Embracing My Submission (24 page)

I wanted to laugh. I wanted to cry. I wanted to shout to the heavens. This woman...Sarah, Emile’s assistant, was the one Mika’s mother had sent to him. The woman practically oozed submission from every pore.

Desperate to bite back my giggle, I studied Emile’s expression. The fight between a lifetime of steadfast rules and Mika’s enlightening revelation was waging a full-scale war in the poor man’s brain.

“I shouldn’t have taken it upon myself to simply fly out here, but as I said, I’ve been beside myself, sir. Really, I should just leave. I’m sorry.” Nervously smoothing her palms over the blazer resting on her arm, she cast her eyes to the floor then back at Emile. The poor woman was a hot mess. “I need to go back home and take care of things for you from the office.”

By the looks of it, Sarah was backpedaling like crazy, desperate to grapple not only her embarrassment but fear of Emile’s rejection.

I giggled. I couldn’t help myself. Emile looked absolutely shell shocked. His mouth was slightly agape as he stood in stunned silence. But there was a twinkle in his eyes, a glimmering light I’d not seen since he’d arrived.

I had to do something. I couldn’t just stand there watching these two dance around one another getting nowhere. While Emile might think I was topping from the bottom, I didn’t care. There was no way I was going to let Sarah prance back out of the hospital, and possibly out of his life, not after Mika’s disclosure.

I took her hand and issued a warm smile. “I’m sure Emile doesn’t want you to leave, Sarah.” I led her to the same couch Emile and I had claimed over the past three days. “I know he’s deeply touched that you came all this way out of concern for him and Mika.”

A quick glance over my shoulder told me that Emile followed behind us looking dazed and confused.

Sarah slightly turned, looking back at him. “I just wanted to be here in case you needed anything,” she whispered in a soft confession.

As if his body and mind finally meshed, Emile took her arm from mine and placed his hands on her thin shoulders.

“I’m glad you’re here, Sarah. And no, absolutely not. You will
not
turn around and fly back home. There’s nothing that can’t be handled here.” He looked into her eyes with such a powerful gaze that it sent a ripple of excitement down my own spine. “Indeed, there is something I need you to do.”

“What is it, sir?” she asked in a near breathless whisper.

“Have dinner with me.” His broad smile couldn’t hide the lustful, animalistic desires dancing in his eyes.

“I’d like that very much, sir.” A deep crimson blush rose upon her cheeks as she smiled. Her breath was low and shallow, almost panting, and the sexual tension between the two was as thick as a London fog. I somehow managed to keep the ecstatic laughter bubbling inside me buried as I watched the fireworks ignite between them.

“Oh my God, Mika, you should have seen them.” I was all but dancing in my excitement next to his bed as I told of Sarah and Emile and the near sexual combustion in the waiting room. “She’s such a sub. Everything that came out of her mouth was submissive. And oh, she is so beautiful. She’s tall and thin. She looks regal with long, thick waves of blonde hair and, oh my God, she’s got the most expressive blue eyes. Her lips are like plump, ripe fruit. She’s a goddess.”

“You’ve just described my mother.” He beamed with pride.

“Oh, and your poor father.” I couldn’t help but giggle in excitement. “He hadn’t a clue what to do. Thank goodness he quickly explained that I was your, well, that I wasn’t
his
lover.” I amended my words, unsure if I should assign myself the label of “girlfriend” quite as freely as Emile had.

Mika’s smile reflected his absolute gratitude, and he cast his eyes toward the ceiling, issuing a heartfelt thanks to his mother.

“Where are they now?”

“Oh! That’s the best part. He went with her to make sure she got,” using my fingers to illustrate quotation marks,
“‘checked in’
to her hotel safe and sound. I bet they’re busting up the furniture as we speak.”

“Lucky bastard!”

“You’ll have your turn soon, Sir,” I blurted out without thought.

“No pet. You’ve got that backwards. You’ll have
your
turn soon. But I like the way you think.” He flashed an evil smile that sent a ripple of anticipation through my entire bloodstream and growled low and menacing. A pained expression quickly etched his face.

“Does your throat hurt?” I reached for a cup of ice chips.

“A bit.” He nodded, opening his mouth as I spoon-fed him the soothing ice. Within seconds, an erotic gleam returned and danced in his eyes. “I need to feel you, pet. Climb on the bed and rest your head on my stomach.”

I blinked. “What about your heart monitor? It will nark you out again.”

“Not if I control myself.”

“And just
how
do you plan on doing that?”

He scrunched up one side of his mouth, contemplating. “I’m not sure yet.”

I laughed.

“Come here,” he instructed, patting his stomach.

“Mika? We can’t...”

“I just need to feel you. I’ll keep my heart rate in control. I’m a Dom. I can keep all kinds of wild things in control, including you.” He grinned mischievously.

“But you’re all hooked up...there’s no way.”

“Julianna? Do I need to shut the door and make you wait outside it again?”

“Oh, that’s not
even
funny.” I groaned as I took great care weaving my body beneath the various tubes attached to his arms. Gently resting my head on his stomach, I tilted my chin and looked into his decadent amber eyes.

He chuckled as his warm hand caressed my face.

“About that...” I lowered my eyes in embarrassment then looked back up at him.

“Yes?” he asked, arching his brows.

“I’m sorry I was such a...a bitch.”

“You weren’t a bitch. You were angry. And you’ve already apologized to me.”

“Yeah, I was angry and then some. I certainly wasn’t a poster child for submission.”

“No, that you weren’t.” He laughed. “But I knew why you were angry and part of it was my fault. I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but that night with the ball gag and cuffs? I was laughing my ass off inside my office. You were having a full-on temper tantrum, pounding on my door, demanding...
demanding
that I open it.”

“So, let me get this straight. You were laughing as I nearly lost my mind?”

“I
tried
to make you comfortable, precious. I set out a blanket and a pillow, and even a bedtime story. But you were a bit too obstinate to use them.” He smirked.

“Well, that’s because I was cuffed and gagged, Mister. That was about the same time I realized you’d heard every horrid word I’d said.” I cringed at the rage I’d unleashed opposite his door. “I’m sorry for all the hateful things I said.”

“I only requested the ball gag once. I thought I was being extremely lenient since you called me...what was it again? Oh yes...a fucking bastard, wasn’t it, love?”

I groaned in shame for my insolent behavior as Mika laughed.

“I showed great restraint otherwise, especially when you kept calling me ‘the great and powerful Oz.’” He grinned and winked as I once again groaned. “Yes, I heard every word you said from the time Sammie and Moses picked you up until you went back inside your house.”

“You what? How?” I blinked, more than a little dumbfounded.

“I had James plant little receivers on their clothing. You thought you’d lost your submission. I knew better. But I was a bit panicked when I thought I’d lost you on the second day. When you left your house and drove to Maurizio’s.”

“How did you know about that? Did you plant a GPS in my bra?”

“No, smartass. I followed you. After the first night, I suspected that stubborn streak of yours would win out and you would run. I was right,” he announced with a slight smirk. “I was fully prepared to have Sammie haul you out of the restaurant if need be. Thankfully, you ended up going back home. I’m damn glad you did.”

“So you heard everything I said to Sammie and Moses?”

“Yes, I did. I listened for the simple fact that you are far too special to me to allow you to run away from your destiny.”

“But you didn’t want me,” I mumbled.

“What?” he choked in shock. “What in the hell are you talking about? I’ve always wanted you. Where did you get such an outlandish idea from?”

“That morning at my house. After you...made me come. You ran out and you told Moses to get you out of my sight. I thought I repulsed you.”

“Oh, Julianna. No. Hell, no.” The pain and sorrow reflected in his eyes stabbed my heart. “It wasn’t you. I was angry with myself, repulsed by my own actions for what I’d taken from you.”

He cupped my chin with his palm and slanted my head back as he gazed deep into my eyes.

“It was never you, beautiful, never. I was angry with myself. I’d taken your gift. And at the time, I felt I’d violated my vow to Vanessa, that I’d shamed her by my weakness for you. I know differently now, but then I felt as if I’d failed myself as a Master to her, and failed you by using you.”

“All this time I thought it was because I repulsed you,” I whispered as the rejection I’d harbored since that horrific morning began to melt away.

“You could never repulse me, love. I can still feel your tunnel contracting on my fingers, feel the heat of your burning, slick nectar pouring out and coating my palm. I still smell your sweet fragrance.” He heaved a disgruntled sigh. “All this time you thought I didn’t want you? Dammit, Julianna. I’ve wanted you since I first laid eyes on you. The longer I’ve watched you, the harder it’s been to deny myself. That morning at your house, I caved, and caved hard.”

“I’ve never been touched that way before,” I confessed in a shy voice.

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve never felt so controlled. I’ve never been spoken to like I was a real submissive, commanded and enticed.”

“Never?”

I could tell by the tone of his voice he was surprised. I shook my head no.

“Well get used to it, girl.” His smile was full of promise. “You never told me about the dream that opened your heart.”

“Oh, the dream.” I nodded. “It seems like a lifetime ago.”

“Aww, princess.” He traced the pad of his thick finger over my lips. I couldn’t help myself. The need to taste him was overpowering. I suckled his finger into my mouth, wishing it was his cock, that glorious hard cock throbbing against the back of my head.

“Careful, girl. I can’t promise I’ll control my heart rate with you doing that.”

I giggled and popped his finger from my lips.

“I’ll stop. We don’t want you getting another lecture now, do we?”

“No. It undermines my authority in front of
my
girl.”

My girl.
God, I’d waited so long for a Dominant to call me that. Swallowing the massive lump in my throat, I blinked the tears stinging my eyes. Lifting my head, I was met with Mika’s dazzling smile, and my heart melted. His sinful bottom lip looked even thicker stretched across his mouth. I wanted to suckle his lips, wanted to kiss him passionately again. I wanted so much, maybe too much. A tiny voice inside my head pushed away my doubt, demanding that I take it one day at a time and enjoy them to the fullest.

Cupping his hand around my cheek and caressing me tenderly, he gazed into my eyes. “Tell me about your dream, love. I’m curious to know what caused such a profound change in you.”

“Ah, yes. The dream.” I sighed in a low hum. “Actually it wasn’t just one dream. I need to tell you something about a lot of dreams.”

“You can tell me anything. In fact, from now on you
will
tell me everything.”

I nodded in understanding and inhaled a deep breath then began to confess my nightly visits from Vanessa, ending the encounters with the last dream of the golden brick wall. “And there you were, standing before me like the great and powerful Oz...Ooops.” A mischievous chuckled rolled off my lips.

“You’re such a brat,” Mika replied with a dry smirk and a sexy flicker in his eyes. “Please continue with the dream and not your um...sassy interpretation.”

“Yes, Sir.” I grinned and winked.

“Anyway, when I awoke, the symbolism of the dream made me realize with absolute clarity that I was a submissive. The core of my being wasn’t something I could cast off. I had to embrace it. And no matter what path I ended up walking, the journey would be exactly as it was meant to be for me. I had to stop fighting what I thought I wanted for my walls to come down. I knew it was the only way I would find whatever peace and serenity was destined for me. You made me see that. Thank you.”

“I
am
proud of you, pet.” His eyes reflected the same intense love as in my dream. I smiled through the tears that slid unchecked down my cheeks. “I knew you’d found your way back the moment you knelt outside my door. I nearly exploded with pride.”