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She gave me a blushing smile. “Ok. I’ll
take the weekend off, and we’ll see if we can figure it out on
Saturday. I feel like I need to know you better. I don’t know why,
but it feels like you’re…important to me.”

Her words were both thrilling and
scary. I tried to look stern, and said: “You can’t confide this
information to anyone. There are other things you need to
know.”

She nodded.

I sat looking at the floor, hoping she
didn’t think I was a nut case. “Some people believe that once you
find out what your soul is, you can shape shift to that entity at
will.”

She laughed, then stopped when she saw
I was not laughing with her. “You’re not kidding, are
you?”

“I’m not.”

“And it’s true that I could be one of
these…uh…beings?”

“We can start trying to find out on
Saturday.”

“Saturday,” she breathed. She looked up
at me. “Right. Well, we’ll do that. I’ll make sure I have off.
Speaking of which, I have to go to work soon. I work graveyard
shift at a crappy factory.” She laughed again, this time to relieve
the tension. She stood up, took my mug, and walked into the
kitchen. I got up to leave. I inhaled deeply. The whole place was
filled with her scent. She sat the mugs on the kitchen table. I
walked to the door, keeping my gaze fixed straight ahead. I was
afraid of what would happen if we made eye contact
again.

She followed, then reached in front of
me and touched the doorknob. She swung around and faced me. I kept
my eyes averted, and assumed she was opening the door for me. I
almost ran into her, and had to grab her shoulders to keep from
knocking her down.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to run
over you.” I looked into her eyes.
What am
I doing?
I thought. Her magnetic pull was
tearing my insides apart. Her scent seemed to pulsate in time with
my heart, and I heard the pounding in my ears. I should’ve let go,
but I couldn’t.

She raised her hands and took off my
sunglasses. I squinted, mostly from habit. The lights weren’t
bright by the door. I kept a hold on her shoulders. Why didn’t I
let go? I looked into her eyes—that pulse again. My breaths came
fast and loud.

She put one icy hand on the side of my
neck, leaned into me and pressed her cold lips to mine. The flash
of images startled me, and I lurched into the kiss. The last image
was of Kale hunched over Ash. Then I saw nothing. She squeezed
me.

Jason was right. This is what I wanted.
Her. All of her. Everything about her.

Her whole body felt cold, lips, hands,
face, even her breath. Her kiss was like mint on my tongue. I
brought my trembling hands to her face and gently pushed her back.
I rested my forehead against hers.

My breathing was out of control, and my
heart was beating so fast I thought it might explode. The pull in
my chest went beyond ache; it was searing pain.

She looked straight at me,
but I could not bring myself to look back at her. The kiss had
proved too much for me.
I can’t do
this
, I thought
.
She’s not a vampire. I’ll end up having to kill her.
As I tried to push away she kept her arms around
me.

“We can’t do this,” I said, stepping
back. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to upset you.” It was all I could do
to keep from running out the door.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I don’t
normally do that. You probably have a girlfriend.” She blushed,
dropping her hands, but they stopped at my waist, her fingers
resting on my hips.

“No,” I said quickly. “That’s not it at
all. It’s just that…there are some rules...made by people you’ll
learn about. We can’t be together. We’re different. You’ll learn
how and why soon enough.”

Her hand slid up to my gun in its
holster. “What’s that?” she asked in confusion.

I looked down at her hand, then into
her eyes. “It’s a gun. I carry it for protection. What we’re
talking about is dangerous stuff. What I’ve told you should never
be repeated. I probably shouldn’t have told you at all. We can’t
change that, but if certain folks were to find out, they might want
to harm me…even kill me.”

She let go of my side, and bit her lip.
“Is this the same people that would tell us we can’t be together?
Am I in trouble too?”

“Yes,” I said, “but as long as you
don’t tell anyone about this you will be safe.” I took both of her
hands and brought them back up to my face. When I saw the tattoos
on her knuckles again I almost wanted to laugh. Her skin was so
cold…she had to be cold-blooded. I laid a kiss onto her hands, then
looked into her eyes for approval. She blushed. Staring into her
face, I needed every ounce of will power to keep from kissing her
again. My mind and my body were at war, one saying, “Go!” while the
other said: “Stay!”

“I really have to go,” I
said.

“Yeah,” she mumbled. “Me too. I think I
don’t like these people you’ve been talking about—the ones with the
rules.”

“If you knew what I was, Ash, you would
not like me either.” I separated myself from her, and it felt like
skin tearing. I winced, then covered it by saying: “Saturday at
noon then?”

“Noon’s fine,” she said, “and you can
park in the driveway.” She gave me a shy smile as she handed me my
sunglasses. “Verloren, I don’t think there is anything you could be
that I wouldn’t like.”

I pushed the sunglasses back into her
hands. “Keep them. I have another pair.” I paused and looked at
her. “You might be sorely surprised once you find out what I really
am.” With that I rushed out the door.

I ran to my bike, gulping night air in
an attempt to get her scent out of my head. I climbed on, started
it, then sped toward Dayton. I would make it there and back home
before dawn. Not that I needed to hide from the sun. I just didn’t
want to hear Jason complain about me feeding alone. He’d done it
himself on occasion, and right then I needed to feed. Ash had left
me ravenous, and not just for food. I would give the Dayton police
something to keep them busy. It would be a night filled with Goths,
metal heads, and punks. I knew the club, the people, and when I
should strike.

This was going to be messy.

Chapter 7

THE WAR

It was early morning before I made it
home. I hoped that would be for the best. I assumed Jason would be
asleep. I pulled my bike into its usual spot next to Jason’s. Fully
fed, I felt better…almost giddy.

I had left the bodies in two different
alleys far from where I’d picked them up. They were two brunettes.
I’d had fun with both of them, and I’d considered staying long
enough to take a nap, but I figured I should dump the bodies
quickly and get out of town. I wanted to get back before Jason woke
up. I’d fed in a rundown house, leaving a bloody mess. I’d taken
only enough time to shower, and rinse off the bodies.

As I walked toward the back door of the
apartment, my vampire ears caught the sound of the television. I
entered as quietly as I could. Jason’s snores came from the living
room. I crept down the hallway and went straight toward my bedroom.
I didn’t bother looking in on Jason. I knew the picture: sprawled
on the couch, remote in hand, as some reality crap played out on
the screen. Why was I sneaking around? I don’t know. It’s not like
I answered to him.

As my hand caught the doorknob I heard
Jason stir.

“Hey,” he croaked.

I stood still.

“Where the fuck you been?” He sat up.
“Why didn’t you answer your cell?”

I stood by the door, facing away from
him. “You know I hate talking on the phone,” I said.

I heard him inhale. He smelled the
kill. “So did you kill her or make her?” he demanded.

“Neither.” I spun around to face
him.

“Hey, asshole don’t get pissy with me.
I’m not the one who went out and ate alone. Selfish dick!” He
reached for his cigarettes and lighter. He lit up, took a deep drag
and blew the smoke upward in a straight line. Then he looked at me.
“So what happened?”

“What? You need to know everything?
What are you, my fucking shrink? Are you going to ask if I want to
talk about it?” I folded my arms across my chest and glared at
him.

“Hey man, don’t take it personal.
You’ve got to admit, you’ve been acting pretty fucking weird since
she showed up. I just want to make sure that I don’t get killed by
the Quatre because of your ass.”

When he mentioned the Quatre I saw the
flipbook of images again, ending with Sara as a little girl. There
was something important in that picture but my mind couldn’t grasp
it. Then the picture blurred, and I wasn’t sure if I’d seen
anything. The flashing images were starting to piss me off. I
growled and clenched my jaw.

Jason heard my growl, rolled his eyes,
and flicked the ash from his cigarette. He pinched the bridge of
his nose, and sighed.

Finally I said: “Nothing happened. I
went to her house. I talked with her about the same stuff she
would’ve learned if she’d come to the workshop.” I stopped, hoping
that would cover it. I understood Jason’s intentions, but I wasn’t
going to tell him everything. Ash had affected him too, and I
wasn’t sure how. I just knew that his aura had taken on a strange
tone. It was as if he were radiating corruption.

My answer only sparked more interest.
“Really?” he said. “You talked to her? And she knows? Then what is
she?”

He was jealous. It had taken me a
moment to see that, but the churning colors in his aura could have
no other explanation. I didn’t know why. “She understands that she
is an incarnate,” I said, “but she doesn’t know much about what
kind of incarnate she is. She’s decided to have a private
meditation session on Saturday. I’m doing it at her place. After
that I’m hoping she’ll understand.” I closed my eyes, lowered my
head, and tried to envision what she could be.

Suddenly I understood Jason’s jealousy.
Just as vampires were encouraged to only mate with other vampires,
the same was true for incarnates. It made life simpler, eliminating
the need for secrecy. There were only a few female incarnates in
our part of the world, and the ones that weren’t already taken had
rejected Jason. He fucked up with every woman he found, but that
didn’t change the fact that he was looking for a mate.

“Do you think that I could tag along?”
Jason asked, taking another drag off his cigarette.

My heart sank. I had strong feelings
for Ash, and I felt like ripping his head off for even thinking of
her like that. It was like a blow to the stomach. Yet I knew he was
right. Jason wanted a partner. By law she was right for him, not
me. I was supposed to continue fucking and killing humans as
needed. After all, how could someone actually care about a monster
like me?

“Sure. Why not,” I said.

I kept telling myself it would be
better this way, but I knew that wasn’t true. It wasn’t just the
girl. I felt as if my life hung in the balance. Letting Jason have
her would be like letting him take my life away.

I sat on the edge of the couch, my
elbows on my knees and my head in my hands. I looked at my battered
boots. The laces were barely holding them together.

“So, you dickhead,” he said, “you have
to tell me what you did. You smell like food and pussy. Is that why
I couldn’t come along? You know I don’t want your sloppy seconds.”
He nudged me, laughed, then took another drag off his
cigarette.

I continued to stare at the
floor. I couldn’t tell him the truth. What I’d done with Ash was
inappropriate. I couldn’t take it back though, and I didn’t want
to. Ash was the girl I’d been looking for, someone who could share
in my miserable life, someone who could relate to who and what I
was. Yet I knew it was impossible.
Maybe I
should give up on finding anyone like me,
I
thought.
Start looking for a human and ask
the Quatre for permission to make her a partner. I just wish it
could be Ash.

“Well?” Jason nudged me again. He
craved the juicy sex story. He was such a vulgar jerk, yet he had a
chance with her and I didn’t. I felt like punching him in his smug
little face.

If they wound up together I would move
away from here. I would have to. It would be like salt on a wound.
I knew I should give up any thought of Ash. But right at that
moment Jason wanted the story, so I told him:

“I went to Dayton and picked up two
girls at a goth club. They were staying in a rundown house. I had a
three-way with them and drank them dry. I dumped their bodies in
two different alleys. That’ll give the police something to do.” I
smiled to myself. That would keep Jason’s mind busy.

He giggled like a schoolgirl. “You are
a twisted bastard. You talk about it the same way humans would talk
about going to the store to buy groceries.”

“That’s what it is,” I said, “going to
the grocery store.”

Jason always loved the gory details. I
didn’t feel one way or another about them. I wasn’t sure what was
worse, me not caring about the people I killed, or him enjoying the
recap.