Entangled (30 page)

“Thank you.” I gratefully take the steamy cup from her grip and set it down on the ground beside my chair. Working on my aunt’s kitchen chair has opened up old wounds. But it’s been a great distraction from Maddy. She’s been busy and I’ve been giving her space. We talk and we’ve had late night work outs together, which has been great. But I don’t want to smother her or make her feel like she has to spend every minute with me just because we’re trying this dating thing, even if all I think about is being near her every second of every day. I miss her like crazy when we’re apart.

“How’s the table coming?” I should be getting a job or finish school. But when I moved here, I decided I would take a year off and get acclimated to a new surrounding and new life. After all, if I ended up not liking it here, I planned on moving back to New York. But in doing so-taking a year off that is- I should have realized I’d get bored easily.

“It’s coming along. I should finish by next week I think. I want to take my time on it, give me something to do.” She pats my back before walking out of the garage.

“I’ll make you some food.” She calls over her shoulder. My stomach growls on cue and I realize I’m hungry. I guess I can take a break.

“Yeah, I’ll be in shortly.” I’ve already sanded the wood. I have the brackets and screws ready to put on. I’ll work on that next time. I put the tools away and close up the garage. Before heading inside, I stare at the swing where Maddy and I sat together. Her face appears in my vision. Actually it’s her sad smile I see, as she talked about her family. I close my eyes and let out a breath. I can do this. I can be the man she needs in her life. I have to try. For Maddy, I’d learn to walk on water.

I walk in to see my aunt cooking chicken. “Want some help?” She smiles and asks for a few ingredients. “I’ll make some mashed potatoes and corn bread.”

“Thank you Noah. That would be wonderful.” Since I moved here, I’ve gotten closer to my aunt. It’s been nice having someone cool to talk to. Someone who doesn’t blame you for everything wrong in your life. Someone you can trust, even if you don’t always agree with them. Derrick and I have gotten closer too. “Who taught you to cook?” Peeling the potatoes is my least favorite part of this ordeal but I keep my gripes to myself.

“It’s not hard to follow a recipe. Over the years, I had to teach myself to do a lot. Not having anyone to help me left me no choice.” I can hear the bitterness of my words. I throw the skin in the trash, grab the cutting board and start cutting the potatoes.

“You’ve grown into a fine young man. I’m proud of you.” I pause briefly, letting her words soak in. I’ve never had anyone say those words to me. It’s something a child longs to hear from their parents. But I know I’ve made mistakes I’m not proud of. I shake the thoughts from my head and continue cutting. “So, how’s Maddy? I hear you two are somewhat of an item.”

“Who told you that?” I already know the answer but I ask anyway. I toss the cut up potatoes in the pot of boiling water. My aunt prepares a pot of coffee to brew, which thank God, I was thinking I wanted to do the same thing.

“I heard it from-“

“Let me guess, Derrick?” She gives me a sideways glance while grabbing two mugs.

“Maybe.”

“Look, we are seeing each other. But we’re taking it slow. I wish people would refrain from sharing other people’s stories with others. I don’t want to screw this up, Aunt Linda. I’ve never been in a relationship where it didn’t involve sharing a bed. We went on one date and plan
for another soon.” I laugh to myself. I’ve never known a girl to like rock climbing but she seems to like the outdoors. And she’s definitely not superficial which makes me like her much more.

“You should take her to the zoo. She loves animals. I think she’d like it.” It would seem childish to some but my aunt is right. She works at an animal clinic and I know how much she cares for animals. It could be a fun trip.

The potatoes boil, the coffee is ready and I’m itching to hear from Maddy. I pull out my phone and set it on the table, staring at it as if a message is going to magically appear.

What is she doing? Why won’t she at least text me to say hi? Irritated with myself, I push my phone aside and gaze into my cup for the hell of it. Then I get up to check on the potatoes and start on the cornbread. The text alert from my phone startles me and I drop what I’m doing and snatch it up off the table.

Maddy: Hey, Noah. I hope you’re having a great day. When are we going on our rock climbing date?
I smile, wishing she could see the goofy grin on my pathetic face. But I just text her back.

Me: Hey, I was just thinking about you. I’m good…having dinner with my aunt. About the date, I’m up for any night or day. Just say when. How are you?

I almost tell her I miss her but dismiss the thought instantly, so I don’t come off as a desperate, needy guy. I pour another cup of coffee and sit down. Waiting for her reply, I inspect the table and the space it sits in, realizing I never took accurate measurements. I hope the new one will fit. Another text.

Maddy: Andi’s not doing so well. I’m just trying to be here for her. There are family issues going on. But I’d love to go this week. Want to meet up for a drink tomorrow night? Midnight? The bar that is.

I know I had planned to give up the bar scene but really, it might have to wait. Still, who says I have to drink just because I walk into a bar? Plenty of people go to the bar and don’t drink. I can order a soda. I’ll order a soda. I text back…

Me: Sure, I’ll see you tomorrow night. I hope Andi is okay. I’m here if you need anything.

I know what it’s like to have family problems. I just hope are easier to solve than mine were.

Maddy: Thanks Noah. I want to see you more. It’s just Andi was always there for me when I needed her. Thanks for understanding. Look forward to seeing you tomorrow. Have a great night. Tell Linda I said hi.

Me: I will. Sweet dreams.

I feel like such a sap. It feels like a new, slow beginning. A new me. I hope it lasts.

Dinner is quiet. Both Aunt Linda and I are lost in thought. I keep wondering if I need to take measurements of the table before I proceed further. I’d hate to finish a nice table but have nowhere to put it. “Do you think we can make room in the dining are for the table? I’m afraid it might not fit here.” The dining area should be used for eating anyway, instead. She has a desk, china cabinet and a bunch of knick knack shit that takes up space. She really needs to have a yard sale.

“I think it should be fine here, Noah. But in case it doesn’t, yeah I’ll make room.”

I slurp my gravy, mixing it with my mashed potatoes and take a drink of kool-aide. “Have you thought of having a yard sale? You could make a shit ton of cash for all the crap you keep around here.” I laugh and add, “I swear you could be on an episode of Hoarders.” She doesn’t find it amusing. I eat my corn bread in silence.

“I do have a lot of junk, don’t I?” My aunt breaks the silence. “How do you suppose I could find people to come look at this stuff? I live out in the Boondocks.”

“This is not the Boondocks. Trust me. I can help.” I realize most of the stuff that she’d sell belonged to my uncle. Maybe it’s too hard to get rid of it. Boy do I feel like an ass now. I didn’t know him well but from what I did know, he was a good man. Better than my father ever was. He died four years ago of a heart condition.

“Yeah, I’ll have to think about it. Maybe I’ll ask Derrick if there’s anything he wants first.”

“Maddy said hello by the way.” I steer the conversation away from my uncle, sensing her struggle to talk about him. I’d like to know more about him one day.

“Have you told her everything Noah?” Well hell…

“So I guess we skip one sore topic and jump right onto the next?” I stretch my legs out in front of me under the table, crossing my arms.

“Noah, you need to tell her. She needs to know.”

“Why must everyone know about my past? They call it the past for a reason. I’d like to keep it that way.”

“You can’t keep running from it, it’ll always outrun you. Always.” My muscles in my jaw tense. I thought she was supposed to help me get over it, not relive it.

“It’s dead and buried, where I want it Aunt Linda. Can’t you leave it alone?” I shovel a bite of chicken, gravy and potatoes in my mouth to keep from talking. But my aunt just keeps digging. She’s relentless.

“Noah, you can’t expect to move on if you haven’t faced your demons or accept the things you couldn’t control. Let it go.”

“Fuck! I moved here to start over. I didn’t come here so you could badger me; I dealt with that shit enough back in New York. I thought you were here to help me.”

She stands up and leans in, only inches from my face. “I am here to help you. Don’t you see that?” She sits back down. “Maybe you should let Maddy go.” I stiffen as her words sink in. What is she suggesting?

“Um, what was that?”

“If you can’t fully let go of all the guilt and pain you’re harboring, you should let her go until you do. Otherwise, you’ll only bring her down with you. She’s been through enough.” I’m on defense mode, standing up abruptly almost knocking the chair back. I guess she sees I’m not good for her too.  “Noah-“

“Don’t.” I put my hand up and take a breath. “I can’t believe after you telling me I’d be good for her and should go for it, now you’re telling me to let her go. Great advice.”

“I thought you’d open up to her, let her in. Maybe you’d feel like you can trust someone. I know you lived a very closed off life in New York. And I get it, you didn’t have the support and love you should’ve.” I look away, clenching my fists at my sides. “Maddy is the type that wants to help everyone. She’d feel obligated to carry your burden too.”

“I appreciate your advice, really. But let me live my life the way I want to. Right now, she makes me want to do things I’ve never done before. Maybe, just maybe she’ll make me want to open up.” Part of me wondered if I was telling her this to appease her and get her off my back, but then I wonder if there’s some truth to it. She does make me want to open up. I’m just not ready for that yet.

My aunt finishes her dinner quietly. When I finish mine, I wash the dishes and announce my parting. I give her a hug, not wanting to fight. She’s all I’ve got. “I love you, Aunt Linda. I just need your support. And I promise, I won’t hurt Maddy. I don’t want to hurt her. She’s…” I search for the right word because I’m so new at this, this feeling something for someone other than annoyance or disdain. It’s just foreign to me and scary. And I kinda like it. “She’s something special.”

My aunt pulls back, brushing my cheek affectionately with her thumb. Then she kisses me on the head. “You’re a good man. I’ve no doubt you’ll do good things. Just be careful.” I smile, hoping she’s right. I really should stop while I’m ahead.

Noah

I know on Wednesdays, Maddy works until 5 at the clinic. We never did set up a time to meet up. When six rolls around, I take a shower and shave. I can’t contain the excitement I feel at the prospect of seeing her again. It’s so silly and beyond me. The only other person I’d get this excited about was Lex. I scrub my body and hair clean.

I walk out of the bathroom in search for decent clothes. I notice all my dirty laundry littering my floor, and make a mental note to do some serious intervening. I grab a pair of jeans out of my closet and find a sweater but settle on a beige long-sleeved shirt instead. After slipping my shoes on and fixing my hair, I take my keys and phone and head out the door.

It’s 7:10 when I pull into the parking lot. It’s not too busy, which is fine with me. I’m not in the mood for a large crowd right now. I walk through the door, searching for a table to save us in case Maddy is not already here. But when I turn to my left, I see her. My heart does some sort of flip, just from seeing the back of her head. And then…crashes. She’s not alone. What the hell? I slowly walk toward her and see that indeed, she’s with someone. And rage sets in. I see him…the bastard that took her home that first night. Her laughter resonates in my ears. It’s a beautiful sound. But what could he be saying that’s so funny? And why is he even here?

I take a deep breath before I approach her. I clench my fists together at my sides, calming my rage. Maybe jealousy too. Yeah, I’m jealous, I’ll admit. What a bitch. When he sees me first he steps back, his smile falters, replaced by annoyance.

“Maddy?” Her laughter dies in her throat when her eyes find mine.

“Noah, hey. I was going to text you. I got off work early and just wanted a drink before you got here.” I gaze at the pitcher of beer, wondering how many she’s had already. Part of me wonders if she’s being honest. About texting me. But I can’t judge. I shift my gaze to the douche with a smirk on his face like he knows a joke and I’m the punch line. I’d like to rip his arm off his body and hit him with it. Right after pouring the pitcher over his head.
You’re out of control, get it together.

“Hey Noah, you should join us.” He has the nerve to address me.

I simply smile politely and calmly answer, “I’m actually joining Maddy. You can leave now.”

“Oh Noah this is Trey. Trey, Noah.” I don’t look away from him but speak to Maddy.

“Yeah, I remember him. I don’t like him.” I lean in to whisper in Maddy’s ear, “I want to talk to you.” She nods. I direct my attention to Trey who is taking a big gulp of his beer. “I need to talk to Maddy. Alone.” I don’t bother with the please because I don’t bend over and kiss ass. One way or another he’s leaving the table. Maddy slaps my arm, catching me off-guard.