’t know what I need. But I can see that you’re not what I need. It seems you’ve made that clear.”

I shake her and look in her eyes. “Stop. Just stop. I know you’re going through a lot right now and I get it. But this isn’t going to help.”

“God, I practically throw myself at you. You send me all these mixed signals, making me think…that for a second you might be interested. But then you just push me away. Why Noah? Am I that repulsive?” My heart plummets to my feet. Damn, this is so wrong. She’s right though, and I hate it. I hate what I’m doing to her. My aunt may have been right. This is why I never mixed emotions with sex. It gets too fucking complicated.

“Maddy, I want to kiss you. Trust me. But not like this. You’re feeling vulnerable and the alcohol has fucked with your head. I promise that kiss will come, but not tonight.” She grabs her purse and throws the strap over her shoulder. I walk to the bar and ask for a glass of water. Once she drinks it, she follows me out to my jeep.

Ten minutes into the drive, she’s passed out. I hate alcohol. Fucking ruins lives. I pound on the steering wheel a couple of times, pissed. Pissed at life. Pissed at the night. But mostly pissed at myself.

Maddy

I open my eyes, my head pounding and my stomach in knots. I feel like absolute shit. Where am I? I’m in a comfortable bed, I know that much but it’s not my room. I move to observe my surroundings and instantly regret it. I moan in pain.

What the hell happened? And then…images of Trey, the bar, and…Noah. Oh hell. “You’re awake.” I glance at the doorway as Noah stalks in with a cup of coffee in his hand. Oh please be for me, please..please.

“Hi.” I respond hoarsely. I wince when I try to sit up, so I lie back down. He sits beside me and hands me the cup. “Thank you.” I smile and take a drink. The steamy liquid is smooth going down my throat. “How much did I drink?”

“A lot. I’m not sure exact amount but you were already drunk when I got there.” Oh damn. I remember getting there after work in the late afternoon. Trey was there and we took shots together. It wasn’t planned, I just needed an escape.

“I’m so sorry. When I asked you to meet me, I never planned on drinking that much. Or even starting without you.”

He takes one of my hands, massaging the back of it. “Why didn’t you tell me about Andi’s dad sooner?”

I hand him the cup to put beside the bed. I see tenderness in his eyes. “I don’t know. I guess I didn’t want to believe it was happening. I lose everyone I love. Saying it out loud would make it that much more true.” I lean back against the pillow and close my eyes. And then I remember something, my eyes snap open. “What did I say to you?” He looks away, fighting something inside himself. “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes it does. Tell me I didn’t say or do anything stupid.” His lip curves upward on one side. “You almost did but I stopped it. You need to get some rest.” He moves off the bed. Disappointment settles in my chest.

“I slept in your bed all night?”

“Yes.” He answers.

“And you slept-“

“On the couch.” Both relief and again, disappointment simultaneously fill my chest. “Why didn’t you take me home?” Not that I’m complaining, but curiosity has gotten the best of me.

“You crashed soon after we left the bar. I wanted to make sure you were okay. And besides, you threw up a few times once we got here. I doubt Andi needed to see you like this.”
So that’s why I feel sick, my stomach is empty or I could’ve pulled a muscle from the strain.  I hate puking! Even worse, I hate puking in front of a guy. What must he think of me now?

“Get some rest. We’ll go get your car later.” He reaches the door but I have to ask him..

“Noah, did I…did we..” He shakes his head, but I can see the slightest tint of sadness in his expression. “No, did I try to kiss you?” He hesitates but I can see the answer on his face. I’m so embarrassed for throwing myself at him. “I’m sorry for what I said. I was a drunken bitch and you didn’t deserve it. I understand if you were disgusted with me.” He moves back to the bed, I look away. I can’t look at him. I’m ashamed. I let myself get out of control.

“I’m not disgusted with you, Maddy. Look at me.” I don’t. He sits down and gently takes my hand. The touch sends heat coursing up my arm. “Maddy look at me.” Please.” Something in his voice, pleading maybe, causes me to obey. I shift so my body faces him. My hand moves under the pillow for support of my head. I stare at the hand that’s still holding mine. He’s so different from the guy I first met.  “I’m sorry I didn’t give in. But I knew it wasn’t really what you wanted. I know what it’s like to feel pain and want nothing more than to feel numbness instead. I’ve been there. And I can’t say I know what you’re going through, I have my parents. But I’ve felt plenty of pain and loss. Alcohol isn’t going to make it stop.”

“Thank you for not giving in.” I interrupt. It seems silly that I’m more focused on stuff that almost but didn’t happen instead of the real problem.

He smiles. “I didn’t think you’d object once the alcohol wore off. Now last night, that’s another story.” He laughs, I try to laugh but it feels like a semi sat on top of my skull, so I just smile.

“I’m sorry. Can we just forget it ever happened? I’m so embarrassed.” He leans in, so close to my face. I hold my breath and turn away when I realize I haven’t brushed my teeth yet. My mouth is cottony tasting mixed with coffee, not the best breath smell.

“It’s forgotten.” He finally says. I try to hide a wide smile and shudder at the feel of his breath on my cheek. I wonder if he can feel my pulse speeding. “And just so you know,” he whispers in my ear, “our first kiss will be an unforgettably, toe-curling, heart-stopping, leave-you-breathless kind of kiss. I promise.” I’m staring at him in surprise and awe the he used such descriptive words.

“I look forward to it.” I promise. He leans above and places a feather-light kiss on my cheek before moving to the door. “Thank you for taking care of me.” He winks. “By the way, these walls are in need of a paint job.”

“Painting party?”

“Yeah, that would be good. But first, our rock climbing date.” I’m not sure why I’m so adamant about rock climbing but I won’t let it go. He’s leaning against the door frame and I take a minute to appreciate his beauty, not so much the outside as the inside. His heart, he has one. And I’m determined to prove it. I finally slip into oblivion.

“Maddy.” I hear my name, I don’t answer. But I hear someone calling to me. “Maddy, you need to go. You need to see him. He needs you.” I open my eyes, blink a few times and see I’m back in my bed. What the hell? I sit up and look around. When did I come home? Where’s my car? “Maddy honey, you need to talk to him.” Mom! What the fuck? I rub my eyes but she’s still here, in front of me, in my room.

“Mom? You’re alive?” She sits down on my bed, takes my hand and squeezes. Tears fall from my eyes. She’s alive. And she’s in my room. And she’s more beautiful than ever. Her blue eyes and long dark blonde hair hangs below her shoulders. She’s wearing a white dress. My father always loved when she wore dresses. “Mommy.” I throw my arms around her and cry into her neck. “I’ve missed you so much. Why did you leave us? I needed you. Daddy needed you. He’s not well. He needs you.” I realize I’m crying and she’s got me wrapped in her arms tightly, just like she used to do when I was scared or sad. She always knew how to comfort me.

“Oh honey, he needs you. He’s not well.” Wait, didn’t I just say that?

“Mommy, where did you go?” She wipes my tears away. “Honey, I’m always with you. I’ll always be with you, right here.” She places her hand over my heart and I feel a chill go straight through me.

“Promise me you’ll talk to him. He needs his little girl more than ever now. Tell him it wasn’t his fault. Tell him I love him and will see him one day.”

“Let’s go tell him now mom. Together.” She’s crying now. I hate seeing my mother cry. I want to make her feel better.

“Honey, I have to go now. I love you. I’ll always be with you. It wasn’t your fault and it wasn’t Daddy’s fault either. I love you. Take care of each other.”

“NO!” I shout. “No mommy, don’t leave me. I need you. Please.” She’s gone and I’m down on my knees, sobbing. “Please come back. Please. Don’t leave me.” My stomach hurts and I want to hit something.

“Maddy, Maddy wake up!” I’m shaken awake and I spring forward and almost collide with Noah. He grips me by the arms. “God, you scared me.” I plunge into his arms and cry. I’m in his room again, in his bed. It was just a dream. I didn’t really see her. My mind was fucking with me. That’s why I hate sleeping. I have nightmares like these more than I’d like to and it only worsens the heartache. “Shhh, I’m here.” He rubs soothing circles on my back and it helps to calm me.

“I saw her, Noah.” I sniff. “I saw my mom. It felt so real. I was back in my old room. She talked to me. She looked so beautiful.” I pull back and wipe my face, angrily. “I miss her so much, it hurts.” I’m sick of these nightmares. I cough and fling myself back onto the pillow.

“You were flailing about. I heard you screaming something and I came in. You were moving your arms and saying stuff I couldn’t understand. God, I’m so sorry. I get nightmares that feel so real sometimes I wake up and act out my dream, like I’m sleep walking. Your mind can really play dirty tricks on you.”

“Noah, she told me I needed to talk to my dad. She told me he blames himself.” He raises his eyebrows, stunned. I hadn’t had dreams that felt
that
real since I was younger. I usually just cried myself awake, but this was so different. “It was the weirdest thing, I woke up and I was in my old room again, but at first I saw her as an adult. And then I was 7 years old again, begging my mommy to come home.”