Enchanted Forests (5 page)

"I'LL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES...       33

at them fiercely. "Millstone! Tower! Teacup! Hush! This is the

Rubezahl...."

The Rubezahl took in the three dogs and then looked to the ta-

ble. "You found the tinderbox? My, this has been a fortunate

week for you. However," he said, sitting down on one of the old

stools, "my associates," he gestured to the squirrel and the mock-

ingbird, "have informed me of the scam you're running. Very

good- Very clever. I must commend you both."

Conrad considered wishing the dwarf, squirrel, and mocking-

bird dead right then and there, but he saw the look that Margot

was giving the Rubezahl and realized that that wasn't really an

option.

The Dwarf King smiled, showing a mouthful of golden teeth.

"Now I have a dozen dwarves, with axes, ready, willing, and

able to run the same scam- However, the wood nymphs would fi-

nally catch on, and that would quickly dry up the market." The

Rubezahl steepled his fingers. Jewels shining on each knuckle.

"It would be far more profitable, in the long run, to continue this

as a solo operation." He rubbed his hands together and the rings

clicked. "May I ask what split you're operating by?"

Conrad exchanged glances with Margot, and she nodded.

"Urn, I get two out of every three wishes, but Margot gets first

pick of the extras. The dnderbox and the goose and the wizard's

finger bone."

The Rubezahl raised his eyebrows. "Finger bone?"

Margot grinned weakly. "I fed it to Teacup."

"Good sense," said the Dwarf King. "Wouldn't want to have

to cut a wizard in on the action, too, and they're no end of trou-

ble, at least the undying ones- Almost as bad as children."

Margot nodded. True."

"Now," said the Dwarf King, "what I'm offering is a three-

way split on the wishes, and an even pick of the extras. I'm also

offering my expert services as appraiser, as well as the use of my

dwarves to insure the secrecy of this operation and guard it

against the addition of any fourth parties or unnecessary compe-

tition. My associates," he gestured to the mockingbird and the

squiirel, "would also like some additional considerations, in ex-

change for their discretion in this matter."

He conferred for a moment with the squirrel and mockingbird,

who chattered and whistled, bobbing their heads up and down.

"Yes," the Rubezahl said. "Yes, of course."

He gestured to the mockingbird. "Hector here would like the

34                 Kevin Andrew Murpky

ability to speak the language of all men and beasts. Would that

be possible?"

Margot struck three sparks from the tinderbox. 'Tower! Go

fetch a dragon's heart' There's got to be one somewhere that

doesn't need his, and there's a nice treat for you when you bring

it back!"

"WOOF!" boomed Tower, blinking his enormous eyes, and

bounded off through the ballroom. On second thought, Conrad

considered, perhaps the expansions to the cottage hadn't been

such a foolish wish after all. They had to have somewhere to

keep the dogs.

Margot turned back to the Rubezahl. "And ... ?"

The Dwarf King stroked the squirrel's tail and conferred

again, then looked back and smiled. "Yes. Prissy here would like

an endless supply of nuts, and protection for the Great Oak in the

center of the Wild Wood."

Margot shrugged. "No trouble with the oak. Everybody knows

there's a wizard locked in the trunk, and as you said, wizards are

almost as much trouble as children. That wood nymph can keep

him and her tree. But as for the nuts ..."

She looked to Conrad and he shrugged. "I don't know. I've

never heard of an endless supply of nuts, unless we're talking

about the royal family." He paused. "Maybe the King's gra-

nary?"

"Possible," said Margot. "We could always use a wish for it.

We have enough. Though it seems an awful waste...."

The squirrel chattered, evidently having a difference of opin-

ion.

The Rubezahl waved one hand regally, dismissing the objec-

tion, and showed his golden teeth. "I wouldn't be so eager to use

a wish just yet if I were you. You're aware that a wood nymph's

wishes are cursed, aren't you?"

Witchmaid Margot smiled. "Of course—but only if you have

the wood nymph's ill will. We've been very careful to have

Conrad sweet-talk those sawdust brains, then drop another tree

on them while they're still happy. No troubles."

The Dwarf King steepled his fingers. "Yet—to the best of

your knowledge. Which brings us to an unpleasant bit of busi-

ness, which, as your new partner in this endeavor, I'm now free

to share with you." He paused and looked at the two of them.

"Are you aware that the only certain way to kill a willow tree is

to bum it out at the roots?"

"I'LL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES....'      35

Conrad and Margot exchanged glances, and Margot raised her

eyebrows. "A willow tree? You went after a willow?"

Conrad shrugged and the chair creaked beneath him. "Wareen

the Willow. A real bitch. She wanted to pay me only one wish

a hit, but I took 'em all anyway and dropped all three oaks on

top of her. I've heard of willows walking, but there's no way she

walked away from that."

The Dwarf King grimaced. "Well, she may not have walked,

but Hector spotted a very irate stump crawling through the un-

derbrush. Which, I'm happy to report, is now just so much

willow-wood charcoal." The Rubezahl toyed with his ruby sig-

net. "Be that as it may, that still means that Wareen the Willow

had ample time to curse her wishes, unless you used them very

promptly."

The Dwarf King smiled. "I trust, at least, that you did proper

accounting, and know which wish is which?"

Conrad felt a sinking feeling and looked to Margot. "Did

you ... ?"

She threw up her hands. "What do you expect? I'm a witch,

not a bookkeeper."

"Ahem," said the Rubezahl. "I believe I offered my services

just in time. We'll have to do a very strict accounting to discern

where in the order the cursed wishes lie—assuming, of course,

those are the only ones—then we will need to devise some way

to disarm them so as to get to the good wishes behind them."

"How do we know they go in order?" Conrad asked.

"Because—" the Rubezahl began, then looked to Margot. "Do

wishes go in order?"

'They do with leprechauns. As for wood nymphs, well, I'd

expect - -." She stood up, looking distracted- "Let me go check

my Motif Index."

The Rubezahl smiled. "From the magic peddler?"

"Of course." She sighed, "I'd better put on the kettle. This is

going to be a long night."

"I take mine black," said the Rubezahl and pulled his stool

closer to the table. The squirrel and the mockingbird hopped off

his shoulders to take places on the edge of one of the book-

shelves, and he got out a large ledger, his crown disappearing to

be replaced by a green eyeshade and spectacles.

He sharpened a crow quill and dipped it in an inkwell that ap-

peared just as suddenly. "So, boy, who was your last client, and

what was the last wish you made?"

36                  Kevin Andrew Murphy

Conrad leaned heavily on the table and it creaked beneath his

weight. "Well, the last one was Elena the Elm, this morning."

•Timer'

Conrad tried to scratch his head, but that was sdll hard with all

the muscles in the way. "About an hour after sunrise?"

The Rubezahl scribbled in his ledger, and the golden goose

honked and eyed the cup of tea Margot set before him. "No,

Gee-Gee. Here, have a crumpet." She cmmbled some into the

goose's bowl, then gave the rest to the squirrel and the mocking-

bird and her pet rats and mice.

The Rubezahl picked up his tea and smiled. 'Thank you. Mar-

got." A moment later, a golden mug with a fine head of foam

appeared in Conrad's hand, and the Rubezahl clicked his cup

against it- "Here's to a long and lucrative business association,

boy."

"Conrad," Conrad said.

"Conrad. Good. Let's be informal. You can call me Rube. To

a long and lucrative business association—and to better book-

keeping."

"Uh, sure, Rube." Conrad took a sip and smiled. Good strong

dwarven ale, most likely from the Dwarf King's private reserve.

*To good business and better bookkeeping." He took another

draught.

The goose looked up from her scone and honked several

times.

The Rubezahl put his pen down. "Indeed?"

The goose honked several more times.

Conrad set his beer down. "Does the goose want a piece of the

action, too?"

The Rubezahl inclined his head. "After a fashion. She thinks

we should coo! it with the wood nymph scam and go for the

laughing princess."

Margot flipped through her book. "According to the Motif In-

dex, if we go with the goose, we stand to gain an entire king-

dom—something we can't get with the wood nymph wishes."

"Sounds like a plan."

The dog with the eyes as big as the Round Tower at Copen-

hagen (and Conrad still didn't know where that was) bounded in

and dropped a large heap of steaming meat on the floor next to

them. "COOKIE!" bellowed Tower in place of his usual

"WOOF!"

The mockingbird fluttered down to land on the heap of meat

and took a few pecks from it "Dragon's heart! Really smart!

"I'LL GIVE YOU THREE WISHES..        37

Take a part! Then we start!" the mockingbird sang, doing a flip

and landing on the table.

"So that's a dragon's heart?" Conrad asked.

"With a good bit of the dragon still attached, but yes," said the

Rubezahl.

"Well, the mockingbird's got the right idea." Conrad stood up

and got hold of the bloody thing. It came off the floor with a soft

squelch. "Let me go carve this up. Once we can all talk with

each other, we can decide which scam we're going to go with."

"COOKIE!" boomed Tower.

"And," the Rubezahl added dryly, "we should probably go

over exactly what everyone expects to get from this relationship.

I believe I'll start drawing up the contracts."

"COOKIE!" Tower boomed again, louder this time.

"Get one of the dog biscuits while you're at it, Conrad," Mar-

got said. "Actually, get the jar. This is going to be a long night'*

"Got it right!" chimed the mockingbird.

Yes, thought Conrad, it was certainly going to be a long night

A witch, a dwarf, a squirrel, a mockingbird, two mice, two

roads, two rats, a cat, three dogs, and a goose with sticky gold

feathers. And the goat out in the garden, depending on whether

Margot planned on cutting him in as well. What a crew.

"I wish—" Conrad said ... and paused.

No, he wasn't going to wish anything. Things were compli-

cated enough as it was.

ie Triple Death

by Ken St. Andre

Ken St. Andre is an award-winning fantasy game designer

and one of the pioneers in developing these games. His

Tunnels and Trolls (™) was the second such game in the

United States. He works as a librarian for the city of

Phoenix, occasionally writes fiction, and gets by with a lit-

tle help from his friends.

"Light the torches!" called Sir Kay as the red light of sunset

faded from the windows. Serving boys hastened to obey, and as

the wood crackled into flame, a flickering light brightened the

huge hall. An angry mutter of conversation filled the dining

room of Camelot. At the head of the table sal Arthur and Guin-

evere, dressed in their best robes of gold-embroidered wool.

Along the sides of the table sat the foremost knights of the realm

and their ladies, while at the trestles that stretched in aisles

through the large chamber thronged the other members of Pen-

dragon's court, including many lesser knights, squires, church-

men, tradesmen, and their companions. A Welsh bard plucked a

ripple of music from his handheld harp, though it seemed to have

no effect on the impatient crowd. The words "eat" and "when do

we eat" cut through the babble repeatedly. The torchlight picked

out red-gold highlights in Sir Gawaine's mane of unbound hair,

and made the green silk scarf that encircled his throat appear al-

most black. Just after he thumped his pewter drinking cup down

on the sturdy wooden table his stomach rumbled so loudly that

all conversations around him stopped, and the harper twitched

and broke the smallest string of his instrument.

THE TRIPLE DEATH           39

The Queen leaned over to whisper in Arthur's ear. "Let the

feast begin. Sire!" Her stage whisper carried to every corner of

Ihe room. 'The marvel you desire has been with us all day, CM"

is mat not the sound of the Questing Beast in yon knight's stom-

ach? That should be marvel enough for any Christian monarch!"

More man twenty knights and ladies echoed her plea as SOOB

as the general laughter died down. Gawaine hid his blush by re-

filling his mug from a large chalice of mead, gulping the pooriy

fermented honey liquor. "At least Arthur didn't laugh," Agri-