Enlightened (Red Flags) (22 page)

I was supposed to meet with Damian and Ben, the web designer, but I couldn't find the energy to care.  As far as I was concerned, I would be terminated come Monday morning anyway, and since I wasn't feeling well, I decided to blow it off.

I texted Jason and asked him to come over.  He said he was up in North County and that he would be down as soon as he was finished.  I wasn't exactly sure what I wanted to say to him, but I knew I needed to get everything that I was feeling out in the open.  It was the only way that I was ever going to be able to move forward in my life, for better or for worse.

After dragging my aching and sluggish body down to the kitchen for a glass of orange juice and some Motrin, I heard Chelsea's shrieking calls from the stairs, so I turned and made my way back down and into the living room.

"Damn.  You look like death." 

"Thanks, Chels."

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Um, you mean besides the fact that I may be unemployed come Monday, the fact that Jason almost beat up Damian, and the fact that I was lucky enough to run into Stacey yesterday?  I'm perfectly fine."  My tone was dry and I could taste venom as I said Stacey's name.

Chelsea's eyes bulged large. 

"What the fuck?  He didn't mention any of that?"

Suspicion overtook my face. 

"What do you mean he didn't mention any of that?"

Chelsea stopped for a second.  I watched her impatiently as she took a seat on the couch. 

"Jason called Hunter last night and asked if he could meet up with both of us.  Of course Hunter didn't tell me until we met up with him.  I wasn't happy about being set-up, but Jason said a whole lot that actually shocked me."

"What did he say?

Chelsea sighed.  "He wanted to speak to me personally, not so much Hunter.  He said he knew I couldn't stand him, which he was spot on with, but that he knew how much I meant to you, and that he wants to make amends with everyone he's hurt by hurting you."

I stared at her in disbelief.  Was this the same Jason Bradley?  He was shocking me at almost every turn, and it made me wonder if he was in North County doing the same thing with my parents.  I started to call my parents, but I decided I would just ask him when he got here.

"What else did he say?"  I asked, hoping to get the full run down of their conversation.

"He told me that all the bullshit laid out by Jacob had been twisted.  He said that him falling for you had nothing to do with Heather.  He stressed to me that he fell in love with you for you." 

I took a seat on the couch next to her. 

"My big concern was not so much the bullshit with Jacob.  My concern is his attitude and his ways.  I told him there were many times that I wanted to punch his ass in the face, but I refrained out of respect for you."  I giggled a little, but Chelsea's stoic face signaled she meant business.  "Any who, he acknowledged all of his wrongdoing during his time with you and swears he regrets it because you were the only bright spot in his fucked up life.  He also said that he's going to work until his dying day to get you back and he'd love to start anew with me as well." 

My eyes shot open.  "Really?" 

"Yes.  Shocked the hell out of me, too."

"I think that says a lot, Chels.  What do you make of it all?"

She glared at me, then ran her fingers through her hair.  I wasn't sure what to make of her body language so I sat, anxious to see if the freezing layers of her heart had been thawed by Jason's initiative and warm words.

"At first, I didn't give a shit what came out of his mouth, but when he left, Hunter and I had a long talk about the whole situation, and he convinced me to give Jason a chance.  I only gave in because Hunter pointed out that Jason was persistent, and that you still loved him.  I figure if you're going to be with him, I might as well play nice and try to make things easier on you."

Before I even realized what I was doing, I wrapped Chelsea in a tight hug. She was taken aback, completely surprised by my action and, in a way, I was too.  It felt as if a burden had been lifted off my shoulders.  I knew that I wanted Jason, but my fears from all of his wrong doings and the fact that I was too afraid of what others around me would think, kept me from acting on my own feelings.  Hunter had told me in our chat that I couldn't worry about what others thought about me and my relationship, but when it's your family and friends that you're concerned about, it's rather difficult to simply ignore their feelings. 

A tear dropped from my eye.  "Thanks, Chels.  I don't know what else to say."

"There is nothing to say.  Your happiness is all that matters to me.  If you think you'll get that from Jason, then go for it."  She paused for a second.  "But don't think I'm going to just lie down.  He won't change everything overnight.  I'll definitely be on his ass, correcting bullshit as it pops up."

I smiled.  "I wouldn't have it any other way."

"Where is lover boy now?"

I looked at the clock on the wall and realized that an entire hour had passed.  "I think he's up in Carlsbad on his next mission. I asked him to come over and he said he was in North County and that he'd be down as soon as he was finished up there."

"He went to see your parents?"

"That's what I'm guessing.  I'll know in a little bit."

"Well, I'll admit. I am impressed.  He's walking into a lion's den, fearless and determined.  I just want to see you happy, Cara.  If that means Jason, then so be it."  She stood.  "But the son of a bitch better make you happy, or I'm kicking his ass myself."

The doorbell rang, and I jumped at the chime of it.  I hugged Chelsea and ran to the front door, eager to get Jason inside so I could hear more about his latest excursion.  When I opened the door, there he stood, looking gloriously sexy.  His shaggy hair flopped down over his forehead, and even though his hair was growing much too long, I could see the gleam in his eyes and he smiled a ridiculously wide smile my way. 

"Good morning, Gorgeous," his southern drawl wet my panties, and I wasn't sure if it was because I had been locking away the emotion to feel for him sexually, or if it was because he possessed the innate ability to do that to me.  Either way, I had to close my legs as I stood and stared at his beautiful face.

"Morning," I replied reaching out my hand to him, and as he took it, I pulled him closer and planted an all-consuming kiss on him.  I thrust my hands into his hair as he allowed my tongue to invade his mouth.  He tasted so good, and it reminded me of what I couldn't get enough of while I was with him.  He moved with me, tongues swirling and twirling as one, as heat and passion radiating through our bodies.  His mouth put me into a state of euphoria, and I didn't want to ever leave, but Chelsea clearing her throat, broke us apart.  Honestly, after seeing Jason, I had forgotten Chelsea was even there.

"Good morning, Chelsea."  Jason said, smiling as he gently wiped his bottom lip.

"Good morning."  She stood with her hands on her hips and a slight grin on her face.  I took note of it only because she was so often callous towards him, and now, I could see her begin to soften.  "I'm leaving to go for some coffee.  I'll be back shortly."

She smiled over to me, then walked out the door.  I was glad. I really wanted to be alone with Jason to sort through whatever had happened up North with my parents.

"You miss me or somethin'?"  Jason asked, as I dragged him up the stairs and into my bedroom.

"Just a little bit.  Chelsea filled me in on your night out with her and Hunter."  I stopped as I closed my bedroom door and turned towards him.  "Were you up in Carlsbad to see my parents?"

Jason ran his fingers through his floppy hair. 

"Yes."

I couldn't read his expression and the rumbles of anxiety began to stir around in my stomach.  I wasn't sure if his talk with my parents had gone well or not.  I prayed that it had, but with the way he looked, I couldn't be sure.

"What happened?"  I asked.

"Your dad is a scary man, Cara.  You would never know it by his cool, calm demeanor."  The rumbles began to get stronger.  I knew how my dad could be, and to hear Jason say that made me think things didn't go well.  "I sat down with both of your parents.  I called them earlier in the week and asked for a good time to come and see them."  He stopped and took my hands as he sat me down at the end of the bed.  "I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I didn't want you to think I was only doing this to get you back.  Part of my classes is righting my wrongs through my own actions, so this was something I needed to do for me, as well as for us."

I stared into his glimmering eyes.  If anyone had told me that Jason would be working on his internal self, I would have laughed it off.  He always came across so overly confident, and even though his flaws were blaring red flags, I never imagined that he would get to this point and that I would ever see it.

"So what happened with my dad?"  My voice was hurried.  I wanted to know how that conversation went.  My dad could be tough, and it would be hard to carry on a relationship with someone he hated.

"He laid into me.  He told me how much he hoped that you would forget about me and that, in the aftermath of everything that happened, he wished that you had never gotten tangled up with me."

A solid lump formed in my throat and made it difficult for me to swallow.  I watched as the repeating of my words cut through Jason like a knife.  He looked sad.  My dad had a way with words that required no yelling.  He knew how to gut a person with his words alone, and unfortunately, it looked like Jason had just been on the receiving end of that talent.

"What did you say?"  I finally managed to croak out.

"I didn't say anything.  I let him speak.  He deserved that."

He breathed hard and ran his hands through his hair again before continuing.

"Your dad is an impressive man and I always knew he loved you, but I saw it in the depths of my soul today."  My curiosity piqued.  "He reminded me that you're his only daughter, and your absolute happiness is all he wants for you.  He said when you came home from Texas, he felt like a piece of him died watching you emotionally deteriorate before his eyes.  He felt so helpless, and that angered him more than anything ever has."

Jason stared blankly ahead and then turned to look me in the eyes.  His brown eyes were laced with sadness.  "I wanted to kick my own ass for hurting you.  In Texas, I wanted nothing more than to transfer all the hurt you were experiencing to myself.  You didn't deserve it.  Then after listening to your dad talk, I wondered how someone as fucked up as me could get so lucky to get someone so pure like you.  You make everyone in your life so happy, and I damn near destroyed that about you."

I watched as a tear rolled down his cheek.  Jason caught my hand as I went to wipe it away, kissing it, but letting a few more tears fall from his sad, brown eyes.

"I've got a lifetime of fucked-upness to sort through.  I explained that to your parents.  I don't think I can change overnight, but I'm damn sure willing to put in the work to try because I realized that I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me when you walked away from me.  I know what real love feels like.  I've never had it, but you brought out something in me that made me feel like I was worthy of it."

I allowed a couple of tears to trickle down my face.

"Your parents love you so much, Cara.  I love you so much.  I want to make things in our world right again.  I want your face to be the last thing I see at night before I go to bed, and I want it to be the first thing I see in the morning when I wake up."

I closed my eyes to try and quell the outburst of emotion that was aching for release. 

"Your parents saw me, all of me.  I, in no way, meant for it to happen, but I couldn't hide it.  I broke down and cried like a fuckin' girl.  I think I shocked the hell out of them, but your dad stood me up and took me in his arms and hugged me."  He smiled for a second.  "Your mom was crying right along with me."

Somehow that didn't shock me. 

"I apologized profusely to your parents, and told them that I realized that I would never be happy again without you and that I needed their blessing because they mean so much to you, and without them in our corner, we have nothing."

"Oh. My. Gosh."  I managed to say through sniffles.

"Your dad asked about Stacey."

My throat went dry again. 

"I told him that she is a conniving snake and that there is no way in the world that her baby is mine because I hadn't been with her in over a year." 

"My dad is a hard man to please."

"That he is, but your mom said she believes me.  Your dad thought it over for a few minutes, but said the conviction in my voice and the fact that I was working so hard to make things right made him want to give me a second chance.  He said he in no way wanted to influence your decision, so he was giving me the green light, but if you wanted nothing to do with me, he would be fine with that as well."

I smiled.  My dad wasn't a man to mince words. 

"I knew part of getting back to you, was going through the people who mean the most to you, and I was willing to go through any amount of hell they were willing to put me through to make it happen."  He leaned over and tucked my hair behind my ears.  "I've been a world class asshole, and I know I don't deserve you, Cara, but if you go against all of your common sense and give me another chance, I swear I will work day and night making you as happy as you deserve to be."

His words were like satin on my skin.  I could feel his plea.  I could see his hunger for me.  I understood his past.  Jason was so afraid of letting me in the first time around because, not only did he have too much pride, but he was afraid of what I'd do with that information.  I couldn't be absolutely sure that I wouldn't have run in the opposite direction had I known all of this about him from the onset.  His past was in direct opposition to anything I had ever known, and after having dealt with it head on, I felt like I was becoming a stronger person because of it.

"You have no idea how much I want to be with you, Jason," I whispered.  His eyes lit up with excitement.  "I want to work through this with you.  I want to be Jason and Cara again."