Embracing My Submission (29 page)

I took care of him every way possible, and he doled out praise, delicious heartwarming praise. But the fairy tale soon grew into a nightmare from hell, a horror story void of any opportunity for a happy ending.

Soon my tasks were never good enough. I would try harder, but it never mattered. He continued to be critical and scornful. Then the reprimands began. Verbal at first, they quickly escalated into corporal punishment and numerous rapes. For a man who claimed to have no interest in sex, he certainly had no compunction when it came to forcing himself on me. Control, not Dominance, drove his ego.

I was allotted forty-five minutes for grocery shopping and seventeen minutes to drop off or retrieve his suits from the cleaners. If I was late because of heavy traffic, having to wait in long lines, or any other reason I was powerless to control, I was beaten. The memories enveloped me in a black, oily slime. I couldn’t breathe. The room was suddenly spinning and sweat dripped from my temple.

“Julianna. Julianna!” Mika’s voice splintered my wretched memories.

I blinked and looked into his concerned eyes, trying to reel my mind back to the present.

“Where did you go just now?” he asked, stroking his fingers along my cheek.

“The past.”

Mika nodded in solemn understanding. “He still lives here. Nelson’s attempted to join the club numerous times.”

A gasp of terror escaped my throat as I tried to pull away. Mika wouldn’t let go. He only clutched me tighter.

“Don’t worry. He’s not getting inside Genesis. He’s been consistently rejected and always will be. He’ll never gain access to become a member. He’s a player, Julianna. An imposter. I’ve known about him long before I knew you. You’re not the first woman, and sadly probably not the last, that’s succumbed to his charade.”

My mind spun in a riot of concern for the other women he’d abused.

“You got away from him and rebuilt your life. You’re a strong woman, and I’m proud you had that courage inside you. There’s another submissive at the club that unfortunately was tangled up with him. And sadly she knows of other women he has preyed upon.” He paused and sighed heavily. “The night Dennis abused you, you told Moses that there were monsters using our community to fulfill their own distorted view of what we really are. You couldn’t be more right, sweetheart.”

“How did you know I told him that?” I pulled back slightly and looked into his concerned face, surprised he knew what I’d said to Drake. We were alone in Mika’s office. He wasn’t even there. He was back in Drake’s private room dealing with Dennis.

“Headset. My office was wired to my headset. I knew the minute Moses had you safely stowed away.” A roguish smile curled on his erotic lips. “Once you were locked up tight, I dealt with Dennis on my own terms.”

“Well unfortunately for you, but fortunately for the rest of us, you ended up dealing with him in an ultimately decisive way.”

Mika rolled his good shoulder in a shrug. “Yes. And I would gladly put a bullet through Nelson’s head if it would wipe the ghost of his abuse from your memory.”

“No you won’t,” I argued indignantly, jerking from his chest. “First of all, he’s not worth it, and second of all, I want no more blood on your hands because of
my
nightmares.”

“So,” he stated as he slowly slid his fingertips over my nipples, “the panic that grabbed you wasn’t because you were thinking about Nelson?”

He pulled away from me and picked up one of the dish towels used to tie my wrists, gently wiping our combined fluids from between my thighs.

“Something had you spooked to lead you down the path of your past. Tell me what it was, Julianna. What made you go there?”

I gently pulled the towel from his fingers, thinking how cute he looked with his jeans still bunched at his knees and smiled.

“You look like you were in an awful big rush, Master. You didn’t even take your jeans off,” I teased as I gently cleansed his glistening shaft, paying special attention to the glossy juices still clinging atop his tight black curls.

“You’re stalling pet. Tell me what you felt. What made you suddenly turn to ice beneath me?” He slid his fingers around my wrist and removed the towel from my hand.

Stalling? Hell yes I was stalling. How in the world was I going to put into words the feelings that ripped through my soul as he claimed me with such command? Dammit, he probably already knew. Of course he knew. This wasn’t unchartered territory for him, just me. I’d never been “claimed” by Nelson, not in the way Mika claimed me. Good God! Could it get any more convoluted? I sighed heavily and lowered my head.

“No. Look at me, love.” Mika lifted my chin, grazing his knuckles over my lips. “Put your emotions into words and tell me what you felt.”

“You marked me...inside,” I said shyly.

“Indeed I did.” He chuckled with a sublime, satisfied smile. “I plan on doing it over and over again, too. As soon as we get you on the pill.”

Suddenly I saw that mischievous twinkle in his shimmering butterscotch eyes, the same glimmer he wore in my dreams. I shivered with déjà vu.

“When you told me to come for my Master, it was heavenly. It felt right. Well, it felt better than right.” I felt my face burn in embarrassment. “It felt fantastic. Then when you started driving into me, your words were like a hot iron branding me, marking me, claiming me.”

“Yes, pet. That’s exactly what I was doing, and I’m glad you understand.” His smile was filled with warmth, and his words of praise were slathered in pride.

“And when you came, I felt like your slave. It was exhilarating, and it was so...I’m having a hard time putting all this into words. I...I felt complete.”

“But...” he prodded.

“But then I started worrying about losing myself, wondering how you’re so damn certain that I won’t lose myself again. How can you be so sure? I have no idea how I’m going to keep that from happening. Then you mentioned Nelson, and that’s when I got scared. I’m sorry. I know that’s not fair to do to you.”

“No apologies for that, love. It’s human nature to expect what you’ve experienced. Our past dictates our present. The only thing I ask is for you to keep an open mind. Let me show you that the role of a slave isn’t like what you’ve experienced before. Nothing remotely close. I guarantee it’s not the preconceived notion you carry in your mind. Try and keep an open mind for me, will you?”

I nodded and nibbled on my bottom lip.

“Do you want to keep working?” His question seemed to come out of left field, and I gave him a puzzled look. “I know you shuffled your clients to another accountant when I got shot. Moses told me that you cleared your work schedule indefinitely.”

“Yes, I did. I haven’t taken back any of my clients yet.”

“Do you want to take them back?”

“Yes. Of course.”

“Fine. You want to continue working. I have no problem with that. But I want you to understand that I’m financially secure, and if you don’t want to work, you don’t have to. But, if you need that lifeline to feel secure with us, then I’m more than willing to allow that. For you.”

I nodded as I issued a weak smile. It really was sweet of him to be so worried about my peace of mind. Foreign, actually. I was taken aback that he would do whatever necessary to ensure my emotional level of comfort remain secure.

“The title of slave doesn’t mean you are without options. It means we, me as your Master and you as my slave, discuss and communicate all aspects of your life. Rest assured I will determine what’s best for you.” He wrapped his thick hand around my wrist. “Now, before you go running out of the room screaming in fear at my statement, let me explain so there’s no miscommunication.”

Fear clutched my heart until Mika winked and grinned. I was struck with the realization that I would be a fool if I allowed my fears from the past to tarnish the Master/slave relationship he and I were now forging. There was no real reason for me to be scared, not with Mika caring for me.

“I am responsible for your emotional well-being. I would never take away anything that defines who you are in your heart, mind, and soul. However, if you take on more clients than you can handle, it’s my responsibility to demand that you cut back. I won’t allow you to stress yourself out or become sick. I’m responsible for your physical well-being, too.”

“I understand.”

“Your mental welfare is also my job. I would never expose you to any type of mental abuse. Ever. It’s beyond the realm of a consensual relationship. Master/slave is a power exchange. You know that. And while a total power exchange is synonymous with Master/slave relationships, I would never tell you how to feel or how to think. You are still in command of the you inside, girl. However, it is paramount that you share with me all that goes on in that gorgeous head of yours. I won’t allow you to leave me out in the cold in regard to your emotions. I am the one who decides what is best for you. And that is what I think sends you to the dark side, that someone other than you is making that determination. Am I right?”

Of course he was right. The idea of him taking control over my every decision, taking over my life, really did make me want to run from the kitchen screaming in fear.

“Yes. You hit the nail on the head.”

“Remember this above all else, you hold all the power. Submissives, slaves, whatever label you want to put on bottoms, hold all the power. Without giving that power over, we Dominants, Masters, Tops, would have no one to control.”

I nodded as the dynamics of the lifestyle took on a whole new meaning.

“I’m not Superman. While I’d like to think I’ll always know what’s best for you, in reality, that’s simply impossible. Even we Masters have our limits, occasionally.” He flashed a teasing wink. “What I’m trying to say, is that I won’t allow you to lose yourself. I won’t take that liberty. That would be a huge waste of what makes you my perfect slave. I don’t want you to change. I happen to love you just the way you are, my sassy, mouthy little wench.”

My heart melted as he tenderly caressed my cheek.

“Above all else, we are individuals, and no matter how close we grow together, we will remain separate entities. My dream is that we will choose to mesh ourselves as one as best we can. I guarantee I’ll want things my own way, but I will never disregard your feelings or your desires. I will always take them into consideration to determine what is best all around for you.”

I blinked in disbelief, disbelief that his ideals of Master/slave were so similar to what I’d always envisioned them to be.

“So, do you think you can live with that, pet?”

“Yes, Master. I think I can. Wait, no.” I nodded with confidence. “I know I can.”

Mika’s strong arms wrapped me tight against his chest. “Always tell me your fears. I’m here to ease them, to work through them with you. You can count on me, Julianna. And I promise that I’ll strive damn hard to never let you down.”

“I’ll do my best never to let you down either, Master. Thank you.” I laved my tongue across his bronze chest and felt his cock jerk back to life against my belly. Unable to resist a tease, I ground my crotch against him.

“Insatiable, much?”

“Only when you’re around,” I mumbled, latching onto that tantalizing lip of his, tugging and purring.

“Show me,” he growled, palming his engorged erection.

Easing off the table, I sank to his feet, kneeling before him in proper submissive form. With a provocative gaze, I savored his majestic body. He allowed me to admire his ample cock, rippling abs, broad chest, and chiseled shoulders. Imploring him with my eyes, an urgent whimper of need escaped my throat.

“Yes, pet, all of it’s for you. Take me into that sinfully hot mouth of yours. Make love to my cock. Worship me with your tongue, your lips. Worship me from your heart.”

I’d never felt so free, so naturally uninhibited. His shaft was mine to adore, to bathe with my reverence, to lavish with unrestrained adoration.

This new level of submission was like a rebirth, a powerful awakening. I poured every ounce of that magnificent emotion into my lips, tongue, and fingers. My hands cupped and coveted his tightened shaft and slid like silk up and down the pulsating veins. Immersed in giving him pleasure, I was bathed in a golden warmth of serenity.

“Your mouth feels like molten silk.”

His hands clenched my mane as I groaned in delight around his cock.

“Yes, like that. Keep sucking me just like that. Touch your clit. I want to feel you explode with me, feel you come with my cock in your throat. Take yourself to the edge, love. I’ll tell you when to fly.”

Sweet Jesus! The idea of coming apart with his shaft deep in my throat was enough to catapult me to the brink. Emitting desperate muffled whimpers of gratitude, my fingers snaked down past my stomach and began strumming my clit.

“Rub it hard for me, pet. Imagine my tongue batting that tight knot of nerves back and forth.” He hissed as he adjusted his fingers in my hair. Gathering even more curls into his fist, he tugged persuasively. “Look at you. You look so goddamn beautiful. Stunning. Your eyes are glazed in desire. Your lips are stretched so tight, stuffed full of my cock.”