Empower (6 page)

He looked like he was about to argue, but stopped short. ‘I looked in on Simon and Tom,’ he said softly.

I felt the surge of his guilt and sadness. When Phoenix had given me a part of his essence, he’d also given me a mutation of his gifts. He was an empath and could move like the wind. For me, it wasn’t exactly the same. I could move faster than before, and instead of reading and influencing emotions, I can turn them off – something that helped in my daily survival. However, when someone experiences a sudden influx of strong emotions and my guards aren’t at full strength, I sensed a little something, and that was what I felt now.

Simon and Tom were
two of the children we’d rescued from Lilith’s cages. They were still too young to embrace, but Simon must have been getting close. Since many of the kids had no family left to raise them, the Academy had set up a makeshift home and school for them within their walls.

‘How are they?’ I asked. I thought about them often.

‘Strong. Simon is fifteen now and will embrace in less than two years. He’ll be an amazing fighter but he’s …’

‘Compassionate, too,’ I said, already knowing this of Simon. His heart was so gentle.

Phoenix nodded, looking down.

I felt my own sadness at his reaction. Did he look away because he thought that I was not?

‘He’ll be a good addition to the Academy ranks,’ I said, moving on.

‘That’s not what he thinks.’

‘No?’ I asked, my brow furrowing.

‘No, he thinks the moment he has embraced he will be going out to find you.’ Phoenix watched for my reaction, which I kept neutral, despite my panic.

‘Why would he do that?’

‘Because he’s strong and strong warriors want strong leaders. He saw you in action, understands what you are capable of. I imagine in his time at the Academy he has seen much, but nothing that compares to …’ He trailed off.

‘I’m not a leader, Phoenix. I’m a weapon. And I take down everything and everyone in my path. If you care about his future, you should make sure he stays away from me.’

‘And maybe you
should let other people be the judge of that, Violet.’ He said my name so softly, as if he were pleading with my heart. He sighed. ‘Don’t you ever wonder what he might have said if you’d just hung around a few more minutes that day?’ And just like that the conversation veered into forbidden territory.

‘Don’t,’ I warned. ‘And coming from you, that’s just … Don’t.’

‘Why? Because I love you?’

I shook my head, more to myself than him. ‘You love me but you want to know why I didn’t stay with
him
?’

The lines around his eyes tightened in a pained expression but he didn’t look away. ‘Am I not allowed to want your happiness because it conflicts with my own?’

I flinched. ‘You’re an angel now. You don’t feel emotions like that.’ But he and I both knew I knew better. I just couldn’t bear to hear those words from him. From anyone.

He half laughed, his hair flopping forward. The colours were more dazzling than ever, the streaks of purple so rich on top of the midnight black and the highlights of silver like shooting stars. ‘I might be an angel, but I will always be fathered by man. Damned to never be enough of anything.’

It was one of the hardest realities for him. It meant that while he didn’t suffer the effects of insanity when he was an exile, as an angel he still experienced emotions that were entirely human and so was left feeling constantly lacking. I wished I could explain to him that that was the very thing that made him extraordinary.

He tossed, caught, kept
his eye on the ball as he went on. ‘Violet, I know what I’ve done and that the time has passed for me to dare to fight for you. I know we will never be anything more than friends. But I’ll always love you. That, I’m afraid, appears to be as innate as my darkness. And I know that this is true because it’s more important to me that you are happy, than that I am.’

I gripped my pillow tightly, understanding the magnitude of such a confession from an angel of dark. I wanted to crawl over to him, to sigh deeply and let him hold me.

‘Then you’ll understand why I won’t discuss this,’ I said.

Toss. ‘Yes.’ Catch. ‘But I’m in a difficult position because your choices have left you emotionally ruined and physically tormented.’

‘Wow,’ I whispered. ‘Don’t hold back.’ I rubbed my palms into my eyes, feeling the cold that was always there press against me. Acknowledging it never helped.

‘How bad is it?’ he asked softly.

I looked away. ‘Same as always. I can handle it.’

‘Have you considered that perhaps you’re not supposed to? That you don’t have to bear the pain like some kind of punishment?’

I shook my head. ‘Things are the way they are. Leave it at that, Phoenix.’ I leaped off the bed and was at my sink in four short strides, grabbing a glass of water. After taking a shaky gulp I turned back to my angelic visitor. ‘Please just go.’

He stood and took a step towards me before stopping again. He tossed the ball in his hands one more time, then threw it to me. I caught it and studied it. It was an intricate work of intertwined rope.

‘What is it?’ I asked, turning it in my hand.

He moved to the window as if pulled towards it, reminding me of my angel maker, who did the same thing.

Does Phoenix
miss the human world?

‘It’s a Gordian Knot. No beginning, no end, a constant cycle that appears impossible to unravel.’ He took a deep breath. ‘There was a prophecy once that whoever undid the knot would become the ruler of Asia. Alexander the Great came along and instead of attempting to untie the knot, he simply took his sword and sliced right through it. And conquered Asia.’

‘Okay. So, why are you giving it to me?’

He glanced at me, then back to the window, watching the quiet pre-dawn streets of London. I already knew there would be no sleep for me tonight.

‘The Gordian Knot is now a symbol for the unsolvable and yet doable for the right person, with the right tools, who is willing to be quick and decisive.’ He turned to me, his hands clasped as I looked down at the ball of rope again. ‘Things are about to change, Violet. The question not one of us knows the answer to right now is, just
how much
?’

When I looked up, he was fading. Before he disappeared, he pointed behind me and winked. ‘Door,’ he said, and was gone.

That moment, there was a knock on the door. I looked at my watch, barely believing that there was now something else to deal with.

It’s 5 a.m., for Christ’s sake!

I walked to the door and checked the peephole. Shock doesn’t really cover it. A sense of dread was close to what I felt as I yanked the door wide.

‘What the
hell are
you
doing here?’ I demanded.

‘Be sober minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.’

1 Peter 5:8

O
nyx had barely sat down on one of the my wooden stools when I pounced.

‘How bad is it?’

Steph was the only person who knew my address. She wouldn’t have given it to Onyx unless something terrible had happened and she couldn’t get to me. My mind ran wild and my first thought had been the worst, but I knew I would have felt that.

‘Lover boy is fine,’ he said, grinning as he answered the unspoken part of my question.

I ignored his comment. ‘Steph?’

‘Also fine, although still highly annoying. Even I can’t bear to go on one more shopping trip with her.’

I swallowed nervously
and nodded. Steph and Salvatore were getting married.
I
was the one who was supposed to be there, supporting her, like she’d always done for me. But she understood. Well, as long as I promised to be there on the day. Which I had. It would be my first trip back to New York since … And I’d been trying to ignore the fact that I had no idea how I was going to manage it.

Lincoln was one of Salvatore’s groomsmen.

I bit my lip, thinking, and looked up at Onyx. He was wearing dark jeans and a fitted white shirt. He looked like I remembered; his hair black and heavily styled, his features dominated by his high cheekbones, but his eyes had most definitely changed. They were softer.

Why him? Who would Onyx travel halfway around the world for?

My throat tightened. ‘Spence.’ I wasn’t asking any more.

Resigned, he nodded once.

‘He’s not dead. I … I think I would know,’ I said quickly. I had healed him once, in Jordan, and though I wasn’t certain, something told me it had left a residue, a kind of connection that tethered us in some small way.

‘We don’t think so either. But he’s found himself in a mess, all the same. He’s been distracted for months, insisting on mission after mission chasing every lead to do with those tournaments that have been happening all around.’

I nodded to let him know I knew of them.

‘Last week he and his partner just upped and disappeared mid-assignment in Texas. He’s been off the grid since,’ Onyx explained, reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out an envelope, which he slid across the table. ‘Till this turned up yesterday. When I told the girl,’ he said, using Dapper’s nickname for Steph, ‘she told me where to deliver it.’

My hands were
surprisingly steady as I picked up the well-creased envelope that had nothing but my name above the words,
For her eyes only
.

It was an envelope just like this that had changed my world almost three years ago. A letter my mother had left me.

‘It came inside another envelope marked up to look like an energy bill and was addressed to Dapper’s PO box,’ Onyx said. ‘It was postmarked more than a week ago, but we don’t check it every day.’

‘No one has read this?’ I asked suspiciously.

Onyx settled a hard look on me. ‘I’m the only one who has even touched it.’

I nodded. I had no need to question Onyx’s loyalty. Not after what he’d done – what he’d sacrificed – with Lilith.

Besides, Spence and Onyx had been friends ever since Spence had been there for him the night Phoenix’s exiles stormed Dapper’s apartment, almost killing them both. Onyx didn’t forget his debts.

Spence.

He’d wanted to leave with me but I’d said no. He was about to find his partner and I thought his place was with the Academy. He was a proud Grigori, and the Academy was the only family he’d ever known. Besides me.

Had I been wrong to leave him behind? I miss him every day.

More like a brother to me than anyone else, he’d been there for me every time I’d needed him. And more.

I started to open the envelope, already dreading what awaited me. I knew, like I’m sure Steph and Onyx did, that he wouldn’t have tried to contact me this way unless it was life or death. The thought had my hands trembling.

I’d only seen
him once since I’d walked away. He’d come with Steph to meet me in Prague, and he’d brought his partner, Chloe. She’d seemed nice enough, though wary of me – something I couldn’t hold against her. With the amount of rumours circulating about me and that night at Lilith’s estate, I was surprised she’d managed the meeting so well.

I unfolded the single piece of lined A4 paper while Onyx sat back in his chair, silently watching.