Embrace Me At Dawn (37 page)

What a twisted fucking tangle
.

“
Why did you do this, Anka?” He gripped her against him. “God, love. I…I would do
anything
to keep you alive.” An idea seized him, and he glanced up at Millie. “Transfer my life to her.”

“
What?” Sabelle yelled. “You can’t—”

Lucan ignored her. “Do it.”

The old witch hesitated, wringing her hands. “I can transfer life. You know that means you’ll…go to your nextlife.”

“
Of course. Don’t waste time! Just do it.”

Still, Millie paused. “Even if you gave your life, she might not accept it. Sabelle?”

Bram’s sister shook her blonde curls, her beautiful face mottled red with tears. They all knew how desperate this situation had become. But no one could stop the train from barreling down the tracks, headed for the collision course straightaway.

“
She won’t take it,” Sabelle choked. “She’s adamant. In her head, she’s screaming. To her way of thinking, whatever happens…happens.”

“
And losing you might kill her,” Millie pointed out.

Lucan swallowed, holding Anka’s beloved form against him, frantically searching for any option. But he kept coming up empty.

Losing her for good might kill him.

Fuck, this couldn’t be the last time he held her. He refused to believe that she would never smile at him again, that he would never see her lashes flutter open, that he would never have the opportunity to bring her back to their home so he could finally be the mate she needed. That they would never see a youngling of theirs birthed into the world. They would never get to grow old together over the centuries. That Anka would simply be gone, the space she’d once occupied a void, empty—as his arms would be forever.

He sobbed into her neck, his grip on her desperate. The soft strands of her hair spilled over his fingers. Her faint exhalations feathered across his cheek. Her heart beat against his. In moments, they could all be still…gone forever.

“
Aren’t there any other options?” Hell, he sounded like he was pleading. In a way, he was.

Millie’s frown was apologetic. “I’m sorry.”

This was it. He had to let her go now or he
would
lose her forever. Lucan hugged her against his body, grief clawing its way through his chest. Helplessness wracked him. It made him so fucking angry. Anka had always been a gentle soul, kind and giving to others. She’d listened, soothed, made people laugh. Despite her leather pants of late, that woman still resided in Anka’s body. He wanted her back, along with the warrior-in-training who had shown so much moxie. He wanted that heroine who had come to him with towering resolution.

That was the answer. She’d wanted to fight. He needed to make that desire for justice burn in her once more.

Lucan rolled Anka beneath him. Her eyes remained closed to him, her lips slightly parted and slack. He caressed her cheek. Bloody hell, she was so beautiful, inside and out. If he couldn’t appeal to her with love, he would appeal to her the only other way he had left.

“
Stay strong, love.” He pressed his lips to hers softly, willing as much energy into her body as he could. “As soon as Millie is done, I’ll be back for you. Then I’ll do whatever it takes to help you get your revenge against Mathias. It’s what you want, isn’t it? You’re not going to let him beat you now. You won’t give up until you repay him for everything, will you?”

In the little chair beside the bed, Sabelle sat up straight and opened her eyes wide, mouth gaping. “She’s fighting now.”

Lucan sent her a shaky smile of relief and kissed Anka gently again. “That’s right. You’re a survivor. Come back to me so we can continue training. We’ll make you a champion worthy of putting down Mathias for good. I’ll pledge you everything I have, all that I am, all that you need. Just come back to me.”

Sabelle stared at Anka, then frowned. The expression deepened with each moment. Alarm raced through Lucan.

“
What is it?”

Suddenly, Sabelle clapped her hand across her mouth, looking completely stunned. “She’s thinking that she can’t be one of the Doomsday Brethren anymore. Something about my brother refusing her because she’ll no longer be going back to Shock every night.”

Lucan frowned. Anka’s concern hardly made sense, but now wasn’t the time to sort it out. He had to focus on Anka, on persuading her to fight for her life and her retribution. “Don’t worry about Bram, love. I’ll talk to him. Smooth it over. You’ll still be able to train. We’ll fight Mathias. I will do everything in my power to make sure you get revenge.”

Sabelle peered at Anka for a long moment, then nodded. “She’s relieved. Anka wanted to leave Shock before she began training. Had, in fact. Apparently, my brother was quite insistent that she return to him. She was only allowed to join the Doomsday Brethren because she agreed to stay with Shock.”

Anka had tried to leave Shock nearly a week ago, and Bram had refused her? Fury rose in a wave, joining with betrayal to create a tsunami that threatened to drag him under. He reined it in for now. “It’s fine, love. Kiss me now. I’ll be back when you’re free.”

For what he prayed wasn’t the last time, Lucan swept his lips over hers. Beneath him, she lay lax and still, her breathing shallow…except for one little moment. Her lips puckered, parted. She gave a little moan. He savored her—her little exhalations against his skin, her scent wrapping around him, her sweet flavor, the goodness he could taste on her. Somewhere in there, she loved him still. She needed to deal with her yearning for retribution, and they needed to talk about trust. Then, he would make goddamn sure they were happy for the rest of their centuries together.

Restraining the urge to clasp her to him and never let go took every bit of his strength and mental fortitude. But he finally backed away, staring at her, burning the image of her beloved face into his memory forever.

Millie gently touched his shoulder. “It’s time. Her energy won’t last much longer. My opportunity to finish this is shrinking.”

“
Fight, love,” he whispered to Anka. “For yourself. For us. So we can fight together and defeat Mathias. I love you.”

Squeezing her hand for the last time, he forced himself to let go of her limp fingers, then slammed out the door. He’d done all he could, and it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. The rest was up to Millie, Anka, and Fate.

He wanted to curl up with a bottle, get stinking pissed, and bawl his eyes out. He couldn’t afford to do that. One thing he could control? His “friend.”

In the hall outside the bedroom, Shock stood. “Well?”

With a single glance, he sent Ice and Caden away. They left down the stairs silently, Ice looking more than a little disappointed that he wouldn’t get to help kill Shock today.

“
There’s nothing new,” Lucan told Shock. “She’s weak but fighting, so now we wait. Did you know that Anka was only allowed to join the Doomsday Brethren if she agreed to continue living with you?”

“
Yes. That woman can’t have a single thought in my presence that I can’t read.” He smiled crookedly. “She’s really terrible at mental evasion. I knew she tried to leave, just as I knew Bram forced her back.”

Son of a bitch
! “Why?”

Shock cocked his head. “Bram’s excuse was that she needed energy and protection.”

“
But you don’t buy it?”

“
Bram could have given her protection. Energy would have been trickier, but if Bram was going to dictate who gave it to her, he could have picked you, his best mate, just as easily. As it was, she thought of you constantly. Given all that, why do you suppose Bram ordered her to shack up with me?”

Betrayal burned Lucan all over again. “Because he wanted a spy.”

“
That’s my guess. I don’t know for certain. He’s skilled enough to wipe his thoughts clean when I’m with him. He’s slick about hiding. There’s a wall there I can’t often get past…but I don’t need to be Einstein to know he doesn’t trust me. It stands to reason that he assumed that while she trained here, he could discreetly pump her for information about my actions. As long as he didn’t plant that ugly ‘spy’ word in her brain, I would be none the wiser.”

Lucan cocked his head. “You’ve known the whole time?”

“
Of course.”

“
And you played along?”

“
It worked both ways. I could protect Anka and give her energy—or whatever she needed. But I could also read her thoughts about whatever Bram was up to.”

“
To pass on to Mathias?”

Shock shot him a cutting glare that wasn’t hard to recognize even behind the sunglasses. “Fuck off.”

Right, then. Shock’s ultimate allegiance wasn’t the question of the hour. Bram’s was. And they were going to have it out. “Wait here for Anka. I’ll be back in less than five minutes.”

Lucan hated leaving Anka at all, but if she pulled through this mate breaking, he wanted her coming back to a world as perfect as he could make it for her. And he wanted to fix it for her right now.

Striding down the stairs two at a time, he walked through the foyer, down the hall, then to Bram’s office. He pushed the door open, sending it bouncing off the wall. “You low-down, wretched, motherfucking scumbag.”

Surprise twisted Bram’s face. “Pardon me? What the bloody hell is your problem?”

“
You forced Anka to live with Shock when she no longer wanted to. So she could
spy
for you. You sent a damaged woman who needed love and rebuilding back to a man who isn’t her mate so she could do your fucking dirty work? You left me mateless—”

“
I left her with someone who could protect and power her. Someone who had proven he could do it because he had for months.”

“
I could have done that for her!” Lucan growled.

“
Is that right? I was supposed to believe that based on what facts? She was your mate when she was taken. You didn’t recover her. You weren’t mentally stable for months. I’m still not sure you are now.”

“
Oh, I know I wasn’t there for her as I should have been. I know the fault lies with me. But while she trained, she could have stayed here with you, if you were so concerned about her safety. She would have been out of harm's way in one of your fifty bedrooms or whatever. I could have energized her here whenever she wished.”

“
She didn’t want you.”

That might have been true, at least at the time, and it hurt. “But she didn’t want Shock either, you bloody bastard.”

Bram stood and crossed the room, shut the doors. All hint of affability was gone. “Shock provided her with a…method to release her pain that, frankly, I didn’t think you had the backbone for. Can you really give her pain if she needs it to let go of her own?”

“
Yes.”

After his conversation with Thorpe, he understood Anka in a way he never had. He’d seen her needs from another perspective. The most important thing now was that he fulfill her however he could.

“
All right, I’ll believe you.” But Bram’s tone said he didn’t. “Listen to me, Lucan. When she asked to join us, she wasn’t ready to live with you or be in love with you again. I gave you the opportunity to train her so that she could spend time with you. I suspected it would be the bridge you both needed to work through your issues so you could be together again. In the meantime, I saw no reason not to leave her in her current situation, where she seemed free of Mathias’s reach and relatively happy.”

“
Even though you knew she wanted to leave Shock, you thought she was happy?” Lucan asked incredulously.

“
All right. Maybe the word ‘happy’ is too strong. It is fair to say that she wasn’t any unhappier than you. But if having a warrior of the Doomsday Brethren under Shock’s roof made him more loyal or us better informed, then where’s the harm?” When Lucan’s jaw dropped, Bram crossed his arms over his chest. “All right, then. Since logic isn’t denting that look of betrayal on your face, let me try again. You undoubtedly assume that I value my machinations more than our friendship. You have the luxury of worrying mostly about your life and your heart and the lonely centuries in front of you. I’m not so fortunate. I’ve got magickind’s entire existence balanced on my back. One wrong step…” He shrugged, but clearly he found nothing trivial about it. “Before today, you questioned Shock’s motives every bit as much as I did. If Anka could stay safe, if he could force her to take the energy she’d been so dangerously refusing, and if he could unwittingly provide information, then so much the better.”