- - End of All Things, The (24 page)

Carly nodded. She’d known all along. In his mind, Justin was saving her, trying to spare her from wanting something that, in his mind, could never be.

He looked down and a hint of a flush appeared on his cheekbones. He looked a little nervous—a little uncertain—a way Carly had never seen him before. It made her ache to throw her arms around him and tell him that everything would be all right. “I care for you, Carly. Deeply. I—I like you. I’ve liked you from the moment we met. And if that’s the foundation of a good relationship, like you say, then we have a solid foundation indeed.”

“What do you want from me, Justin?” Hope was growing in her heart, like a seedling pushing from soil warmed by the spring sunshine, but she needed him to be clear with her. She didn’t think her heart could take being crushed again.

Justin’s hand fell away, and she felt cold where his hand had been. “I . . . I want things to go back to the way they were. I want to be your friend again. I want to laugh and sing with you, and I want to hold you when you cry.” 

It was so hard to say the words. It took courage she didn’t even know she had, but she asked, “Is that all?”

“I don’t think I can stop there,” he said, and the flush that stained his cheekbones deepened, but he held her eyes steadily. She knew this had to be difficult for him, to bare the heart he had hidden so carefully behind protective walls.

Her heart skipped a beat, and she tried to push back the rising hope. “But you would, if you could.”

“I meant it when I said I’m not right for you, Carly. You should have someone your own age, someone who doesn’t have the shadows I do. Someone normal.”

“Someone ‘normal’ would probably be dead by now. You asked me once if I believed in God. Do you remember?”

“Yes.”

“Do you believe?”

Justin hesitated. “I’m really not sure.”

“But you’ll at least admit the possibility?”

He nodded.

“What if God led you to me? What if there was a reason you were supposed to save me? What if there was a
reason
you came to Alaska this summer? Were you at your house in Chicago before that?” It was something she’d been mulling over. Of all of the places in the world Justin could have ended up, how had he managed to be in exactly the right place at the right time to see her scurry from her apartment to the store on one of the few instances she had ventured out? It didn’t seem possible to have happened by chance alone.

Justin shook his head. “I was back in Omaha. I felt this . . . compulsion to see it again, though I can’t explain why. Afterward, I decided to do the Deadhorse Rally on a whim. I arrived earlier than expected and had some time to kill, so I came to visit some of the places I’d never been.”

“My point is . . .” Carly took a deep breath. “What if we were meant to be together?” 

“Meant to be together in what way?” That uncertainty was back, and Carly realized that Justin needed her to bare her heart, just like she needed the same from him. There could be no misunderstanding, no words left unspoken.

“In whatever way seems natural to us, I suppose. If we weren’t meant to . . . have a relationship, would we want to? I mean, you’d think if we weren’t supposed to have anything to do with one another, these sorts of feelings would never have developed. If we really weren’t suited for each other, wouldn’t it just be . . . you know . . . physical?” Carly could feel her cheeks heat up a little from her last words.

“I can’t imagine God would want a guy like me with a girl like you.” Justin shook his head. “I’m too old, too damaged. I wish I could be good enough for you, Carly. I really do.”

She tilted her chin up. “Shouldn’t I be the one to decide who’s good enough for me?”

Justin gave her a small, sad smile and took a corkscrew from the basket. He stabbed it into the bottle’s cork and began to turn it. “I don’t think you realize yet how special you are.”

“Maybe you don’t realize your own value, either.”

With a pop, Justin pulled the cork and poured the white wine into the glasses. Carly took a sip and hummed in appreciation. It was sweet and fruity. Justin poured himself a glass and tapped the brim of hers. “To our underappreciated selves.”

She sipped again. “What made you break into your precious trade goods for this?”

“I wanted to give you something special.” Justin traced the pattern on the blanket. “Something you would enjoy.” He glanced around at the shelves of books. “I knew you’d like coming here.”

“I don’t have a card for this library.” Carly gave him a little tentative smile.

He gave her a grin, appreciating her attempt at humor. “I’ve got connections. I can get one for you.”

“What do you want in return?”

His eyes fell to her lips. “I’ll think of something.”

Carly took the bull by the horns. She put down her wine glass, leaned forward, and kissed him. It was soft, gentle, and hesitant; part of her feared he might change his mind and reject her again. He moaned softly, and his arms went around her, pulling her closer to him. He turned that soft, hesitant kiss into a ravishment of the senses. She heard herself gasp when his lips left hers to trail down her throat. He drew back for a moment, and his eyes searched hers intently.

“Are you sure?”

“I want this,” Carly whispered. Being in Justin’s arms was like coming home and exploring an exciting, unknown realm all at once. Her heart hammered in excitement as he lowered his lips to hers once more.

Outside, Shadowfax screamed. Justin and Carly froze for a fraction of a second and then jumped to their feet. Sam was already at the glass door, snarling, his hair raised all around his shoulders. His muscles bunched as he poised to jump right through the glass.

“No, Sam!” Carly shouted. “Wait!”

They burst out the door and saw three people trying to control Shadowfax. One of them had looped a rope around Shadowfax’s neck, and a skinny man with blond hair was trying to grasp her halter, but Shadowfax kept lashing at him with her hooves as she reared against the rope. There was a dark-haired woman attempting to climb onto her back, and the man holding the rope was shouting instructions to her as she tangled her hands in Shadowfax’s mane. Their heads all turned when they heard Carly and Justin burst through the door, guilt and fear widening their eyes. The woman saw Sam and screamed. Shadowfax, seeing the cavalry was on its way, fell back down to all four feet. The woman clinging to her back pounded her heels against Shadowfax’s heaving sides. For a moment, she looked like a little kid on a wooden carousel horse. Shadowfax wasn’t budging.

Sam charged with a vicious snarl. The man holding the rope dropped it and ran while the one holding Shadowfax’s halter shouted, “Oh
shit!
” as Sam leapt at him and knocked him to the ground. Carly heard the man’s screams of pain and Sam’s snarls. She didn’t look.

Justin dropped to one knee, holding the pistol steady, and aimed at the woman. “Get off the fucking horse.”

The woman tried kicking Shadowfax harder, and the mare reared again. The woman lost her balance and fell to the ground. Freed from the strange humans grabbing at her, Shadowfax ran over to Carly. She was trembling, and she tossed her head repeatedly. Carly swept the rope off her neck and threw it to the ground. 

Sam left the limp and bloody man lying still in the street and dashed over to stand in front of his pack. The woman in the street rolled and clutched at her arm as she let out staccato moans of pain.

“They used to hang horse thieves,” Justin said. “Consider yourselves lucky.”

“David!” The woman dragged herself over to the bloody blond man, who lay as still as death in the gutter. Sam had blood on his muzzle. Carly swallowed and hid her face against Shadowfax’s neck.

Carly heard a shot, and the pavement next to her foot cracked, sending small chips flying. Carly stared at it stupidly, but Justin was on his feet in a flash. He grabbed Carly and shoved her back into the library while firing his own gun. Shadowfax and Sam followed them inside.

“Get to the back door,” Justin said. “Cover it. Be ready to run if you have to. We don’t know how many are in their group.”

Carly took the gun out of its pouch on her belt and checked the load and the safety as Justin had showed her. She had the fleeting thought she could have shot the people just for interrupting what had been turning out to be a very interesting kiss, much less trying to steal her horse.

Poor Shadowfax! She had followed Carly to the back door, though she still trembled. Sam stood between her front legs. He sent her up reassuring glances with a wag of his bushy tail. Carly didn’t know if Shadowfax could read the wolf’s expressions, but she seemed comforted to have him there. She bent her massive head, snuffled at his ears, and didn’t recoil when he ran his tongue along her jaw in a big, sloppy kiss, despite the blood on his muzzle.

Carly peered out the small glass window set in the side of the door. It had embedded wire mesh. All she could see was a residential street, and the only movement came from trees and foliage swaying in the soft breeze.

Justin fired off another shot and ducked behind the door before it was returned. The shot went wide and shattered the window far to Justin’s right. “Amateurs,” he muttered. He waited until another shot was fired, and then he ducked around the corner and fired off three shots. A faint cry of pain told him he’d hit his target.

“Wait for me here,” Justin called over his shoulder to Carly.

No way would she let him go out there alone. She waited for a moment before following him outside, imitating the way he swept from side to side, looking for targets. There was no one else on the street. Carly ducked behind a bush near the end of the sidewalk. The only sounds were the keening sobs of the dark-haired woman as she embraced the still body of the blond man. His blood pooled in the gutter beside them. 

Justin quickly shifted from car to car, using them for cover as he made his way across the street and around to the passenger side of the car parked on the opposite side where he crouched with his gun extended. “Please don’t kill me!” a male voice begged.

“You’re gut-shot,” Justin replied dispassionately as he rose to his feet, apparently confident there were no other shooters nearby. “You’re fucked. If I don’t kill you now, you’ll die in lingering agony a week from now.”

“Please! Just don’t!”

“You got a round for that thing?”

The only reply was a sob. Justin sighed and popped the clip on his gun. He flicked the top bullet off with his thumb and handed it down. Then he turned and walked back toward the library. Carly saw the barrel of a pistol thrust out from behind the bumper of the car and didn’t have time to call a warning to Justin before a shot rang out, and the pavement about two yards to Justin’s left gained a divot. Justin paused. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” He shook his head and called over his shoulder, “You’re going to be sorry as hell you wasted that shot in about three days.”

Carly stood. Justin gave her a reproving look.

“We’re a team.” Carly crossed her arms and lifted her chin, daring him to disagree. 

His eyes softened. “We are.” 

“Stupid, stupid man, walking around out in the open like that!” Carly took him into her arms and gave him a little swat on the shoulder at the same time.

Justin snorted. “They pretty much established they couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn.” Her ear was pressed over his heart. She felt his lips brush the top of her head, and she tilted it back so he could do the same to her lips. His kiss was soft and sweet.

They went back in the library to gather up their things and were greeted by a nervous horse and a wolf that stood on his back legs “hugging” Carly by putting his paws on her shoulders. He licked her chin respectfully, and Carly scratched his ruff and told him he was a good boy, a bit of praise that made his tail wag with glee.

Carly looked around at the setup Justin had put so much thought and time into and realized she hadn’t yet thanked him. “Justin, this was so incredibly sweet. Thank you.”

Justin smiled, though it was tinged with sadness. “I wish you had been able to enjoy it longer. Why don’t you go and pick up some books for yourself while I pack this up?”

She smiled at him, picked up her wine glass, and downed its contents in one gulp before she headed into the stacks with the flashlight. The beam landed on a series she had enjoyed, and she felt a little ache in her heart that she’d never know how it ended.

Carly emerged about fifteen minutes later with a stack of books so large she staggered under its weight. Justin took them from her with a chuckle. “Maybe we should set up a new rule you can’t take more from the library than you can carry out in one trip.” He dumped the books into the wagon and covered them with the tarp.

Shadowfax and Sam followed them outside, both in a state of high alert. The dark-haired woman still lay over the body in the street and wailed with grief. She didn’t seem to notice them passing by. Sam growled softly at her, but at a motion from Carly’s hand, he stilled. The one behind the car moaned in pain and begged for someone to help him.

Carly winced. “We’re just going to leave him there?”

Justin didn’t look at her. “He’s not going to survive. He’d need surgery in a hospital and still might not make it. I did the only thing I could—I offered him a way out. He threw it away. I’m not wasting another bullet on him.”

Carly mounted her bike, steeling her heart against the pitiful moans. The man had made his choice.

Shadowfax stayed close to them as they headed out of town, Sam right by Carly’s side as if to assure her she would be protected. Carly wondered if the poor horse had been traumatized by her treatment. She hoped horses had short memories.

They rode until after sunset, chatting the whole way, as they had done before what Carly thought of as the “Soda Tab Incident.” Justin took them off the main road and up a side road a bit before they settled down to set up camp. He was pretty confident no one would come after them, but he wanted to be cautious, nevertheless. Carly started the fire as he erected their tent and collected the supplies for supper. He hung a pot from the tripod he made of branches and filled it with two cans of beef stew. Carly was about to object to the amount he was making when she realized for the first time in weeks that she was
hungry.
She devoured the first bowl he gave her and then a second. Her belly pleasantly full, she leaned back in her chair and sighed.